"What's the fight schedule?" Zitao asked his redheaded coach, Xiumin (his full name was Kim Mofugn Minseok the Amazingly Fantabulous King of Sass, but nobody actually called him that). 

"Do I look like I know? Go ask some ref or something. Geez, it's like he thinks I'm his coach or some ...." Tao's coach trailed off. 

"Hey, Taobao!" Sehun, a nincompoop dimwit rather intellectually challenged young man, who just so happened to be Xiumin's assistant, called out. "Didja hear? Didja hear?" Sehun squawked. 

"No, Sehun, he did not hear. Nobody heard anything but you and your... your intellectually challenged blabber." Xiumin smiled, knowing that Sehun couldn't really understand words that were above three syllables. It might have had something to do with the fact that the nineteen year old looked perpetually stoned. 

"SOOOOOOO," Sehun took a huge gasp of air, "youregonnafightthatsupercuteCanadainboxerKrisWusoyoubetterbeatthecrapoutofeveryone, okay?" Sehun took another huge gasp of air, desperately trying to reoxygenate his lungs. 

"For looking like you smoked weed for half your life you act like you're on crack . Please repeat your sentence with actual breathing this time." Xiumin sighed, throwing Tao's suitcase to the ground. He had finally gotten the "OMFG WE ARE GOING TO MOTHERING RIO" out of his system and was now his usual "punish Sehun and don't ask questions later" Xiumin form. 

"You. Huang Zitao." Sehun started. 

"Me, Huang Zitao," Tao replied impatiently, wanting for nothing but for Sehun to stop dragging it out. 

"You, you may just get the chance to fight Kris freaking y Wu in Rio this year. Maybe. You just have to beat a couple of people." Sehun squeaked, not because he loved Kris Wu or even because he was happy that Tao could meet his longtime crush. Nope, Oh Sehun was happy because he could meet the announcer, Luhan. Yup, there was no other reason except to check out the feminine announcer, Luhan, of announcer fame. Sehun could die from the excitement. He was Luhan's biggest fanboy. 

"Calm your . Luhan ain't gonna have no time for that." Xiumin pointed to Sehun's raggedy barbell brigade t-shirt, though he was probably referencing the fact that Sehun always looked like a damn slob. 

"Guys, I was wondering if I should tan in Rio or not. I mean, tans are in in Brazil, but pale is in in China. And we go tomorrow!" Tao squealed. 

"I am surrounded by fashion obsessed nutcases." Xiumin uttered unhappily, then proceeded to smash his head into the wall. 

Meanwhile, somewhere deep in Canada....

"Lay, which shade of blonde suits me best?" A low voice called out from the apartment. 

"They all look the same anyways. Does your hair really matter that much?" Lay asked, shoving t-shirts into his suitcase like a madman. Lay was, as Kris called him, "fashion illiterate". Who else would wear rhinestone-covered rainbow unicorn t-shirts that came straight out of the eighties?

"I say go for a honey blonde. Peroxide looks like ." Kyungsoo yelled from the kitchen, eating cereal with water. Kyungsoo had odd tastes in food, but his fashion taste was almost as good as Kris's. Almost. 

"Hey, Kris! It says here that one of your fights will be against Huang Zitao." Lay said excitedly, peering over the fight schedules. 

"Huge-long Zit-ouch?" Kris said, clearly confused. All of that bleach must be doing something, Lay thought. Kris might have been chinese, but he had the worst accent when it came to speaking it. 

"Huang Zitao. The gay one. You fought him in Morocco, remember?" Lay yelled, switching back to packing his suitcase hurriedly. Why he was packing so fast, nobody knew. 

"He's the fabulous one. Chanyeol told me." Kyungsoo walked into Lay's bedroom, watching Lay pack and Kris bleach. Lay raised an eyebrow, wondering who the hell "Chanyeol" was. 

