It’s another hectic schedule for me. I can’t even remember when was the last time I got a nice dream because the longest time for my sleep was just for four hours. My eyes were swollen and finally I got double eyelids for both of my eyes (without needed an adjustment from my hand). I don’t know how I can still be able to stand although I felt like all my energy already gone after the performance of ‘Go Crazy’ at club octagon. We were on our way back to the JYPE building to rehearse for tomorrow’s (oh wait, it’s today actually because it’s already 2am) performance later.

I close my eyes inside the van and refused to make any conversation with the guys because I’m not in the mood to talk. They also didn’t dare to disturb me because I guess they knew what exactly my problem is. Oh please Lee Junho, you guys were trained to adapt with all the hectic schedule and sleepless night. It’s your life as an idol, it’s your choice and you love it so of course anyone would immediately knew that tiredness was not your strong excuse to be moody.

I hate it when I cannot control my own emotion. I should be prepared because the news was not new to me. She already discussed it with me so why the hell I felt so damn angry when I saw her tweet? I even rejected her call and purposely shut off all type of communications with her. I regret my action because the one that suffering the most was me. Not hearing her voice for 82 hours was the most torturing moment to me and I felt like I’m dying. Even when I have concert overseas, I never fail to talk to her every day.    

“Are you silently committing suicide Junho-yah?” Khun-hyung gently spoke to me when he sure that I’m just pretended to sleep. “She called me and asked why she can’t contact you at all. I cover up by saying that you are busy. Just look at yourself, you are a mess!”

“You even mess up your performance; you forgot your turn and also mess up the dance with Wooyoung-ie. Luckily the mistake was small and unnoticeable but where are our perfectionist Junho?” Taecyeon-hyung interrupted.

I opened my eyes and massaging the bridge of my nose. “Sorry, it won’t be happen again.”

Minjun-hyung who sat beside me ruffled my hair and gently massaging the back of my neck. I felt relax and smile at him. Suddenly a wave of regretful surge up my entire body. How can I forget that we work as a team? I shouldn’t let my personal emotion affecting my performance because it can drag down together the entire team. Oh girl, what have you done to me? I still blame her though because she was my imperfection that I refused to let go. Ever since I met her, I became somebody else. The guys said that it was a good transformation but in time like this, I hate it when I realised that she had the power to control me.

We arrived at JYPE at 2.30am and I immediately went to the dance studio. I lay on the black sofa at the studio and rested my head at the armrest. I close my eyes to rest while waiting for the guys to come when suddenly someone gently massaging my shoulders. I thought it was one of the guys until the hands slowly travel to my chest and hugged me from behind. I immediately jolted up and turned my head to look at the culprit.

Then I saw her grinning at me and she immediately sat next to me and circled her arms around my waist to hug me again. She buried her face on my chest and tightens her hold on me. “I miss you.” She said.

All my ice cold defence melted right away and I can’t continue my sulking period any longer. I miss her so much and having her with me today makes me realised that I can now breathing properly. My tiredness magically gone and my high temperature coming back to normal. I’m calmer now unlike before, where my blood easily boiled with a simple thing. I hugged her back and rubbing my nose on her hair, the oh so familiar scent rushing through my nose. “I miss you too baby.”

“Are you mad at me?” she release her hold on me and her doe-like eyes staring straight into my soul.

“No.” I lied while looking down.

 She framed my jaws and forced me to look at her. “Are you mad at me?” She repeated her question.

I let out a long sigh. “Of course, I hate seeing you with another guy and you’ll marry him, living with him, laughing with him, hugging him, feeding him, sleeping with him, kissing him….”

“Do you want to list everything?” She interrupted.

“Yes! I hate it even though it’s not started yet.” I whined at her.

“But we already talk about it. WGM is a type of drama too which I chose to act in it. You know that it’s not real.”

“Soeun-ah, I know you are a good actress. But what if … I said if… you really fall for him when you both get closer?”

“If that’s happen, then we should break up.” She nonchalantly said.

“What? Then what about me?”  

“If it’s really happen, it’s mean that our love is not strong enough so why should we bother to defend a love that is so brittle.”

I was left speechless by her answer. I couldn’t hide my disappointment and it really shown on my face. I thought she loves me as much as I love her.

Soeun seemed to read my feeling and she smile gently at me. She stood up and shamelessly sat on my lap to get closer to me. I pouted my lips while trying very hard to hide my excitement. Nevertheless, my arms automatically s around her waist.

“I always have a strong resistant to not let my feelings in the drama take control of the real me. That’s why I never have special relationship with my co-star. But one day I had to work with this talented gentleman. I don’t know what happen to me because he easily penetrated my heart with his smile and his deep y voice.” My lips curved upward and I brought her closer to me. She rested her head at my shoulder and continued.

“Since then, I gave him everything that I have and I never once regretted my decision to be with him, with you Lee Junho. Before we realised it, it’s already been two years we were together, I want you to believe in us because I never have a doubt about you although you dance intimately with Suzy.”

“Yah! I’ve told you it is for the show.”

“Yeah right, you even kiss your dancer at your concert.”

“That’s …”

“I know you are a good performer and wanted to give all your best to perform that’s why you were really into the choreography. It’s the same for me, I really got into my role in the drama to look real but in real life, you’re the only one for me.”

“I can’t promise you that I won’t feel jealous because you know your boyfriend better, but I’ll try to tone down my reaction.”

She hugged me happily and then gave a peck on my lips. I immediately grabbed the back of her head and kissed her like there was no tomorrow. She returned my hungry kiss and it got pretty intense. I didn’t want it to stop but she gently pulled her lips from me and rested her forehead to mine. We were both panting heavily but she managed to said; “Not here.”

“It’s been a while… and judging by our busy schedule… we won’t see each other for a long time.” I’m able to speak while panting.  

“It’s okay, there’s always a time for us in the future. I’ll wait patiently.” She rested her head back at my shoulder.

“Or we can sneak out behind your husband knowledge. I feel like I’m having a secret affair with you.” We both laugh simultaneously. “It’s true right? After YOU GOT MARRIED, you will have a ‘husband’ and at the same time you’re having an affair with me, your secret boyfriend. Way to go Kim Soeun!” I slowly clapped my hand and gestured a thumb up to her.

“Yeah, lucky me. Both my husband and my secret boyfriend are hot and y guys.”

“Nope, your secret boyfriend is way much hotter than your husband.” We laugh again while I’m tightening my embrace. It’s very hard for me to watch her became somebody else wife, but I should respect her decision. I should support her to achieve her dreams just like how she supported me patiently. We both promised to chase our dreams together, although our road is different but our aim is the same. Because at the end of our journey, our road will collided and it will be the day when we finally be together forever.