It's better to breath in poison than it is to swallow it. It's what everyone said nowdays. Swallowing poison wasn't the way to kill yourself. You could taste the death in it, lurking in the bitterness of the pill. You felt it slipping down your throat, sinking into your stomach. You know that soon the toxin would destroy you from the inside out. Everyone in the City knew that, it was the unspoken reason why no one bought Iradec Pills anymore. 

    Pills were out. Breathing in the drug was better. You didn't even have to think about it. All you had to do was turn on the little black box that despensed the smoke and inhale. Inhale, Exhale. All it was was smoke. Harmless, helpful smoke, twisting and turning into surreal visions. Inhale, Exhale. In, out. 

     In.

     Out. 

     In. 

     Out.

    Can't you feel yourself die a little with each breath?

    Xiumin stared at the cracked, peeling ceiling. He sighed, turning his head to peer into the dimly lit room. His family's apartment was tiny, only a single room. Grime was everywheren, coating whatever meager belongings his family hadn't pawned off in a layer of filth. Xiumin crinkled his nose, trying to block out the smoke that drifted throughout the room and out the window. 

     Xiumin pulled his blanket up over his head. He didn't want to look anymore. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend it didn't exist. That his family still lived in the tiny shop. That was a long, long time ago. Sometimes Xiumin tried to remember it. The days when the smoke cleared enough to see the sky, when his family sold Baozi Buns out of their shop. He didn't remember it well, never sure what was real and what he had made up. He supposed it didn't matter. 

    Beside him, his little brother began coughing in his sleep. Xiumin rolled over, trying to comfort Luhan. The smoke was bad enough for adults, but they at least kind of had a choice in it. Children were caught up in it, breathing in the Iradec drug without a thought. In them, the effects of it were more obvious, coming sooner. 

     Iradec kills. Still no one cared. 

     "Sh...." he whispered, Luhan's hair. "Sh....."

     The younger boy whimpered, clinging to Xiumin's fingers. His face twisted up like he was going to cry. Xiumin held his breath. While their dad was too far gone to care about noises, anything louder than a mouse (and there were few of those still alive within the City) made their mom sit up and scream at them. On occasion she even threw things. 

     But Luhan didn't cry. His face relaxed as Xiumin his head. The boy sighed and fell asleep again. Xiumin took off his blanket, wrapping it around Luhan. He was careful to pull the fabric over his mouth, providing some kind of filter against the smoke pouring from the black vent system that stood ominously in the corner. Xiumin's dad, his mom, and two grandfathers lay around it, trying to push their faces closer to the vent. Every time Xiumin saw them, he wanted to cry. 

    Xiumin kissed Luhan on the forehead and stood up. "I'm leaving," he whispered into the silence. No one answered. Xiumin opened the door and fled out of the apartment. 

     Outside was better. Smoke still poured from everywhere, but the Iradec was mixed with the grimey smoke of the City's factories. It made it easier to breath. So Xiumin took in a deep breath, wondering where'd he go. No one regulated who went where, as long as he stayed away from the Police, the crazies, and the Wall sectioning off the Lower Section from the Upper, he'd be fine. 

     "Escaped?" came a quiet voice. Xiumin turned, waving a 'hello' as he recongized Chen. The taller boy crept out of the shadows, hunched over with his hands shoved into the pockets of his large coat. 

     "Yeah," Xiumin said. "I couldn't take it in there anymore."

    "Family stuck on their shiny black box?" Chen asked bitterly. Xiumin nodded. Chen's family had been among the first to recieve the Iradec system from the Government. They'd died within months, addicated to the drug that was turning them into living skeletons. Among them was his older sister, a frail girl who was going to be married soon. She died and Chen kept the grudge. 

     Chen sighed, taking Xiumin's hand. They walked through the streets of the Lower Section. Well most people were inside their homes or shops, the homeless ghosted around. They were filthy and underfed, scrounging around for anything Iradec to feed their addiction. 

     "Look at them," Chen said. "Wallowing in the dirt, so hooked on drugs they don't care they're starving. It's sick."

     Xiumin bit his lip, nodded yes. He didn't like looking at them. The homeless were everywhere, increasing every day as the Government brought in the refugees from the outlaying lands. Things weren't helped after they sealed off the Lower Section from the Upper Section, flooding the Lower Section with the filth. Apparently people with money got to stay home and get high, while the rest of them scavanged for whatever they could live off of. 