"He speaks Mandarin, Korean and crappy English. His coach emailed me, we're eating at a cafe next Tuesday, it'll be fun!" Lay smiled, sipping some of his green tea that he always had with him. How he always had it was unknown to Kris.  Kyungsoo had explained to the blonde multiple times in rushed Korean that Lay was born on the day of the color green, thus giving him green tea powers. The unfortunate side effect of those green tea powers was that he looked faded all the time, Kyungsoo had said, "but not as faded as Sehun.". Again, Kris had no idea who the hell Sehun was, but he wasn't going to ask Kyungsoo any time soon. 

----

"Here we are, Rio!" Xiumin screamed, diving into his hotel bed. The last time Tao had seen Xiumin this excitable was when Starbucks added a new drink to their menu. 

"When do we see Luhan?" Sehun asked, sitting cross-legged on his bed and fiddling with the hem of his bright pink shorts. 

"The parade of athletes is next week, but we're meeting up with the boxing staff two days from now." Tao put on his reading glasses to read the schedule, which was (thankfully) printed in Mandarin. 

"OH MY ING GOD! WE'RE IN RIO!" the two boys turned to shoot a glance out of the window. They watched Xiumin run around the balcony, screaming loudly in Korean. 

"I don't think he's okay." 

"Definitely."

"RIO, ES!"

----

"We're in Rio! Where will we go to eat?" Kris yelped excitedly, literally running in circles around a slightly annoyed Lay. 

"We could go to Tia Puebletos. Their steaks, man." Kyungsoo gesticulated wildly, trying to show the flavors of delicious steaks via interpretive hand dance. His roommates stared at him awkwardly, unable to comprehend his complex, rapid-fire hand-moves. 

"Sounds good! Where'd you hear about it?" Lay smiled widely, putting down his umpteenth glass of green tea. Kris was beginning to suspect that Lay was addicted to tea. 

"Oh, my hook-up told me." Kyungsoo's eyes widened to nebular sizes as he let his top secret information out. Kris, who was walking down a flight of stairs nearly tripped and fell down the stairs. 

"What." Lay said, looking very surprised at the owl-eyed boy. 

"Yeah, they sell me wee- I mean, nothing! Haha, I didn't say anything at all. What were we talking about? Definitely not weed, haha. You guys didn't hear anything. Steaks! We were talking about steaks, right guys?" Kyungsoo chuckled nervously, his face growing redder than a beet. His eyes flickered nervously between the boxer and his coach. Both of them were frozen in place, staring at the suspect Korean. 

"I love steak!" Kris and Lay exclaimed at the same time. Kyungsoo breathed a sigh of relief, happy that his teammates had the memory of a particularly dull doorknob. In fact, everything was perfectly dandy until he saw his hookup at the steak restaurant. Uh oh, Kyungsoo thought, looking at his hookup, who was none other than Park Chanyeol. 

Please don't notice me, Kyungsoo thought, closing his eyes. "Hi Kyungsoo!" Chanyeol chirped, running over to the shorter boy. His friend, Chen, another one of those "TKD kids" as Kris called them, tailed behind Chanyeol. 

"Who are you guys?" Kris asked, eyeing the two Taekwondo Olympians from Korea. Chen cocked his head to the side, unable to understand any English. Chanyeol looked unfazed, still grinning like nothing was wrong. Wipe that stupid grin off your face, , Kyungsoo thought, glaring at the tall boy he knew too well. Kyungsoo had befriended Chanyeol back in Korea, and Chanyeol had oh-so kindly provided weed for him, as the elder had many connections and was looking to make ends meet. The rest of their friendship was history. 

"South Korean taekwondo!" Chen said in engrish. His limited understanding of english had told him that some strange blonde asian was asking what they did for a living. 

"Oh wonderful, we're here for the Olympics too! We're here for boxi-- Kyungsoo! Stop glaring at them! I'm so sorry, really." Lay said in Korean, realizing that the two olympians standing in front of him did not speak good English, and that Kyungsoo hated them with all his soul. 

"I guess we'll be leaving then!" Kris chirped, backing away to lean against their table. He leaned against something soft and warm, and sighed in comfort, until he realized that tables were not supposed to be soft or warm. 

