Rita feels disgusting.

The undeniable sensations of disgust has penetrated deep underneath her skin, seeped into her pores and implanted themselves in her cells. Although she is bewildered by the unusual and secretive pact with G-Dragon – or Jiyeon – she still can’t shake away the filthiness crawling under her skin.

Because she recalls every single way he has touched her, as if his fingers have left ugly scars all over her and she feels that they are for everyone to see.

Now, standing amidst the five band members of Big Bang, her head is swimming in her own ocean, far away from reality. Even with all the chatters around her, she can’t seem to pull herself out of the flashbacks – of herself walking through the doors, smiling, slipping on her lacy Victoria’s Secret lingerie and acting precocious just to buy herself a few minutes of time… Rita feels herself regurgitating again and instinctively covers .

Somebody nudges her roughly on the side, and Rita snaps around to see Betty clenching her teeth together. Rita coughs once and tries to stay present.

“Excuse me,” Betty says sweetly to the five band members, who have just worked up a sweat from demonstrating the outlines of their choreography. “I just need a quick minute with Rita to reconfirm a few points about our own choreography and ways it will be incorporated with yours. Just give us a hot minute.”

“Yeah, take all the time you need,” Daesung says coolly, wiping his forehead. “I need a drink anyway.”

“Great. I’ll ask some of the staff to bring over refreshments. Feel free to ask for whatever you want.” Betty waves over a small girl towards the band. After Betty gives out her instructions, she pulls Rita by the arm and drags her backstage. “Come.”

“What are you doing?” Rita shakes free from her friend’s iron grip, frowning.

“That’s my question!” Betty hisses, throwing her hands up. “What the hell are you doing?! You are spacing out and it’s obvious to the Big Bang members that something’s deadly wrong.”

Rita doesn’t speak.

“I know you’ve got a ‘situation’ on your hand, but you have to keep fronting.” Betty continues. “I’m sorry, but there’s no other choice. You know this show will be your ticket out.”

“Only half of it.” Rita mumbles.

“All the half you need.”

Rita presses her hand against her burning cheek and then slides them to her nape, tilting her head back in exasperation. In the dim lighting, Betty squints her eyes and sees visible red marks just on the side of her neck, spanning all across to her nape like snakes. “Wait a minute, what is that on your neck?”

Rita snaps her head forward and instinctively covers her neck. “, you can see it?!”

Betty wrenches her hands away and examines the throbbing red mark, holding her breath. “Oh my God, I didn’t see this yesterday. Is this why you are late?!”

“Please shut up – this is not the place for us to be discussing this issue.”

“Did he do this to you?”

“Betty, please!” Rita says in a whisper, “There are ears everywhere in this place. Can we talk about it later?”

Betty takes a step back. “Fine. I won’t overtly talk about it – but this is not okay. You can’t keep doing this.” She keeps shaking her head, “I don’t understand. You are already running the Rave – shouldn’t it be enough already?”

“Just doing what I do behind the scenes or just hosting the Rave is only enough for me to run away, to be an exile,” Rita says bleakly. “Not enough for me to do any palpable damage against him.”

“You want to buy him off?”

“Yes. So not only do I need the financial sum, I also need to gather time and clues to hack into his master account. I need to buy myself time. The decoding process is much more complicated than I thought.”

Betty falls silent. After a moment of introspection, she stares at her best friend in disbelief. “When you say buying yourself time…”

“Selling myself out is the only way to buy time, and trust.”

Betty puts a hand over , “Oh Rita…”

Flashing her friend a feeble smile, Rita says, “It’s okay. It won’t take much longer. And it’s not like chastity means anything to me anymore.”

“I’m sorry – I’m sorry that I can’t be a bigger help to you.”

Rita envelops Betty in an embrace, resting her chin on her friend’s shoulder for a long moment. Her earlobes are burning from the rush of blood. “It’s okay. You are doing all that you can to cover for me. You are keeping this secret.”

