A Better Time

Description

Yongguk, Himchan, Daehyun,Youngjae, Jongup, and Zelo have been friends since they were children. Things haven't been easy for them since that one tragic day in their past. Zelo feels it is his responsibility to bring his friends together again so he can leave happily. 

 

Not my story!! I'm putting this up for my friend who doesn't have an account. They don't believe it is good, but I love it! So, I thought I would put it up and see what everyone else thought ^_^

based mostly (?) off of Anohana.

Foreword

Yongguks’ mind snapped back to reality as he stumbled a little while stepping into the shallow river.  He didn’t want to waste time going a little ways down to the wooden bridge so he carefully, but quickly, made his way across the river – the water barely coming up to his knees.  He stepped up onto the bank on the other side, regained his composure, adjusted his hands’ postition under Zelos’ legs and began the final trek up the hill to the small clearing where the shack was located.

 After a few more minutes of panting, Yongguk finally saw the shack come into view with the soft glow of yellow light emanating from the door and window.  He heard the quiet chatter and laughter of friends when he approached the doorway.  He quickly barged in and stopped just inside the door.  Everyone was startled by his sudden entrance and quickly jumped to their feet.

 “What’s wrong?”  Himchan and Daehyun said almost simultaneously.

 “Zelo… is Zelo still here!?”  Youngjae exclaimed while slowly approaching Yongguk.

 “Yes… but it’s not looking good,” Yongguk replied with a sad tone while glancing backwards toward Zelo on his back.  

Comments

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ozwalkr #1
Chapter 1: Quite well done actually. Tell your friend Good Job, send us some more! And remind them that the writer, the one who thought it all, is the toughest critic we will ever face. Many great stories are lost everyday for lack of confidence on the writer's behalf. They feel it isn't good enough, when its actually great, and they scrap it.
kheosena
#2
Chapter 1: This story was so sad. :( I agree with BitsandPieces, though - it would have done better as a longer story. You should tell your friend to expand on the idea. :)
gingerlovesasians69
#3
Chapter 1: wow this was amazing, but really sad. I loved it!
Daisuke-san
#4
Chapter 1: This is really sad but I love the idea ;-;
So sad but so beautiful...
BitsAndPieces
#5
Chapter 1: The idea was simple, but heartbreaking. It was too short though, I didn't get the chance to attach myself to the characters and to feel their sadness, so I wasn't that impressed by end. It had potential.
I'm sorry, I don't want to discourage your friend, I don't know if it's her/his first time writing something, but I just didn't feel it.
Jpd0824
#6
Chapter 1: Damn it!! No fair without the warning of the tags :( lol this was good --- kept reading and was totally entranced by the story and bam it hit me at the end -- my eyes watered to tell you the truth ... It was a good story :)
yurikami3
#7
Chapter 1: FREAKING CRYING. SAD BUT BEAUTIFUL. MY HEAAAART ;A;