It’s Valentine’s Day. Even in where I live it’s full of hearts and flowers and color red. As I walk through the white path, pairs from left to right are visible. Some are happy, some are sad, and some are just, just.

I walked to the garden in front of where I’m living and sat on a bench that faces the main door of the building. My gaze follows anyone who walks in or out of that door. Then I saw a man and a woman. More likely a boy and an older girl, I can tell because he called her ‘Noona’. The bench where I’m sitting is not that far from the main door and the boy’s voice is really loud that’s how I heard him.

The girl smiled and waved as she walks to the boy. When they were facing each other the girl smiled like a child to the younger but taller boy in front of her. She looks younger even though he calls her ‘Noona’.

“Baekhyun-ah~! I baked something for you. I hope you like it.”

The girl gave the boy, oh wait, Baekhyun a box. He smiled shyly and thanked her.

“Thank you, Noona!” Then he touched the back of his head as they laugh at each other’s shyness.

“Hmm, since it’s Valentine’s today. You can just call me by my name.”

She said as she smiled brightly to the boy who looked a bit shocked but slowly, a grin crept to his face then immediately he placed his arms around her.

“Okay! So where shall we go today, Taeyeon-ah?”

The girl shook her head and laughed at the boy’s quick change of attitude.

“I would like to go anywhere but apparently there is a reason why I told you to meet me here.”

Baekhyun looked confused at first but, like how quick his attitude changed earlier he remembered something.

“Ah! Right, we’ll visit your friend who has some mental problems. I almost forgot we’re in front of a mental hospital because you look so beautiful when I saw you. I thought a goddess came out of the car.”

Taeyeon laughed shyly at his words then hit his chest.

“Shut your smart mouth. Let’s go inside.”

  And that’s what he did, they did.

Wait a minute, what did they say? Mental hospital? Did they just call my place a hospital for people who have problems with their mind? Ha! Stupid. That’s a cupid’s nest, not a mental hospital.

Because of the irritation I felt for them, I immediately opened my cupid notebook and wrote their names then put an ‘x’ mark. Mental hospital? Ha! You two will break up soon.

“Wu Yifan! What are you doing out here? It’s cold!”

The nice woman who always takes care of me came out with a blanket and places them on my back.

“I was watching a couple. They called my home a Mental Hospital so I crossed them out. They shall break up soon.”

“Oh, dear.”

She patted my head with a… pained expression on her face. I don’t understand why though. Is she sick? She could be.

“It’s cold out here; let’s get you inside shall we?”

 I felt a bit irritated at her words. It sounds like I’m sick and needs to be assist in everything I do. I don’t need someone to assist me. I can take care of myself.

“I’ll go inside when I want to.”

I coldly told her.

“Yifan, please.. You might catch coughs and cold if you stay out for too long.”

“I said I’ll go when I want to!”

I snapped at her. Doesn’t she understand? I’m trying to work as a cupid here! She knows that.

I heard her sigh and saw in my peripheral vision as she puts her hand inside her pocket. Huh, I hope she got it in her head that I.don’t.want.to.go.in.just.yet.

“I’m sorry, dear.”

“You should b—ah!”

She injected me with some chemical that made me feel a bit dizzy. Ugh, what is this? Why am I suddenly feeling sleepy? Why is the world moving around…

 

 

 

 

 

“So he came out of his room again?”

“Yes.”

“Is he still insisting he’s a cupid?”

“Yes, Dr. Lee.”

“*sigh* He really loved that girl, huh?...”

“..It’s been a year since she left him. He’s regretting so much. I wish he’d get in his head that it’s not his fault that she died.”

“I can only wish the same thing, Dr. Lee.”

I hear faint voices in my head. Who are they talking about? Who’s ‘he’ and ‘that girl’?

I want to get up but I’m feeling so tired.

“Dr. Lee?”

I know that voice.

“Miss Liu.”

Amber!

“How is he?”

What’s worse than having your best friend see you in my situation? I probably look stupid and funny right now.

“Nurse Im, you can leave first. I’ll follow you later; I just need to talk with Miss Liu.”

“Okay, I’ll leave you two.”

 

“So, how is he?”

“Still the same, still insisting he’s a cupid and that he helps people to get together.”

Are they talking about me?

“Why isn’t he wake?”

“He already has his own problems; we don’t want him to catch other diseases outside. But he doesn’t want to come in so Nurse Im has to inject him some meds.”

