Donghae's POV:

 

I cover my ears, it can’t be

I close my eyes, pretending nothing is wrong

But I know..

The sky is cloudy and is spilling out tears

I call out to you from the top of my lungs but even the echo with your name

Gets locked in the rain, it’s okay if it swallows me..

But,there is nothing I can do now..

 

"Donghae oppa~Saranghae..dansin-eun naui yuilhan..yeong-wonhi.. (Donghae~i love you..you are my only..forever)"

I wish to hear that word for one last time.. Sorry for being a jerk..

 

Flashback,

 

"____,hurry~we are going to be late for sungmin hyung musical.." I grab her hand..She smile so sweetly..There is no word to described how happy I am to be with this beautiful angel..

 I wish to tell the whole world but because of my career as an idol, I need to keep it as secret between both of us.. Only people who close to me know about us..

“Okay.. sorry.. I sleep late last night..” “You sleep late again!? Yah~ You will be sick if you does not have enough sleep.. More over for someone who is easily got sick like you..” I nagged at her.. I know she hate it when I start to nag but I am always worried about her,she was too ‘fragile’..

“Oppa, do you still going to keep on nagging like ajumma or continue our first date?” Yes.. It is our first date..I had confessed my feeling to her for almost 4 months now but I never bring her for date because of my busy schedules..

I park the car far away from her house to avoid getting caught by paparazzi..

As we walked,the rain start pouring down to earth.. We quicken our steps to the car..

“Oppa,next time I would never go out with you..” I startled.. “Why!?” “Because every time we met,there is always be rain.. even before we were still friends.. And your confession in the rain..It all about rain..” Her hair were wet..but still she looked beautiful.. “It is good then.. Don’t people said rain is a blessing from God?” I handed her towel that was in the car..

“Blessing? My foot..Just drive..we are going to be late..” “But first..” I lend toward her,reach out her seatbelt.. She blushed all red.. “Heechul hyung remind us to always wear seatbelt..Why are you blushing anyway?” I ..

“I hate you..”

 “I know..and I love you too..”

*****

“Hyung!! Donghae hyung!” I look toward the familiar voice..

“Sehun-a~” Sehun ran toward me with Suho.. He is one of my the closest junior.. he is a nice person even though some people said he is cold-hearted because of his facial expression.. but what does people know about a person anyway?

“Oh..Suho you are here too?” “Annyeonghaseyo Donghae sunbae-nim..” He bow..

“What are you doing here alone? Are you waiting for someone?” I offered them to sit. “Wait..Is that..___!!____-a~Over here~” Both Suho and I looked at the person sehun was currently waving at..

It can’t be? They know each other?

“Oh..Sehun!? Yah! Kingka! It been a while since I saw you.. I always saw you on tv now..you lucky brat! You never sing in front of me!”

“You know him? I mean each other?” My heart started to ache..What is this feeling? I shake my head..Trying to avoid the negative thought.. “Of course I know him oppa..He is my classmate from middle school to high school..”

Classmate……just a classmate…

“Hyung you know him?Wait?Oppa?Are you two dating?Yah! My queenka, I thought you going to marry me..You cheated on me?” Sehun wrapped his arm on her shoulders.. in front of me.. I clenched both my hands.. He casually do that to my girlfriend, in front of me!

Suho pad sehun arm.. Maybe he know I am piss off right now.. Sehun realised his mistake and let go of her.. “Hyung.. I am sorry.. “ “No, It is okay.. you both are close friend right.. “ I smiled ..But actually, it is not okay..

“Oppa, why are you silent? Does everything okay?” “Everything is okay..I just trying to concentrate on driving and you keep on talking to me..Could you shut up!?” I saw her eyes turn teary.. I accidently higher my voice.. I didn’t mean to hurt her.

“___,I am sorry..”

“Stop the car..”

“What?”

“I said stop the car!!”

I stop the car to the side road.. She quickly got out from the car.. I called her,but she were not turning around.. I ran to her and grabbed her hand.. “What are you doing?get in the car..” “No! not until your crazy jealousy stop.. I am going home by myself!”

“Jealousy? He know I am your boyfriend,but he freely touching you and called you with nickname, queenka? And you called him kingka.. You dated before don’t you?” I can’t saw her face in the dim street light but I can feel that her tears were falling down.. I want to wipe it off but my ego tell me not to. “So you are mad because of sehun..Take care..” She wave her hand to called taxi..

 I grabbed both her shoulder to make her facing me.. I kiss her..she try to pull off but I deepen my kiss.. I kiss her out of anger and jealousy..Not the kind of first kiss that we were dream of. She managed to pull off, I can saw bleed.. “You are mad!” She entered the taxi and leave me alone as the sky start to ‘cry’..again..

 

It had been 3 days and there was no sign of her.. She not answering my calls or my texts.. My heart started to feel worried..Does she still upset or does something happen to her?Does she sleep late again? What if she fell sick again? My mind were about to burst.. I can’t even concentrated in my work..

Later that day, I decided to visit her. Brought along her favourite flowers.. Pressing the door passwords.. ‘861015’.. The door unlocked.. I smiled.. she never change the password.. my birthday is still her password..

