Luhan only managed to endure the separation for four days.

In the afternoon of the fourth day he felt an irresistible urge to meet Daiyu. Even if she did not want to see his face.

After getting out of his car, he walked up to the door and knocked.

When there was no answer, he thought she had probably gone out with her boyfriend.

Not wanting to lose the potential opportunity to see her, he knocked again.

'She has not gone out for a day now. Not even to the garden,' an elderly woman spoke up from the porch of a nearby house. 'I know because I can see the garden through my kitchen window.'

Luhan turned to face her.

'Did she go anywhere yesterday?'

'Only to the shop on the other side of the street. Ever since she's come back from Taipei she has looked even weaker than before...', the woman trailed off.

'She went to Taipei? Do you know why? And when?'

He knew that she was Taiwanese, and that her family lived in Taipei. Daiyu actually had once told him that the reason for her moving to Beijing was a very serious disagreement with her parents.

What had happened to make her go to Taipei?

'Ask her yourself,' the woman suggested. 'Just walk in. I assume you don't have bad intentions. The door shouldn't be locked.'

'Thank you.'

She nodded and entered the house while Luhan laid his hand on the doorknob.

It still felt wrong.

However, when a thought about her being hurt or sick crossed his mind he stepped in without further hesitation.

'Daiyu?' he called while entering the living room. She was not there, so he took the first door to his right.

It was the kitchen. There was nothing there that would rise his suspicions, so he just moved on to what turned out to be the bathroom.

His eyes fell to a petite figure laying on the cold floor.

Daiyu's limbs were outstretched, her face awfully serene and expressionless. Her hair was covering several white tiles with its soft waves.

Luhan took a few steps closer to eye her body, worry making his frown deepen.

'Daiyu? Are you okay?' he asked in a shaky voice, kneeling in front of her and touching her shoulder. 'Daiyu. Wake up,' he shook her slightly.

'Huh?' her eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes.

'Daiyu!' he wrapped his arms around her and brought her close to his chest. 'I got so scared you wouldn't wake up. Are you hurt anywhere?'

'I- I don't think so,' she managed to mutter. 'What happened?' she her lips before pulling back from his embrace.

Luhan let her go and unwillingly watched her get up and fix her clothes.

'I think you should see a doctor,' he stated.

'I'm alright,' Daiyu propped her hands on the rim of the bathtub and bowed her head, trying to catch her breath.

'Uh-huh, I don't think so,' he also got up. 'Please, don't-'

'What are you doing here?' she straightened up and looked at him with a scowl.

'Your neighbor said you didn't come out of the house today,' Luhan explained.

'But what were you doing here, in this part of the city?'

'Why did you go to Taipei?' Luhan shot back.

Daiyu's scowl turned into an expression of surprise.

'How did you know that?'

'The neighbor told me- But what difference does it make whom I know that from? The most important thing right now is your health. You need to see a doctor.'

'Leave.'

Now he was the astonished one. He almost flinched at the coldness in her voice.

'B-but- Daiyu, I only want to help you...', he trailed off.

They stood in silence for a moment before Luhan decided to speak up once again.

'At least tell me why you don't want to see me,' he pleaded, his eyes focused on the tiled floor. When she did not reply, he heaved a deep sigh. 'What have I done to you to make you hate me so much all of a sudden? If I don't deserve to spend time with you at least tell me why. I want to understand.'

'I don't hate you,' she protested weakly. 'There's nothing for me to hate in you. And it's not that you don't deserve to spend time with me. It's more like I don't deserve your care.'

'So you push me away? That reason is stupid and you know it.'

'You wanted an explanation-'

'Because I want to understand your reasons. And the explanation you gave me doesn't make anything clear,' he deadpanned.

'What do you want me to do?'

'Tell me the truth,' he pleaded, his voice softer now.

'I told you to leave because I don't want to hurt you.'

He looked at her skeptically indicating that he was not convinced.

'Fine, I'll explain everything to you,' she gave up. 'Would you like to drink anything?'

'Just tell me where you have cups and I'll make us tea.'

