He was always scared of too much skinship. Any touch too long or too close making him shrink away to hide behind Hakyeon. He could never push me away completely though. He would always draw me back in with a gentle hand on my arm or a brief moment where his hand would hold mine. I guess in some way that was his way of saying it back. Of showing the affection he felt while still feeling safe. And I understand, of course I do. That doesn't mean I have to like it though.

He was always so scared. Not just of me and of touching and skinship, but of everything. He's just so quiet. The great and silent Taekwoon! Petting cats and eating food deep into the small hours of morning.

Hardly intimidating.

Yet somehow he still got landed with the label of 'cold'. Utterly ridiculous of course, never have you met someone as likely to tuck you in at night or sing you a lullaby as that giant ball of shy.

He's sweet really. We call him our 'dad' because our naggy mother is of course Hakyeon.

Taekwoon cares for us in a very different way to Hakyeon.

Hakyeon is all schedules and have you eaten yet while we all know he himself probably hasn't. Taekwoon is more silent understanding, and a shoulder when you miss home and the taste of your mothers cooking.

They make you feel safe and make the long days so much more bearable.

Of course the younger ones have their own charms, Wonshik could probably turn just about anything into lyrics if he tired and the youngest two become more talented every time i open my eyes. Watching them grow up is both an honor and intimidating.

We are every bit a family.

So I guess that makes me the eldest child, or maybe the crazy aunt who visits sometimes bringing tales of the outside world that you're always pretty sure are only half true. But you never say anything because the thrill of the tale way outweighs how outlandish the whole thing is.

Nevertheless here we are two years down the line and so many things have happened. We've won awards, flown to far away places met so many different people. We're known for our crazy concepts and our coloured contacts. But I know our fans see through all that, they see the hard work and the people behind all that make up.

So why, if we are slowly gaining everything we've wished for am I still awake while I should be sleeping? Why am I bothering to think of impossible things when it's been a long standing (silent) agreement to not talk about it?

Call me selfish all you want but I need more. More from him. I need to know if anything has the same meaning to him as it does to me. It's been going on for so long, who could say when it started. When it changed from friendly to whatever this is.

Like I said, he always shys away, always pushes me away. But he always gives back just a little. Just enough to give me hope, to keep me hooked.

Sometimes at night when its dark and we're traveling back from who knows where when its way past when any decent person would be awake he will slip his fingers in mine and hold on so tight it almost feels like i am the only thing holding him to earth. And maybe I am. He's the only thing thats keeping me on the ground.  

Other times he will run his fingers through my hair or across my back, lingering for a moment before he pulls away. As if he just needed to touch me, make sure I was still real. I love those moments.

When he can he'll then hide behind his bangs, but most of the time he just avoids my eyes and the grin we both know is spread across my face.

My favorite times though are those nights when nothing feels right until i'm in his arms. He will hold me so close his nose in my hair as he runs soothing motions over my back. In those moments the world could stop for all I care, it is the best place I know and I know he feels it too.

We fall asleep in each others arms and wake up to that knowing look on Hakyeon's face, a look that never goes further than a smirk.

Sometimes I wish he would ask, because then maybe we'd have to as well.

I know he's awake too. And I know he will probably walk through the door any moment. He will sit next to me and in his soft voice will ask me to get some sleep. Maybe he'll offer his hand and I'll take it, knowing he only means to help me up, but I'll cling to it. Wrapping my fingers around his so tight.

But not this time. There's too much that hasn't been said, too many questions, too much empty space. I know he feels it too, so why cant we say it?

Right on cue I hear his tell tale sleepy shuffling to my side. He doesn't say anything, of course. He just looks at me with bright eyes. Waiting.

"Taekwoon" I start, my voice coming out much quieter than intended, as if even subconsciously I knew that anything louder than a whisper would spook him, like he's some sort of wild animal.

He tilts his head a little, as if to say "what?" so I take it as my cue to continue.

I tug him down to sit next to me first. I dont think I could say another word with him towering over me like that.

"Taekwoon..." I pause, swallowing my words, because what do I want to say?

"I..." I love you? No.

"what...?" What are we? How do you feel? I sit there my mouth opening and closing my mind trying to find any sort of words that will explain how I feel. That could possibly convey to him all the questions I have bottled up inside me.

"lets go to bed Jaehwan" He says quietly. Crashing through the millions of thoughts I had spinning round in my head.

He takes one of my hands in his holding it like it was made of diamonds before pressing a small kiss to my knucklers. "it's late" he whispers pulling me up with him. I'm too disappointed in myself for not being brave enough to even say anything to him to argue or resist.

When we get to the room he doesn't let go of my hand he just lays us both down in his bed. Wrapped in his arms I lay awake for a while, feeling his warm, steady breath and the strong, safe beat of his heart.

Long after I figure he's fallen asleep i feel him shift slightly and a gentle kiss is placed on the top of my head. I then hear him whisper so quietly I'm not sure if i'm even meant to hear.

"I know you worry." He breaths, his voice even at such a low volume managing to shake ever so slightly. "I've seen the way for frown when you think I'm not looking.

"I'm sorry we dont say much out loud and that I dont take you on dates or introduce you to my parents." He holds me tighter at the word parents, and I long to know all the emotions behind that one statement. "That doesn't change it though," He continues, "It doesn't change how I feel. And one day I promise to give you everything you heart is aching for. Just please hold on for a little longer, or maybe a lot longer. I dont know. All I do know is that this is real, and its special and I know you feel it too."

I know there are tears but im not sure if they are his or if they are mine. I dont know if he expects a response but the way his breath is held I guess he needs one.

Since words arent really our style I choose instead to adjust my body so I can see his face.

A faint trace of tears streak his face and i hold his cheek softly and smile.

Of course I know. Every look he gives me every careful touch every calculated moment of skinship is full of it.

I look into his beautiful eyes and sigh as I slowly close mine. The distance between our faces is small but it still feels like miles.

His upper lip in between my two and it is the most classic and simple kiss two people could possibly share. It is sweet and short and maybe some people would call it nothing special but they've obviously never felt like this.

When I pull away and open my eyes I am greeted by a smile so beautiful I get lost for a little while until a soft touch pushes the hair from my eyes.

"Sleep" He whispers pushing me to lay down again. And I guess thats okay, because I know he feels it too.

~A/N~ So just a  dumb oneshot inspired, as always by cute gifs I found of Keo being keo. I hope this is okay... I haven't written in a while so I may be a bit rusty... Thank you for reading lovelies