One life is not a long time when you’re waiting for a small sign

He lazed in his apartment, slouched on the cream coloured couch. It had been a long day of work and he was just exhausted. He stared up at the white ceiling; it had been just over a year that he had moved into this new apartment, but it still felt pretty foreign to him. He guessed it was because he hasn’t actually been in the apartment as frequently as he would’ve wanted to. He would be in the apartment for those few hours of sleep, and whenever he wasn’t working, but those moments were seldom. When his relationship and subsequent engagement, and disastrous marriage, had gone public, they had to do damage control with whatever they could to mend their image. He always felt guilty towards his group members that were dragged into the mess with him, but they had stood by him. And he felt the encouragement they gave him every day. Practically two years have passed since then, but some people still liked to bring it up to try and hit them somewhere where it would hurt.

Another reason for the strange feeling of not belonging, was the fact that she wasn’t in the apartment. And she hasn’t been for the past month. In the past year, he always came home to her familiar face, working fervently at the dining room table still dressed in her work clothing with a weary expression and a pair of rectangular framed glasses sitting on her nose that she shifted up on occasion. He would lean on the frame of the entranceway with a small, adoring smile on his lips just watching her work until she would turn around with wide eyes that would immediately turn into a warm smile and a “welcome home”. She would wrap her arms lightly around him and ask him how his day went, and if he had eaten anything yet.

Though he had gotten this treatment from someone else before, it felt much more natural with her than it did with his ex – her older sister; the girl he had proposed to and waited at the alter for. He closed his eyes, still remembering the day he had met his former girlfriend very clearly. He had been set up by one of his older sisters, Sung Kyu-hyung and Woo Hyun to go on a blind date with one of his sister’s friends. He had been forcibly dragged to go shopping for new clothing, to get made up in a salon, and seated in some restaurant he had never been to before. When he asked what was going on, he was merely answered with “you’re going on a date”. Safe to say, he was bewildered and was ready to run for the hills if his sisters and group mates weren’t in the next booth over prepared to make him sit down again if he dared to move. He held his breath, trying to ready himself for the worse that could happen. Instead, he was met with the surprise of Kwon Seul Gi’s happy personality. They had hit it off very well, and he had asked her to be his girlfriend after a mere two months of dating.

And in contrast to the bright, active character of the older Seul Gi, was her younger counterpart of three years, Kwon I Seul. When he had met her, she was a straight-faced, quite shy person. In fact, whenever he saw her in the home his girlfriend lived in with their parents before she moved out with him into their own apartment, he rarely saw her crack a smile in front of him, even after a year that he had been dating the younger girl’s sister. When Seul Gi suggested that they go on a trip with the member and her sister so that everybody could get along, he agreed. He didn’t particularly like the thought of not being able to get along with I Seul, and Seul Gi just said that her younger sister wasn’t much of a social butterfly until you got closer to her.

“She’s just really shy. She’ll open up to you.”

Her words really were right. During their trip to Jeju, she had visibly softened and opened up to everyone. She was talking and smiling more frequently to him when he spoke to her, though she had been more inclined to talk to the other members, getting along particularly well with the younger members due to their age. She was still a bit quiet, but he knew that it was an improvement where she would barely say anything to him. On the fourth day of their one week trip, when they had decided to spend a full day on the beach after using the first three to explore the whole island, he had heard a melodious laugh escape from her as she sprinted through the water to hide behind him after she helped Woo Hyun dunk their maknae in the water. She had clutched onto his shoulders, turning him around to face a beet red Sung Jong, who was ready to throw the shorter girl into the water. He could practically feel the smile as she buried herself into his back. He burst out in full laughter at the situation, making I Seul look at him weirdly before getting tackled into the water by Sung Jong. Seul Gi giggled at her younger sister’s spurting when she stood up. He watched the interaction between the sisters, noting how Seul Gi doted on the younger girl with a tender warmth. Something in him stirred, and he felt like she really was the one.

On their second year anniversary, in the heat of August, he proposed just like how he had planned it in his mind: borrowing a boat, and confessing his heartfelt feelings to the girl that had managed to capture his heart. She threw herself into him in tears, nearly throwing the both of them into the water. They headed back to shore, where INFINITE and I Seul stood with anticipation of what the ultimate decision was. Their smiles couldn’t really be anymore beaming as Seul Gi flashed the engagement ring. While his friends had shown him great enthusiasm, he was confused with I Seul’s blank expression. Because back then, he didn’t quite know what she knew. When he had pulled her away from the celebratory atmosphere asking her what was wrong, she didn’t say anything. The look in her eyes darkened as they looked into his, a serious look that he had never seen before had appeared on her visage.