---

After a few minutes of them having cross words, Luhan finally managed to tuck Daiyu in her bed.

'I'll be back in a moment,' he assured and went to the kitchen to make them tea.

When he returned holding a tray with chocolate, fruit, teapot and two cups, Daiyu shot him a look.

'I'm not a baby.'

'No one said you are.'

She sipped the tea from her cup instead of replying. Seeing him stare at her questioningly, she rolled her eyes.

'You have a lot of explaining to do.'

'I know,' she sighed and palmed her face. 'Remember when I called you up late at night?'

'Yeah,' he nodded, suddenly starting to feel afraid of the things she was going to tell him. If the matter applied to that incident, it definitely was serious.

'Earlier that day I got the results of the biopsy of my pancreas.'

Whatever he had been expecting seemed to have become absurd in one single moment.

Luhan's grip on the cup loosened, and he almost spilled the tea.

'Don't tell me-'

'I think you already know where this is going,' she muttered, lowering her eyes.

'How is it possible...? Why?'

'I didn't want to tell you because you always have been so good to me. The doctor insisted that I should tell someone, but there was no one I could confide in, really. I know this sounds like I don't trust you, but I only wanted to spare you the sight... I'm sorry for not telling you, but I still think you don't deserve to see this.'

'What are you talking about? Why did you not let me decide if I deserved it?'

Daiyu sighed. He had a point, as much as she tried to do what was right for him, ultimately, it was not up to her to decide.

'I only wanted what was best for you. I'm sorry.'

Luhan raised his eyes and watched her face closely. His sight swept over her bony cheeks and grayish, almost translucent skin.

Unfortunately, everything seemed to fit in along with her explanation. As much as he did not want to believe it, it all made sense. How skinny she had become, the weakness of her body, her fainting...

'Please tell me your boyfriend takes good care of you,' he muttered.

'Luhan,' she cried out. 'There is no boyfriend.'

He just stared at her, lips parted, clearly unable to fully understand what she was telling him.

'I didn't reject you because I loved someone else. Back then I already knew I was sick, it just wasn't so serious as it is now.'

'So all this time, you were fighting on your own, with no one to look after you or to take you to the doctor if something happened?' he questioned. 'Daiyu, how could you give up on yourself?'

She sighed and lifted her arm to touch his cheek.

Luhan only realised he was crying when she wiped away his tears.

'It's not that I gave up on myself.', she explained. 'It's just that my body gave up on me.'

'What about the doctor? Therapy? There must be some way to-'

'Luhan, it's stage four. Recently they had found metastasis in my brain, hence the fainting, and… There is nothing to save, do you understand?'

'How can you say that?' he cried out, tears blurring his vision. 'There is you to save. You have to fight for me. If not for yourself, fight for me. I love you, and I can't even think of letting you go. I endured everything; when you told me there was someone else, when you said you wouldn't see me for some time... I wanted to withstand all this because I needed you to know that whatever happens, I'm always here for you. You can't just give up on yourself. Please don't give up...' he leaned in and wrapped his arms around her, his sobs muffled by her duvet as he hid his face in the crook of her neck.

Daiyu felt his tears stream down her shoulder, and she wove her fingers in his soft hair, rubbing soothing circles on his back with her other hand.

'I love you, too,' she whispered and his cries grew even louder. 'I'm sorry. I didn't want you to suffer.'

Suddenly Luhan became quiet. He was no longer shaking or sobbing, and he pulled back to look at her.

How can I cry when she's the one suffering?

'It's alright. I'm alright,' he breathed out. 'Just- Don't push me away again. I'm begging you.'

Seeing the affection in his reddened eyes, she nodded in response.

'I think we both need each other,' Daiyu whispered. 'I was so stupid to think I could protect you that way.'

'You weren't stupid,' he protested. 'You were just being selfless. And I wasn't selfish enough to take advantage of that.'

That night, they did not fall asleep. The two of them just laid there together, facing each other and holding hands.

In all of the hopelessness, as grotesque as it might seem, both of them finally found a sense of security.