“You’re always so busy.”

“I know, and I’m sorry…”

“Stop apologizing. I’ve heard that countless times already.”

“I’m really sorry, Jia… I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.”

“Stop making promises you can’t keep, Fei… You know your job makes it hard for you to keep promises…”

“I…” Fei could not utter another word knowing how much hurt she had caused her girlfriend.

“It’s okay. It’s not the first time anyway.” Fei’s heart broke when she heard Jia saying that in a cold, toneless voice. “I’ll just see you at home later.”

“Okay… Call me if there’s anything?”

“Will you be there even I do call?” Jia sighed through the phone. “But sure, whatever.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.” Jia said and hung up.

After the short phone call, Fei’s thoughts ran wild in her mind. She loved her job because it has always been her dream to become a singer, but she hated how she has to be so devoted to it. She hated how much she loved her job. She hated how she had caused Jia so much hurt. She hated herself for being weak because she could only cry to herself at times like this.

--

For a change, Fei did not have any schedules in the evening. Wanting to surprise Jia, she did not tell her about it. She went home with a bouquet of flowers, opened the door excitedly but only to be greeted by silence. She checked every room and realized Jia was not at home. She placed the flowers she was holding on the table and went to change into something comfortable.

An hour went by, two, three. Fei was not angry though, she knew she had no rights to be angry because she was the one who was always not at home and no wonder Jia would be out till so late. She walked to the balcony, wanting to have some fresh air and also to clear her mind.

She was looking into the night sky, thinking, when she heard a screeching sound from downstairs. She saw a black car stopped in front of their house. It did not bother her at first, until she saw the person who stepped out of the car – Jia.

She continued to look from above. Another girl came out of the driver’s seat. It was not an unfamiliar face, as she had seen the girl a few times prior this. She saw the both of them talking and laughing happily beside the car and she realized all of a sudden that it had been awhile since she last saw Jia smile like that. Sure, Jia smiled at Fei a lot but Fei had always felt that behind Jia’s smile, there were lots of disappointments and she knew she was the one who caused them. A pang of guilt hit her as she looked at her girlfriend smile genuinely, to another person. She looked away to prevent her heart from aching more.

While she was deep in her thoughts, a pair of arms circled her waist and a head rested on her shoulder. She did not have to turn to know who was it.

“You’re home so early today?”

“Yeah.” Fei gave a short reply. She did not know what to say or do.

“You sound really tired. Are you?”

“Nope. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yup.”

“I don’t like you like this...” Jia said sadly.  

Fei felt guilty. She broke apart from Jia’s arms that were back hugging her and turned around to face her.

“I’m really okay. See?” Fei smiled. “Don’t worry.”

“That’s a relief.” Jia returned a smile.

The both of them remained in silence while the breeze blew against their face. Fei was struggling internally about what to do. She came to a decision after ten minutes.

“Jia, shall we go out and take a walk?”

“A walk? Now?”

“Yeah. Shall we?”

“Why so sudden?”

“I don’t know… It seems really long ago since we last took a walk outside together.” Fei turned her head and looked at Jia. “I missed it.”

Jia smiled and nodded her head. The both of them intertwined their fingers and went out.

--

They were walking aimlessly around their house and they arrived at the beach. They decided to stroll along the beach under the starry sky. Fei stopped in the middle of the beach.

“Remember how we have always wanted to share a long kiss in the middle of the beach under the night sky and I promised you that we would one day when we finally come to the beach amongst my schedules?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Shall we do it now?”

“Now? But-“

Jia’s voice was muffled by the sudden kiss that Fei planted on her lips. Jia did not resist, as she knew how much she had missed this as well. It felt so long since they last shared a long, passionate kiss. They broke apart only when the both of them needed air.

“Shall we sit down? I… have some things I need to tell you.”

Jia was puzzled but she still agreed, sensing the seriousness behind Fei’s sentence. Fei mustered up her courage for her decision.

“Jia, can I ask you a question?"

“Yes of course.”

“You were out with Suji today right?”

“Yeah, I was. How did you know?”

“I saw her dropping you off earlier.”

“Oh.”

“She’s a nice girl, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. Suji is really nice to me.”

“Do you like her?”

Jia nodded her head. “She accompanies me when I’m bored, she cheers me up when I’m sad. Well, let’s just say she treats me really well.”

Those words pained Fei. She was the one who was supposed to do all of those, not Suji.

“Are you happy with her?”

“Yeah. Like I said-“

“Wait, stop right there.” She took in a deep breath before continuing. “You know what Jia? I’ve realized lots of things over the past few days.”

“Like…?”

“Like how I used to make you happy but now all I do is disappoint you and make you upset? Like how I can never fulfill my promises to you? Like how I’m beginning to lose the ability of making you smile genuinely? Like how I can’t be there when you need me?” Fei faked a chuckle. Tears were b in her eyes.

“Fei…”

“But Suji can.”

Jia was afraid of what was going to happen. She held Fei’s hand tightly, praying that what she imagined would not come true.

“Staying with me would not make you happy. Go pursue your happiness, Jia. You deserve someone better than me.”

“What are you talking about? No… Please…” Jia tugged on Fei’s hand.

“What I meant was…” Fei swallowed. “Suji can make you happy. She can take my place.”

“She can’t, Fei. Please don’t do this… I need you…”

“You’ll feel a lot happier with her.” Fei removed Jia’s hand that was holding her and stood up.

“No she can’t! Fei please… Why are you doing this?”

“There are things in life that we don’t want to happen but have to accept. Things that we don’t want to know but have to learn. People we don’t want to lose but have to let go.” Fei took in a deep breath. “I’m doing this for your own good… Forget and forgive me for hurting you all this time. I’m sorry.”

Fei bit down hard on her fist to prevent herself from crying as she walked away from Jia but she failed. Tears were streaming down her face and the stinging pain in her heart was hurting her so bad. She heard Jia crying behind but she did not turn. The pain grew stronger with every step she took, away from the one she loved the most.

“Be happy from now on, Jia. I’ll miss you.”

 **