Kyungsoo liked to bottle up his feelings. This habit began early in the stages of his life, when he felt that no one truely cared about him and about how he really felt. Plus, he was very shy and took long to get used to someone. So, instead Kyungsoo chose to bottle up his feelings, thinking no one would care. 

 

However, during his first year of highschool, he grew fond of a handsome, popular dancer named Kim Jongin. The dancer was not only handsome, he also played sports well, got along with everyone in school, and was very school spirited. Everything that Kyungsoo wasn't. As an incoming freshmen, Kyungsoo knew Jongin probably wouldn't notice him, so he gave up hope of every trying to approach Jongin. Because who was Kyungsoo kidding? Jongin liked being the center of attention, while Kyungsoo just liked watching from afar.

 

During his second year, however, Kyungsoo began seeing Jongin not only at school, but also at public places, such as the mall and grocery stores. Plus, he began to notice that Jongin begin to look at him when they walked past one another, as they got to their classes. Was it a confidence? Yes, Kyungsoo thought but he really wanted to think those were signs for him to make a move and introduce himself to the latter. 

 

"Why don't you just say hi?" Baekhyun asked, as he took a bite of his sandwich. It was now lunch and the two sat at their usual table with the rest of their friends. 

 

"The worst thing he could do is-" Luhan thought and when he finally came up with a conclusion he shook his head. "Actually he can't do anything because who's going to reject a hi?"

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes in response. "You guys dont get it. He's Kim Jongin. Probably the most popular guy at this school. I can't just introduce myself randomly. What if he thinks I'm wierd?"

 

"You're a coward." Baekhyun replied, shaking his head. And Luhan nodded his head, in agreement.

 

Kyungsoo just sighed. Because it was true. He was a coward. He wanted to introduce himself to Jongin. But what was he supposed to say? Hi I'm Do Kyungsoo and I think your really cute or Hi I'm Do Kyungsoo and I really want to get to know you better. He was scared that Jongin might call him wierd.

 

But most of all, he was scared to get rejected. 

 

-

 

It was half way through his second year, when Jongin got himself a new boyfriend named Lee Taemin. Kyungsoo first encountered the two holding hands with each other, but for some unknown reason Kyungsoo didnt mind. In fact, he thought that his eyes were just bad that time and ignored it. Plus, it didn't look like Jongin was taken considering the fact that Jongin tried to attract Kyungsoo's attention by either bumping into him or doing stupid things with his friends when Kyungsoo was around.

 

However, when his second year of highschool was ending, so was his chances with Jongin. Because when it was finally confirmed that Jongin and Taemin were dating, Kyungsoo just wanted to cry. He felt like his heart was ripped in half and he would rather be home, crying his heart out while eating ice cream on his bed. 

 

"Are you okay?" Baekhyun had asked, hesitantly during chemistry class. 

 

Kyungsoo looked up, innocently. "About?"

 

"Dont act like you dont know what I was talking about. You know I was talking about Jongin and Taemin."

 

"Oh. I'm fine. I never really liked him that much anyways." Kyungsoo replied, faking a smile. But Baekhyun didn't buy it and Kyungsoo knew. But before Baekhyun could ask any more questions, the bell had rung, indicating them to get to their next class. 

 

Kyungsoo remembered that day clearly. Like he was still vividly living in it. He remembered how he couldn't concentrate in class that day. The amount of tears he shred and he remembered falling asleep with tear stains on his face.

 

And he also remembered how swollen his eyes were the next day of school.

 

-

 

There was only about a month left before school was finally over and Kyungsoo couldn't wait. Because right now, he was spending his lunch trying to study for his final exams in the library. Considering that fact that Luhan and Baekhyun were very lazy and loud people, he decided to go to the library with Suho.

 

"Hi. Can I sit here?" A voice said, causing Kyungsoo to look up. He was expecting it to be Suho, who texted him that he was going to be running late. However, when he looked up he was suprised to find that it was Lee Taemin, Jongin's current boyfriend. 

 

Kyungsoo wanted to shake his head and say no he couldn't sit here. But he knew that no matter how much he despised the latter, Kyungsoo still had morals. So he nodded his head and continued reading his book. "Sure."

 

Taemin smiled and put his things on the side of the table, before sitting down to work on his presentation that was dhe a week from now. As he began to type something on his laptop, Kyungsoo took a quick glance at the latter. He had only seen Taemin, once. But he wasn't wearing his glasses, so he couldn't really see his face. However, Kyungsoo had to admit that the latter was very handsome. Now, he understood why Jongin liked him so much.

