A few days before the start of his last year of college, Yixing receives a text from Kris on his way back from the supermarket. He looks at his phone pensively for a couple of minutes, his groceries left forgotten at his feet.

From: Fan Fan
Hey. I just got back.

It had been easy to pretend everything was okay when Kris had been an entire continent away from him.

His best friend had left Seoul to visit his mother in Vancouver, Canada, as soon as the last semester of school was considered officially over. Yixing had gone to see his own family in Changsha, China, and hadn’t heard from Kris ever since, aside from the odd email here and there – from [email protected] to [email protected]: “Tried to make crêpes today. Oddly enough, I set them on fire.” To which, he had always promptly replied back – from [email protected] to [email protected]: “(ﾉ◕︿◕)ﾉ～『✧~*LOSER*~✧』 Why am I not even surprised.“

It had been easy to pretend.

Finally, he decides to text back.

From: Xing Xing
Where are you now?

From: Fan Fan
With Minseok. Promised to help him buy and move some furniture into his and Jongdae’s place – that they could both REACH. Are you free tonight?

Pretend.

From: Xing Xing
Depends. What’s in it for me?

Pretend.

From: Fan Fan
Spaghetti Bolognese.

Before he has the chance to reply again, he gets another message.

From: Fan Fan
Besides the tremendous pleasure of enjoying my company, of course.

Yixing can’t help but snort at this.

From: Xing Xing
Can’t we order something instead?

From: Fan Fan
Why? I was looking forward to cooking dinner.

From: Xing Xing
But I don’t want to suffer from food poisoning.

From: Fan Fan
I’m not that bad!

From: Xing Xing
♫ This crêêêêêêêpe is on fiiiiire (and begs to differ).

From: Fan Fan
You dare insult my cooking skills?! D:<

The emoticon looks so much like Kris that Yixing cannot help but let a chuckle escape his mouth.

From: Xing Xing
Let’s face it, Kris. We’ve known each other for years. You never cook – EVER. And when you actually do, the only edible thing you can make IS spaghetti Bolognese. And that’s mainly because I help you with the sauce.

...

Yixing met Kris for the first time when they were five and six year old respectively. Kris had just moved to China as a young transfer student from Canada. On his first day of school, he was told by his new teacher to sit next to a quiet and cutely dimpled boy with gentle features, who timidly smiled at him.

“Kris,” she said, “this is Yixing. Yixing, please help Kris settle to his new life here.” Kris had nodded to him as he sat down at his desk. When the teacher walked away to take the roll call, Yixing had seized the opportunity to peek at the new student. For his age, Kris already had strong eyebrows and a piercing gaze. His lips were full and he seemed very serious. Or angry. Or both.

Yixing was honestly a little bit scared of him.

“What’s his name?”

He startled. Kris was discreetly pointing at the unicorn plushie Yixing was clutching involuntarily to his small frame.

“It… It’s Lay.” He clutched it even tighter against his chest. “He’s my best friend.”

He then eyed Kris in a challenging way, as if he was defying him to laugh at the statement. However, Kris surprised him by pulling out a small alpaca plushie from his schoolbag. He had glanced down at it with a lost expression, before hugging it – as if it could give him some strength.

“This is Ace.”

Yixing’s own eyebrows shot up. Kris had such a hopeful look in his eyes at that precise moment that he didn’t look scary at all. Yixing had stared at the other boy in silence for a few seconds, before beaming down at the stuffed toy.

“Hello, Ace. I’m Yixing.” He paused and tried to make the plushie feel welcome. “What’s your favourite kind of food?”

Kris gave him a gummy and toothy smile. Yixing’s little heart skipped a bit for the first time.

“Spaghetti bolognese.”

...

From: Fan Fan
You love me though.

Yixing stops breathing for a second.

From: Xing Xing
I do.

He is not good at pretending.

...

Yixing does not expect a complete stranger to welcome him instead of his best friend when he arrives at Kris’ flat.

“Oh, hi. You must be Yixing!”

The bubbly stranger takes a step back from the door to let him in. Yixing blinks.

“Kris has gone to the convenience store to buy us some drinks. I suspect him to buy some ready-made Bolognese sauce for the pasta.”

Yixing blinks again. Recognising his mistake, the stranger’s cheeks turn a light pink in embarrassment.

“Oh, I’m so stupid! I’m Lu Han!”

Lu Han is beautiful. He has a soft-spoken and gentle voice. His brown eyes sparkle when he smiles.

“I’m Kris’ boyfriend.”

Yixing does not expect his world to come crashing down like so.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Kris talks about you all the time.”

He swallows the bitterness in his mouth. He needs to regain his composure.

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

When Kris comes back, Yixing greets him eagerly. He knows the smile he plastered on his face can pass as genuine even if all he wants to do is squeeze his eyes shut.

...

Yixing falls into a simple routine. He buries himself into his studies because it helps to numb the pain.

He wakes up.

He goes to university.

He eats.

He reads and works on his assignments.

And when he is done, he reads some more – anything to distract himself and not let the agony rip him up from within.

He meets up with his friends. Even with Kris and Lu Han. The former has always been a big part of his life and even if not too long ago he had entertained the idea of them becoming something more, he understands that having Kris smile fondly at him from time to time has to be enough.

He doesn’t want him to suspect anything, although there’s a lump in his throat every time he witnesses Kris snaking his arm around Lu Han’s waist. It’s hard to give someone up when you had no say about it in the first place. Maybe he should to stop hanging out with them for a while. He just needs some time to sort himself out.

Yixing just hopes that someday, these feelings will die before they eventually suffocate him.

...

From: Fan Fan
Why are you avoiding me?

Yixing finds himself staring at the screen of his phone again. This time however, it happens in the middle of his friends Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s housewarming party. Dubstep music is blasting from loudspeakers and the makeshift dance floor in the living room is crowded with people who are pushing him from side to side. It’s not like he cares, because all he can think of is how he can word his reply.

From: Xing Xing
I’m not avoiding you. I’m giving you and Lu Han some space.

From: Fan Fan
Lu Han and I broke up two months ago.

Yixing inhales sharply. Everything is spinning around and it is freaking him out.

“Idiot.”

Yixing’s head darts up so fast that his vision swirls a bit around the edges, before he sees Kris looming over him with a frown.

“You gave us so much space you didn’t even notice that.”

Kris’ frown morphs into a smirk. One of his hands catches Yixing’s wrist and tugs on it until their faces are only mere millimetres apart.

“But I suppose I am pretty oblivious as well. Apparently, I speak about you all the time.”

...

From: Fan Fan
If I promise not to make you help me with the cooking, will you come over and join me for dinner tonight?

From: Xing Xing
Does that mean we’re eating your infamous spaghetti Bolognese again?

From: Fan Fan
Yes?

From: Xing Xing
I actually hate it. I only put up with it to indulge you but I think I’ve reached my limits.

From: Fan Fan
☹

From: Xing Xing
I’m glad we could reach an agreement.

From: Fan Fan
Will you still join me for dinner?

From: Xing Xing
Give me a good reason why.

From: Fan Fan
You love me though.

...

This time, Yixing grins.

From: Xing Xing
I do.