As a kid, Jinyoung never really understood what dying really meant. No one closed enough to him ever passed away when he was a child, so there was no need to explain him anything.

Except for that one time.

One of his neighbors suddenly stopped breathing and died in his sleep. The ambulance came as soon as the wife of the deceased man found him, but it was too late.

Days later, the funeral was held close to his house. He remember the little black suit his mother made him wear, and how serious her expresion was as she dragged him to that place.

His mind gets a bit cloudy here, he was really little after all. But there were a few things he remember, the color black and the cries. Just the cries were enough to make the little Jinyoung break into tears.

He cried so much, his mother had to take him outside. The poor boy was full of questions, but his mother thought that he was too young to understand. And maybe she was right.

“I'm sorry honey, I didn't want to bring you here...I didn't have a choice...” Said his mother, wiping away the tears from his chubby cheeks.

“Why is everyone crying, mom?”

His mother gave him a weak smile, fixing the bowtie he had on his neck.

“They are crying because Mr. Lee is not going to come back...”

“Why not?”

“Well...Because God needs him to be his angel”

“But...why does God need him? Doesn't He has enough angels?”

“Sometimes...We just can't understand His reasons...but don't worry my child, Mr. Lee is in a good place now”

“But...then...why everyone cries?”

“Because they will miss him”

The little boy didn't understand, but he did not ask anything else. After that day, he always thought of dying as something good, because you become an angel. And he never understood why people cried about it.

Now Jinyoung was a twenty years old boy, and he understands how definitive death is.

Tragedy has recently strike his world. Or something like it.

Someone has passed away, and he was shocked about it. But at the same time he didn't feel as he had the right to be shocked, because he was not close to that person.

But it shocked him.

It was the first time he thought about death as a serious matter, not something far in the distance or something that couldn't happen to him because he was young and he was good.

This time he understood that death was close, death was always there. And he was scared.

This time he understood why people cried.

He went through the day trying to leave those types of feelings behind, but the thoughts were always in his mind.

When it was time for the concert to start, Jinyoung felt relieved. He had a chance to forget about those gloomy thoughts.

If only he could find Jb and Jackson, then he would relax.

He searched for te lost boys all over the backstage, but just when he was going to give up, he heard voices coming from a room. Familiar voices.

He opened the door, and was greated with darkness. Two men were sitting at the floor, talking to each other, in the shelter the darkness brought them. Even if he could barely see them, he knew that those were Jb and Jackson.

“Hey Jr...care to join?”

The leader's voice sounded low, almost as a whisper.

“Yeah but close the door! Someone could find us”

Not even caring enough to ask questions, Jinyoung came into the room and sit beside the two boys, who seemed to be sharing a bottle of alcohol.

“You shouldn't be here, and you really shouldn't be drinking that”

“Don't worry, it's just a beer, and I doubt it even has that much alcohol...”

“Yes Jr, don't worry about it, we won't get drunk. Jackson just smuggled it because I asked him to”

He wouldn't expect something like that from any of the boys, maybe Jackson, but just one beer seemed silly.

“Why?”

“I don't know....I just needed it”

“Jb is kinda worried today...He has been thinking too much, so I thought he needed to clear his mind before the concert, hence the beer”

The three boys kept quiet as Jackson took a sip from the bottle.

“So...did you heard the news?”

So Jb was thinking about the same thing too. Now he understands, and he wanted that beer too.

“Yes...It got me thinking, even if I tried not to”

Jackson handed him the bottle, not before his shoulder a bit and giving him a sympathetic look.

He drank from it, not really feeling better or worse. But at least he was doing something about it.

“Is not helping much, is it?

Jb's weak smile when he said that reminded him of the one his mom gave him, years ago.

“No...But it doesn't make it worse either”

Jackson cleared his throat, seeking for some attention.

“Should we toast or something? You know...for her?”

“I think a silent toast would be better...I didn't really know her”

Nodding, Jackson took the bottle from Jr's hands and took a sip, and then passed it to Jb, who repeated the same action. Finally the bottle reached Jinyoung again, and he drank.

“I don't really know how to feel...I have never thought of...”

Jackson, even if he tried to hide it, was just as shocked as the other boys.

“Me neither...I just never really understood it. Everyone keeps claiming that there's something better waiting after it...But I still feel scare...”

“They are just seeking for solace, and that is what really scares me...”

Jb seemed to be deep in his thoughts as he said that.

“What I mean is, I don't care what is after, I'm just worried for the ones I will leave behind”

The thought sunk deep into Jr, who find Jackson's body in the dark and embrace him. The boy held him close, so close he could hear his heart beating fast.

“We should stop thinking about this...No one has an answer for this. Just believe what makes you feel better and keep going. We don't have another choice but to carry on and enjoy what we have while we have it.”

Even if his words were full of confidence, Jackson's voice was empty. But Jr really needed to believe in those words.

“You are right, the show must go on I guess”

He looked at his leader, who now was standing up in front of him and was offering his hand to help him.

“Okay, then let's get out of here”

Leaving the empty bottle on the floor, Jackson and Jr stood up and headed for the exit.

“Guys...If you ever feel like you need to talk more about this...just come to me”

The younger men nodded, as the three of them exited the room.

This are just my thoughts and my way to deal with the tragedy that happend recently, I don't want to offend anyone...This is just a topic that has been...running through my mind lately, and with what happend I just needed a way to share my thoughts with someone, somehow...But if anyone feels offended I would take this down, so just tell me.