 

"By the way, I'm Lee Taemin." The latter said when he took a break from typing and looked at Kyungsoo. "I hope I wasn't disturbing you or anything. You looked hesitant when I asked if I could sit here."

 

"I'm Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo." Kyungsoo replied, keeping his eyes on his book rather then the person in front of him. "You're not disturbing me. I'm sorry if I looked like I didnt want you to sit with me. I'm just really stressed with finals."

 

Taemin smiled and Kyungsoo knew his smile was genuine. Not fake like the one he's been trying to pull off since he found out that Taemin and Jongin were dating. "Dont be worried. From what I see, you're very smart! I have to go but I hope you do well on your finals. Good luck!"

 

After Taemin had left, Kyungsoo felt something in him in his stomach. Guilt. Ever since he found out that Taemin was dating Jongin, he wanted to hate him. He wanted to hate everything that he did. But when he realized how genuine and kind Taemin was, he couldn't.

 

Jongin made a good choice.

 

"Hey. I'm sorry I'm late." Suho greeted, as he sat down next to Kyungsoo. When Kyungsoo didn't reply and instead gave him a blank look, he blinked. "Are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine." Kyungsoo replied. And this time, it wasn't a fake response like the one he told Baekhyun a week ago, it was real. Kyungsoo truely felt fine. 

 

Maybe it was really time to let go of his 3 year one sided love.

 

-

 

Since the day at the library, Kyungsoo began to let go of his feelings towards Jongin. He started off slowly with finding a new route to get to class so he wouldn't see Jongin. And then it escalated to trying to focus on his studies rather then ask what Jongin was doing at this moment to himself. It turned out that if you focus more in class and not daydreamed about your crush, you could end up with an A. Who knew?

 

Well certainly not Kyungsoo.

 

Trying to avoid Jongin was not easy though. Considering that most of their classes were next to one another. However, Kyungsoo tried his best to not stare at Jongin as he walked past, by either pretending to be busy or by looking at the ground.

 

Jongin could only sigh.

 

-

 

When the final bell of school rung, it marked the end of Kyungsoo's sophomore year. Summer was just as he expected it to be. Boring and tidious. But he couldn't complain because he would rather stay home than go to school and socialize. Of course, Luhan and Baekhyun wanted to hang out with him but Kyungsoo would always make up an excuse not to go. 

 

"I'm so happy, you finally decided to hang out with us." Luhan rolled his eyes. "After tons of begging you to go outside, you finally went out. Tell me what changed your mind?"

 

"Exactly. I knew if i didnt hang out with you guys at least one this summer, you would keep bothering me until I did." Kyungsoo replied, taking a bite of his sandwich.

 

"Dont you ever get bored at home?" Baekhyun asked. 

 

Kyungsoo shook his head. It was true that sometimes he does get bored, but Kyungsoo was never the type of person to socialize with others and would rather stay home. It was surprising that Luhan and Baekhyun were still his friends. Considering that they were the opposite of Kyungsoo. Loud and annoying. 

 

"What a hot- wait, isn't that Jongin?"

 

"That is!" Luhan replied, as he turned his head to where Baekhyun was pointing. However Kyungsoo didn't care and didn't even bother to look if it really was Jongin. Instead he bit into his half eaten sandwich and ignored Baekhyun's and Luhan's comments about getting Kyungsoo to talk to him. 

 

"Come on he kept staring at you!" Baekhyun pleaded. "Why don't you just say hi?"

 

"I told you I'm over him. Its pointless now." Kyungsoo replied. And it was true, up to this day, Kyungsoo had been completely avoiding Jongin. And honestly, he feels proud of himself. Proud for not turning around when his friends saw Jongin and proud because Kyungsoo didn't even feel butterflies when he heard Jongin's name.

 

Maybe Kyungsoo was really over Jongin. Maybe it was the thought of having a crush that made Kyungsoo so happy whenever he saw Jongin. Maybe he just needed someone to have a crush on as a way to get away from school and the stress it brought. There were so many possibilities, but maybe Kyungsoo was in love with love rather than with Jongin. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo was finally in his junior year and knew that it was his last year to see Jongin because it was Jongin's last year. Considering that Jongin was a senior after all. But Kyungsoo didn't really know what to do. It was Jongin's last year of highschool. That meant that Kyungsoo would probably never see him again. Unless they went to the same college, but that was probably least likely to happen. Besides it's not like he was truely over Jongin. But on the other hand, he didn't really want to try anymore. 