    "If they were smart enough," Chen continued. "They'd be over on Sileck's Street. Word on the street is that the Police are bringing in a new Shipment of Iradec tonight."

    Xiumin kept walking. He knew the Government supplied them with the drugs. That was no secret, but it still made his stomach churn at the sight of Policemen throwing out packages of poison to people. While there were thousands of drugs and medicines, Iradec was the only one everyone wanted. During the War, Iradec was created to keep prisoners of war from rioting in the packed jails. It worked, keeping the men fueled on visions and addiction. After the War ended, they were executed, and the City was out of money and filling up with refugees with no home to go back to. 

     Suddenly Iradec wasn't just a drug used in prison. It was spread everywhre, first in pill form. They promised it was an escape, something that worked. And it did. The stuff was so addictive even the Wealthy were hooked on it now. In the span of ten years, Iradec went from being an experimental prison drug to something people needed more than food. 

     Chen stopped, slipping his hand out from Xiumin's grasp. He said a quiet 'good-bye', and left. Xiumin had the sneaking suspicion he was going to see if he could start a riot over on Selick's Street. It seemed like something he'd to just to see the Police screaming in panic as the people tore each other apart for Iradec. Xiumin didn't bother following him. If Chen wanted him there, he'd have brought him with. Sighing, Xiumin began to wander the Lower Section by himself. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

      Totally lost in thought, Xiumin wandered without aim. Time passed and he ignored it as the lights grew dimmer, eerily illuminating the streets. Suddenly he stopped, looking up and around. It was late, much later than he thought it was. A chilling feeling run up his spine, causing him to shake slightly. Where am I? Xiumin searched for a street sign. There wasn't one, but the nearby wall of violent graffiti told him everything he needed to know. Xiumin wasn't in a good place to be after dark. 

     Backing up, Xiumin tried to retrace his steps. He didn't know where he was, or how he got there. Panic began to rise. I need to think! He moved off the street, crouching in an alley and out of the light. He had a creeping feeling someone was watching him. Xiumin didn't see anyone, but that didn't mean they weren't out there. Trying to not breath heavily, he hugged his knees to his chest. Stop and THINK. 

      Take a breath, take a deep breath. Inhale, exhale. 

      In, out. In, out. 

      In. 

     Out. 

     "What you doing pretty boy?"

     Xiumin bolted. A hand clamped down on his arm, roughly jerking him back. Searing pain shot through his arm, forcing tears out of his eyes. Xiumin gave a cry. Everything was a spinning rush and he couldn't see where he was going. Another hand grapped his free arm, dragging him to an abrupt stop. 

     Terrified, Xiumin looked up. Two men, covered in mud and dried blood held on to him. They grinned, showing blackened teeth. Xiumin shrunk back, whimpering. They smelled like Iradec, like filth and smoke. Glancing down, Xiumin saw silver glint in the their jacket. They had guns. 

     "Don't," Xiumin said. He was surprised by how steady his voice came out. It gave him more courage. "Don't you dare."

     "Don't do what?" one asked, laughing coarsely. "You scared of something? Just-"

     CRACK!

     Letting out a blood-curtling scream, the man hit the ground. A black blur rushed by, striking out at the other man. A dull thud echoed through the alley. The man groaned, falling beside his friend. Xiumin didn't stop to think. He staggered backwards, trying to regain his balance. I need to get out of- Something caught him from behind. Xiumin was forcefully spun around, finding himself face to face with a black mask. I'm going to die. 

     "Don't be scared," the figure said. The mask was pulled off, revealing a man with short black hair covering part of his eyes. Xiumin was surprised by how young he was. Young, but with the look of someone who killed without a thought. The man's clothes were dark and edgy, with black metal glinting in the dark. "I'm Tao," he said, smiling. 

     The smile set off a warning bell. Xiumin stammered over his words, twisting helplessly in the hold of the taller one. "I-I-I-I'm...." he stuttered. Don't let him know your name....He's bad, bad, bad....

     "What is it?" Tao asked, pulling Xiumin closer to him. He leaned down, pressing his body to Xiumin's. His face leaned forward, nearly touching his. Xiumin's senses were overloaded. Too close! He's too close!  "What's your name?" Tao asked. 

