Darkness.

That's what greeted me as soon as I opened the door to my apartment.

Silence.

The deafening silence that just reminds me how empty this million-won worth apartment is.

Emptiness.

What I felt the moment I realized that I'll just be all alone again, after a few seconds lapse of memory that there won't be someone greeting me and welcoming me back home.

It's hard to let go of the things that you've gotten used to.

I sighed audibly as I closed my eyes and reminded myself that not everything is what it used to be anymore.

She's no longer here anymore.

It's not like this is something I've never have to deal with before.

And with all those things that happened in the past, I've gradually learned to just let things get back together the way it was before. If things fall back together again, then lucky me, lucky us. If not, then maybe it's just not meant to be that way.

I've dropped my luggage on the entry way as I removed my shoes, made my way towards my empty living room, and flicked the lights open.

With the lights on, the emptiness of my home, which I downplayed just now, just swept through my core, and I just felt hollow inside, like something was out of my shell and I just can't seem to feel like I'm still me.

Figures though. Because she was, she still is and she will always be a part of me.

The moment I've laid my eyes on her a few years ago, I knew, or at least I felt, right then and there, that I won't feel I'm me if she won't be a part of my life, and me a part of hers.

She appeared in my life, and from then on, she started reaching out, crawling through, creeping in, until finally, she owned me.

I shook my head as I realized I'm spacing out, staring into the bare white wall in my living room.

Silence. I need to break the silence. I can handle the emptiness I'm feeling, as long as silence won't be tag-teaming with it.

I reached through my back pocket to fish my phone, removed the earbuds I had plugged on my ears earlier, and docked it on my station. I've opted to choose to continue playing my previous playlist from earlier.

From the moment I met you I just knew you'll be mine…

I relaxed a bit as I let the acoustic guitar filled the room.

Yes I listen to Western boyband songs, they were the songs of my childhood.

Nope. Probably those were songs of her teenage years.

Well yes, I have a playlist of boyband songs because she put it on my phone and made me listen to it.

"Oh come on, you've got to learn appreciate these lyrics and melodies, you know. They were the gems of our age," she would tell me, but not without teasing me, "Plus, it can help you with your English studies, and you might learn to write English lyrics from there!"

She would always playfully pick on my English, to which I would pretend that I'm very hurt, but truthfully, I just enjoy those laughs of hers whenever she's on the roll on "bullying" me.

I then started listening, and yes I do find the music beautiful, but not to the point that I have them on my everyday playlist.  But these days, I've been finding myself listening to this playlist more often than I ever did.

Coz you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do,

That's why I'm by your side, that's why I love you..

I smiled to myself. The lines are cheesy, but when I look back to it, it's funny how these songs are so on point with what I want to tell her, cheesy or not.

I walked across to the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water. I opened my refrigerator and I sighed.

Empty.

I can practically hear her voice nagging me to always stock up and eating "decent, complete meals".

"Eh why would I have to when I have you?" I would say while wiggling my eyebrows to emphasize the innuendo, and she will be slapping my arms, trying to put on a pissed off face but ending up giggling still.

I'm standing there, the fridge door left ajar, as I smile at myself, I stare off and see these memories playing as scenes in front of me.

And you know that we belong together,

It just had to be you and me.

I closed the fridge door and just got me a glass, opened the faucet and got my water from there.

As I finished gulping my drink, I glanced at the wall clock in my kitchen.

Jesus. It's just ing quarter past 3 in the afternoon.

It felt like it's almost end of the day for me. And it's always the same when I'm alone, that is, when we're having our "cold wars". It's like the time also joins in taunting my isolation by going slow-mo, making me go crazier by each damn minute. The only way I know how to keep me sane is by drowning myself with work. Sometimes I go on for days without even eating anything besides chips. During which time, she would call a truce just to nag me again about food.

You and I cannot hide the love we feel inside, the words we need to say..

That would usually signify the end of our fights, because by then she would be talking to me, and me talking again to her.

There was a time when she accused me of starving myself on purpose just so I can get her to call a truce and talk to me and eventually, end our fight. I laughed it off and joked how conceited she was to think I would put on a hunger strike just for her.

Well that ended in another fight as she didn't take my joke too nicely, but that's another story.

I could fly when you smile, I'd walk a thousand miles to hear you call my name.

I put my glass down on the sink and started to trudge towards our, I mean my bedroom.

Note to self: start getting used to saying my instead of our.

I walked to our-- no my bathroom and washed my face with before staring at the mirror.

I look okay. No one could tell that I'm actually feeling so lost and empty inside.

My eyes swept up to the reflection of my hair. How many months has it been black? I can't seem to remember.

"First one to get sick of our current hairstyle loses!" I heard her voice inside of my head as she declared our new "game rules".

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