"What are you doing?" a high-pitched voice shrieked in mandarin. Kris jumped up about two feet in the air and whipped around to see no one other than Huang Zitao. 

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were a table." Kris responded in badly accented Mandarin. 

", do I look like a table?! You're lucky you're handsome, or I'd punch you so hard your children would have bruises on their faces!" Tao practically screamed, waving his hands in motions that he thought looked like gang signs. Kris glared back and puffed his chest up, trying his best to appear intimidating. 

"DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?!" Kris screamed at the Chinese man in front of him, not knowing that the other was Tao. 

"No, I don't. Do you know who I am?" Tao deflated his chest, already bored of being angry. 

"Oh, I'm Kris Wu. And yo-"

"OH MY GOD KRIS WU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH!" Tao screamed, throwing himself on top of Kris. Kris fell on to the ground, wondering why a bipolar Chinese man who acted more like a white girl than anything else was on top of him. He would have complained, but this obsessed fan was pretty damn comfy.

Suddenly the weight left his chest, and he looked up to see a man who looked a lot like his ex-girlfriend, Sohee. "I'm so sorry." the (fake) redhead said in Chinese, pulling Kris up to his feet. Kris looked at the man, wondering why his ex-girlfriend was there in Rio. 

"Sohee?!" Kris exclaimed, recoiling away from his girlfriend who looked considerably more manly since he broke up with her. 

"No, , the name's Kim Xiumin. Coach of no other than Huang Zitao, Olympic boxer." Xiumin rolled his eyes, shoving a neat little card into Kris's man hands, and then pulled away the psychotic Chinese man who was on top of him not too long ago. 

"C'mon Zitao, let's go somewhere where we won't harass bottle-blonde es!" Xiumin screamed, exiting the restaurant. 

••••

"I want a Triple-Venti-Half-Sweet-Non-Fat-Caramel-Macchiato, but cut back on the foam." Tao ordered at the nearest starbucks to his tiny apartment place. Where else could he get his daily caffeine-intake with style?

"Você é um merda de ferramenta completa." the cashier mumbled in Portuguese, staring at the Chinese idiot in front of her. Tao waited for his coffee impatiently, tapping his feet and looking around the shop. 

"Coffee, m'am." One of shopkeepers smiled, shoving his cup of coffee into his hands with a look that screamed "I hate this job because of picky s like you.". 

Tao took a sip of his coffee, still scanning the Starbucks for hot guys until he locked eyes with no one other than Kris Wu. Kris Wu. Kris. Wu. KRIS WU! Tao spat the coffee straight out of his mouth and on to some poor smeagal-looking who he shoved out of the way because nobody was going to get in his way in his path to get into Kris Wu's pants.

"Hey, you're that guy from the restaurant, Huge-long Zit-ouch!" Kris beamed, and Tao wasn't sure if he should smile or punch Kris in the face for being an idiot. 

"The name is Huang Zitao. What coffee are you drinking?" Tao asked, trying to start up some conversation. 

"I dunno, but it kinda tastes like unicorn ." Kris said, slurping up more of his coffee like a Cretan. Tao felt the urge to punch the Canadian in the face, because one did not just drink coffee. Coffee was an art, and the art of Starbucks was one that Tao was a master of. How dare this plebeian just drink coffee?! Tao would have scoffed at him, but it was Kris Wu, so he couldn't. 

"Soooo, you come here often?" Tao asked, inching his hand closer and closer to Kris's. Tao was a master of subtility, he was practically a ninja. Lucky for him, Kris Wu was an unobservant dolt, and had no idea that they were holding hands. 

"Not really, I'm not a huge fan of Starbucks or anything." Kris said, and he didn't move his hand at all, so Tao assumed that meant Kris wanted him. Then again, everyone wanted Tao, how could they not?

"Oh, well I like Starbucks." Tao said, sipping his drink like a pro. "Their food is just so instagram-able."

"Oh, you like instagram?" Kris remarked, wondering if this Tao guy was possibly a white girl in disguise. 

