[CONTENTID1]A Letter to Lee Seung Gi - Delete.[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]The alarm rang. Seung Gi turned it off and tossed in his bed, it’s week-end and he intended to make use of it and rest.

After half an hour he rose from bed. Taking heavy steps to the bathroom and washing up, he walked to the coffee machine. He took his coffee and walked to the door to receive his newspapers.

He looked around his living room, a total mess. It’s been two months since he stopped caring. For him, life became work and sleep.

Before shutting the door, his eyes fell on his mailbox; it’s been a month he watched it getting filled. He never bothered checking what it was.

The day after our break up, without your voice
I woke up alone in the morning.
I can't believe it, when I opened my phone,

There are your picture, our pictures together
 still the way it was, it’s here but…
 

That day, he felt the need to check it. “Sport Magazine … Spa and beauty care’s coupons.” He wasn’t a woman, why would he need that? He doesn’t even have a woman he would offer it to!

He was going to throw the rest, but a tiny letter caught his sight.

Sender: Moon Chae Won. To: Lee Seung Gi.

He didn’t understand why she would send him a letter instead of just talking to him, he hadn’t heard of her since two months ago. He walked inside, took a sip of his coffee and opened the letter.

***

          Dear Lee Seung Gi.

          I know this is wrong. I maybe shouldn’t, but the bleeding in my heart won’t ease unless I do this. I hope for our old days sake, you may accord this little letter some of your time. I know it won’t justify my previous actions; I just want to be honest with you and tell you what happened.

          With a weary heart, I want to apologize first. I blew the trust you had in me. My greed blinded my mind as I only carried your name in my heart. Secondly, I want to thank you. Your presence in my life was a blessing that heaven gifted me with. For every second you spent with someone like me, I thank you for it. Lastly, I wish you a long happy life with the person your heart chose. I came to understand that your happiness means a lot to me, it matters more than my own. That is the closest description I could make for my feelings for you.

          It all started when you first saved me from the bullies. I was a weak nerdy girl, and you were Mr. Popular, and you still defended an unworthy thing like me. Everyone knew you at school as the jerk. To me, you were warm as a father, caring as a mother, protective as a brother, and it was just me who fell little by little for you. It was my fault for carrying an unrequited love for more than ten years. When you only saw me like a little sister and looked after me, I was already planning my life by your side as your wife.

          The most painful years to me were the ones you spent in the US. I always feared you would introduce me to a girlfriend you met the times I wasn’t by your side. I never knew the one that will hold onto your heart would be my very own sister that I came to meet later in my life.

          I never meant to hurt her; I always looked up to her since the day she found me. She looked for me, and took care of me like an unnie to her dansaeng despite being the same age as me. She was an upright and good person. And knowing I had a sister after 18 years of loneliness was the second greatest thing that happened to me after meeting you. To be honest, before I introduced the two of you, I thought there would be no way you would be attracted to each other. Despite you being perfect for a person like me, she was far too good for you, and I still believe if you didn’t run after her, she wouldn’t have looked at you.

          The time she told me you asked her for a date, I felt my world crashing. I lost my senses back then. I just begged her not to meet you. At first, I said bad things about you, and she found it weird. She came to understand I had a crush on you. And the reason she rejected to meet you was solely for my own selfish sake. I knew the guy I fell for won’t give up; I started making schemes to rip you apart.

          I remember the time you were so desperate after she had rejected you. You were drinking the entire night, when I took you home you were a total mess. I tried helping but each time you rejected me and pushed me away. It hurt me more when you kept on asking why she didn’t give you a chance when you did the same to me. I was there for you but you only looked at her.

          Seeing you changing to the reliable, nice and good hearted man, proved how much you cared for her. I didn’t believe it when I saw you treating people nicely, working diligently to make your parents who lost hope, proud, nor the times you volunteered in charity work. The person you became was a total new perfect Lee Seung Gi. Too bad for me, I fell for the new you harder. I only saw you, and no one could stand a chance next to you.