They stay together for a brief moment before Betty pushes away, straightens herself and collects her collapsed expressions. “I guess hosting the show really takes a toll on your already doubled life, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess you can call it a triple life now.” Rita replies bleakly, tugging the collar of her shirt closer to her neck. She fixates her steady gaze onto the blank darkness down the corridor for a second, then briskly flicks her eyes away, as if she will be into the void vertex if she stared any longer. She returns her eyes onto Betty’s fire engine red hair, like flames, like hope.

“But it’s alright – it won’t be soon before too long.”

 

Jiyeon is serving himself a cup of punch at the refreshment table when Seungri elbows him on the shoulder.

“Can I help you?” Jiyeon mumbles, his mouth full with a cookie.

“Damn, GD, you can’t be telling me you are honestly eating this .” Seungri picks at a cookie and flicks it across the table.

“Yeah, well, food is food. Whatdd’ya expect, for them to serve you caviar?.”

“I’m not being cocky. Once again, I’m just getting the vibe that this whole event is a bit shady.” Seungri replies flatly, his eyes flickering in the direction of backstage.

Jiyeon follows the trail of his gaze and discerns Betty and Rita whispering in the corner, their expressions somber while the two girls exchange a firm hug. When he sees the worry lines tattooed across Rita’s face melt in Betty’s arm, he feels his chest swell with relief. Whatever it is that has been so distressing for her, he’s glad that she’s able to find condolence somewhere.

 “If you are referring to two girls hugging as being shady, the wiring is seriously messed up in your head.” Jiyeon knocks his own head ones and proceeds with cookie eating. “Can you imagine the amount of stress they are under just to plan the event? Recruit staff, dancers, order equipment and all that.”

“You do realize that they’ve received an abundance of funding for all these, right? It’s actually a very staggering amount.”

“Yeah, it’s a charity event so no doubt about that.”

Seungri frowns, toying with an empty punch cup in his hand. “Don’t you think it’s strange that the artists here are volunteers?”

“Maybe that cuts some of the cost for profit.”

“But at least they can make a better stage with the funding,” Seungri stomps once against the floor. The wooden boards quivers perilously under the force, sending waves of tremor through Jiyeon’s punch cup, spilling the red liquid over.

“Hey, watch it!”

“See what I mean? This stage is rickety as hell,” Seungri says, scoffing. “I don’t see how they can possibly hatch their choreography plans on this heap of crap.”

“Everything is still in progress.” Jiyeon replies dismissively. “Rita said so during our first meeting.”

“Yeah, we are two damn weeks from the show!”

“Geez, will you just calm down?” Jiyeon dusts off a few crumbs from his hand and downs the last sip of his punch. “You haven’t stopped ing about this place the moment we made it here. Maybe Betty’s right – you got celebrity paranoia and can’t live without the VIP pampering.” He pauses, a crooked grin on his face. “Just look at your new video Gotta Talk to You: you are all dressed up in pressed suits and gel glossing on your hair. The diva, you are, Seungri.”

Seungri glowers at him, his eyes narrowing. “Me? What about you in all your new tracks? Wearing all that make-up and running like a freak all over some shady London streets –”

“God, this is embarrassing.” Daesung steps between the arguing men, shoving two cookies in his mouth at once. “You two sound like elementary school kids, poking fun at each other’s new videos.” He gives a small shake of his head.

Seungri straightens his expressions. “Fine. I won’t make a scene and taint Big Bang’s image. But just all of you know, there’s something sketchy about this place. TOP agrees with me. I don’t know why you are all so eager to jump in the pool.” He pauses, discreetly eyeing Rita’s direction.

Betty has already left to talk to Taeyang, who seems captivated by her charisma. Rita, on the other hand, is still lingering at the same spot in the right wing, one arm crossed under her chest and gnawing the thumb of her free hand. Her expressions are a mixture of distress and debilitating composure.