     Don't! Screamed the voice. 

     "Xiumin," he whispered. Tao's eyes gleamed. 

    "Xiumin?" he said. "Pretty name." He moved back slightly, holding on to Xiumin's shoulders. His grip was like iron, telling Xuimin he wasn't going anywhere. "Xiumin," Tao said. "I think I have something for you. Something you're going to want."

    That was the danger. Xiumin looked away, heart racing. Tao was a dealer, someone the Government paid to keep the low-life happy with being low-life. A dealer was how his family fell apart, promising them things would get better. It's medicine, he had whispered. Medicine to help all this go away. It wasn't medicine and it didn't make anything better. 

      Tao was what killled Xiumin's family. 

      Xiumin stared at the ground, tears stinking his eyes. "Thank you for saving me," he whispered. "I don't want any Iradec."

     Tao laughed, letting him go. Here Xiumin should have run away. He should have taken his chances elsewhere, but he didn't. He was tired, tired of the smoke, the drugs and the filthiness. He turned to go, moving slowly. 

    "But it's not Iradec," Tao called after him. 

     Xiumin stopped. "What?"

     Tao walked out of the alley, joining him under the street lamp. "This, this is better than Iradec." He fished something out of his pocket. Xiumin stared curiously at it, seeing it was tiny and silver. Tao held it up to the light, uncurling his fist. He held a vial, a tiny silver vial filled with a glimmering, purple liquid. 

     Xiumin's heart raced, threatening to stop altogether. "What, what is that?" he asked, entranced by the shimmering vial. He couldn't look away, his gaze riveted on it. Tao smiled, turning it slowly in the dim light. 

    "It's Nysim," he said. "Not even the cops have it, too rare even for them."

    Xiumin swallowed. "What does it do?" he asked, trying to sound braver than he felt.

    Tao smirked, hiding the vial in his fist again. "It doesn't kill you if that's what you're thinking. I told you this isn't Iradec. Iradec is the that the Government pumps into the Lower Section to stop people from asking why the Upper Section has food and they don't. The punch line is that it's crept into the Upper Section too. Now the rich need it too, gets them high and happy. All from the comfort of their own homes." 

    "I-I....." Xiumin trailed off. Tao's eyes gleamed, a dark smile spreading across his face. Suddenly he looked just as threatening as he had when he had Xiumin in his grasp. 

    "Iradec," Tao continued. "That stuff numbs the pain, tricks the mind into thinking you're happy with your ed up life. It hides reality. Nysim takes away your reality altogether."

     Xiumin's mind was in a whirl. Take away reality? What can do that? Nothing....can it? He took a halfhearted step back, feeling as if his soul was tearing. Everything told him to run, to get the hell out of there. Danger, danger, danger.....run, get out, run away! But Xiumin stood still. He didn't breathe as he stared at Tao's closed fist. 

     "Nysim doesn't dull reality," Tao continued. "It wipes away memories. It's like amnesia, but you are still you. You don't miss the memories, there's no gaping hole to be filled. You don't even think about, that the memories are gone." An almost wild look lit up his face. "Imagine starting over, beginning a new life without the old one dragging you down."

     Tao stopped. He stared at Xiumin from the corner of his dark eyes. Xiumin trembled slightly, not knowing why. 

    "A new life," Tao whispered, his voice rough and deep. "Nothing old, nothing broken, nothing dirty staining it." He opened his fist, offering the vial to him. "All you have to do is take it."

     Xiumin didn't know, but he had stopped breathing. The swirling emotions were gone, replaced a dead stillness. Silence hung over the two, the only sound being Tao's slow breathing. Xiumin blocked the sound out, his attention fixed on the vial. The tiny tube of liquid that offered him a chance out. He could take it, he could do it....But how could he? His heart felt like someone was squeezing it in two. Pressing it tighter and tighter until his lungs burned. I, I want out....I can't go back to that apartment. 

     "Does it hurt?" he whispered. "What happens after the memories are gone?"

    "It doesn't hurt," Tao reassured him. "You swallow it, you begin to feel....different. You feel quiet, and numb and then you blink. Once your eyes open you're someone else. Someone else with no baggage." He glanced at the smokey layer of air above them. "Take it," he urger. "Don't you want to get out of here?"

      I don't want to hurt. I don't want to hurt. I want to leave the poison behind...

