"If ever I get to heaven first before you, I would like you to be the ones to read this in front of everyone I love."

 

 

 

"Jung Min..." 

I lifted my head up to see who has been calling me. 

"Guys..." I replied, my voice was hoarse. 

"You have been here for days..." Hyung Jun said as he sat beside me. 

I bit my lip and I tried to keep the tears from falling. 

"You don't have to blame yourself... She's not even blaming you for what happened." Hyun Joong said as he ruffled my hair. 

I tried to smile. 

But I failed... 
 

 

I have always believed that someone out there is for me. I have always had this faith that my perfect half would complete the puzzle of my life. I waited for years... 

That day came however... 

Heaven took her away from me in a blink of an eye.

 

 

 

A few weeks ago....

 

 

 

"Yah! Jung Min ah!" Hyung Jun shouted as he chased me while holding the turtle pillow, a gift from his fan. 

I sat on the bench and he stopped. 

"Please! Give me my car keys! You smelly horse!" he teased and I made a face. 

"Shut up, stupid turtle." I teased back. 

"I'm just borrowing it for now. I'll return it later to you." I told him. 

"Why don't you use your car? Call your driver!" he shouted. 

"Since when I have had a driver, Kim Hyung Jun?" I asked. 

"Oho! Hyung Jun is becoming stingy again!" Hyun Joong teased as he entered the practice room with Kyu Jong and Young Saeng hyung trudging along behind him. 

"I am not being stingy. I just bought that car. You know, Jung Min is the type of person you wouldn't want to trust your car." the stingy turtle reasoned out. 

I stood up and fixed my clothes. 

"Whatever you say. I am using it anyways. See you later!" I said and ran away.  

Heh! *smirks!* I was not called a horse for nothing. 

As I reached the parking area, I immediately searched for Hyung Jun's new baby. 

"A ferrari again? Sweet!" I whispered to myself as I opened the door of the new car. 

I wore the seatbelt, started the engine and the stereo on with the music from my phone. 

I checked the messages from my phone. 

Managernim: Where are you now? Your fanmeet will start in an hour. 

I replied to his message and as I drive away from the place, I felt like something was wrong....

Feel You was playing from the car's radio. It's been a long time since I sang this song...

From the moment we first met, I could feel this fate, that I...
I was born for you
Cause I feel you, you're the only one---



BAM!!! 

SCREEEEECH!!!! 

I stepped as fast and as hard as I can on the gas when something bumped the car. I took a halt and got out of the car.  The scene in front of me played like a scene taken from a movie. Everyone is screaming. I ran as well where the crowd gathered. 

"Excuse me." I said and there, I saw her. Writhing in pain, blood gushing from her arms and face.

I immediately dialed 119.

After a few minutes, rescue has arrived. They talked to her. I stood there frozen, stuck. My heart's beat became unusual... 

"Please. Come with me. I am scared." she whispered and I nodded. 

I don't know what has gotten into me but I went with them to the hospital. 

"Please stay here." the nurse stopped me as I tried to follow her inside. 

"Please do anything you can to save her." I pleaded.

 

The doctor nodded. I sat at the waiting area and I didn't know how long I have been there. 

" Jung Min ah! What happened?!" Young Saeng hyung asked me. 

"Who is it?" Kyu Jong asked as well. 

"I don't know." I answered. Their faces, blank. 

Then the doctor who attended to her came out of the operating room. 

"Is there anyone here whose a relative?" he asked. 

Silence answered him and he sighed. 

"Who came with her here?" 

I raised my hand. 

 

"She is a tourist from the Philippines. We're still searching for her profile. For now, we declare her state in coma." he explained. 

I don't know why but it felt like my body felt numb and I trembled. They brought her in a private room I requested. I stayed there with the boys quietly. 

"Where is Mr. Park?" one of the investigators asked as they entered the room. 

I stood up and greeted them.  

"We have searched for her profile and we found out that her name is Stephanie. 28 years old. She's on a vacation here with friends for 2 weeks. She went out earlier as she's meeting someone." they explained. 

She's a foreigner? But she spoke in Korean... 

I stared at her.

My mind randomly thought that...

She's beautiful...

"But what about the case? Are you going to file a case against Jung Min?" Hyun Joong asked. 

"We can't file a case against Mr. Park as he has followed all the rules. We have the video as well. It clearly showed that she was the one who crossed the street suddenly." the investigator answered. 

We all nodded and they left. Silence joined us. I sat beside her and I unconsciously held her hand.

I would like to see how beautiful your eyes are. I would like to see you smile... 

"어디야?" we heard voices from the hallway. 

"Here she is." the nurse opened the door and three girls came running inside towarda the girl lying on the bed. 

"Tep! 이러나!!" the smallest girl cried. The tallest among them all, tapped her shoulders while crying. The other girl who has curly hair walked towards me. 

Her eyes, tearing up... She sadly stared at her friend. 

"What happened? Why you guys are here?" she asked me. 

I was about to answer when Kyu Jong said, 

"He brought her here. Your friend ran to the street and was accidentally hit by the car." 

They all gasped as soon as they heard what happened. Then suddenly, Xenia (apparently they introduced theirselves later) cried and hugged Tep. 

"Do you ever know where she's going?" Rhisa asked. 

I shook my head... 

Jacey spoke up. 

"She was excited this morning as your manager already agreed to meet her." 