"Of course I do. Who doesn't?" Tao chuckled, swinging his arm around the table in a neat little arc, sweeping Kris's phone into his lap. 

"Instagram is okay. All people do is post pictures of their food and themselves though and that really irks me...." Kris went on and on about his pet peeves on instagram. Tao wasn't listening at all, he was too busy adding himself to Kris's contacts list under the name "y Babe". A couple more finger swipes and "y Babe" was in the boxer's favorites list. 

"See ya around, sweetheart. Here's your phone." Tao pressed Kris's iPhone 5c (how tacky) into the man's hands (they could use some exfoliation) and sauntered away (sassily). 

"What?" Kris mumbled, but Tao had alreadly left the Starbucks. The confused Chinese-Canadian sat there while Tao walked to the shopping center where Xiumin and Sehun were most likely blowing their paychecks on ty knockoff gucci (Tao saved up to buy the OG gucci stuff, thank you very much.). 

"Oh, hey Tao! Check out what I bought!" Xiumin squealed, whipping around to show Tao some basic- souvenir that Tao did not have time for. Tao was too busy not giving a that he didn't notice some relatively-hot Asians walk up in front of them. 

"Damn, you one fine cao ni ma." the girlier one of the duo, none other than Luhan, said whilst giving Xiumin the once-over of approval. 

"And you look like a plastic ho." Xiumin retorted, kicking the boy-girl in the shins. The tanner one laughed as he watched his friend fall to the ground. 

"OHMYGAWDITSLUHAN! HI LUHAN! I'M LIKE
YOUR BIGGEST FAN!" Sehun squealed, falling his hands about in a way that was quite reminiscent of a drugged-out fangirl. 

"Who the are you?" the tanner one with the horrid haircut asked, his cornrows falling in his eyes. The style abuse made Tao and company want to puke. 

"I'm Sehun, Luhan's biggest fan, duh!" Sehun grumbled, glaring at the cornrow wearing idiot in front of him. 

"I'll give you Luhan's number if you give me your's." the tan guy smiled, attempting to wink. Needless to say, an hour later an ecstatic Sehun was texting Luhan, while the tanned cornrow-wearing friend of the Chinese boy was trying to get Sehun to text back. 

"Ah, young love!" Xiumin smiled, peering over Sehun's shoulder to see Kai and Luhan on his computer screen. 

"Sehun, who's the hot guy next to you?" Luhan asked, not-so-secretly ogling at Xiumin. Sehun's eyes widened in disbelief; the love of his life was hitting on someone else. Kai smirked, maybe he had a chance with Sehun. Xiumin would have cared, but Gossip Girl was on and there was no way in hell he was going to miss the season finale. 

"Who are you skyping with, Sehun?" Tao asked, staring at the screen. 

"Luhan and Kai." Sehun stated, pushing Tao out of the camera space so Luhan wouldn't have the chance to hit on him. 

"Oh, those two announcers for martial arts and boxi-- YES KRIS TEXTED ME GUESS WHOS GETTING TONIGHT AAAAAAAAAAAAS!" Tao threw his phone into the couch and immediately commenced his twerking celebration dance. 

Sehun slammed his face into the table. "I'm sorry about that." he groaned. 

----

"So, the parade's tomorrow. Excited?" Kris asked Tao, who was peering up at him through Gucci sunglasses. Tao took another gigantic gulp of his bubble tea, and shrugged, glancing around the basic- farmers market they were on a "date" at. Or at least Tao hoped it was a date. 

"I just wanna get to the fighting." Tao grumbled in mandarin. 

"But that would mess up your pretty little face." Kris grinned greasily, running an unexfoliated hand down Tao's face. He definitely wants me, Tao thought, grinning to himself. 

"And that's why I don't lose. I don't want to mess up my face." Tao said in another failed attempt to be suave before breaking the atmosphere with another slurp of bubble tea. 

"Too bad you're gonna lose to me."

"Not gonna happen, BenBen." Tao flicked his hair out of his eyes and finished off his bubble tea. 