“See what I mean? She looks guilty to me, like she’s hiding something.” He pauses, “Don’t you think it’s strange that Rita is so fashionably late that Betty has to be the one to explain the choreography to us? We all know that Rita is the actual host of the event, and obviously a much more renowned dancer and producer.” He eyes Jiyeon triumphantly, “Funny how you said she’s so stressed about the situation, yet so irresponsible about meeting her most important performers.”

Jiyeon falls silent at Seungri’s observations, while Daesung only half listens amidst all his frantic munching. He turns his face away, afraid that clues of his secret pact with Rita will show. The irony of the situation was that Jiyeon didn’t even know what type of secret he was keeping, for all he knew, Seungri could be right

***

Yunho never liked G-Dragon.

What is this guy’s real name, anyway? He vaguely remembers a brief introduction at some awards show a few years back, but none of the details comes to his mind. What he does remember, however, is the gaudy wardrobe he had on for the show. He was performing for a nominated single called Gossip Man, with extremely jaunty lyrics and inappropriate English littered everywhere. Jesus, at the time, he had an upside down mushroom cut dyed in a cross of mauve and eggplant purple, black eyeliners, a checkered suit and tortoise shell loafers. It was an ostentatious mess. Yet G-Dragon at the time hopped and bounced on stage like he was some kind of superman as opposed to the “gossip man”.

As a band leader himself, Yunho didn’t especially appreciate the show. He didn’t understand how someone who seemed to have fallen into the wrong tie-dye bucket held up the leader position of a highly praised band. Not only that, he was also a recognized fashion icon in the South Korean pop culture and managed to even capture some western audiences with his unique mode. In Yunho’s opinion, though, G-Dragon’s style was a hybrid of modern hippie and beggar’s rags. Talk about a ed up era.

“Hyung, stop looking so constipated!” Changmin elbows Yunho on the side, hissing. “It’s seriously embarrassing.”

“Shut up. Don’t you understand the meaning of ‘know your enemy’?”

“Enemy?!”

“Other than that, what else?” Yunho mutters under his breath, his eyes fixated onto the luminous, makeshift stage. “This is not just some talent show.”

“Hmm, I do know that this is a charity event, though.”

“It is not just a charity event. We are put side by side with Big Bang – it’s a goddamned competition of the decade.” Yunho sputters, exasperated. “Did you just forget everything Baek told us in the meeting?”

“Well I remember him nailing down the bolts about your behaviors.” Changmin reminds him mercilessly.

“Yeah, but maintaining the reputation includes your efforts too. I read some stuff before we came, actually – Baek was right, Big Bang has indeed been a huge threat to us since the split in 2010. They are permeating into Japan and even the USA. In fact, they have been far more successful in USA than we have ever been – or any Korean artists have ever been. This is the event that’s going to turn tables and prove that we are still kings.” Yunho steels his expressions, “We are still the Rising Gods of the East, and even better as a duo.”

“Damn it,” Changmin stamps his feet nervously. “Now you’ve got me all worked up.”

Yunho straightens himself, clearing his throat as the secretary shows the two their way backstage. As they weave through the labyrinth of latters, paint and wooden gears, Yunho keeps his unwavering gaze on the five men on stage, dancing to Fantastic Baby. Iridescent neon beams rains down upon the five men, who are gyrating to the fast and furious rhythm of the music. The stage is only half-finished, but it seems that the five are standing on a disc-like structure, and Betty is shouting some kind of instruction over the pulsing melody, rotating each man on and off the disc. Even in a coarse and unfinished setting, the band’s energy is already electric – especially G-Dragon, with his platinum blond hair and lithe movements, his natural swank and vivacity… He’s born to be on stage, to hypnotize his audience. Yunho flattens his lips and looks away, trepidation tensing his muscles.

While he walks through the backstage area, Changmin coughs uncomfortably at the exaggerated and dreamy glances they seem to receive from all directions. Yunho, on the other hand, barely pays any attention. He wonders bitterly what sort of choreography is in plan for the two, and mapping out tactics to outshine the quintet.

The receptionist walks into the tech control area and tells the DJ to lower the volume of the music. The sudden hush on stage makes the five groan collectively, halting abruptly in mid-movements.

