Youngjae knows that Jackson isn’t doing it to aggravate him, knows that he only has the best intentions at heart, but every time he treats him like a child he wants to pull out fistfuls of his own hair. His eighteenth birthday has come and gone, and the little get together the group had was centred on him becoming a man, but Jackson still treats him like the bumbling seventeen year old he used to be. What frustrates him the most is how he kind of enjoys being babied even while he wishes it would stop.

When he jumps in fear at the horror film Jackson and Mark insisted the group watch to celebrate Halloween, he doesn’t resent the arm Jackson wraps around his waist as the older boy flinches in kind. When he’s attempting ageyo at a fansign while wearing the kitten ears a noona fan gave him, he can’t deny how warm he feels when Jackson coos at him as he crosses the stage.

“Youngjae, what’s got you looking so serious?” The object of his thoughts appears right before him, looking concerned. For one wild second, Youngjae thinks of sweeping Jackson into a kiss like the characters in dramas do. He’s already taller than Jackson – has been taller than him for years now – it would be so easy to tilt his chin up and plant a kiss on his lips. He doesn’t do that though; he just shrugs and says he’s hungry.

“Youngjae, you shouldn’t be skipping meals. You’ve lost quite a bit of weight already, and you’re still an adolescent,” Jackson fusses, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him into the kitchen.

“I’ll eat if you eat.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I actually have weight to lose,” Jackson says with a slap to his abdomen.

“I think you look fine just the way you are.” In his dreams, Youngjae says this line with a deep, husky voice that makes Jackson flush and look down at his shoes before Youngjae reaches out and his cheek with his thumb. In real life, however, he awkwardly mumbles the line, scratching the back of his neck and shifting his gaze away from Jackson.

“Thanks for saying that, kid,” Jackson says while ruffling his hair. He sounds as if he thinks Youngjae was just spouting empty platitudes. He wants to say ‘I truly mean that’, but the words die in his throat. He’s never as bold in reality as he is in his dreams.

From then on Youngjae tries not to let his dissatisfaction show so much on his face, if only because it probably makes him look all the more like the sulky teenager that Jackson seems to regard him as. He mostly succeeds, but sometimes he can’t help but show some of the resentment he feels when Jackson stares at Jaebum with admiration, or jokes around with Jinyoung, or has a silent conversation with Mark– when he treats them like equals.

“Youngjae-ya, has something been bothering you? It seems like there’s been something on your mind lately,” Jaebum says one night when he returns from taking a shower and is pulling on his pyjamas.

“It’s nothing much,” Youngjae says as he stares at the leader’s body. There’s no way he can compare to Jaebum in that regard, he thinks as he glances down at his own body.

“Youngjae,” Jaebum says pointedly. Youngjae looks up to see Jaebum staring at him expectantly.

“It’s just…I want to be seen as a man. Certain people seem to still think of me as a child,” he mumbles while fiddling with his blanket.

“Well, you debuted when you were still a child, and it’s not been long since you came of age, it’s only natural for some fans to still see you as a child. But each fan we make from now on will know you as an adult, and with time even the fans who currently see you as a child will come to see you as a man,” Jaebum says soothingly with a pat to the shoulder.

“How long will that take though?”

“I can’t say; that will vary from fan to fan.”

“Ah, I see. Well, thanks for the advice, Jaebum-hyung,” Youngjae says as he lies on his back.

“Sure thing, goodnight.”

Jaebum told him to be patient, and he normally heeds his advice, but Youngjae has wanted Jackson to see him as a man for over a year, he can’t help but be a bit impatient. If Jackson won’t see it for himself, then Youngjae will simply have to make him see it.

“Hey, Jackson-hyung, do you have any plans tonight after we finish filming? We could go get a drink,” Youngjae says while they watch Bambam do his solo shot for their latest music video.

“No, but I’ll probably be too tired to be in the mood for anything but food and a shower. And since when do you go drinking?” Jackson asks with a cocked eyebrow.

“Since now, I am an adult after all,” Youngjae says significantly.

“You know, only kids say things like that,” Jackson chuckles and Youngjae feels like he’s been doused with cold water. “Hey, is something wrong?” Youngjae stumbles to his feet and quickly heads to the bathroom before he can do something even more embarrassing and childish in front of Jackson.