It felt like everything crashed when she said that. As if I was travelling back in time, scenes from earlier today started playing. It stopped at the text message I received early in the morning. 

Managernim: Jung Min. We'll be meeting up with your fan from Philippines. Please go to Park Cafe by 2 in the afternoon. 

Then it struck me. She was the one I was supposed to meet. 

Four days passed and there's still changes. She's still lying on the hospital bed. 

"Maybe you should kiss her. You know, like what happens in fairytales." Xenia suggested one night as I stopped over at the hospital to check on her. 

For four days, it felt like I've known Tep for so long. Her friends told me stories about her. How much she hates my face but loves my voice, all the things she hated and loved, everything I wanted to know. 

"Do you think so?" I asked as I played with Tep's hair. 

"It won't hurt to try." Jacey chimed in and they laughed. 

Laughters that mirrored sadness.   After a week, her family arrived. Her friends introduced me to her mom, dad and a cousin. I have been able to chat with them for a while when they take care of her with the help of her friends. I was able to get the permission from the to take care of Tep when they have to rest.

"Will she ever wake up?" I asked one time when SS501 came over just when I finished cleaning her room. 

"She will." Hyun Joong said with confidence. 

"It's not so you, Jung Min ssi." Rhisa commented. I stared at her and asked. 

" Why?" 

"You're not being the optimistic guy that she loves. I bet she will kick you if ever she heard something negative from you." she explained. 

I looked at everyone in the room and they all nodded in agreement. 

I stared at her again.

I started singing...

 

◄Feel You►

Say you really love me even if it's a lie.
I still only can see you (I'm waiting)
There's nothing I can do about it.
You're the only one (You gotta trust me all the way)

From the moment we first met, I could feel this fate, that I...
I was born for you
Cause I feel you, you're the only one
And I feel you, more than myself, you know?
Always behind you.
Love that is like shadow.

But I feel you (you) You! You! You!

I feel you.

Like habit, it spreads.
The pain gets deeper.
Heading only towards you (Hoping for you)
You have departed but why your vision does come back.
Like a fool that wouldn't leave, lingering even more. (Cause I am here to stay with you)
From the moment we first met, until the day I'm gone.

You already have me.

 

 

Please. Wake up. Your friends had told me lots of stories about you. However, I want you to tell them to me. I want to hear your voice, see your smile and make you laugh.

I didn't realize that I fell asleep. I woke up when someone touched my head. 

"You're awake!" I almost shouted but Tep hushed me. 

She just smiled. I smiled when she did. Finally. I get to see her smile. 

"Ah! I'm going to call the doctors!" I thought and she held my hand to stop me. 

"No need, Jung Min-ssi. I'm fine. The nurse came in a while ago, checked me and she said I'm good to play." she explained. 

"Is that so? Ahhh..." 

My mind went blank. I don't know what to say and what to do. 

"Mianhae, Jung Min ssi. Because of my recklessness, you're here." she apologized. 

I ruffled her hair and she laughed. 

 

"I was about to say that you shouldn't be sorry. But on second thought, yes. You should be sorry." I said and she pouted.

 

"I know. I am really-"

 

"I'm just kidding! But seriously, you made everyone worried." I said and I smiled at her. I noticed how her pale cheeks turned into a light shade of red when I did that.

 

"I am really sorry. If I wasn't reckless, this wouldn't happen." she said and I just sighed.

 

I was thinking of this at first as well. It might sound weird and absurd but, on the other hand, I was a bit thankful that this happened.

 

"Do you think if shall we go out? I am hungry." she said.

 

"I don't know if you can really go out." I told her, with hesitations.

 

"I can! Please? I want to eat a pasta!" she said and we ended up in Park Cafe.

 

The cafe itself was already closed since it's one in the morning. Luckily, I took the keys from one of my employees. We went inside the kitchen and she watched me while I cooked.

 

"I really wanted to watch you cook. I was curious." she said while I placed the pasta in the boiling water.

 

I didn't answer. Instead, I held her hand.

 

"It really feels like we have known each other for ages." I said.

 

"Really? But Jung Min... What will you do if everything that happened was just a dream? What if I don't really exist?" she asked and I noticed sadness in her voice.

 

"If everything was just a dream, I would choose to wake up. Not because I want to get over with it but because, I will prove that you are real."

 

She smiled. But her smile didn't reach her eyes. She looked so sick but then I ignored that, cupped her chin.

 

"Once you get out from the hospital, would it be fine if we go out?" I asked.

 

"Oh well..."

 

"I think... The pasta is boiling and I wonder what would it taste if it gets overcooked." she said and I immediately removed the pasta.

 

In no time, we sat on the dining area. She started eating and I watched her. She suddenly put down her fork and stared at me. We chatted endlessly, food barely touched. I have never felt this feeling of being content and happy, happy doesn't fit the description as well of what I am feeling right now.

 

"Why aren't you eating?" she asked, pouting her lips.

 

Without much further ado, I leaned closer to her. My face inches from her, I cupped her chin. I gently kissed her lips. It was a sweet, gentle kiss. It's full of passion and love. I have kissed other girls before but she's different. Our love, our kiss is different. It's been unique since our first encounter.

 

"My lips are not edible. Just so you know." she said as a matter of factly and she laughed. Oh, God! I love how her laughter sounded like great melody in my ears.

 

"It's not but they're irresistible." I said and I inch