"Hey guys! Guess what I got!" Jungmin screeched, slamming through the door into the living room in a flurry of waving arms and excited smiles. His bandmates looked back at him with an odd expression on their faces, one that usually said "are you on drugs?". Jungmin had already gotten used to that look from them and thought it was their default facial expression. 

"Well what'd you get?" Yohan asked, peering up from the computer he was sharing with Seungkyu. The two had been locked in an hour long starwhals battle, and Jungmin's loud entrance had broken them out of their starwhals induced trance. 

"GUESS!" Jungmin yelled, wanting to ramp up the energy in the house. 

"Groceries?" Kwangyo offered, peering up from his sketchbook, and Jungmin repressed the urge to slam his head into a wall. Jungmin was never excited over groceries, but he was very excited now, couldn't they tell?

"New clothes?" Seungkyu asked, not the least bit interested in his computer game anymore. Jungmin's brand of crazy was always amusing to him. 

"A girlfriend?" Kuan asked, not even looking up from his finger-knitting, very well knowing that he was wrong. Jungmin lacked greatly in the lady skills department, and his girlfriends were few and far in between. Kwangyo shot him a look as if to say "yeah right". 

"A car? You've been saving up for one for a while." Inyeop stated, looking up from his novel. Nobody in Soul Connection was quite sure what Inyeop read, although each had their own guesses. Kwangyo claimed the elder was reading romance novels, while Yohan was quite sure Inyeop was reading horror books. Nobody dared check what he was actually reading in fear that it would mentally scar them. 

"YES! Now come see what it looks like!" Jungmin squealed, jumping up from the doorstep to drag Inyeop outside. Kuan quickly ran to lock the door, it was better to keep Jungmin outside and away from the valuables. 

"Dear lord." was all Inyeop could say when he saw Jungmin's car. It had seen better days to say the least. The car was an old van that had once been colorful, but was now a dingy off-white that was hard on the eyes. Inyeop was pretty sure he could see 'free candy' in faded spray-paint on the back, right above the trunk opening. In other words, Jungmin had bought a pedovan.

"See, look, my new car is beautiful, I'm gonna get all the chicks!" Jungmin grinned, pointing to the old, beat up van that practically screamed ''.

"You'll get all the police officers too." Inyeop added as he backed away from the car. Nothing good could ever come from that car. He walked back towards the house, eventually breaking into a run, slamming straight into the door. Hearing the thud, Yohan opened the door, yanked Inyeop inside, and relocked the door before anything else could happen. 

"It's a pedovan. He bought a pedovan." Inyeop mumbled, collapsing onto a rather displeased Kuan, who was in the middle of finger-knitting a scarf. 

"So he plans on getting chicks in it? He already had no chance before he got the ugly car." Kwangyo said, not even looking up from his sketchbook. 

"He likes girls? I always thought he was gay." Yohan questioned, fiddling with his fingers. 

"No one's gayer than Inyeop though." Seungkyu grinned, earning himself a high-five from Kwangyo and a frown from Inyeop, who was still on top of Kuan. 

"No, Jungmin's straight, he comes to me with all his lack-of-girl problems." Kuan said, not even bothering to look up from his long, pink finger-knitting scarf. 

Meanwhile....

"Aye girl, can I buy you a drink?" Jungmin said, manually rolling down his windows so he could get a better look at the girl. She was feminine in a short white dress and long wavy black hair. Definitely his type, though anything with two legs and no mustache was his type. 

"Ugh no! I'm married!" the lady screeched, running away in horror. Jungmin frowned, rolling his window up. Maybe hitting on girls by the park wasn't that good of an idea. He drove off to where the mall was. Yeah, that's where hot single chicks were, the mall must have at least one girl who's standards were low enough to date a man in a pedovan. 

"How you doin'?" Jungmin asked, feeling suave as he drove up behind a girl in a pink shirt and a pixie cut. He could go for a tomboy like that. 

"The ?!" the girl whipped around, revealing herself to be a very unhappy Heechul. Heechul, unfortunately for Jungmin, was pretty enough to be a girl but still had a . 

"S-sorry. Jungmin paled in fear, looking away. This was one scary girl. 

"I'm doing good!" Sohee said, popping up from behind Heechul. 

"Would you like to go out with me then?" Jungmin grinned, looking at the girl who looked a whole lot like that one guy from EXO. 

"She's mine." Heechul frowned, wrapping his arms around Sohee. 

"She's a lesbian?" Jungmin pouted. 

"I'm Heechul. I AM A MAN!" Heechul screamed, jumping up and down. Sohee rolled her eyes and held her boyfriend back, keeping him from keying Jungmin's car. 

"Oh, you're Heechul from Super Junior? I thought you were gay." Jungmin quickly rolled up his car window with the hand crank and sped off. 

Jungmin drove down to the farmer' market. Farmer's market girls should be nicer than girls at the mall, Jungmin thought to himself. Luckily for him there were plenty of cute girls walking around. He pulled up to one with big eyes with lots of eyeliner and smiled. "Hi!"

"Hi!" The girl waved. 

"You lonely?" Jungmin winked, being "suave". 

"Yeah, I haven't had a girlfriend in a while." The girl said, looking straight at Jungmin. 

"ING LESBIANS GODDAMN!" Jungmin screamed, turning his car off, hopping out of it and running away. 

A couple of rejections later Jungmin walked back to his car. He had tried picking up girls without the van but none of them seemed to want him. What had he done wrong? He sighed, dejected, and hung his head. He had given up. Walking forward he slammed into a short someone with even shorter hair. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" the person asked. They looked vaguely familiar, like Sohee from Wonder Girls, but Jungmin couldn't put his finger on who they were. 

"I'm lonely and I can't find a date." Jungmin sighed. 

"There there," the stranger said. "I'm single too. Why don't we exchange numbers and go on a date sometime?" 

Jungmin brightened up immediately. "Sure! I'm Jungmin!"

"Xiumin." the stranger replied. The two exchanged numbers and took a photo together. Jungmin walked back to his car with a pep in his step, his day a million times better. 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"GUESS WHO'S GETTING TONIGHT MOTHERERS?!?" Xiumin bellowed, running into the exo dorm. 

"You?" Sehun quipped. 

"Yeah! I met some poor desperate bloke who wants my ." Xiumin crowed, waking into his bedroom with an insane cackle. 

Meanwhile....

"GUYSGUYSGUYS! Guess what happened?" Jungmin skipped into the house, grinning brightly. 

"You got arrested?" Kwangyo scoffed. 

"No! I got this really cute Chinese girl's number! Her name's Xiumin." Jungmin yelled, waving his arms in the air. 

"Dude, Xiumin's a boys name. Like that guy in exo." Yohan said, patting Jungmin's back. 

"No, this was a girl, I swear! Here's the picture." Jungmin ed the photo into Yohan's face. Yohan's examined the photo. 

"That's Xiumin from exo. You're dating a man." Yohan's chuckled. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jungmin bellowed in despair, falling to his knees. 

-------
A/N

This was inspired by p3aceXl0vexsuju, who said Maslo would be the creeper type when hitting on girls. I took that idea and now look what happened. Comments are greatly appreciated, boo you silent readers.