"Hey guys!" Lay and Xiumin appeared from behind a small clothing stand, followed by Kyungsoo and Sehun, who were engrossed in a length conversation about the best strains of cannabis (they were never good about keeping things hush-hush). 

"Hey Lay, tell these Chinese fools we're gonna crush them!" Kris crowed, and all of the customers within a hundred yard radius turned to face an awkwardly tall, blonde Chinese-Canadian boxer. 

"Actually most of them are Korean," Kyungsoo piped up. 

"And the only Chinese fool here is you." Xiumin added with all the sass he could muster, simultaneously texting Luhan. 

"Oooooooooooooh. Burn!" Sehun cawed, not unlike a crow. Once again the athletes were given judgmental looks from fellow shoppers. 

---- 

"He touched my face!" Tao squealed, sitting on the edge of Xiumin's bed. Xiumin was still texting Luhan, and honestly did not care at all about Zitao's homoual melodrama. 

"Yes, he touched your face." Xiumin grumbled, jerking his phone up into the perfect selfie angle for his snapchat to Luhan. A flash of light and an annoyingly artificial snap of a camera lens went off, and Tao wanted to scream. 

"That means he wants me, right?" Tao asked, drumming his fingers oh-so-annoyingly on Xiumin's bed. 

"Sure. Whatever." Xiumin said, still not caring about whatever Tao was saying. 

"I need answers, 'Min! Answers." Tao squealed, staring at the elder with desperate eyes. 

Xiumin sighed and sat down his phone. "Isn't Kris straight?"

"He's gay until proven otherwise, thank you very much." Tao grumbled. 

"So has he shown any signs of liking you?" Xiumin stared blankly at the boxer sitting on his bed. 

"He touched my face. And he called me pretty." Tao grinned, hearts practically shooting out of his eyes.  

"Pretty annoying." Xiumin mumbled under his breath. 

"I heard that!" Tao shrieked, turning away from his boxing coach. 

"Alrighty, Taobao, let's break this down-- scientific-like. Has he flirted with you at all?" Xiumin sighed, patting Tao's arm softly. 

"A little." Tao mumbled, cheeks flaring red. 

"So flirt back. Problem solved!" Xiumin grinned, eyes curving up at the ends. 

"Ugh, you think I haven't tried that?! I just want to know if he wants to go out with me." Tao frowned, putting on his best pout. 

"Just ask him some time. Use some aegyo or some . Now off you go, I'm expecting a very important skype from Luhan." Xiumin shooed the younger away from his bed. Tao hung by the door, sticking his tongue out at the elder. 

"I'm telling Sehun you're flirting with Luhan!" Tao blew a raspberry and slammed the door shut. 

••••

"Who're you texting?" Lay leaned over Kris's shoulder, peering into the elder's phone. 

"Tao. I think he wants the D." Kris grinned, looking at his coach, who had a poker face on at the moment. 

"He always wants the D!" Kyungsoo added, not really helping the situation at hand. 

"He wants my dragon. And maybe once I beat him in a week I'll give it to him." Kris grinned, pelvic ing in his chair. 

"Ugh, do us all a favor and never do that again." Lay groaned, backing away from the soft, pink chair Kris was sitting in. He wanted nothing to do with Kris's "dragon", whatsoever. He reached over to his handy mug of green tea, hoping the beverage would clear his mind. 

"I bet Tao would like my dragon." Kris pouted, so out of place that Lay ended up laughing, spraying green tea all over himself. Serves you right, Kris thought, giggling at Lay's disheveled state. Lay frowned, flipped him off and left to go take a shower. 

"So you're gonna beat Tao in boxing, huh?" Kyungsoo peered out from the small apartment's kitchen. He padded out into he living room and occupied the chair across from Kris, sitting cross-legged and just looking at Kris with large eyes. 

"Yeah, imma beat the out of him." Kris grinned, flexing his arms. 

