Jonghun’s POV

                “Wake up, we have to leave early.” –What woke me up today again. I tried to ignore the voice waking me up but then again I know I just had to do this. I struggled as I lift my tired body from all the work last night, or was it early morning? Last night’s performance was like always, FUN. There’s just so much difference when we play live. It’s just so boring when shows make us hand sync since they think that making us play live is too bothersome. We’ve been doing hand sync for these shows for how many years already but we cannot seem to be excited about it. Even though we’re used to doing something doesn’t mean we do not get affected anymore right?

                Jeez, what am I thinking early in the morning?  All I think about is work; from the moment I wake up and ‘till I go to bed. I can already hear Seunghyun goofing around outside. I better hurry before they eat all the food. I hurried outside to eat and what I saw made all my worries and exhaustion go away.

                “Oh! Good morning hyung!” His smile immediately brought a curve around my lips. Beyond his knowledge, my heart is already beating like crazy because of him.

                “You’re too noisy even early in the morning Seunghyun.” I scoffed at him but this did not make him less “lively”.

                “But you like me this way hyung!” He reasoned out. I laughed at him and shook my head, giving up with his unending energy. I went to the table and started eating breakfast.  I like him this way all right. His smile is like sunshine to this everyday monotonous life. His energy is my energy. It to be secretly in love with someone. But it a whole lot more if he finds out. He’ll definitely stay away from me. At least this way, I get to stay close to him even though everyday it’s tearing me up inside. The thought made me sigh and I felt like not eating anymore.

                “What’s wrong hyung?” Seunghyun asked his face a few inches away from mine as he was taking a peek at me. He’s always concerned about everyone, making me not special at all.

                “Nothing. I’m just tired that’s all.” I smiled at him weakly. Every day he asks what’s wrong and every day I’ll say I’m just tired.

                “Stop flirting early in the morning jeez.” Hongki said to us. He just woke up and was about to sit together with us.

                “Why hyung are you jealous?” Minhwan teased Hongki back.

                “Jealous your face. If you still want to have chicken this week do not mess with me.” Hongki playing the ace card against the maknae, and the maknae just pouted with his defeat. I then excused myself and did not finish my food anymore. Day by day this secret is eating me up inside.

                “You’re not going to eat this anymore hyung?” Jaejin asked looking at the food I barely touched.

                “You can have it.” I gave him the go signal to eat it and the goat happily ate my food. I went back to my room and dropped myself to my bed. A few seconds later someone was knocking on my door.

                “Hyung it’s me. Can I come in?” It was Seunghyun’s voice all right. I felt my heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice so I cannot be mistaken.

                “Sure.” I said loud enough for him to hear. He slowly opened the door and closed it carefully as well. He sat beside me while I was facing the other way.

                “Hyung are you not feeling well?” I felt his hand suddenly over my forehead and it made me blush because I was caught off guard. Just his touch is enough to disorient my whole being. I quickly removed his hand and tried to get away from his field of sight as to not give myself away from all these feelings I have for him.  

                “I’m okay. I’m just tired didn’t I tell you?” I said underneath the pillows I buried my face in.

                “You don’t look okay to me.” He whispered. I looked at him between the small gap I made from the pillows covering my face. I saw him really looking worried and it made me feel guilty when I shove him away. How can I tell you what’s wrong Seunghyun? When all this time you were asking me if I’m all right, I am being eaten by these feelings I have been struggling to hide. I felt a tear escaped in my eyes from the pain that was getting more and more unbearable each day. I did not dare to answer at his statement afraid that he might find out that I’m tearing up already.

                “Hyung you can talk to me about anything you know.” He said. How I wish he really meant that. If I can tell him about these feelings will he not go away? “I may always be goofing around but I too can be serious you know.” I silently listened to what he was saying and was not making unnecessary movements that can give me away. “Hyung are you listening?” He must have gotten impatient and he forced the pillow out of my face. I didn’t surrender the pillow without a fight. I pulled it back as so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes.

                “I’M OKAY I SAID!” I yelled back at him hoping he would give up pulling the pillow.

                “No hyung! You are not—OKAY! You are crying!” He pulled the pillow harder this time. For someone who is really skinny, he can be strong all right. He got the pillow and I hurriedly buried my face in the scrunched up blanket nearby. He took it away also and I was too tired for another struggle.

