~ Chapter Thirty-Eight: Frozen Heart ~

The Fallen

Random Rambles: A writer's block is threatening my right now, hope it won't affect the quality of this (short) chapter ^^; orz...

***

Everyone is always talking about their memories of a past life they once had, once upon a time. They'd talk about things that seemed very familiar to him, but were too far away for him to reach. There were distinct things they'd remember, emotions, feelings, thoughts, so different from one another, and yet, similar. There was a connection between them, individual memories that they shared together.

There was one thing that seemed consistent in all of their memories, which was a voice. A soothing, gentle voice that spoke to them. They didn't know who this voice was or why they were close, the voice was always there, and Xiumin cherished that voice.

For him, there was always only the cold. He never knew anything else. He'd always been quiet and reserved, up to the point that people avoided him because they thought he gave off a distant and mean aura. That was never his intention of course, he was shy and cold in nature. He never really understood why people associated bad things with the cold. He liked the cold, he liked the frost, he enjoyed winters, seeing the snow fall and create a white, peaceful world that made everything look so quiet and so big.

It didn't mean that he didn't like the warmth, it was just that he couldn't understand the warmth. In his memories, the only downside of being a child of winter was the fact that with cold sometimes came loneliness. He didn't mind at first, standing atop snowy mountains while the flurries of crystalized ice spun around him with the entire world at his feet. He liked being alone, in the precious cold. But then, he had to hear the voice.

Amongst the raging storm, past his blasts of ice and snow, sounded a voice of summer. It was out of place in his frosty kingdom and unfamiliar. He had no desire to listen to the voice, but he soon found himself enchanted by it. The voice filled his heart with a strange sensation that he had never experienced before. His heart was frozen and couldn't be thawed, but this voice managed to reach it.

Frozen hearts like yours are the warmest, did you know that? Covered in a frozen shell of ice to keep its bright, warm flame glowing strong. 

"I don't know anything of warmth." 

Except that you do. You know, more than anyone, the warmth you create by covering the world in ice. You bring people together. 

"Don't be ridiculous. My cold chases people away." 

Into each others' arms. They seek warmth with one another when it's too cold to walk alone in a world of winter. They share their warmth and company while marveling over the way how snow falls and how they laugh when they make snowangels or slide through powdery hills of white on sleds. You bring people together, so why should you only watch from a distance?

"What else is there for me to do?" 

Follow me. 

Xiumin had often wondered whether that voice had somehow belonged to Luhan since he felt that Luhan was somehow like spring, while he was winter. But the voice couldn't have been Luhan, because Luhan himself said that he remembered a gentle voice as well, and at that time, they reasoned, they couldn't have known each other- provided that their memories were real. 

Warmth, huh? he thought to himself as he looked up at the full moon above him, waiting with his brothers for Jae to arrive. He made himself comfortable on a fallen tree trunk, secluding himself from the others a bit so he could be alone with his thoughts. Xiumin felt his fingertips become pleasantly cold under his command, crystalized snowflakes twirling up slowly and gently into the sky. Was that what he felt when he saw Jae? When he found out that she was a wolf? 

He turned to look at his brothers, fooling around, making him feel embarrassed. He watched at the rowdy pack, grinning silently whilst looking at cold breeze that swirled around his hands. Stealthily, he blew the frosty air towards them, watching as they shivered and startled at the sudden cold, rubbing their arms and quickly grabbed a flustered Chanyeol, whose naturally warm body heat served as a gigantic hot pack. Xiumin laughed quietly to himself at seeing them attempting to shield away from the cold. He liked the weather better when it was cooler anyway. 

Xiumin blinked when from next to him a stray dog had appeared, whimpering a little as it approached. Tilting his head to the side he scanned the dog and looked around if maybe it happened to have an owner. It was a rottweiler, which he found peculiar since these dogs don't usually walk around freely without the dog catcher getting to them eventually. He looked over at his brothers, but they were too busy talking and fooling around, as usual. 

"Where did you come from?" he asked the dog, after sensing no harm from it. The dog whimpered a little when Xiumin outstretched his hand and the youth immediately retracted it. "Oh, right, sorry. Everyone always complains that my hands are cold," he felt a little silly conversing to a dog, but then again, they were kind of like cousins, weren't they? He shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, glancing to the side when the rottweiler approached him with more confidence now and started sniffing at him. 

"What do you want, boy?" he asked, leaning back when the dog growled at him. "Oh, excuse me, girl," he apologized, chuckling a little when he looked at the dog. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of remind me of someone I know. I thought she was a boy too, at first," he spoke quietly. "I don't have any food with me, if that's what you're looking for," he continued, not even shivering when the cold wind blew past, but the dog whimpered and instinctively moved to Xiumin's feet. There, she sat down and comfortably wriggled her head underneath his arm to settle on his lap. She knocked his hand out of his pocket in the process, causing Xiumin to hover his hand awkwardly over her head. 