“Hey, what the –”

“Oh, what now?” Betty groans, glaring towards right wing.

“Is something wrong?” Rita emerges from behind an unfriendly looking man with a chopped faux-hawk, her ebony mane plastered to her forehead. Yunho can’t help catching his breath as she draws near – she’s the carbon copy of his memories: her hair stayed its natural hues, her figure stayed slender and her teeth shone like a strand of pearls whenever she spoke.

“I just wanted to tell you, Miss, that the members of TVXQ are here.”

“That’s great, thank you.” Rita nods at her, and the receptionist quietly retrieves herself from the now cramped space. Pushing a strand of loose hair behind her ear, Rita walks gracefully towards the two, her expressions neutral and impossible to read. From behind her rose a wave of excited bellowing.

“Whoo! It’s TVXQ!”

“Man, let’s see the legendary Kings.”

“Bro, it’s Yunho time!”

Yunho clenches his hand into a fist, forcing himself to maintain his composure. For some reason, the barbaric outbursts sound like nothing but sarcasm to his ears. He tries to narrow his field of vision solely onto Rita.

She smiles mildly at the two and extends a hand. “Hi, I’m – ”

“Damn, Rita!” Changmin is the first to step up and wraps her in one of his bear hugs. He is rarely warm with anyone, but years ago - when Yunho and Rita were still dating - Changmin grew to be the closest to Rita because they were born on the same year. With Rita being just a few months older, she often took care of Changmin like her little brother and knew all of Changmin preferences. It used to drive Yunho nuts with jealousy, even though there was nothing going on. Yunho remembers that Changmin was in shellshock when he discovered the break-up and that Rita was gone. For a good month after that, he could have sworn that Changmin suffered post-traumatic stress disorder without his “elder sister”. He felt utterly betrayed by Yunho, only replying to him in one word answers for a solid two months. The stubborn little bastard he was.

“How long has it been, damn it? Five years?!” Changmin exclaims.

“Try six.” Rita’s smile brightens at the sight of him, a small dimple showing up on her left cheek. She reaches up to muss Changmin hair. “Gosh, you’ve grown even taller! You make me feel like a dwarf.”

“Yeah? I’m aiming for six-feet-two!” Changmin says proudly.

Yunho clears his throat, interrupting their warm reunion. Rita shifts her gaze from Changmin and scrutinizes him, her expressions unreadable. “Hi, Yunho.” She extends a hand at him, the bland smile never once falters from the corner of her lips. “It’s been awhile. I’m glad we finally get to work together.”

Yunho nods, wondering how she has become so flawless at maintaining these formalities. “Yes. I’m glad we are finally working together. Again.”

“Well, if it isn’t U-Know of TVXQ,” Betty interjects, her fire-engine red hair like a burst of flames in the dim lighting. She shakes her wrists, “Fashionably late, of course.”

Yunho exhales through his nose. He has never established a friendly term with Betty, and her antagonism for him especially intensified after the break-up. He distinctly recalls that she was irate after the breakup and annulled the contract with SM Entertainment after Rita’s forced leave. Yunho was sure she would have hunted him with a nail gun if it was a legal method of retaliation. “Hello, Betty.”

Betty ignores his greetings, looking back at the Big Bang members. “Why don’t I introduce y’all to each other?”

“Alright, let’s do it.” A muscular man who is only wearing a black wife beater steps out first to Yunho. “I believe we’ve met before. I’m Taeyang.”

“I’m Seungri.” The unfriendly man grunts.

“Daesung!” Another shorter figure slaps Yunho on the back of his hand, a huge smile on his face. Yunho cringes.

“TOP.” The one with a white Mohawk crowning his head grasps Changmin’s hand in a firm grip.

“I remember you!” Changmin exclaims, “TOP.” He tugs at his shirt, “like top, in English.”

“Yes, that top.”

“TOP.” Changmin repeats.

