A/N: It's not proof read. I'll do that tomorrow, but I wanted to get it up! It's not very good, but I needed to write something when I heard this song, so read at your own risk. Fair warning. Fighting!

My tears remember,

It fills up your seat again.

I try erasing but I can’t erase you.

You’re my everything.

*

Baekhyun couldn’t help the small tremble of his red lips, swollen from the tears that continue to escape from his sad brown eyes.

“Baekhyun,” Baekhyun turned at sound of Luhan hyung’s voice, “Can we sit down and talk for a moment?”

Baekhyun nodded, he was exhausted from Exo-K’s practice, but he hadn’t seen his hyung in a while since he was in China and he didn’t mind giving up a few minutes of sleeping time for one of the elders in the group.

“We-I,” Baekhyun could only watch with raised eyebrows as his hyung stuttered over words and took many deep breaths, “Could you please just say it hyung? I’m really tired.” Baekhyun didn’t mean for his words to come out so harsh but he was getting irritated at this point  and he really just wanted to go to his bed and lay down and hopefully when he opened his eyes again Kris will be here. He silently curses the other for delaying his flight for a day.

Luhan showed no annoyance to the younger’s harsh words, “Kris disappeared.” He said matter-of-factly.

Baekhyun just held a blank face, annoyance beginning to radiate off his body, “Seriously Luhan? What are you talking about? I just talked to him,” He pause and his eye brows furrowed, “Two days ago.” His eyes widened in realization.

“He didn’t come back Baekhyun. We don’t know where he went.” Luhan spoke softly, afraid that if he talked to loud it would make everything real, and Lord knows that he didn’t want this to be real.

“But what about manager hyung saying that he was just delaying his flight some?” Baekhyun asked suspiciously, though he already knew the answer.

“He lied. Kris isn’t coming tomorrow. He’s gone Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun relives that memory over and over again. He remembers staring blankly at his hyung who was fighting back tears. He remembers anger flooding his body, before he put a dam up to stop it. He knew when his hyung gave him a quick hug before rushing to his own room, that just like Luhan, he wasn’t angry. But he wasn’t sad like his hyung either. No, Baekhyun realized, he was just broken.

Sitting there on Kris’s bed, he listened to the saddest songs that he could find and allowed himself to let the tears pour steadily down his pale face. Baekhyun had begun to felt the walls cave in but had put up a front when dealing with their company. They ordered them to relinquish their cell phones, and tried to stop them from following him on SNS or contacting him, but Baekhyun refused. He didn’t care that his love just left him without a warning because Baekhyun was smarter than that. If Kris left, it had to be for a good reason, and that’s what willed Baekhyun on. It was what made him strong when the employees pushed him around and hit him when he lied about his phone.

He sighed, his tears finally subsiding, as he looked down at his phone to change songs. (Just because Baekhyun trusts Kris, it doesn’t mean the pain eased, no, it was worse. He knew that there was no turning back, and that there was no more us. Now, it was just Baekhyun.)  Being roommates with his boyfriend was-is- a blessing and a curse. Baekhyun tried to erase all things that reminded himself of the tall man. He shoved everything underneath the empty bed, the closet-anywhere he could- he just didn’t want to see it anymore. But he couldn’t bring himself to change the sheets that still smelt like the Chinese Canadian. And when the days come where Baekhyun misses Kris the most, he finds himself curled into the cold empty bed.

Today being one of those days, Baekhyun curls in on himself, looking at his cell phone one last time, seeing the picture that he couldn’t force himself to get rid of. He slid his thumb softly over the picture of Kris kissing Baekhyun on the cheek while he laughed towards the camera as he softly whispered the words he always does before he falls into a dreamless slumber.

“How do I erase my everything?”

*

You, I can’t see you .I can’t hear you.

But I’m okay.

Goodbyes are sad, my heart aches.

