I’d walk out of the house and on my way to school you’d greet me “Hi Minah”

I’d only say “Hi”. How could I say your name when I’m afraid to look at you?

I’d try to think of something to say to you, to start a conversation with you but then I realise we don’t exactly have anything in common. If we didn’t grow up together we wouldn’t even know each other. So we just spend the rest of our walk to school in silence. Once we get to my locker I’d struggle to take out my stuff and I’d feel so much pressure to not embarrass myself because you’re staring at me.

You’d ask “Do you want help?” and I’d reply “I’m okay”

Straight after I reject your help I’d drop everything in my hands and I’ll just go blank. What just happened? Am I really this weak?

 You’d come over and pick up my books and I’ll just keep my head down because of the embarrassment and shame. I’d ask you “Why do you even try? I can’t even carry my own books. Why do you care so much? You’re wasting your time.”

You look down at me in pity and that’s the thing I hate the most.

You’d drag me to class and I’d just follow you in hopes that you won’t give me that pitiful look. We we sit in class, sometimes I’d make notes or doodle in my book or just sit there and contemplate about my life. I wonder to myself why I didn’t just end my life the night before. Then I realise that if I did then all your efforts to help me would go to waste. You make me feel so many emotions at once but in a good way.  I’d try not to make it noticeable but I would feel you staring at me every now and then.

In our lunch breaks we’d sit in the garden and you’d look so perfect. You’d look so comfortable just sitting there eating your sandwich. I’d sit there with the fruit salad or peanut butter sandwich in my hands and just stare at it.

Every day at school you’d bring me food and I feel like you know me better than I know myself. You’d put in more watermelon pieces because I used to love it, you never put in kiwi because I’m allergic to them and you cut the apples into tiny pieces because my jaw gets sore when I chew on large pieces of food. You’d put peanut butter only onto plain white bread, just how I used to like them.

You’d look at me and ask why I wasn’t eating and sometimes I’ll just tell you “I’m not hungry” and sometimes I’d take a bite or two just to see you smile. When the bell goes I take the food back to my locker and put it in my bag. I try to remember to finish it but when I get home