“I was so afraid that this would happen, so I didn’t want to get close to you...”

“What?”

“I like you... a lot... That’s why I don’t want to see you unhappy.”

She walked away that day without explaining her words to him. And he never knew what she was talking about until five months later, three months shy of their wedding date that had abruptly made it to the news mills. It made everything hectic, much more so than usual. He had gotten a text from a friend with a picture of Seul Gi with another man. And he had deleted it. At that time, he had struggled with the thought, but he also felt like he couldn’t back down on the marriage now. He felt pressured, conflicted; he called his future sister-in-law. When she arrived, she looked sleep deprived, much more so than his fiancée. She laughed at his comment, a bitter smile etched onto lush lips.

“I wish I could have a night’s sleep, but I don’t think I’m that lucky.”

They drank that day, not saying a word as they passed bottles of soju between each other without saying a word. They must’ve went through at least six bottles together until he had passed out on the couch into a deep sleep. When he woke up the next morning, the table had been cleared of said bottles, and I Seul was gone. A purple post-it note sat on the table:

I don’t know why you put yourself through this.

At that time, he didn’t know why either.

Don’t be disappointed, don’t let your heart break

“Why are you with him if you don’t love him?”

“Isn’t being fond of him good enough?”

“Then stop sleeping with another man and go home to the man that waits for you.”

“I don’t want somebody who waits for me I Seul-ah. I want somebody who’s set on dragging me home.”

She never understood her sister’s juvenile mentality. As the older child, she was always doted upon and babied. It was very different for her as a child growing up under her sister’s shadow. She had met the other man several times before, he used to be her tutor after all. He had a couple of years on Seul Gi, so there was a five, almost six, year gap between them. But they had gotten along well because he was always intuitive to her to a fault. He knew what she thought in her silence, and that she wasn’t merely the shadow that followed the treasured older sister. He believed in her. And when she had found out about the affair he and her sister were having, she didn’t exactly know how to believe in him much longer. Just like he knew how to read her, she could read him quite clearly as well.

“Why are you still going out with unnie even though she’s going out with Dong Woo-ssi?”

He never answered her, only ruffling her hair and walking away. But, she had a feeling she knew a part of the answer. It was a cycle of love and desire that sickened her to the point that she wanted to puke. Dong Woo loved Seul Gi to the point of being deceived by it. Seul Gi longed for a passionate love that she couldn’t receive from Dong Woo, making her vie for Kang Moon Sung’s fiery disposition. And Kang Moon Sung... was definitely not in love with Kwon Seul Gi. She had no idea who he held dear to him at that time, but she knew it wasn’t her older sister.

She could clearly picture Dong Woo’s upbeat personality mixed with nervousness when he had first visited. He was stiff greeting her parents, who were quite friendly with him more so than she or her sister would’ve expected when it came to their typically stern parents. She kept a stoic expression the whole time during the meeting. And when she asked her parents why they had been so amiable towards him, they had said that he was probably the closest in traits to the ideal man that they would love Seul Gi to marry. She thought to that conversation whenever she saw her older sister furiously clutching onto Moon Sung before they separated ways. Dong Woo was exactly what his smile gave off; that he was outgoing and open. It was a strength as much as it was a weakness. Moon Sung was an ardent med student, that fervency translating into his work and studies as well as his personal life. Her father had said that someone like him would be too hot-headed to compromise with once in conversation. She knew her sister was fuming, but she also knew Seul Gi would never give up her relationship with him even while being with Dong Woo.

And she would never be able to say anything.

Even when he smiled at her in that open manner, she couldn’t bear to tell her, then, soon-to-be brother-in-law. She didn’t exactly know how she could ever be the one to tear apart his happiness. She couldn’t because she couldn’t help but care for him as he grew closer to her. He wasn’t somebody who could read her as well as Moon Sung could, but he was doing a pretty damn good job at interpreting her silence until she decided that she should just concede to his effort. He really wanted to get along with her, even if it was for the sake of her older sister. But when he called her, she felt like she was listening to a stray puppy. And when she arrived at the apartment, she felt like she was staring at one. He looked as if he had been abandoned in a cardboard box in some random alleyway. And she knew... he had found out the meaning behind her words. And when they drank the night away, he really should’ve noticed that he was downing most of the alcohol instead of her. She cleared the table, throwing the bottles into a bag and leaving a note in its place. She exited the apartment after covering him with a blanket, carrying the bottles out to the trash. She wrapped her jacket closer around her, the winter air feeling even colder than she had remembered when she arrived at the apartment. Looked like she wasn’t going to get a normal amount of sleep again. It was terrible for her health. And the anxiety that constantly swallowed her in and spit her back out continued until the date of their marriage.