But if you happy, then, I…

*

Baekhyun is no fool; he knows that the rest of the members are being cautious towards him, careful to not mention anything about Kris around him. He is surprised they walk on egg shells with him because as far as everyone was concerned, Kris and he had only been roommates and friends. They were careful to not expose their relationship to anybody besides themselves, well themselves and their families. Though somewhere deep inside him, he knew that they had an idea of what was going on, and Baekhyun struggled to remain himself with them, his heart breaking because he can’t help but lie.

Baekhyun knows that they all talk about Kris though, about how hurt they are he left, how betrayed they felt, and he gets angry. How can they go around and say they were one, that they were a family, when they can’t even see that something was terribly wrong with Kris. How could he not see anything was wrong with his lover? Baekhyun knows that’s why he can’t get furious at Kris, knows that he could never hate him, forget him, that he would always love him, because in the end, wasn’t Baekhyun the one to blame?

“Baek? You in there?” Baekhyun wipes his eyes furiously and pulls his head phones out and throws his phone underneath his covers before opening the door.

“Hey Jongdae, what’s up?” Baekhyun asked the skinny male in front of him, sliding out of the way so the other could enter the room.

“I wanted to know if you saw the articles.” Jongdae asks flatly, he was always a blunt one.

“About?” Baekhyun asks feigning curiosity, he knew what the other was referring to, but he didn’t want to bring it up.

Jongdae narrowed his eyes making Baekhyun panic slightly, “Kris is sick?”

Baekhyun nodded slowly, “Yeah, I read them.”

“Do you-do you feel guilty that you never noticed?” Jongdae asked hesitantly, his gaze now on the ground, and Baekhyun takes in how his shoulders slump and realizes that he is not the only one who is feeling guilty about Kris. The more he thinks about it, he realizes that while everyone else talked down about Kris, Jongdae never mentioned him, every time the group talked about him, he left the room, and lately Jongdae has been humming a tune that is very familiar to Baekhyun’s ears.

“Jongdae you don’t, you don’t feel guilty do you?” Baekhyun asks back cautiously.

“I do. I was his roommate in China for a long time and I never noticed anything. And when he disappeared the first time, I-I listened to Suho hyung and turned my back on him, you know cause he said that it would make Kris realize what he’s done. But I knew. I knew that that was heartless. That instead of punishing him we should be asking what’s wrong. But I didn’t want to stand against Suho hyung, and now Kris is gone.” Jongdae sobbed out the last part. Baekhyun quickly rushed forward and wrapped his arms around his best friend. Baekhyun tried to even out his breathing, and tried to will back the tears that formed in his eyes. He knew what Jongdae was talking about, he himself had told Kris that it would be a good idea to remain distant in front of Suho just in case he figured something out, but truthfully he was too scared to do anything but what the leader had told them to do.

When Jongdae had finally calmed down he pulled out of friend’s embrace and held up his black iphone, smiling at the screen through tears still falling down his face. Baekhyun leaned forward and saw that his home screen was a silly picture of Kris and Jongdae from the trainee days and he laughs. He remembers those days, when nobody would help them because they were either too busy, or just upset at the fact that the two were going to debut after less than a year of training. But not Kris, he listened to them sing, he cheered them up when it became too much. Tears begin to pool again in Baekhyun’s eyes, the memories are too painful now, he doesn’t understand why goodbyes have to be so cruel.

“I just really like this picture of us and I listen to his song every day, and he just, he sounds happy. He gets to sing, and he gets his own movie, he seems happy, and if he is happy, then shouldn’t I be? Shouldn’t listening to his voice and seeing pictures of him be better than nothing? Because when I see those pictures of him, and hear his voice, I realize ‘Ah, I’m okay, everything will be okay.’ But I’m scared that that’s not okay.”

Baekhyun pulls the younger close again, “Yeah,” He whispers. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

And then he too realizes that he is okay, and for now, that’s enough.

*

I will miss you the more I erase you.

