Sehun always thought that he was a moon. Bright but he was also calm. But a moon couldn’t live alone there had to be a sun too, so the world would live in balance. In Sehun’s case, it was Luhan.

Sehun had always admired Luhan, his hyung, the place where he could wail his off whenever he was sad or the place where he could share his happiness to when he had one. Luhan would always be there for him.

Whenever Luhan and the others had to fly to China, Sehun would feel lonely. It was sad that he couldn’t find another figure resembling Luhan in Korea. And whenever he needed Luhan he called him, although Luhan didn’t always pick his phone up. Training, perhaps. The distance between Sehun and his hyung was getting wider and Sehun didn’t like that. Luhan might be able to communicate with the others and acted like Sehun wasn’t special. For Sehun, Luhan was special. But for Luhan, there was someone special.

Kim Minseok.

Sehun had never grudged toward the oldest hyung of EXO. He loved Minseok, although the love was different than the love he felt to Luhan. Minseok was a bright and cheer personality Sehun could never bring himself to hate to. Sehun knew Minseok was special for Luhan from the way Luhan looked at Minseok, the gestures, the words. It was obvious that Sehun couldn’t win over the oldest even though he died trying.

“You should stop.”

Sehun looked up and saw Zitao frowning down on him.

“What?”

“You should stop, Sehun.” Zitao sighed and sat beside him on his bed, “You’re only hurting yourself.”

Sehun blinked, “I don’t get it. What are you talking about?”

“You like Luhan-ge, don’t you?”

The younger had to turn his face away at that, hiding his blushing cheeks, “What the hell, Tao.”

“Come on. It’s obvious. Everyone could see that, including me.”

“Is it?!” Sehun widened his eyes, “It means Luhan-hyung knows it too?!”

“Except him. He’s too engrossed to Minseok-ge that he doesn’t care people revolved around him.”

Sehun sighed in relief, “I’m glad.”

“Even Minseok-ge noticed it.”

The younger cleared his throat and leaned back to the wall at the mention of Minseok’s name, “Ah, really?”

“Sehun,” Tao sighed, “you know what Minseok-ge to Luhan-ge, right?”

Sehun stayed silent.

“Why don’t you stop and try to look around you instead of chasing the impossible? I’m sure there’s someone who adores you like you adore Luhan-ge.”

“What do you know about me?” Sehun spat, “Just leave me alone, Zitao. I’m not in the mood for talking.”

“You are stupid.” Zitao shook his head and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving Sehun drowning in another night of tears.

Sehun was standing on the roof with his sun, feeling the summer breeze starting to come to Seoul. Luhan raised his hand to protect his eyes from the sunlight, smiling contently, brightly, beautifully. Sehun would have gladly paid the time no matter how much it cost so he could enjoy the time forever.

“Ah~” Luhan sighed, “Summer is coming soon.”

“Indeed, Hyung.” Sehun chuckled.

“We can do everything together in summer. It’s going to be fun!”

Sehun smiled to himself. Just standing in heat of summer together with Luhan was content enough for him.

“Oh!” Luhan exclaimed and pointed the tiny red dot on the sky, “It’s a kite! Aw, what a shame. It lost its master.”

Sehun nodded, “It’ll be nice being a kite, don’t you think?”

“Why is that?” Luhan asked.

“Because we could fly and fly and fly freely, looking down to the city, looking down to the view.”

“Hmm,” Luhan thought and grinned, “I’d rather be a wind though.”

Sehun frowned, “And why?”

“Because if I were wind, I could support the kite from below, keep it flying, protect him by maneuvering away from the storm, bring it to the safe place so I could easily land it without hurting it.”

The younger tried hard not to cry right then and there. And although he’d known the answer already, he still asked it, “A-and, who would be the kite?”

Luhan chuckled, scratching his cheek shyly, “Minseok.”

Sehun had prepared for that since long time ago. He also had known. He had also given up of winning. But, the real time he faced the truth was harder, the worse, than he had actually expected. He gripped his chest, as if he had been trying to hold his heart from breaking into pieces. Why did he feel so much pain?

“There you are!” A cheerful voice was heard from the doorway of the rooftop. It was Minseok, grinning blindly bright to them, “We’ve looked for you for ages, Guys! Come on! The vacation is waiting for us!”

Luhan ran toward Minseok and hugged him immediately, “Vacation!”

Minseok laughed along, receiving a chaste kiss from Luhan on his lips.

If only Sehun’s heart could’ve more broken than it already had.

“Sehun?” Minseok called him, Sehun could catch a glimpse of guilt in his eyes, “Come on!”

“I—” Sehun chocked back tears, “I’ll stay a bit longer. You can go first, Hyung.”

Minseok’s eyes seemed apologetic and smiled softly, “I’m sorry, Sehun. Hurry come, okay?”

Sehun could hear Luhan asking why Minseok was sorry for and Minseok answered him that he was sorry for leaving Sehun behind and then he could hear Luhan laughed, telling his boyfriend was silly. But, the broken hearted boy knew fully what Minseok was sorry for.

He broke into tears. Sehun turned his face away from the way Luhan and Minseok had disappeared, facing the horizon, sobbing and sobbing, but it didn’t help the pain he felt.

Sehun knew that he was no moon, he was the grass. While Luhan was holding Minseok up there, balancing him for a long trip they were going to have ahead, for their happiness, Sehun was only swaying softly, following the direction Luhan and Minseok were going. The grass was so close to the wind, they kept touching each other, but the grass would never be able to reach the wind no matter how hard he tried.

Suddenly, Sehun felt a presence standing behind him. He didn’t dare to find out who it was because he was in pain and he didn’t think he could hide it any longer. And then a pair of strong hands pulled him against a broad chest. Sehun could breathe the familiar manly scent.

“I told you, Sehun.” Zitao’s voice was heard, “You needed to stop and looked for the one adores you like you adore Luhan-ge.”

At that, Sehun turned himself and broke down on Zitao’s chest, pouring all his sadness to the Chinese man hugging him tight. Because he knew it would be the last time he cried for his broken heart. He knew the man in front of him would pick the pieces of his heart and glue them together, protect them, so he would feel alive again. Sehun wasn’t worried anymore.

True that grass couldn’t reach the wind, but it always had the strong soil below it, holding it up so the grass could continue living and growing proud toward the sun above.