They are talking about me! Tsk! That nurse! And why is he telling her that I insist I’m a cupid? I AM A CUPID.

“He doesn’t get it, does he? It still hasn’t sunk in his head?”

“Apparently.”

 

“Are you really doing your best, Dr. Lee? It’s been a year! How long do we have to see him act stupid? It hurts so much, you know?”

She’s crying?

“We are doing our best every day Miss Liu. It depends on the patient. We are not God to know when he’ll return to himself or make him return to himself. We can only observe and make theories that might be true. I’m sorry if he’s taking so long.”

There is no coherent answer from Amber. I can only hear her sobs.

 

“Can you leave us for a while?”

“As you want Miss Liu.”

I heard the door open and close. Then I can hear her sobs again.

 

“Yah! Wu Yifan, what’s taking you so long? We miss you, you tard. Can’t you just get over it already? She wrote in her letter that it’s her decision to not go under any operation. You saw and red that. It’s her decision to die. Why do you always blame yourself for her decision? It’s not your fault that your flight back to Korea got cancelled that day she needed you. It’s not your fault that she chose not to do the operation. It’s not your fault that she’s dead!”

She’s crying again. What is she telling me? Who is she talking about?

“Damn your retrograde amnesia. Damn her! Why did she choose not to do that ing operation?!!”

I’m getting dizzy again, even when I’m just lying. Why…

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Flight 365, Beijing to Incheon, cancelled.”

! Not now! Why are they cancelling flights now?

“Excuse me.”

I stopped a walking attendant nearby to ask her about my flight.

“What does this mean? The storm is not expected until later at midnight. Why are some flights cancelled?”

“Yes, it was expected to hit later, Sir. But apparently our radar has detected the storm. And from what I heard, it’s not that far from the airport so we have to wait until it stops. It’s for your own safety, Sir.”

I held my growing irritation in and thanked her then returned to my seat. I can’t just let it out on her, how stupid would that be.

 I tried to call my friends who are with her in the hospital but they are not answering. Damn it, what’s happening there? What’s happening to her? She needs me.

I sat up and sat down, walk back and forth and face left and right. I can’t stay still because I know she needs me there. Why does this ing storm have to come now? Damn it!

Please, please be alright. God, I know I don’t pray as frequent as the others but please hear me out on this one. You see, there’s this girl that I love and she’s in the hospital right now. She is going to undergo an operation for her heart. Lord, please let her make the right decision. I need her with me in my whole life. I don’t think I can live without her. So please, make her do it even if I’m not with her. I know ever since my flight got cancelled that my promise to be with her during her operation is broken but I’m hoping that you will not make her break her promise to me, that she will survive and that we will live happily ever after.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I opened my eyes, I saw the same white ceiling. When I looked around, I saw the familiar white walls. When I inhaled, I smelled the familiar smell of a hospital.

Wait, hospital? My eyes wandered everywhere in my room and I was right, I am indeed in a hospital. But why? How…

“Ah!”

I grab my forehead when I felt a sudden pain. What... why am I here? I need to get out of here. I removed the dextrose that was on me and made my way to the door. My girl, my girl needs me. She...

I stopped on my track as every memory from before she died came and hit me like a wrecking ball.

 

 

 

 

 

The next day, when the storm was out of the radar, all the flights continued. I fell asleep on my chair which resulted to a back pain and stiff neck. Ugh, I will never sleep sitting in a steel chair again.

I looked at my phone and saw 88 missed calls. Most of them from my friends, some from her family and there was one from… her.

I immediately pressed the call button and tried calling her back. But her phone cannot be reached so I tried my friends.

I called Tao first and fortunately he picked up after the 2^nd ring.

“Hyung!”

“Tao! God, thank God you answered right away. I was stuck here in the airport last night. My flight got cancelled because the storm got here before it was expected. But I’m on my way to board now. How is she? The operation went well right?”

I was praying so hard last night that she took it without me.

A few seconds passed but I still can’t hear any answer from the other line.

“Tao, are you still there? I’m asking if the operation went well. She took it, right?”

“Hyung…”

“Tao, I know you missed me. I missed you too. I missed all of you, now can you tell me if the operation was successful?”

There was no answer again.

“Huang Zi Tao—“

“She didn’t take it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Noona didn’t take the operation last night. She’s…”

No. No way. NO WAY.