I will shed more tears today.

Like fate, I won’t ever have anyone like you.

Only you. Only you.

As much as my tears, I hope you are happy.

Goodbye my love.

*

Two months later and news is out that Baekhyun is dating Taeyeon, it’s not chaotic like the fans think. It was all purposely revealed, Baekhyun was supposed to do everything possible to get caught with Taeyeon. But they were actually dating, it just wasn’t for four months, it was for one, but as soon as the company found out they wanted to reveal it to distract people away from the Kris situation.

Baekhyun didn’t protest either, he wanted people to know, and he wanted Kris to know. He wanted to show Kris that he moved on so the latter could do the same. Taeyeon is supposed to help Baekhyun rid himself of the older Chinese male, but it seems that she is only making it worse. The more he tries to erase his love in his heart, the more he loses himself instead.

That night they were caught, Taeyeon pulled Baekhyun in for a short kiss, and he smiled and her cheek, whispered a goodnight and waved as she left. Then he went straight into his room and buried himself in Duizhang’s sheets, the tears flowing more than they ever have.

*

You. I can’t have you. I can’t touch you.

But I’m okay.

Endless pain, tears shed again.

But if you are happy, if you can smile.

Then, I..

*

“Baekhyun-sii, I heard you prepared a song for us?” Ryeowook asked, directing the radio’s attention to him.

He smiled replying confidently that he did. It was only Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae at this interview and he was slightly thankful. This song has been sitting on his heart for a while now and he wants to sing it to everybody more than anything.

“May I ask what it is Baekhyun-sii?” Ryeowook implored.

“Goodbye My Love by Ailee.” Baekhyun state confidently, laughing along with the others there. “I watch Fated to Love a lot, and when I heard this song, I desperately wanted to try it.”

Ryeowook laughed, “It’s a great song choice. Whenever you’re ready Baekhyun-sii.”

Baekhyun nodded before taking a long gulp of water and walking towards the microphones, as he got situated he heard Ryeowook introducing him and the song before the music began to play.

He sang his heart out, pouring emotion into each verse, sentence, each word, every note, and he has never felt so free in his life. As he sang each word, it was like a message to his long gone lover. And as the song finished, he felt the extra emotions bubbling up inside of him, and he knew that he was close to pouring over his boundaries so he quickly pulls off his headphones and takes a long drink from his water bottle, completely missing the amazed stares directed at him. It was when he closed the cap that he realized no one has said anything yet. He looks around nervously, “Was it that bad it left you stunned?” He jokes.

That snaps Ryeowook out of it and he lets out a long weird noise between a mixture of a squeal and a laugh. “That was amazing Baekhyun! Probably one of your best performances \.”

Kyungsoo and Jongdae both jump in agreeing at how amazing the performance was and he bowed and thanked them multiple times. Sighing in relief that it turned out well.

“So Baekhyun, where did you find all that emotion when you were singing?” Ryeowook questioned lightly, though there was something knowing in his eyes.

Baekhyun laughed nervously, “The musical must be paying off!”

“Ah, is that right?” Ryeowook sighed before joking, “Maybe I’m not doing the right ones.”

Everybody laughed before Jongdae and Kyungsoo told him that he was a great performer. Baekhyun sighed again, slumping over in relief. He was happy that the interview was almost over, suddenly feeling exhausted.

“But,” He mutters to himself as he looks at the other three chatting happily as a song played, “I’m okay.”

*

My heart already knew.

This feeling of loneliness that’s about to explode.

I try to hide it but I can’t hide it.

You’ve become my heart.

*

“Byun Baekhyun.” Jongdae growled as soon as he stepped into the practice room. Baekhyun quickly scrambled up off his knees and looked at his dongsaeng.

“What Jongdae?” Baekhyun asked harsher than he had wanted to.

