Then I stand up again.

„Where are you going man?“ Joon asks with a babbling voice.

I don’t say anything and just start to walk fastly. I think Joon follows me but I am not sure.

I ran over to the party. Penetrate myself through the crowd. I have a huge headache. I feel everyone’s eyes on me but I am not sure if they really look at me or if it’s only my imagination. I stand in the middle of the room, look around like a madman. Then I spot him; Siwan. He is sitting there next to the DJ talking with him. I hurry to his side and stop right in front of him and looking down at him with a heavy breathe. He has high cheekbones and sharp eyes, he is pale and thin and has black long hair that reach him to the chin. He raise up his head and I can feel him tense a little and then calm right away and with a unsure voice he says “Oh, Jukan, you’re here I...” he stands up and tries to keep his balance “didn’t know that you were back...”

He offers me his hand to shake but I ignore it and he puts it away and puts an uneasy smile and looks around him, to the DJ then to the crowd then back again to me.

“I guess you changed your number?” I say with no emotion.

“Well... yeah” he laughs nervously “yeah... I did”

“Maybe that’s why you couldn’t get my messages, don’t you think? Maybe that’s why you didn’t know I will be back”

“Dude, really sorry-“  he comes closer but I step a little back and he also stops.

“And Soojin, didn’t she tell you also?”

He stares at me as if he waits for me to add something to my sentence and I don’t and then he still looks at me as he wouldn’t understand what I mean.

“I don’t know what you mean dude-“

With a fast move I grip his collar and pull him out the house and I don’t care that he yells me to stop and tries to get him lose of my grip but he can’t. As soon as we’re outside I smash him against the wall and he hit his back hardly against it. For a moment we just stare at each other then he forms his lips to say something “What the hell are you trying to-“

I give him a hard roundhouse punch and it hit his left ear. He staggers back. “What the fu-“

He tries to twist but I slam him again my fist into his face and this time he fells to the ground.

“You bastard!” he wheezes and wipes the blood away with the back of his hand then looks at it and then again to me and says again with a louder voice “YOU ING BASTARD!” His voice is low and deep.

We are both heavily breathing and I don’t even know why I did this but I just stand here and look down at Siwan who is bleeding out of his nose. Slowly he stands up and walks to me. We don’t break the strict eye contact and I can feel the fire burning in his eyes and he looks out of place. But me, I just stay here totally calm and wait for his move. Then he slams me his fist against my cheek. I stumble back a little and then look at him again. Now I realize all the people standing around us. I can hardly stand on my feet.

“STOP IT!” I hear a girl scream and hurry to us. I turn my head slowly sideways, afraid to face the person who the voice belongs to. Then she shows up next to Siwan; Soojin and I guess YoungMin next to her with a glass in her hands and a “What-the-hell-expression”.

She straightens up his suit and then she looks at me, tense a little bit and then she looks away and then again to me. She says nothing. I stare at her. I don’t know what I should feel; I don’t know what I am doing or what I want.

I can here fast footsteps coming to my side.

“DUDE!” 

Joon put his hand on my shoulder „Let’s go, man, let’s go now“

Siwan laughs up “You did what you couldn’t leave, right? Listen, you little punk, you‘re hitting me or even killing me won’t change the fact that I ed your girl!”

Soojin sighs angrily and turns away and walks into the house. I saw her tears or maybe I didn’t. Maybe she was smiling, or not. I don’t know but she is now inside and I can’t see her anymore and Youngmin gives us a last gaze and turns around and follows Soojin.

„You trash!“ Joon yells. Siwan keeps throwing words at us and Joon tries to give back and for a moment it seemd like they would fight but then I turn and just want to leave.

We walk to Joon’s car. He turns the music player on and soon Drunken Tiger’s voice comes loudly out of the loudspeakers. I guess the track is called „Monster“but I am not sure. We just sit there and listen to the song. I look out of the window over to YoungMin’s house and can see the people stand around and drink and talk and some of them dance and some are just stand on the edge looking over to others. I spot Soojin arguing with Siwan and also Youngmin with that model dude. Then I ask Joon if he has some coke since I really feel like do some right now and he nods. We cut ourselves two lines of the coke Joon bought by Ren and we do them.