“No. You’re kidding, right?”

“I wish I am Hyung… but Noona..”

“Stop, stop it.”

I hung up and stopped walking.

No, how can she not take it. I prayed for her. She promised me!

Some promises are meant to be broken.

I know, I know that I broke my promise to her. But why does her breaking the promise she made have so much impact with it. It hurts so much, too much. She took everything away, including my heart. I feel like she took myself away too.

“Sir, are you alright? Do you want to go to the airport clinic first?”

I didn’t realize I was kneeling until I have to look up to the flight attendant who noticed me.

“No, I’ll board now.”

The flight attendant smiled kindly to me and motioned me to go on.

As I boarded the plane and sat on my designated seat, the tears I was holding back earlier fell. One after the other until my face is wet with tears.

Why? Why did you have to not do your operation? You promised me. Were those just empty promises? You said you’ll survive. Did you forget that I will marry you after you are healed? You said you’d fight. Why…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yi fan? What are you doing? Why did you remove your dextrose?”

My eyes flew open and I realize I’m standing in the door way with my left hand on my face and my right hand on the door.

It’s Nurse Im.

“I… I remembered everything.”

“Everything as in…”

“Not really, just everything before I was here. Could you please get Dr. Lee? I need to talk to him.”

“Sure, go back to your bed. I’ll call him. Go back; you need to ready yourself for whatever you may hear, dear.”

So I did. She shut the door as I try to recall the ‘after she died memories’. Some are vivid but mostly vague memories came to me.

A notebook…love...cupid..cupid’s nest? What the?

I shook my head because I’m getting dizzy with all the memories coming at once. How long has it passed? How long have I been in this place?

Ugh.

My head is spinning with this whole remembering thing.

“Mr. Wu?”

He knocked before coming in and sitting at the end of my bed.

“I heard from Nurse Im.”

I hung my head low and sighed.

“I’m sure you have questions.”

Then I looked up.

“Yes, I do have. In fact, I have a lot of questions. But my head is spinning and I feel like the whole world is moving so fast around me.”

“Do you want to rest first? We can talk later.”

“No, just wait for a bit. This will pass.”

“Okay.”

I hung my head again then tried to collect myself and arrange my thoughts in a non-dizzying line.

 

 

Okay, so what should I ask first? I searched my brain in the questions section for a question and found one paper that says..

“How am I after her death?”

“Well, when you were brought here. You were incoherent. You stare in to nothingness. You were so quite that you freak out some other freaks in here.”

“So I became a freak?”

“Back then, yes, but now, maybe not.”

“Maybe?”

“Because we never know.”

“Never know what?”

“Mr. Wu. You were so depressed when you were brought here. That made you develop a retrograde amnesia. You’ve had a hard time remembering a lot of things after her death, right?”

I nodded.

“You see, accidents aren’t the only cause of amnesia. It can be depression too. What I mean by we never know is that, we never know whether your retrograde amnesia will come back or not. We never know when you’d act like you’re not yourself again.”

I nodded again as I process everything in my mind.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I didn’t know my eyes started wandering until I realize I wasn’t looking at him anymore.

“Huh?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.”

“Why cupid?”

Cupid? Right, cupid. That cupid from my memory was… me?

“I… she told me.”

“Can you elaborate?”

“Uhm…”

“…She told me that in her next life, she wants to be a cupid so she can help other people find love so that they don’t have to be alone. But she left me alone.”

“So that’s why you always insisted you were a cupid with the notebook?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know why I started acting like a stupid cupid.”

I picked up the notebook from the table beside the bed and read some written nonsense.

“You’re in here too.”

I read from the notebook, ‘Dr. Lee and Nurse Im’ will be together forever. I laughed at my own stupidity. Dr. Lee keeps a straight face but it’s obvious he’s holding back a smile. I read some more…

‘Choi Sooyoung and Jung Kyungho’ Check!

‘Tiffany and Nickhun’ Check!

‘Taeyeon and Baekhyun’ x..?

Huh? I tried to remember why I draw an ‘x’ over their names only to laugh out loud when I remembered.

“God I am a stupid cupid.”

Well, I hope Baekhyun and Taeyeon won’t break up. They look really cute and nice together when I saw them.

I stopped reading because it’s full of nonsense things.

“I was a freak.”

“You were.”

“So what now?”

“What now indeed?”