                “Why?” I whispered. I was at the verge of bursting into tears because of this exhaustion I was feeling; the pillow fight, the struggle to wake up every day, the effort to hide these feelings. I’m just so tired I just want to give up. “WHY WON’T YOU JUST LET ME BE?! I’M NOTHING TO YOU BUT YOU PISSED ME OFF LIKE HELL!” Then I cried the out of me. Seunghyun then gently touched my back as if comforting me. He was quiet the entire time, silently listening to my sobs. After I calmed down he went out and gave me a glass of water. We stayed quiet for a few minutes, neither of us unsure of what to say next.

                “Hyung I’m sorry. He then said.

                “What? Why?” I cannot seem to grasp where this apology was coming from.

                “I forced you to cry.” He finally said. I looked at him with confusion in my eyes. “I mean, I know what it feels to hold everything on your own.” He paused and I waited for him to continue what he was about to say. “It’s enough to make you give up. It just consumes your energy and makes you feel hopeless. And I don’t like seeing you like that.” He looked at me with a complicated smile on his face. What is it that he’s hiding too? I guess I’m not alone.

                “Anyway, if you want to talk about it you can always turn to me.” He then smiled at me again but not the sunshine smile I usually get from him. This smile has a hint of pain. And I do not like seeing him like that either. He stood up and was about to leave the room. Unconsciously I grabbed his arm, something telling me to tell him already.  It’s been what? Almost 2 years since I’ve loved him secretly.

                “What is it hyung?” He then went back to sit beside me and waited for me to speak up.               

                “Seunghyun, I.. I need to tell you something.” I struggled to get the words out of my chest.

                “You can tell me hyung. Didn’t I tell you? No need to be afraid.” He reassured me again. I do not know f what I’m doing is right but I’m just tired of everything. I let out a loud sigh and prepared myself for the ugly response I will get.

                “I love you.” I whispered very softly almost inaudible if you were not paying attention. My head lowered the entire time, hoping the shame will be hidden. I did not get a response and I slowly looked at the person I just confessed too. He was looking at me with a dumbfounded reaction written all over his face. He heard it all right. I looked down again and the next thing I know, I heard the door shut with a loud bang. I think I just got rejected. I laughed at my own misery and felt like I was losing my head. I was laughing and crying at the same time. But sooner the sobs were drowned by my crying.

                I did not know how long I was crying but it felt like hours already but it was only minutes. I heard the door open again. I did not bother to look who it was who came in for I was too busy drowning myself from the pain I was feeling. It felt like I was going to die for it hurts like hell.

                “Hyung! I’m sorry! I.. I didn’t mean to make you cry! I..” It was Seunghyun who came. Why did he come again if he’s going to leave me broken in pieces again?

                “Just go away for now Seunghyun. I know that it’s impossible for you to feel the same way anyway.  I just wanted to..” I wasn’t able to finish my sentence when he took me into his arms and hugged me tightly.

                “I’m sorry! I just got too excited so I left without saying a thing! I didn’t mean to make you cry!” He said, making confuse of everything right now.

                “What?” I asked him with great confusion as he hurriedly grabbed something from his pocket and showed the thing to me.

                “I went out to get this.” He was showing me a ring which I do not know what for. Is he getting married or what? Why is he showing me this? Is he enjoying the fact that I’m hurting because I’m in love with him? I pushed him away and cried harder than before. He panicked and tried to get me back in his arms which I greatly refused.

                “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?! I AM  HURT! OKAY! I GOT IT! YOU DO NOT LIKE ME, YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE SO WHY SHOW ME THAT RING?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!” I kept on crying. I did not know where all these tears were coming from but they kept on coming.

                “WHAT?! NO HYUNG! I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO! It’s just that you’re crying and stuff and I’m panicking because I’ve never seen you cry, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO! BUT I LOVE YOU!” He whined like a little kid who was trying to clear up a misunderstanding. I felt my sobs soften still unsure of what I’ve heard.

                “You… you love me too?” I was so afraid to ask this question because I might have heard wrong.

                “Yes hyung.  For a long time already.” He nodded and gave me a smile. I can see that he was blushing as he said those words and my cries were completely over and done by now. I was speechless again by the sudden turn of events. He kneeled down in front of me and showed me the ring again. this time, all I was feeling was plain HAPPINESS.

                “Will you be my boyfriend hyung?” He said those words with pure sincerity in his eyes and all I could do at that moment was nod and say yes.

                It was a real fairy tale, though it felt like I was the princess, it was still a happy ending after all.

                                                                                          author: so uhm what do you guys think?? xD