     Shaking violently, Xiumin stretched out his hand. Tao's smile grew wider, his eyes narrowing. He placed the vial in Xiumin's hand, closing his fist around it. He held his hand for a moment, it gently. A slight squeeze, and he let go. Xiumin began to breath again, his trembling hand clenched around the liquid. 

     "Drink it," Tao said, creeping closer. "Leave this toxic world behind."

      Toxic, that was the word to descibe Xiumin's world. Toxic, posoin spilling from the vents fixed in everyone's homes, spilling out into the streets and covering the entire City. Poison filled his lungs, filled his life, killing his chances at anything other than wasting into a skeleton like the rest of his family. That was Xiumin's greatest fear. That he would be trapped in the addiction that was Iradec. That he'd be left scrounging in the dirt for Iradec Pills thrown away by people with the vent system....

     Toxic. Poison seeping through him until there was nothing left. Xiumin felt a tear roll down his cheek. Would this work?

     "Choose," Tao said. "People would kill for this."

     Xiumin looked at the vial. Something was hidden in the back of his mind, something screaming at him to stop. Remember, it cried. Remember, remember. Slowly Xiumin unscrewed the lid off. He dropped it to the ground with a dull 'thud'. What about him? Xiumin don't....Staring at liquid, Xiumin held it up the light. It glowed, swishing back and forth. Remember, remember. It was enchanting, every bit as intoxicating as Iradec. 

     Except this got him out. 

     Don't do it. He's lying. 

     "CHOOSE," Tao growled. "Now."

     I want out of this hell.

      Xiumin closed his eyes and swallowed the contents of the vial in one shot. Immediately his world spun out of control. He staggered backwards, dropping the vial to the ground. He reached out for support, trying to fight off the shadows. They crept closer and closer, confusing Xiumin. He should be panicking, but he couldn't remember why....There was something else. Remember what? A little boy, with big eyes and a blanket. He was....he was sleeping? Xiumin frowned, not able to remember anything else. Wasn't the little-what? What I'm I thinking about? 

       Xiumin shook his head, clearing away the vague picture. So tired....so, so tired...He gave up and closed his eyes, remembering no more. 

  ___________________________________________________________________________

       Tao rushed to catch Xiumin as he fell. He carefully cradled the boy's head, lowering him to the ground. His heart raced, unable to comprehend what he had just done. He trembled, brushing Xiumin's hair away from his eyes. Tao hadn't been sure the memory wipe would be painless. The new strain of Nysim was rumored to be much, much better than the original strain he had seen, but Nysim rumors were hard to find and even harder to prove. Tao shook the thought away, leaning over Xiumin. He watched the boy's chest rise up and down, breathing peacefully. 

     He sighed. Tao was lonely, so ing lonely he could kill somebody. He came from the Upper Section. The son of politicion who rolled in wealth and power. Everyone thought Tao would be like that. Ruthless and cunning. Tao laughed mentally. He was like that, just a little too ruthless. Tao was born cruel. If you asked him, he would tell you he was born normally and twisted by his power hungry family. 

     After his dad had sworn to 'fix' him of his mental unstability, locking him up in that God-forsaken tower, Tao had thought he'd lost it. He was going to go insane. The drugs they pumped into his veins weren't helping, they made things worse. Tao had become lonely, violent, almost pyschotic. A side effect, the doctor told him. Nothing I can do. Tao had ripped apart the faucility, nearly killing himself and the doctor. Eventually he'd snapped and fled, running away at night to get rid of the visions. Running helped, but not for long. He'd always return home, sneaking in even though everyone in the house knew he'd been gone. No one said a word and pretended he was fine. He'd thought he'd go insane, the burning pain tearing him into a million pieces. 

     Then he found Xiumin. Tao remembered the day he'd seen the boy, it was burned into his memory like nothing else was. Xiumin had been crying, curled up tightly in the alleyway outside his apartment. Tao had seen people cry before, that was nothing new. Usually he didn't care. This time he wanted nothing more than to climb down the building and scoop the boy up. To kiss away his tears and hold him until the boy couldn't breath. 

    But he hadn't, and Xiumin had stood up and left after the young one called him up. Tao wished he'd done it there. Months of following Xiumin and he never seemed to be alone. He was in his apartment, surrounded by family, or out on the streets surrounded by people who'd mob them on the promise of drugs. Even worse, sometimes Xiumin was out and with the boy. Tao didn't know his name and he didn't care. Whoever he was, he was dangerous and needed to vanish. 