They had decided on two different ceremonies, a Western one preceding a traditional Korean one. She sat beside her mother and, to her chagrin when she saw him, Moon Sung. Of all people to invite to a wedding, her sister had invited her affair. This was just messed up on too many proportions. And Dong Woo must’ve noticed too by the way he stiffened seeing him. She got up from the seat, walked up to him at the alter and tugged him off to the side.

“I know who he is. He’s in the picture in my pocket.”

She never said anything after that because she knew. Was she supposed to feel that elated? No, not really.

“Give me the picture.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you.”

And in a way, she did know that there was no way he would’ve rejected her at the alter when friends and family were there. Not to mention the dreaded mosquitoes. Oh, the mosquitoes. They had a field day when she had objected to the wedding and lifted up the evidence as to why they shouldn’t get married. It was an utter riot, and while she felt sorry for both her family and Dong Woo’s, she knew the farce couldn’t continue. Even better was when she grabbed the ex-groom’s arm and shoved him into her car, driving until she couldn’t see anymore people trailing behind her car before she stopped at the Han River. Dong Woo had sat in the seat motionless, as if his very soul had left his body. She sighed, knowing no words that would leave her lips right now could console him.

She remembered the next few months of stalking that the mosquitoes did, searching for any trace of blood they could . While it hadn’t been too difficult on her since the only interest they had in her was whether or not she had a relationship with the man of the hour, she felt a sense of regret towards Sung Kyu, Woo Hyun, Hoya, Sung Yeol, Myung Soo, and Sung Jong for having to suffer as well for her rashness. They never did hold anything against her, instead saying that she did what she thought was right and they had been relieved that someone stopped the wedding from happening. Dong Woo’s family was rightfully furious in place of their son. All of it placed on the former bride at full force. No apology from her would ever suffice for the shame she brought both on her own, and on their family. Then there was her, the one who revealed it all to the public eye, who had gotten a fierce slap from her former father who did it for her sister’s sake. Why former? Because, while she already didn’t care for the father who paid no attention to her since the beginning, he had formally disowned her. Her mother had cried and expressed her love for her youngest daughter for the first time that night, much too late in her opinion, as she packed to leave. She roomed with a good friend and co-worker for a week or so before renting her own place. She really was fortunate to be working for Samsung in a higher paying position and that they didn’t care for what she did as long as she kept putting out quality work. She never talked to Seul Gi after that day. She had said her piece at the alter.

“When you began this affair between yourself and Moon Sung, I didn’t even know if you were my sister anymore.”

She never came to regret those words, even as the year passed by and it had been a few months since everything had calmed down. Those events that came after never affected her as much at much as it probably should have. She didn’t care for such things. Because nothing at that time was as painful for her as when Dong Woo had walked out of the car and wrapped his arms around her from the back. Her frigid skin, cold from the chilly winds of spring, were enveloped by warmth. Warm droplets fell on her shoulders, slowly dripping down and getting absorbed by the chiffon of her dress. Nothing had been more heart-wrenching. And nothing had made her feel guiltier.

Don’t spend another minute in this way

He had still stayed in touch with the younger girl, even with the press hounding him. There had been no way that the press could ever tear away the only piece of stability that would keep him grounded to the earth more so than anybody else. Back then, he hadn’t known why he couldn’t just cut the connection. It wasn’t as if he was obligated to continue their friendship. But he couldn’t cut her off from his life. He had cried like a child on her shoulder after she drove him to an area where nobody was around. He felt blessed to know her, though he did not know why. With her help though, he sold the apartment, knowing there was no way he could stay any longer with the memories that lingered, and had worked hard to rid the bitterness that rested in his soul. She had talked to him, let him confide in her, and stood by him while he brooded miserably for the months he was told to stay out of sight. He could never talk to his family, or his friends with the constant worry in his mind that they would panic and baby him even though that wasn’t what he needed. What he did need was a new outlook on the reality he was in. And Kwon I Seul had managed to show him that.

“Do you want to try being my roommate? I’m able to rent a place for cheap, and it has two bedrooms. What do you say?”