Kyungsoo cocked his head to the side, deep in thought. "I don't think he'd want your eggroll if you beat the out of him." If Kris wasn't an oblivious he would have noticed that Lay's assistant was faded as hell. 

"But I have to win." Kris groaned; already feeling confused. He decided to go to bed, maybe a good night's rest would fix everything. 

••••
 
"I'm so proud of you!" Tao screamed, flying through the long hallway to tackle Kris in a big bear hug. Tao had been worried, he had seen the fight between "King Swings" and he was terrified that the Canadian would lose. Everything was fine in the end, Kris had landed a lucky blow in the large man's jaw, and knocked him out. This meant that Tao would have to fight the blonde, but now was not the time to worry about that, Tao was just happy the elder boxer had won. 

"I'm proud of me too!" Kris grinned, wrapping his arms around the other's back. 

"Get a ing room." Xiumin groaned, walking into the hallway at the worst time. 

"You're just jealous." Tao grumbled, his voice muffled by Kris's soft hoodie. 

"I have a famous boxing announcer that wants my and you think I'm jealous? I'm gonna leave before you guys start eating each-other's faces." the redhead frowned, spinning on his heel to turn away from the couple and make the most dramatic exit possible. 

Kris leaned down to kiss Tao, and the younger could have sworn he saw sparks fly, they were so close together. Kris slowly started closing his eyes, until something made them snap wide open. Is it my breath? I should have never had that garlic bread for breakfast, Tao thought, but the elder had pulled away from him and was staring at Xiumin's shoes. 

"He's wearing ing wheelies, who on earth wears those?!" Kris snapped, glaring at where Xiumin used to be, and Tao wanted to scream. He was so close to kissing Kris freaking Wu, but goddamn Xiumin had to come in and ruin everything. He was gonna beat the crap out of the elder when he got back home. 

Tao took a second to recompose himself. "Yeah, he still wears those. They're so 2009." 

Kris turned his head back towards Tao, and looked at the younger with soft eyes. "Now where were we?" Tao could have sworn his heart was running at a thousand beats per second, surely it would leap out of his chest any minute now, like one of those creepy chestbursters in Alien. There would blood everywhere and that weird alien thing would be crawling around and then he would drop down dead, and his nicest white t-shirt would be stained because all his guts would be everywhere.... Damnit Tao, think romantic thoughts, Tao told himself, trying to rid his head of the images of chestbursters covered in blood. Instead, he focused on the blonde that was half a centimeter away from him. 

When they kissed, Tao realized two things. One, Kris was a horrible kisser and should stick to hugs. Two, Tao really should have brushed his teeth, as he was certain that his mouth reeked of a garlic-infested Italian restaurant. Quickly Kris pulled away from Tao and frowned. 

"Ew, you smell like garlic." Goddamnit.

••••

"Really, you did good!" Lay rubbed Kris's arm, trying to cheer up the blonde. Kris just looked at the younger man and frowned. 

"I got knocked out in the first round! You call that good?" Kris nearly yelled, waving his arms frantically, trying to emphasize his words. Lay frowned, there wasn't much he could really say. 

"You're still going to get second place! You did good, really. All of Canada is proud of you!" Lay smiled half-heartedly, patting Kris's shoulder. Kris sighed and nodded, his loss to Tao from a few days ago still strong. 

"At least I lost to him.... But, do you think he'll still like me?" Kris stared at Lay. 

"Why wouldn't he?" Lay smiled back and shoved Kris towards the door. 

"Go get 'em tiger!"

••••

A/N

Happy birthday Jessie! I've never written Taoris before, so confident this special. Actually this fic is pretty special by my standards. I don't really write romantic like this (if you can even count this as romantic), and I've never written a kiss scene before, so this fic was like a huge first. 

But in other, rather unfortunate news, I'm going to stop writing EXO fanfics for now. However, the exo fics I have in progress (The Enemy and Zucchinis), I will finish. I just have gotten tired of this fandom and how bat crazy some of the fans are. It's really that the fandom slightly irks me now and I have no urge to write anything EXO anymore. 

Anywho, thanks for reading!