 

However, things began to change when he found out that Suho liked him. This shocked Kyungsoo because he had liked the latter too, a long time ago and instead of being happy about it, Kyungsoo felt confused. Confused because up to this day, he still thought about Jongin and daydreamed them becoming a couple. Maybe there really was no one else for him except Jongin.

 

Someone who doesn't even know he existed.

 

It was halfway through Kyungsoo's junior year that he bumped into Jongin. Which suprised him because it was during his way to get to his second period class and Jongin's class was on the other side of the campus. Jongin had bumped him hard, causing Kyungsoo to drop the books he was holding. At first, he didn't even know it was Jongin, because Kyungsoo wasnt really looking in front of him. Kyungsoo was studying a review sheet instead of paying attention.

 

He whispered a soft apology and bent down to pick up his books. However, as he picked up his belongings he noticed a hand picking up one of his books for him. When he looked up, he blinked innocently. Because right in front of him was Kim Jongin. His 3 year one sided love, smiling at him.

 

When Kyungsoo stood up and took the book from him, he smiled slightly. "Thanks."

 

Jongin smiled back and fixed his hair, uncomfortably. "No problem, it was my fault anyways. So it was only reasonable to help you out."

 

Right. Kyungsoo thought, Jongin only helped him out because of a kind act of kindness. Kyungsoo was about to leave when suddenly he decided to finally own up to his own feelings and take a risk. Because who cares if Jongin rejects him? They would probably never see each other again and this might be a way for Kyungsoo to move on.

 

"I really like you." Kyungsoo blurted out. "Ever since my freshmen year. So I've had a crush on you for 3 years."

 

Jongin blinked, at how blunt Kyungsoo was being. "I-"

 

"You don't have to say anything. I already know you have a boyfriend. I just wanted to hear you reject me so I could move on. And it sounds like you already rejected me, so goodbye." Kyungsoo said, as he walked past him.

 

It was wierd because he felt relieved. Like something was finally out of his shoulders. After 3 years of bottling up his emotions, he couldn't believet that he was actually talking about them. Especially to Jongin. Neithertheless, Kyungsoo felt relieved. Maybe this was the closure that he needed from Jongin. 

 

"Kyungsoo." Jongin called out and this caused Kyungsoo to halt. Because Jongin knew his name. Jongin knew he existed. Jongin walked towards Kyungsoo and smiled, causing Kyungsoo to melt. "You didn't let me finish."

 

"I don't want you to move on. I really like you too. Since you were a freshmen." Jongin explained and Kyungsoo just blinked innocently. Jongin liked him back? They had a mutual attraction even though the two never talked to the other? Jongin smiled when he saw Kyungsoo's blank face. He's even cuter up close, Jongin thought. And then he leaned in and pressed his lips against Kyungsoo's. 

 

Kyungsoo thought he was dreaming. He couldn't believe what was happening. Jongin liked him back and he was even kissing him. Suddenly Kyungsoo broke the kiss, which startled Jongin. "What about you boyfriend? Lee Taemin?"

 

"We broke up. Actually we broke up a long time ago." Jongin explained "I was only dating him because I thought you didn't like me and I thought I might be able to move on if I dated him. Because when it seemed like I could never attract your attention. But since you started to avoid me and walk the other way, I figured that I just really missed seeing you around and that dating Taemin was useless if I only ever thought of you."

 

Kyungsoo blushed. "So your saying, we both liked each other but we never had the guts to approach one another?"

 

Jongin nodded. "But why did you start avoiding me?"

 

"Its a long story."

 

"I have time." Jongin replied. He didn't want this conversation to end. Because finally after 3 years of admiring Kyungsoo from afar and trying to attract his attention by doing crazy things, here he was finally having a conversation with him.

 

"I actually met Taemin in the library and I thought that he was really kind. And I guessed that was why you like him so much. So I gave up and I guessed that if I didn't see you around anymore then letting go would be easier. But it wasn't."

 

By this time, Jongin had taken Kyungsoo's hand and intertwined it with his. "Taemin's great and all but you're the one I really liked."

 

Kyungsoo blushed and Jongin laughed. Because Kyungsoo was turning red. "You look like a tomato."

 

Kyungsoo unlaced their hands and covered his face. Kyungsoo was so embarrassed. So. So embarrassed. He just wanted to hide. "I have to go."

 

However, Jongin stopped him and smiled. "We still have 10 minutes before break ends." 

 

"Stay with me." Jongin suggested, lacing their fingers together again.

 

And Kyungsoo did. Maybe showing his true feelings was a better idea than bottling them up.