          I came to realize Hyo Joo fell for you too. She kept on denying she wasn’t. But one night, the tears I saw floating from her eyes after publicly rejecting you, made me realize how much she cared when she pretended not, how hurt she was when she said she was fine. I thought about it, and no matter how obvious it should have been to me that the best thing to do is stepping away, I convinced myself that I knew you longer than her, the one who has the right to be with you is none other than me.

          I met Park Jun Se-sshi one day. He was the perfect match for Hyo Joo. My greed grew bigger as I thought by matchmaking those two together, I’ll have you for my own. My plan worked perfectly, seeing Jun Se-sshi attracted to Hyo Joo, and always doing his best to make her happy. I didn’t feel bad for her, nor pitied her. I told you, she is way better than you, and he is too. I asked you to come on a trip with me, you agreed not knowing I asked Hyo Joo and Jun Se-sshi to come too. The chock on Hyo Joo’s face when she saw you made me satisfied. Being the good sister to me, she stuck to Jun Se-sshi, avoiding you. I still don’t know what happened between the two of you the next morning, but seeing you not giving up on her made me furious.

          I yelled at her, throwing things and cursing her when I found out you kissed her. I knew it from the way you looked at her, and her awkwardness next to you. That was why I tested the two of you by inviting you over to dinner. I pretended I needed to buy something and left the two of you alone. It was impolite of me eavesdropping from the door. Watching you holding her, sobbing in her neck, made me boil with anger. It wasn’t her fault you forced a kiss on her. Her rejection was obvious with all her struggle to push you away. When I came in, I found her hugging her knees and crying on the floor, with no sight of you. She was already feeble from everything that happened, and I made things worse by doing what I told you I did. When I regretted it, it was too late.

          I prayed god for her survival. I was holding onto her hands begging her not to leave her selfish sister alone again. The doctor told me she is suffering from a weak heart. It is like an instant bomb ready to explode anytime taking her life away. The reason she was laying in hospital for three straight weeks was us two, but mainly me.

          I was shocked the next morning finding her bed clean with new sheets, and her room empty. The worst came to my mind. I crushed on the floor crying, sobbing and cursing myself. A nurse asked me what my relation with the patient is. And told me that she woke up and that she was doing some tests.

          For two weeks, I didn’t face her; I didn’t have courage to do so. I discovered she was preparing to go back to the US, where she was raised. I don’t have the right to stop her, but I believe you do.

          One last thing Seung Gi, I’m sorry for saying this, truly I am, but I wish I had never met you. Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. And no need for everything you have done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

          Though you were there for me; if you weren’t nice to me I wouldn’t have caused this much pain to everyon including my own sel.

           Truthfully yours.

Moon Chae Won.

***

Seung Gi didn’t know what to do. He didn’t realize he was crying. He just came to know the woman he loves with all his might loved him back. But was it too late? She was in hospital in a critical situation that he was responsible for and he wasn’t even aware. She fought alone and survived, but now, she is leaving everything behind.

He looked at the pictures disposed on his right over the nightstand. He trusted her with all his might. How could she? How could she do such a thing to the most important persons in her life?

What am I going to do? I already miss you but
I probably have to erase you now, to erase everything.
Even your smiling picture, and our happy pictures.

The feelings he held for her then weren’t anger or hate. He was sorry for her. Experiencing reject from the person he loves was the most painful in his life. He was thankful for Chae Won; she just told him that the woman he loves loved him back. He just needs to make her his.

He was thankful there wasn’t much traffic. It took him half an hour to be in front of the girls’ house. He knocked on their door and waited. He wasn’t expecting seeing her at all.

He was panting. Chae Won had a choked face; she covered with her hand.

She tried processing everything in her head.

She avoided his gaze.

She just kept quiet.

Everytime I erase a picture my heart starts to burn
Your picture little by little becomes clouded.
I even try to call out to you in the picture, and try to touch you.
It’s such a cruel thing, to erase you.

A tear escaped his left eye. He never thought it was too late for him. Too late to confess his love for her, Too late to make her the hap