     But Tao had found Xiumin alone and by some miracle he'd taken the Nysim. 

     Now all that was left was to make sure the boy didn't run away to the life he'd promised. God that would ing kill me...I'd kill myself if he ever slipped away...

      Xiumin moaned, face twisting as he whimpered. Tao caught his breath, hovering over him. Xiumin's eyelashes fluttered and his breathing become steadier. Tao didn't take his eyes off him, his skin crawling with need. 

      Don't you dare leave me...

     Xiumin opened his eyes. Coughing, he struggled to sit up. Tao rushed to help him, wrapping his arms around the boy. Xiumin blinked, looking around him in confusion. "Where am I?" he asked. 

     Tao's heart skipped a beat. He needed to talk, to convince Xiumin everything was alright. "We're in the Lower Section," he said, straining to make his voice sound relaxed and friendly. "I'm Tao, and you are....Xiumin. You remember that?"

      A painful moment passed, a moment where Tao thought Xiumin would recoil from him, standing up and running away. Then Xiumin (Tao had taken a chance in using his real name, but he couldn't help it) smiled. "Oh yeah, I'm Xiumin....I think I remember that part." 

     Tao helped him up, brushing the dirt off of him. I need to get him new clothes, new clothes that are clean, pretty like him. He returned Xiumin's smile, almost stunned by how well the Nysim worked. His drug experience had been painful, done with needles and screaming. He hadn't trusted the dealer he'd stripped the vial off of. But the man had sworn on his life that the victim's mind would accept whatever suggestions were immediately given to them. Tao, as he watched the dealer's life drain away with the blood on the concrete, didn't know if it would work. 

      But it had. He's mine...

      Tao and Xiumin began to walk down the street. Moving slowly becasue Xiumin was still dizzy. Tao placed an arm around him, supporting him. "Are you okay?" he asked, pulling him close to his side. Xiumin shrugged, rubbing his head absent mindedly. 

     "I'm okay," he said, frowning. The confusion came back, clouding his face. "Tao are we...What are we..." Xiumin blinked rapidly. "Are we okay?" he finished lamely, as if he couldn't ask the question he wanted to. 

    The warning signs went off, causing Tao to tighten his grip. Something was snapping inside of Tao. The fear of being alone came crashing back, twisting his mind. Tao forced a smile.

    "Everything is fine Xiumin. You and I, we love each other and we're fine."

     Xiumin tensed. Then he relaxed and smiled. He twisted to he could look at Tao's face as they walked. "I do love you Tao," he said. Oh how Tao waited to hear that....he wanted to hear that so much he was ready to kill Xiumin's family in order to hear those words....

     "Are you okay Tao?" Xiumin asked, his voice worried. Tao nodded, the smile returning to his face. 

     "I'm okay," he said, pressing his lips against Xiumin's forehead. "This neighborhood's getting old though. Let's jump the Gate and hit the Upper Section...." Away from everything you know. Away from anything that could take you away from me. 

     Xiumin nodded, oblivious. He smiled, grasping Tao's hand as they walked. "Hey Tao?" he asked. 

     "Hmmmm?" he replied warily, squeezing Xiumin's hand. 

      "You'll never take Iradec right?"

      "Iradec?" Tao asked, voice quiet and uncertain. "No, I never will....why?"

     Xiumin shrugged. "I don't know....it's just I think I knew someone who took it..." He peered up at Tao. "But I think I lost them, a long, long time ago."

     Tao pressed Xiumin to him, refusing to look him in the eye. "Don't worry, I'll never take the stuff. Too posionous for me...We're going to the Upper Section, to my house. You haven't been there....it'll be new for you."

     Xiumin shivered in the cold. He smiled again, making Tao's heart soar. "That'll be nice," he said. "Clean air...No Iradec?"

     Tao smiled. "Never again. C'mon, let's get out of here."

     Finally mine....You, Xiumin, my poison, my addiction...are finally mine. 

    So I'm not entirely sure how I feel on this story...it's really sad and messed up, but it was also written at like 4:00 A.M in the morning. (I hate insomnia0 But I decided to post it anway, so here it is! Thank you for reading :)