For a moment, the stupidity of their exchange seems to stun everyone involved the introduction. After a brief moment of awkward silence, G-Dragon steps out from behind the four men and extend a hand full of rings. “Hey, I’m –”

“G-Dragon. We’ve met.” Yunho says in a solemn tone.

“Yeah.” G-Dragon replies, slightly taken aback. “We sat next to each other, I think.”

“You performed Gossip Man.”

“Yeah!” G-Dragon grins, almost childishly. “Hey, thanks for remembering.”

Yunho forces a smile at him, both disgusted and envious of his overbearing charisma. After the duo changes a round of stoic greetings to the quintet, Betty snaps her fingers. “Okay everyone, I hope you all know that the next two weeks or so is going to be brutal days of nonstop rehearsal. You are not going to have a moment with your on the chairs. You are going to hear your songs on repeat so much so, that you are going to be sick with the lyrics and puke it out. Rita is going to tweak and overlook most of Big Bang’s performances, and I’m going to chaperone TVXQ’s performances –”

“Wait, hold on,” Yunho stops her. “When was this decided?”

“Most likely before your managers signed the contract with us and negotiated the financial settlements of the event.” Betty replies flatly. “If you have any complaints, file them to your managers.”

“You are kidding.”

“Not really. Rita and I are both taking this event very seriously, because it contributes to fundamental funding to various national charity organizations and also to the United Nations, who will make significant improvements to the impoverished conditions of Third-World countries –”

“Okay, that’s wonderful.” Yunho cuts her off again gruffly. “It’s fantastic, really.”

Betty crosses her arms over her chest. “Is there a problem?”

“I don’t know, is there?” Yunho retorts.

They glower at each other.

Sensing the hostility brewing between the two already, Rita steps in to mediate. “Just to assure all of you that ‘chaperone’ is a very loose term. During the process of constructing the event, we are going to be a team. Nobody’s in charge. Betty and I are just responsible for financial arrangements and will help create the choreography. If any of you are unhappy with the script or our suggestions, we can always compromise and make the plan work for all. The definition of ‘producer’ is absolutely not absolute.” She looks at Yunho and Changmin cordially. “Of course, I know I have a lot of collaborative performances with the two of you. So we will meet individually about that and discuss what you two have in mind before the choreography is set in stone.”

Yunho nods at her curtly, struggling to tear his eyes away from her as the huddle disperses. Indescribable turbulences flood through him as he watches Rita retreat for the others, her impeccable stature making his head swim. Although Rita shows no signs of past trauma and is more diplomatic than ever, she somehow feels far more distant, like a star in another galaxy. Like a deity out of this world.

He is about to collect the papers of the performance line-up when G-Dragon approaches Rita, who is suddenly smiling like she is to an old companion.

“Hey Rita, where are the attachments for Crooked and Fantastic Baby? I didn’t see them with the line-up script.”

“Oh, those are still in progress. Those two performances are a slightly more complicated, because I have a plot line in mind that I have to bring up to discussion with everyone in the band.” She explains.

“When?”

Rita considers this for a second. “I’m still editing it, actually.” She pauses, “You know what, why don’t you come by and tell me what you think before I finalize it for tomorrow’s group meeting?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” G-Dragon’s blond head bobs. “Do you want me to come by your place?”

“Actually, I don’t have a permanent address in Seoul. It’s in NYC. I travel most of the time, though.”

“I see. Which hotel are you staying at now, then? For the event.”

“Ritz-Carlton at Gangnam district center.” Rita says. “I can meet you in the downstairs lobby at… nine. Tomorrow morning, that is.”

“Cool.” He puts a hand on her shoulder before brushing away. “It’s a date.”

Rita flashes another smile at him before joining the rest of the group.

Yunho’s finger abruptly tightens, bending the corners of the paper, his fingernails sinking deep into his shockingly clammy palm. He doesn’t realize how worked up he is until Changmin nudges him and asks if he’s okay.

“You know, Min,” Yunho turns to his friend. “I never liked that guy – G-Dragon.”