Lasting Memory
I Think of You
"I Think of You"
A short story about his and her circumstances.
by lee-chan
Lasting Memory
I used to not think of her so often, she was just like a thought that would pass me by.
Like a passing memory.
Nothing important.
But she left me one odd memory.
It was her clothes.
She wasn't like most trendy Japanese girls I've seen in my life time.
She was weird.
I live in a world filled with lights and beautiful people.
I was used to seeing beautiful things.
But hers..
They were dull and most of the time absurd.
A pity though, behind her weird fashion sense I could see her beauty.
But that was all.
That lasting memory.
An unimportant one.
And so it seems.
xx-xx
I never really cared for people who were accquaintances of mine.
These were people, were like passing time.
You meet them, then you forget them eventually.
And return being strangers.
I have met so many people in my life and I'm only 20.
So to truly care for them is a one time matter.
That moment in time when you meet them.
But what was it like to care for her?
I have met her so many times.
We talk, but never for too long.
When did that start?
Yes.
It was when I saw her cry one day.
She never showed any signs of weakness in front of me.
She was always strong and so smart.
A university student in a prestigious school.
Her intelligence sometimes scares me as much as it fascinates me.
But people always are weak.
I'm weak, no matter how many thousands may claim to love me.
I get frustrated because of school and work.
Because of lack of sleep.
Because of the lines I have to memorize, or I have make up classes.
Or be in Nagoya today then fly to Sapporo the next day.
Sometimes I want to throw my things and bump my head against the wall.
I need to smile, force myself to smile no matter how tired I am.
But what is her weakness?
I never knew, never cared until one day.
One day, she just simply cried.
xx-xx
The power of tears.
It moves you completely.
It breaks barriers you set so high.
It makes you human.
This made her human. Her tears, the pain. The sorrow.
She was still broken inside.
No matter how strong I thought she was.
Her heart gave in.
She was craddled in my arms, weeping.
Her tears warm against his clothes.
She cried not only for the physical pain, but for the sorrow of something lost.
But I was in pain, physically. I have a bruise somewhere in my body.
She is also bleeding.
We probably both are.
Not long ago, there was a car accident.
I woke up in a car, with her driving.
Then it crashed.
After her tears and rumblings, she lost consciousness to my horror.
I thought she would have died that moment.
I felt my tears, the fear of losing this person.
She woke up a day after in the hospital.
She meets the person, the source of her sorrow. I stand idle, outside of the room nursing what seems to be a broken heart.
I fell in love.
I am in love.
Her tears, showed me her real true self.
xx-xx
How do you define love combine with longing?
I think of her more often than I should.
Not just passing thoughts anymore.
But something more embedded in my mind.
I began to notice the little things about her. The way she bites her lower lip, or how she folded her fingers when she was anxious.
The tired look of her eyes after a long day in school.
The softness of her hair.
Her lips.
Her eyebrows.
The way she rolled her eyes.
Almost about everything.
My world towards hers seems magnified in ways I cannot fathom.
I think of her and love her in ways I could not understand.
Being who I am, I have almost everything.
But this sort of freedom..when can I truly achieve it?
Maybe never.
Or.
How do I love her?
What do I do?
I am almost 21 years old now.
And everytime I meet her I am wary and slowly becoming uncomfortable.
She looks oh so different in my eyes now.
And that beating heart inside of me, it does not stop.
No matter how I deny it.
So I embrace it with open arms, this unwanted feeling.
It was more troublesome to ignore it anyway.
But she is so hard to love.
To think of her is easy.
But to love someone like that, its quiet difficult.
So I cherish the small moments we have together.
I find myself staring at her longer when she isn't looking.
And when we aren't together, I long for her so badly.
I try not to call her, nor send her a message.
She is keen, she can strip me off my emotions once I make a move.
That I am afraid.
But I am tired.
What future do we both hold?
Being who you are and who I am.
We live in two extreme worlds.
I who is known by almost everyone, you being someone important.
How do we do this?
How do I keep you?
How?
xx-xx
I have to tell her.
I would rather live through my days knowing what her reaction would be rather than regretting not knowing anything.
I do not want to live with questions all my life.
An answer is what I need.
I remember that day.
Windy day, my usually primp and proper hair is blown into several direction. But I do not need to look my best.
She has seen me in my worst.
Bloody and almost in the brink of exhaustion.
She was standing in front of me, her hair in utter disarray.
I have memorize countless lines in my life as an actor.
But nothing would prepare you for real life.
The rawness of everything.
I said those words.
It came out so awkwardly. Maybe I'd laugh at myself if I listen to it.
But there it was.
The simple, I like you.
After I said this I gave her something.
She took it quietly and stared for it for a long time.
Within those seconds, I stared at her face.
Studying it so intensely.
This girl who in my eyes had grown so beautiful and so strong.
Then her eyes meets mine.
I took a deep sharp breath.
They look different now.
Like..
She was seeing me for the first time.
Then that smile.
A little happy, a little sad.
Something in between.
Then she said something.
After that day, everything becomes hazy.
xx-xx
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