"You're not going to get warmer there," he said, the dog only looking up at him with dark eyes. As if sensing his discomfort, she lifted her snout and his hand, as if she was saying that it was okay for him to pet her. "You're only going to get colder," he mused, gently petting her head, but the dog seemed perfectly content. He was a bit surprised when the dog didn't flinch at his touch. Maybe animals were different in their senses than humans? He smiled as he scratched the dog behind the ear, his brothers still unaware of the new guest. They'd started playing some kind of game to kill the time, but Xiumin was fine sitting where he was with his new and pleasantly silent companion. He looked up at the moon again, not caring if his eyes shone red. He closed them to enjoy the light of the moon, the cool air, and the refreshing scent of jasmine- wait

Xiumin blinked his eyes open when he felt the dog moving and saw her looking behind her, getting to her feet. "Oh, Jae-sshi," he saw the girl running towards him and she greeted him with a shy wave. The others hadn't seen her yet, but Xiumin didn't turn to call them. Not yet. In the moonlight, he could still see the light blushes on her face due to running. 

"Hello, Xiumin-oppa," she said politely, her eyes glancing over to his brothers who were busy with their childish game and Xiumin was thankful that he didn't participate when he caught the look of confusion on Jae's face. She shook her head and walked over to him instead, causing him to freeze up a moment - no pun intended.

"Sorry, I'm a little late, I had to wait until my mom went to her room-, oh. Who's this?" she asked, kneeling down when the stray rottweiler walked towards her meekly, waggling her tail in enthusiasm as Jae petted her.

"Actually, I'm not quite sure. I think she's a stray," he answered while he watched the interaction. The dog greeted her as though she was an old friend and she was so calm and meek under Jae's touch. He noted how she appeared to have that same kind of effect on his brothers. For him, it was a little different. While usually he was uncomfortable around people he didn't know very well, he somehow didn't have that feeling around her.  

"A stray? Aw, I thought that maybe she was your dog," she commented, a smile on her lips as the dog her hands. "She's very friendly. And she seems to like you a lot, oppa," she said, right as the dog walked over towards him again. 

"Oh, yeah, I don't know why, though," he cleared his throat, petting the dog carefully and swallowing when Jae sat beside him on the fallen tree trunk. 

"Maybe she wants you to adopt her," she mused, petting the dog as well. Their hands touched by accident and Xiumin quickly retracted his hand. 

"S-sorry," he muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets automatically. The rottweiler whimpered, as though she didn't approve of him hiding his hands. 

"It's okay, oppa," she said, looking guilty as though she had just done something to offend him, which wasn't the case at all of course. 

"My hands are cold," he tried to elaborate, but couldn't find the words. He wasn't one for speaking much to begin with. He'd rather have his actions do the talking instead. 

"Really? Well, it is rather chilly tonight..." she trailed off, lost in thought. "Oh! I think one of the convenience stores might still be open. If you don't mind waiting, I could get you a hot pack, oppa?" she said in her naiveness and it actually made Xiumin chuckle. 

"No, there's no need, thanks. I always have cold hands. Comes with a frozen heart," he attempted to joke, taken aback when he saw the look of surprise and concern on Jae's face. 

"Frozen heart?" she asked, looking at his hands that were hidden in the pockets of his hoodie. 

Xiumin smiled, looked around a moment and slowly removed his hands from his clothing and pressed them together. Jae gasped in awe when a cloud of white snow surrounded his hands and when he separated them, a perfect heart floated on the palm of his hand, made out of crystalized ice. "Frozen heart," he said, showing it to a stunned Jae.

"Wow, you have the ability to freeze things?" she whispered, her voice a mix of fascination and utter bewilderment. It looked like she had paled a little, but then gathered her wits about her when he nodded in response to her question. 

"Well, that's- uh- cool," she chuckled a little shyly at the pun. "Sorry, that was lame," she shook her head out of embarrassment and focused on petting the happy-go-lucky dog that sat in between them instead. Xiumin found himself smiling. 

"You know, they say that people with cold hands have warm hearts," she suddenly commented. 

Xiumin chuckled and shook his head. "Not me. Trust me. My heart is as cold as the ice I make," he didn't look at her, but he caught the dog looking nearly accusingly at him.

"No, it's not," Jae snorted. "If that was really true this dog wouldn't have taken a liking to you. Dogs have good instincts, they can tell good people from the bad, those with warmth in their hearts and those without," she nodded in confidence, the dog sticking out her tongue on cue, panting as she enjoyed being petted so much. When Jae looked at him, she smiled and in a flash he saw the brief image of something new. A new memory?  

Eleven faces were smiling at him, all of them bathing in the orange glow of the setting sun. It was the first time that he didn't have to be lonely and it was the first time that his smile beamed the brightest.

"Xiumin-oppa, are you alright?" Jae asked and he blinked at her.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he assured, though a heavy stone seemed to have settled in his stomach. "Hey, it's alright if you just call me Xiumin, by the way. You don't call Luhan and Kris oppa either, do you?" he said instead, wanting to change the topic.

