It was about 10PM, very cold November Saturday.After a fansign we had to back to our dorm which was quite far away.
"Good job today guys" I prised my members when we get into car. I wanted to rise them up cuz that day wasnt so great.I also felt a little nostalgic and wasnt fully happy about that event.I think I was expecting something more.
“Thank you hyungiee~” Minwoo was first person which anwser to my compliment.
Sadly he was the only one.

Hyunseong just smiled to me and noded,twins went sleep just as they have sat in their places.Kwangmin’s head were placed on his brother shoulder and Youngmin’s check was touching his twin top of the head.Its really rare to.see things like this with those two.

I understand they all are tired so I didnt mind they lack of attention to my words.But if it was difrent situation I'd probably be mad as hell.

I looked at Jeongmin who wasnt sleep,he was looking from the window.

“Everything allright?”I touched his arm cuz he looked quited focused on his own mind.
“Neh?Ah,yes,Im fine,just tired.”He laughed awkwardly.
I didnt want to push him even if I clearly saw he isnt alright so I just left him and turn back to Minwoo.

“What it is Hyungie?”Minwoo pulled out one headphone from his ear.I dont know song which he was listen to,it was some kind of rap,very strong,fast and upbeat.Not my fable.
“You going to sleep probably” I.was about to turn away.
“Not really,I’ll sleep at home” He yawned in the same.moment as he end his sentence.It was obvious that he just wanted my attention,
I rised my eyebrow. To give him a warning that I see that he is tired.
“Look I will listen to music to not fall asleep,you want to listen with me?”My dongsaeng passed it to me.He smiled so cherfully and was looking with those puppy eyes so I could say the truth that I dont really feel music which he was listen to but god damn it,
Donghyun you old gay a teenager won over you.
“Sure”I insert object to my ear.

***
It was 1 AM when we arrived.Minwoo actually feel asleep unlike what he said and I had a little problem to wake him up but eventually I success.
He helped me to woke up others.Twins woke up fastly,Hyunseong yawned few times before he opened his eyes but there was also no problem.
I turned to Jeongmin side to wake him up since he was the last one.
I placed one of my hand on his shoulder and was about to shoke him a little.
But somehow I found myself staring at him for couple of minutes.

His lips were slightly open,his eyes were shouted tight that his unremoved make up mess a little around his eyes courners.Even with this mess he looked reallly finely.His hair were lightly dishevelled and he was kind of huging himself probably beacouse of cold.

It wasnt first situation like this one,It begin sometime ago.I started to look at him different.Its all cus we started to meet just with two of us and work together on music.We kept talking until very night,we get really close to each other,Atleast thats what I think.
Our music taste is very similar,and both of us have a passion to write lyrics,why I didnt ask him out?There were multiple reasons,
He is in the same band so there wont be this kind of privacy to begin a relationship,
I really dont know what other members think about gay relationships
Hell,Im scared what would our CEO done if he found out,you may think that our personal life isnt that important for our company,well it is.No one in company actualy know that im gay,I am even afraid they would fire me just cus of it.
It didnt bother me that he was a guy,I found out that I like guys very long ago.The most important thing was…Im just. his friend,not simply friend!A beloved friend which he would never even sugest to date.Like a brother,srsly he said that to me once.
'You are better hyung  than my actual older brother'
Ofcourse I also didnt know if he like man to,and I know he dated a girl before so it broke my chance even more.

My heart started to beat faster just from thoughts that I can touch this beautifull pink lips now.My body shiver as I touched hia soft skin on his checks.
I belive that last 3 months I have stare at him more often than he do at himself in any reflection.

I didnt notice that his eyes were open now.
“Donghyun hyung?”Jeongmin asked shocked and he pushed his head as much back from me as he could.
“I was…trying to wake you up.”I told also shoced and emberased.
“Well then I am awake,thank you” He said a bit sarcastic and he get out of the car.
I smirked to myself “Im such a fool”
***

It looked like always after schedule,2 members were washing and other were waiting in livingroom and watching tv to.wait for their turn.
First to wash was Minwoo and Kwangmin who have won in paper-rock-scissor
I sat comfortably on the couch I felt like im going to fall asleep in second but Hyunseong tv amd loud music started to come out from it.

“Sorry” He said embedded and fastly turned down the volume.
“It’s Minwoo and Kwangmin fault,they never turn it down after they play on console” Youngmin explained while he was lying on the floor.
“Are you okay?”I asked him since he sound kind of grumpy.
“A-ha”He lied but eventually I was so tired that I had no energy left to argue with him.
I’ll ask him when we will be alone.

I focused my eyes on Jeongmin who have been siting silently on armchair.
It was like he wasnt here,I know he can be just tired it is hella late but I felt like something is wrong.
I havent even notice when Minwoo came back from bathroom and were hiting my arm lightly.
“Hyung,you can go now”.He said softly.
“Oh sorry Minwoo-ah,Im tired” I tried to make excuses.
Jeogmin didnt move,so he probably didint notice I was staring at him.
It’s like he was sleeping,but with open eyes.
“Thanks Minwoo,I’ll be going then”I stand up and take my way to the bathroom.
After shower I went back to living room to check up others.
Minwoo.and Kwangmin were playin on game consol.Hyunseong and Youngmin havnt been here and Jeongmin was sleeping on couch.
“You guys arent.going to sleep?”I asked two friends which were focused on their game.
“Im not sleepy’Kwangmin anwser first.
I rised my eyebrow and looked at the youngest.
“Just few minutes and Im going to bed”Minwoo made eyecontact with me to anwser .At this moment Kwangmin yelld
“Haha!I won!”
“Not fair!”Minwoo started to “argue” with him.
I decided to just leave them,even so tomorrow we are almost free .

I sat down near Jeongmin.I stoke his hair from his face and somehow my hand stayed in this position so my fingers were gently touching his check.
He mumbled somethink but it wasnt any word

'Stop it Donghyun,you cant be more obvious,you want everyone to notice?'I spoke to myslef in my head but sadly my body kept doing what it wanted.

I slaped myself mentaly by remining every situation in which Jeongmin compared me to brother or when he said how pretty some girl was.It actualy worked,I need to remember about this tactic.