 

 

“Can I visit her grave?”

“If you wish, but you might want to read the last page first.”

I looked at him with a confused expression.

“You know, just to refresh your memory. You need that.”

I picked up the notebook again and turned it on the last page.

“By the way, her doctor told me she insisted on writing that herself even with her worsening condition so please be patient while reading that.”

When I take a good look at the page, I indeed need some patience. The words and letters are almost not readable but I can manage.

This is what it says…

 

 

To my beloved:

                        I know that after I passed, it will be hard for you, for everyone that I will be leaving behind. But please know that I chose not to do the operation even before they told me you’re flight back here got cancelled. I have fought for 4 years already. I’m sorry I’m tired. I know that I promised you that I will survive and that I will marry you after. But I just… can’t do it anymore. If, by chance, you find someone new, make sure she’s not a sick woman like me. Make sure she can take care of you like how hard you work to help my parents afford my hospital bills. I’m so sorry. Thank you. I love you.

P.S. If I become a cupid in my next life, I will help you find your perfect match. I’m a bit sad though, because it’s not me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We’re here. Hyung, I’m glad you’re finally out of that hospital.”

“So she really did not take the operation.”

“Unfortunately yes, hyung. But Noona fought hard enough to rest in peace now. Do you want me to come up with you to her grave or you’d rather go alone?”

“Maybe I should take it slowly. Come with me.”

We got off the car and Tao led the way to her grave up the small hill.

“See that, Hyung?”

I followed where he pointed his finger and saw a small bump of land with flowers around it.

 “That’s where Noona’s ashes are buried. I’ll just stay here, you can see me. Just wave your hand if you need something.”

“Okay. Thank you, Tao.”

“Anything, Hyung. Go and talk to her.”

 

 

 

I walked slowly while I stare at her grave. I tried to hold myself together as I made my way towards her.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry too. I couldn’t remember everything yet. Did I come here before? Did I manage to go to your funeral? I became a stupid cupid, you know. Its because of you. Because I love you so much that I tried to fulfill your wish of becoming a cupid. You said you want to be one because you want to help other people so that they will not be alone. But why? Why did you leave me alone? You know that I still love you, right? That I still regret not making it on the day of your operation..." 

I didn’t plan to cry when I see her like this. But suddenly, all the feelings I wasn’t able to express before came to me like a wave, hitting me as hard as they can. I cried until the wind dried my tears and I couldn’t cry any more.

"I’m sorry… I’m really sorry.”

It’s so hard to accept that the person you love truly cannot be with you. That person left you alone in the world where she doesn’t exist.

She is my first in almost everything. I was going to ask her to marry me after she heals.

 

 

“Where is he?!”

I stood up and look over to where Tao is and saw a girl with a medium hair wearing a black fitted jeans, brown boots, and knitted sweater. I remembered I am a fashion freak. Tao pointed at me. Then our eyes met.

“Amber?”

“Oppa!”

I was surprised by her new look and now her action. She suddenly come running to me then gave me a bear hug that almost knocked me over.

“Woah!”

Then I heard her sob.

“Yah, why are you crying?”

She’s still hugging me and she buried her face on my chest so I couldn’t see her expression.

“Stupid, stupid, you’re such a stupid Oppa.”

“I know,” I hugged her back and patted her head, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Hyuuuuuuuung!”

“Yifaaaaaaaaaan!”

 

“What the?”

 

 

When I looked at Amber, no tears are visible from her face. She smiled and made a V-Sign which is so not like her but I find it cute. It’s cute that she’s becoming a bit more girly.

Then I saw 4 idiots running from Tao’s direction.

 

“Hyuuung!”

“Yixing!”

 

“Hyung! Gosh, why did we run again?”

“Haha, Chen!”

 

“Yo, stupid Yifan.”

“Yo, Lulu.”

“It’s Luhan!”

“Whatever.”

 

“Yifaaaaaaaaaan!”

“Xiumiiiiin!”

 

 

February 14, 2015, a year after she died, a year after my absence from myself, I was reunited with my others half.

Moving on will be a hard task now that reality had slapped me. Getting over will take a long time now that I’m aware of what’s happening around me.

But I will move on and get over this.

 

 

 

 

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The End! 

 

How is it? Good? Bad? Okay?

 

Anyway! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this. :)

Should I write another one? Or should I update my other story first? x) hehe

Ohorat~! ^^