I look around the apartment but no one seem to be in the living room..I move to the bedroom and I am not pleased with what I just saw.. She was there, sitting on the bed..hugging sehun! Sehun was played with her hair.. murmuring  something to her.. then kissing her cheek..

I just can’t take this any long.. I slammed the door,helding toward sehun, and punch him hard on his face.. I don’t care if he have concert to attend tomorrow.. “Oppa!Stop it!” I can heard her to as me to stop,but I just can’t control myself..

 “Yah! LEE DONGHAE!”

I finally come to conscious.. I stop punching sehun,rushed myself away from the apartment.. I went to the nearest pub and drank far from my limit..  I am not a good drinker.. so it take no time for me to get drunk.. My vision started to blank..

I feel hot and feeling someone sleeping next to me, as I open my eyes, I were shocked to found stranger sleeping next to me. To make it worst, ___ were standing in front of the door..

The members asking her what was happening as she stand there,frozen.. The members look into the room and shock by what they had saw.. She excused herself to leave.. I put on my jeans and shirt and followed her.. but Leeteuk hyung stopped me, “We have no idea of what had happening,but you got some explanation to do after you got back later..”

“Don’t worried about that stranger,we will take care of her. Take this umbrella with you..it is raining outside..Now go!” Siwon pad my shoulder.. he always know how to handle things right.. I wish I could be like him.. but I always followed what my heart..or my egos..

I saw her..Walking in the rain..with her weak footsteps..

I came toward her,cover her from the rain and hug her from behind..

She turned,looses the hug and look at me..Her face look sad..She was all wet with rain…and tears..

“I..I am sorry..I am being a fool.. I am such a jerk.. I can’t control myself..I can’t imagine myself losing you..It is not what you may seem.. this is all a mistake..i mean misunderstanding.. I love you.. You know that right?”

She just looked at me,with her sad eyes..Then,her eyes were all red and teary..She sighed..look at the ring that I gave for her,took it off and gave it to me..

What does she mean?Does it over? I can’t lose her.. I step forward but she held her hand to sign me not to follow her..

She gone..

I stood in the rain..The umbrella fall from my hand..but I not picking it up.. letting the rain pouring on me..

2 month pasts,

But I still can move on.. I miss her.. miss her smile,miss her laugh,miss the silly jokes that she make.. Every time when it is raining, I always thought of her..

“Why are you doing? Let’s start practicing..we can’t do it without you..” Eunhyuk snapped me out of my daydreaming. “Oh..it is sehun..why does he wear suit? Do exo have event?” I looked at the same point were eunhyuk looked..

 It is Sehun,.It quite a time I have seen him and I never had a chance to said I am sorry for what I had done..But he is different today,he is wearing suit,but with no makeup..and his eyes were all red and he looked pale.. Did someone died?

“Sehun-a~” Eunhyuk called him over.. He looked at me,but turn away to eunhyuk.. “Where are you going..Are you crying?Did your relative died?” “I am going to funeral.. My best friend just died yestersday..” I startled..

“Who?”

“Sorry,but for someone who leave my dying friend, this is no longer your business.”

Dying? No! It can’t be! I stood up and grab his collar.. Eunhyuk try to stop me but I pushed him away.. The members noticed and ran toward us.. “Donghae! What are you doing!? Are you nuts!?” Heechul burst out.. “What do you even mean by that!? Who is dying!? Tell me!!?”

Sehun smirk,.”Your ex-girlfriend was dying but you don’t have any clue? What kind of man are you!?”

“She is still my girlfriend..She…”

“She died!”

I can feel time stopped..My legs feel weak.. No..He is just lying..

“She were diagnosis with cancer..She doesn’t want you to know,so she…she left you..but regret it and come to your dorm but found out you are sleeping with hooker!”

My mind goes blank..I kneed to the floor.. Tears fall down just like rain..

“Can..can I join you?” Sehun sighed and nod his head..

 

I had stare at her photo for a long time..her beautiful smile in the photo..with and black ribbons on the frame..place in the table full of her favourite flower.. I touched her picture, I can still heard her voice in my ears..I can still feel her cold hands..I still can feel her touch..

I wishes to help carry her coffin to the graveyard, to send her my last good bye..but manager hyung not allowed me because of I am an idol, the paparazzi will suspected.. In the world eyes,I just come as sehun’s supportive company..But the truth,I can’t even support myself..

I almost pass out when they started to carry her to the ground..But sehun grip my hands as sign for me to stay strong..but my eyes,keep on tearing… I wish to scream and tell myself to wake up from this bad dream..but I can’t..

As the funeral over, Everyone had leave but I still standing in front of her tomb..I kneed down..grabbing on the soil which now covering her from my sight..forever.. I scream out loud.. calling her name..

Then,as usual,the rain start to pouring down..

 “___-a~ It is raining again..You must be cold.. This rain must be the sign of you right.. Like you always said,everytime we met each other, the weather will always rain right? So, if it is rain, you are with me right?”

I sounded like a mad person.. but I don’t care..

“I am sorry for being a jerk… I loved you from the start, you know..It’s never gonna change,I swear to God..” I kiss her grave and leave..

 Ice-like rain has engraved in my heart, this endless raining spell…If there is a spell that makes you come back to me, if you come back..Even if my entire body gets wet, I can take it..