While he had always been spoiled, he didn’t want to run from the fact that he had been cheated on. He didn’t want to deny that his ex-girlfriend, fiancée, and soon-to-have-been wife was not completely in love with him for a reason he was never quite understanding of. He never knew what she wanted, but he had in turn learned that she had never told him, which didn’t make it an immediate fault of his. They didn’t communicate that way, instead, merely going through the relationship as if it were a procedure. It was both their fault. This was the reality he had to face. And he knew he could face that with I Seul.

“Sure.”

The first month in, he never knew why he was so comfortable with another presence to return to. The sensation he had returning to a place knowing that somebody was waiting for him was strange. It should’ve never been strange because he went back to an apartment that he had been living in with a woman he loved for practically two years. Though he had been working all the time, he had always returned to Seul Gi at the end of the day, though there were numerous times when she wasn’t there. And then there was I Seul, who had always seemed to be home whenever he came back even at the most ridiculous times of the night. Whether she was doing some kind of work, or had appeared to have fallen asleep in the dining or living room, she was always home at the end of her day. He had gotten used to the cycle of greeting her when she was awake, or covering her with a blanket to keep her from getting sick when she fell into a slumber.

He had steadily grown fond of the girl before he had even realized it. And when he did, she had to go to the US for a couple of months for work. And so came his two months for awkward loneliness when he entered the apartment without her presence. He had taken her presence and care in the apartment for granted. And now he was paying for his slowness. He had never wanted time to pass by so fast before, especially since he always craved for more time to do something. But the more time he had, the more time he would take notice of the solitude. And silence, he figured out, was strangely deafening. Whatever resilience he had from living in the old apartment, he didn’t have it anymore. She had stripped that ability to use anything to relieve him of the stillness. He went out whenever he was occupied by work during those couple of months. Though he had been convinced into stopping when he met his ex’s affair. Kang Moon Sung. It was a casual bar and while he was surprised to see the older male, the former wasn’t in the least bit affected and offered the seat beside him.

“Have you heard from I Seul after the ordeal?”

“Yeah... we live together now.”

“... I see. Then I wish you all the luck.”

“Why?”

“Because she deserves it.”

The smile on the doctor’s face was rueful as he paid for his drink and walked away. I Seul had mentioned it in passing before, that he probably understood her well because they were similar. He had childishly glared at that fact and begged her to make him kimchi fried rice. Clueless was he, not knowing why he had all of a sudden been ticked off by a passing comment. And after the night he had met the man himself he was downright agitated. Why had he felt agitated? Because he recognized the similarities in how they seemed to leave people hanging. But that was not the point. No. The main point he was agitated was because he recognized the feeling that Kang Moon Sung had, and the reason for that was because he had seen it too. And in himself nonetheless. It was horrible enough that he resigned himself to going straight back home after work, not caring for the cold draft. He really just wanted to avoid the handsome doctor at all costs. It also gave him the month to sort himself out before she would come back.

And now, lying groggily on the couch, he still had no idea what to do. Maybe sleep would bring him his answers. He could only faintly hear the door beeping as the system deactivated and the door open. The whole apartment felt distant to him. He could barely hear the wheels of a suitcase rolling in, or the sigh that escaped pinky-peach lips. Soft footsteps padded around. And then there was a familiar waft of citrus that entered his senses as soft fleece covered him, making him reach out instinctively, grabbing the hand the held the blanket.

“Dong Woo... if you’re conscious enough, you should at least go to your room,” her voice was hush, lulling him with security.

He only grunted a response, no longer moving, but not letting go of her hand either.

If he opened his eyes, he figured that he wouldn’t know what to say to her. So he just stayed there, gripping her hand. Her lips grazed his cheek, very lightly, almost unnoticeable. She settle herself on the soft furry rug, using the couch to lean on. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of being back home. He opened one eye, staring for a second at her resting figure with an upward tilt of the lips.

He would definitely be able to say what he wanted to in the morning.

He would definitely be able to ask,

“Would you stay with me?”

It’s okay

A/N: Oh snap, 4000 words... Anyway, this was a one-shot that was based on Wings by Jeff Williams featuring Casey Lee Williams from the RWBY Volume 1 Soundtrack. I think I needed a small break from writing for Maybe We're Already Gone since another update will go up for it soon. And it may be a double one if I work up the guts to finish a fourth chapter. Going back to talking about this one-shot, yeah, this one has been stuck in my thoughts for a bit. At first, it was going to be angsty à la Lady of the Night, and then when I had written flower, I had opted to go softer and happier than the unhappiness in the former, and the bittersweet feeling of the latter. Finally, somebody in my stories is getting a happier ending. So, comment, vote, and subscribe to my stories! I'm always happy to receive them.