We drive over to The Debut Bar and since we did the coke I feel much better now. We park the car and wait till the last line of the song to end and then we get out. The bar is small but the atmosphere is pleasent and since we know the owner Polly it’s always cool to hang out here. It’s Saturday night and there are a lot people around and a chilling music is playing in the back but I can’t tell which band it is, I try to remember but I fail. Then we sit at the last table of the bar and Polly takes our orders, 2 glass of Soju. I give a look to my mobile phone and there is a new message from Soojin “I hate you” I look at it, read the phrase more than three times and then put it away with a grin.

“Siwan is really not worth it man. I always knew he is a ing betrayer”

I take a sip of my Soju.

“I am not going out with Soojin, it’s not my business anymore” I tell with a calm voice.

“Come on Jukan, you are not over her, I just know that... you kept asking me about her everytime we phoned, man, didn’t you, man, didn’t you?”

“Over is over. We’re not a couple anymore and don’t forget, I was the one breaking up with her”

“But man-“

“Shut up Joon” and Joon looks at me for a moment and then he takes a huge sip of his soju and shakes his head and murmbles something like that he can’t understand me and if it’s over why I hit Siwan and why I keep lying to myself.

“I need a new dealer” I say then since Siwan is usually my dealer but now I don’t have the feeling that I can trust him and that our realtionship can calm down anytime soon.

Joon scratches his forhead and then he says that I should meet him tomorrow evening at the cinema and that he will speak with Ren then he hands me over a small envelope and tells me that this will do till tomorrow. I take it to my pocket and I guess its coke.

My house lies in Gangnam and I press the button to open the gates and Joon drives in. I look out of the window over the high buildings and lights and chaos up to the sky and can see that a new day is soon about to start behind them. He parks his car next to the black Ferrari that belongs to my father and we only sit there and listen to a song playing on the radio. Joon lights on a cigarette, takes a drag of it, makes a disguested expression and then he decides to just throw it away and he puts his sunglasses on.

“Well man” he says “I’m glad you came”

I look at him and give him a tired smile “Yeah” My first day back in Seoul. Great start, I think.

Then I get off and wink and he drives aways and I walk to the door and search my keys and open the door. I put the keys away and walk to the living room and can see that Sunny is fallen asleep on the sofa still with her pink apron on. I walk to her side and kneel down to look at her face. Her skin looks soft and clean and in that moments she looks like a little princess to me from another planete. I walk to the closet and take out a blanket and cover her up and then I shake my head and ask myself why I even do that and walk upstairs. The bedroom of my father is half open and I can see him and Min Ah lying on it and then I pass it by and open my room and close it behind me.

I don’t feel like changing my clothes and just lay down to my bed. And out of nowhere I think about that day, the day I left Seoul, the day in my room with Soojin…

“Why this decision out of nowhere?” Soojin talks nervously to me while I am packing my clothes in my bag and she keeps walking up and down in my room. I don’t say anything.

“Yah, Jukan, stop ignoring me!” she graps my arm and turns me to her side. I look at her pale but mysteriously beautiful face, I look in her eyes, then down to her small nose and down to her redish lips, and to her neck... then I raise my head and look her again into her eyes.

“Why are you going, why are going without talking about it with me first?”

I take a deep breathe “Because” I say and throw the shirt in the open bag

“Because what?”

“Because I want to study there, that’s why”

“You never ever ONCE talked about something like that.”

“I just found out that I want to recently”

“You could easily joing film business with your fathers help! - You are running away, don’t you?”

“Run away from what?” I look at her. She looks tired and weak.

“Well… from everything. From me. From us!”

“Maybe”

“What?”

“Well you know Soojin, me staying here won’t change the fact that our relationship is just a big joke”

“A big joke? You call it a big joke?”

I hurry to her and press my lips tight against her lips and pull her to the wall. She tries to get off of my grab and I can feel that I am hurting her and her eyes doesn’t close. Then I step away.

“THAT’S WHY!” I yell.

She just looks at me dazed “We can’t even kiss anymore like we used to. We can only hurt each other, that’s why we are a joke! A ing joke!”

And I know that every word that I say breaks her in thousand small pieces. I close my eyes thightly and hope that she will believe in every word I am saying.

“You ing bastard” she says half cyring half laughing “did you ever love me? Did you ever felt that we belong to each other?”

I don’t say anything.

She strictly looks at me and I avoid her gaze “DID YOU? YOU ING BASTARD!”

I sit on the bed and light on a cigarette and take a drag off it. I slowly raise my head and look at her “Don’t be funny Soojin, we both know that “Love” was never a thing we felt for each other”

I stand up and walk out of the door and can hear her scream YOU behind me.

ps: this chapter is not that long but i hope you liked it.