He couldn't stay with him forever, he knew that from the start. He wasn't there to fall in love. He was there to learn to sing, to dance. 

In short, he went for the honey, and ended up with a beesting.

He didn't know how to say goodbye. He couldn't say goodbye. He didn't want to know how, he didn't want to have to. Lu han was perfect. He couldn't break his heart... but there wasn't a choice, was there? 

He wanted to crawl in the middle of the road and be run over, be eaten by a bear, or be struck by a tornado. Any of those options sounded good.

Anything to keep his friendship with Lu han from being destroyed.

He sunk into the bed and thought about when the two of them played childish pranks on Junmyun, when they got drunk together and ended up singing hopelessly ridiculous tunes, when they kissed and tasted eachothers' sweet, sweet taste, when he first met him in the studio with his angelic, innocent face and girlish blond hair tied back in clips and his soft voice when he said "Hi, Jongin-ah, my name's Lu han.". 

And then he thought about how he had to leave it all behind, as if it never happened, as if he was none the wiser.

Leaving Lu han... Leaving Lu han... The words pierced him like swords. He felt his heart skip every other beat. He couldn't think about anything other than the fact that if he didn't leave then, he would probably be kicked out by Minseok.

He heard a knock, the door opened, revealing Lu han's delicate figure with a weak smile. 

"Dinner's ready, Jongin-ah," he said calmly, turning and walking back to the kitchen immediately after.

Time after time, Jongin told him to call him "Jongin", but time after time, Lu han called him "Jongin-ah". It felt part of his name now. He liked it a bit.

These are the things he wanted to keep in his mind. How Lu han smiled even though inside, he was actually bursting into tears every second, and Jongin knew this; what he didn't know was why he kept up the facade of appearing happy when the only thing it caused was pain. 

He dug his nails into his thigh, leaving crescent marks. He was so irritated, angry with himself, he wanted to take one bullet, just one -- so Lu han couldn't kill himself afterwards -- and shoot it through his skull. Would that relieve his anger towards himself and towards the fact that he had to leave him? And the memories he made with the angelic person, would they stay forever?

He decided the bullet was too beautiful for himself.

He ate dinner mutedly, aside from tiny, one-sentence, to-be-forgotten conversations.

He left quietly in the middle of the night silence. No tearing goodbyes, no crushing last kiss. He simply left. 

The swords still pierced his heart every moment of life. From then on, the sword-wielding devil haunted Lu han as well.

But they didn't kill themselves. They lived by one dream. A tiny seed which they hoped fate would turn into an oak. 

That one day, they would truly be together forever.