Youngjae should have known that Jaebum would bring up his little episode; their leader is sharp as a tack and Jackson almost certainly would tell him about what happened, but he still finds himself shocked when he returns from his shower and Jaebum asks him if ‘certain people’ was really referring to their fans.

“Youngjae?” Jaebum asks imploringly, but not without kindness. Youngjae can’t speak, can’t make his mouth form words or even sounds, and so he shakes his head, staring at the floor.

“Did you mean Jackson?” For a long time Youngjae can’t even bring himself to move to give a non-verbal answer. “Youngjae.” When warm hands rest on his shoulders, Youngjae looks up to see Jaebum staring at him with warmer eyes. Finally he makes his head nod once.

“Ah, I thought you would eventually get over your little crush on him,” Jaebum sighs as he pulls him into a one-armed hug. Youngjae’s eye bug out and his mouth falls open. “Don’t look so surprised; I know everything and you weren’t exactly subtle about it.” Youngjae shuts his mouth, trying not to pout.

“So what do I do now?”

“My advice is pretty much the same: be patient. You’ve grown quite well into your looks; Jackson will notice you when he’s ready to notice you. You and I both know how difficult it is to make him do something that he hasn’t already decided he’ll do. Just focus on improving yourself as a singer and growing as a person.”

“Alright,” Youngjae sighs in resignation. The though of waiting god knows how long sounds agonising, but being impatient blew up in his face, so he’ll have to just deal with it.

“You feeling better now?” Jackson asks under his breath as they’re in the van, on their way to dance practice.

“Yeah, I talked it through with Jaebum-hyung and I figured out what I needed to do to fix my problem,” Youngjae whispers back.

“Good to know,” Jackson smiles while patting him on the shoulder, looking relieved and fond. Youngjae makes himself enjoy the warmth in the older boy’s gaze while he vows to change the way he looks at him.

It turns out to be surprisingly easy to throw himself into his work and put his preoccupation with changing his standing with Jackson aside. Improving his vocals by taking on difficult sons has always been a priority of his, but he makes amazing progress when he does it single-mindedly. The fans notice and appreciate it too if the cheers he gets from fans during his special stage with Yerin and JYP at the next JYP Nation concert is anything to go by. He flushes with pride and exhilaration at the applause he gets from the fans and his sunbaes, but what really makes his heart skip a beat is the look on Jackson’s face as he passes him backstage.

“You did really well, Youngjae! You looked so cool on stage,” Jackson calls out with a slightly bewildered look on his face as he’s being tugged away by Jinyoung to get ready for their next stage.

“Thank you, hyung,” he breathes. His face is already red, but he knows it’s getting redder.

“Yeah, good job,” Jaebum winks at him as he passes by, chasing after Jinyoung and Jackson.

With his vocals at maximum, Youngjae next focuses on improving his dancing. He’s definitely gotten better at it as he’s spent more time as an idol, but he’s still not main dancer material; not that he wants to be. Still, dancing is a requirement of an idol, and he wants to grow as much as possible. His movements will never be as effortlessly fluid as Yugyeom’s or Jackson’s, but he watches them during practice and tries his best to mimic them.

“Ahh, crap!” he cries out in frustration as he gets the move wrong again.

“Woah, calm down, man. It’s no big deal. You’re looking good. Your dancing that is,” Jackson says as he hands him a bottle of water.

“Thanks,” Youngjae pants before he takes the water and downs it. Jackson uses his towel to dab the sweat off Youngjae’s face, and it’s something he’s done a dozen times before, but there’s something different about it now.

“Hey, Youngjae, after practice is over, do you want to go get something to eat with me?” Youngjae blinks in surprise when he sees the glint in Jackson’s eyes.

“Yeah, sure, I’d love to,” Youngjae says dumbly.

“Good,” Jackson grins before he walks away. Youngjae takes a moment to beam at his reflection, ecstatic that he finally accomplished his goal. Jackson sees him as a man, as an eligible partner. He sees Jaebum giving him a thumbs up sign in the mirror and he returns the gesture.