All That's Left Behind
Description
I had made the mistake of leaving them behind.
Leaving them to stand alone.
Brothers, we swore.
But it's as if the pact we made were just words said at the spur of the moment.
"For the fans. For the publicity. For the fame." I'd always tell myself.
But never has a night passed.
Without the past coming back to haunt me.
The laughter, the fun, the pain we bore as brothers.
Now, the missing place of one, has become the unbearable burden of eleven others.
Can you define the energy left when all you see is a twelve outlined by eleven?
It's heartbreaking. For me, my brothers, their families, the fans.
"We are one." We swore.
And as One we shall always be.
"I need to fix this." I gave myself a nod. I always believed in burying the hatchet, and never digging it up again. The past was painful, yes I admit. But living with the guilt that I had left my brothers behind, makes it an even more painful present. I need to get them back, I always swore to myself. Starting from the last one who let me go.
I took out my cellphone and dialed his number, hopefully he hasn't changed it yet. Hopefully.
"You are reaching Kkaebhyun Byun~! I'm busy at the moment. So please leave me a message!" the voice mail sang, followed by a beep. I was hoping to hear his voice, but I guess voicemail was good enough.
I cleared my throat awkwardly. We haven't spoken for months ever since SM cut off all our connections. It left behind the impression that I left without an explanation, and that just . Because what's worse than leaving without a word of explanation? Making it seem that they were not worth an explanation.
"Baek, this is Kris. Yeah.. Hyung Kris. I need to meet you. Just you first. Trust me this isn't a prank, I'm not a sasaeng.. Please do get back to me if you wanna talk things out. I left a lot of things a blur, and you guys deserve more than that.. Please do get back to me. Don't tell the rest yet. Stay safe, kkaebsong." I tried to end off with a chuckle, but I almost choked on air due to my nervousness. It's like everything that I've been bottling up for months are finally coming clear. They've been aching a release, and finally, I can set myself free.
But, would he come by to see me?
Foreword
I've planned this story for quite a while now, and I found an urgent need to write this. Because after Kris' departure from EXO back in May earlier this year, I as a fan was really devastated. Knowing them all the way back from the period they were known as M1 and M2, to the teaser era, the MAMA era, the long awaited Wolf era, then Growl, MiD, EXO Showtime, Overdose, the entire journey.
It was really hard for me to accept that one of them could just leave so easily. So, I decided to write Kris' story. A story which I really hope is the reality of things, but then again I know the probability is hundred-to-one. Maybe even hundred-to-none. But I believe there is nothing wrong in a little hope.
I also want to put it out there that the story line here is purely fictional. Meaning:
- I know nothing about SM's policies (e.g. types of training for their artists, how often they get to see their families etc.)
- I am in no way trying to shame SM or any of their representatives
- I am writing this story purely based on what I wish to be happening.
I strongly believe that there is nothing wrong with a little hope, and so I am sharing my hopes with you.
Much love,
Pauline (￣▽￣)
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