Jae blushed a little again and she nodded. "Yeah, I probably should, but- I don't want to with the two of them," she admitted sheepishly. "If you really don't mind though, I'd be comfortable calling you Xiumin, provided you just call me Jae," she compromised and agreed readily to that. 

The dog seemed to have caught on that they've reached some form of understanding and barked in response. This caught the attention of his brothers and Xiumin calmly turned towards them, saluting them. 

"Yah! Xiumin-hyung, why didn't you tell us Jae-noona already arrived?" Chen complained as they walked towards them. 

"You seemed to have so much fun playing tag that I didn't want to disturb you," Xiumin replied easily, knowing it would make them feel embarrassed in front of Jae, who smirked at seeing their reddening faces. 

"Hmhm, sure that was the reason," Luhan quipped and then jerked his head towards the dog. "You found yourself a girlfriend, Baozi-ge?" he teased. 

"What if I did? Are you jealous?" Xiumin prompted not wanting to lose face in front of Jae who had been smiling all this time. 

"Glad you could make it, noona, we thought you wouldn't show up," Tao then interjected, smiling pleasantly at her. 

"Oh, yeah, sorry to have kept you waiting," she apologized. 

"That's okay, we weren't worried or anything," D.O. stated coolly, though Xiumin suspected that D.O. had actually been worrying all along. "Are you cold? The air is chilly tonight," he then remarked after seeing her shiver slightly. Xiumin had automatically shuffled slightly away from her, feeling responsible if she did feel cold. 

"No, I'm good, thanks," she stated simply, and it looked like she was telling the truth. But how? She must be feeling a little bit cold for hanging around me...

"Are you sure, noona? I could warm you up if you want," Chanyeol offered, snapping his fingers as though he was holding a cigarette lighter and a small flame was born on his fingertips. 

"Yeah, definitely sure," she quickly answered. "I'm good, really," she assured. "So, can we get started or are we waiting for something specific?" 

"Not here. We'll talk where it's more quiet," Suho instructed. He started talking and Xiumin watched as Jae did her best to follow everything Suho was saying, but then Xiumin's eyes traveled from her to each of his brothers' faces. Those eleven smiles he had seen, had belonged to them. Eleven plus himself made a grand total of twelve people. He couldn't help but think about what Kai had said this afternoon, about how thirteen of them didn't make any sense. 

Jae was supposed to be one of them, wasn't she? So how come she wasn't there in his memory? His eyes trailed down to the rottweiler, who simultaneously looked back up to him, as if she could sense his restlessness as well. 

"Xiumin, are you coming?" Luhan called, bringing him back to earth. "Come on, let's go. Leave your girlfriend for now, you can look her up later," he teased before darting off into the woods with everyone else. 

"Oh...ah!" Xiumin got to his feet when he realized that during his daydreaming, the others had gone off ahead of him. The rottweiler was inclined to follow him, but Xiumin couldn't take the dog with him for obvious reasons. "Sorry, girl, but you'll have to stay here. You can't come along," he ordered, petting her one more time for good measure before running off. 

He briefly turned to look over his shoulder and saw the rottweiler still watching him leave. She then laid down near the tree trunk, giving the impression that she'd wait for him. 

The cold you create spreads warmth in the hearts of all others. This way, you won't have to be lonely anymore. There are eleven others like you. They're your brothers and they're waiting for you. 

Eleven brothers. So, then, what happened to the thirteenth sister? 

Xiumin felt the fire that was burning in his heart as he sped up to keep track with the others. A fire he knew was awakened by the warmth he felt coming from Jae. He didn't know who she was or how she was connected to him and his brothers. But he knew that he wanted to find out. Who was she, the one that was responsible for thawing his frozen heart? 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Nin-Nin
Hi guys~ my first original ebook is available on Amazon and I'm having a lot of feels. If you have the time, check out my previous blog post for more details - I'd appreciate the support <3 Thank you and have a lovely weekend! Love, Nin-Nin

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Wanderer_bj
#1
I don't even know how many times I have read this.😍
BeckyBooGirl
#2
Chapter 4: This is one of my favorite exo fanfic. I have read this story 5 or 6 times already and still love it like i did when I first read it❤
InspiritCarolyn
#3
This is one of those fics I can come back to again and again without getting tired of re-reading it. Each time I read it, I love it the same as the first time.
aonani_k
#4
Chapter 109: I finished it once again and as before, I enjoyed reading such a great story. Hope all is well. :)
aonani_k
#5
Chapter 2: It's been years since I read the story and today I just felt like re-reading it! Glad it's still here. :)
Sehixneeo
#6
Chapter 109: Argh, I will never ever forget this story. Ever. 🥺💛
Jaerin
#7
Chapter 109: This story will always be one of my favorite, a masterpiece 🤧💞❤️
Pxnellyxq #8
Chapter 107: WHAT IM LEGITIMATELY SHOCKED AND TEARING UP
Pxnellyxq #9
Chapter 100: why is the white wolf making me feel emotional :///
Pxnellyxq #10
Chapter 61: Stinky kumiho