“You were dating Duizhang?” Jongdae yelled, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play that with me Baekhyun.” Jongdae growled again moving closer to the brunette, “Don’t play that with me, with me Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun looked down when Jongdae’s voice turned soft, guilt flooding his body. “I’m sorry, we just didn’t want people to have to worry about keeping our secret.”

Baekhyun felt an arm lay across his shoulder and felt Jongdae pull him close, “That’s fine, well not fine, but I’ll accept that. What I won’t accept is you not telling me after he left!”

Baekhyun tried to make himself smaller, tears automatically springing to his eyes.  “I’m sorry.”

“No.” Baekhyun looked up at his best friend, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you felt like you’ve had to hide everything. I’m sorry that it must be tearing away at you, and I know that you must feel so incredibly lonely.”

At his friend’s words he loses it. He caves and tells the younger everything, of how happy he was with Kris, how in love he was with the older, how unhappy and guilty he is since the other left, how he was trying to date Taeyeon to get over the Kris, and how he was so tired now.

Jongdae could only hold his hyung, he didn’t know what this situation felt like, but he knew that there were no words that could make it better, only two people could make this better, and he didn’t know if they could ever do that.

“Is this what it feels like Jongdae?,” Baekhyun muttered his voice laced with fatigue.

“Is what feels like what hyung?” Jongdae asks as he helps the older up so they can get back to the dorm.

“To have somebody so embedded in your heart, that when they leave, your heart does too?”

Jongdae couldn’t reply so he just hauled the small puppy boy onto his back waiting for his hyung to fall asleep before letting the tears fall down his face.

“I don’t know hyung, I’ve never gave mine away.” He whispers to himself as he loads him into the van. He takes one last look at the other vocalist, seeing the frown on his face as he sleeps, before he slides the door closed and climbs into the front seat. “And I don’t think I ever will now.”

*

You will think of me at least once.

That’s all I need until the day we meet again.

I’ll wait; it’s only a momentary goodbye.

Goodbye My love.

*

Baekhyun wakes up to a large male towering over him and swatting him with a paper envelope. “Yah Park Chanyeol, do you want to die?”

He hears the male laugh before dropping the envelope into his lap and ruffling his friend’s hair.

“Nah little puppy, I think I’ll live on this glorious day.” Baekhyun threw a pillow at the others head and laughed as it hit him square in the face. The other whined before yelling for Kyungsoo to ‘kiss it and make it better’ before hearing a loud thud and Chanyeol’s scream.

“YAH! KIM JONGIN.” Chanyeol yelled, and then all Baekhyun could hear was people yelling and laughter filling the dorm. He smiled himself, it’s been almost a year since Kris has left, and though he still resides in Baekhyun’s heart, Baekhyun feels himself missing the other a little less every day.

Baekhyun goes to lie back down before hearing something hit the ground, rolling over he picks up the envelope. He scans it, only seeing his address and name on it, but knowing the handwriting so well.

His heart beats in his throat, and for a second he thinks he’s going to throw up, but he regains his composure and with trembling hands, opens the seal.

They only thing in the envelope is a picture, and Baekhyun stares in disbelief. The picture is the two of them cuddled together, with Baekhyun smiling at something into Kris’s chest, and Kris staring at Baekhyun with so much love that Baekhyun thinks that he may actually throw up this time.

He flips the picture over and sees writing scrawled on the back.

‘Until the day we meet again,

I’ll wait. It’s only a momentary goodbye.’

Don’t be afraid to be happy.

Goodbye my love.

Baekhyun knows that Kris heard his song, and now, almost a year later, he realizes that everything truly is okay.

“Goodbye my love.” Baekhyun whispers as he places that picture into a small box and underneath his bed.

Kris can’t be erased.

But maybe,

“He doesn’t have to be.” Baekhyun mutters to himself before turning off his light and joining the rest of his group for the first time in a long time.

A/N: Sorry for any errors! Thanks for reading! Fighting! 

You're a brave soul.

                                          -Double XX