A/N: WARNING: ANGST. HEAVY ANGST. Seriously. Mentally prepare yourselves. But please do remember this isn't the end of the story.... please trust me and keep on reading, ok? You all trust me, right??

Yixing awoke when sunlight poked its way through the gaps in the blinds. Sehun asleep beside him reminded him of being in China with him again, and suddenly Yixing felt nostalgic. He quietly got up from the bed though, breaking up the memory, and it was somehow bittersweet as he carefully pushed the ends of Sehun’s hair away from his closed eyes.

It was strange, waking up in Sehun’s bed, getting ready to go to work in Sehun’s apartment, with Sehun bustling around the rooms, bustling in a lazy sort of way because he knew he’d still be late even if he rushed. It was nice though, Yixing thought as he sipped coffee, avoiding a chip in Sehun’s porcelain mug. It wasn’t the kind of uncomfortable strange that clung to you like a mist. It was the oddly welcoming kind of strange, the kind that wrapped you up in its strangeness and promised that later on when it disappeared, you’d remember it and wish you could have it back.

Jongdae demanded Yixing’s presence at the jazz club one night in the dead of winter, insisting that it had been way too long since he’d come to one of his and Chanyeol’s shows. They came over to his table when their set finished and they were expectedly surprised that he’d brought Sehun along. What Yixing hadn’t expected was to see Lu Han come in a moment later and hesitantly sit down at the table also, uncertainty in his steps. He hadn’t seen Lu Han since that night in Sehun’s kitchen.

Chanyeol and Jongdae looked at him curiously. Sehun introduced him as “my old friend, Lu Han,” but his similarly surprised look told Yixing that he hadn’t invited him.

“He literally means one of the oldest,” Lu Han added. “I have four years on this punk.” He laughed as he ruffled Sehun’s hair. The others laughed too, breaking the ice a little.

Lu Han eventually paused in his chatter to send a text message and a minute later, Joonmyun approached them, apparently either finished with his shift or having gotten someone to cover it. “Lu Han,” he said, lowering himself into a seat, “what a surprise.”

They made small talk, the conversation flowing without much lull, but Yixing got the sense that it was forced, somehow. For some reason Lu Han didn’t seem like he was there to socialize, even though he was doing a great job of acting like it. Yixing tried to put it out of his mind and enjoy himself as he talked with the others, but it was even more difficult to relax when Sehun would laugh at something he said or would accidentally bump his knee against his underneath the table. Every time he looked at Sehun, every time he touched him, he was reminded that soon, he’d never be able to again.

“Excuse me,” Yixing said a minute after Jongdae had also left the table to get a drink. He got up and opened the door to outside, the freezing air immediately chilling him, but he told himself that it was invigorating as he breathed it in and observed the city from his tiny vantage point in front of the club. He had stood here once a year ago, afraid of what staying in this world would mean for him. Now he was afraid of what going back would mean.

“It’s cold out here,” said a voice to his right and Yixing’s eyes landed on Lu Han, who was bundled up in a puffy coat. “You should come back inside.”

Yixing gave him half a smile, not managing words.

“He doesn’t show it well, but Sehun feels his emotions very deeply,” Lu Han said next, as he came closer to stand beside Yixing, following his line of sight out to the horizon.

Yixing looked at him in surprise. He waited, but Lu Han didn’t say anything else right away. Neither did Yixing. It was a quiet night, not many people out on the streets in the cold, and Yixing felt conspicuous, standing there, and with Lu Han now looking at him.

The other man studied him for another brief moment, and then he burst out with, “Sehun loves you. I know that. I haven’t seen him smile the way he does when he looks at you for a very long time.”

Lu Han took a breath before he continued, “That’s why it’s so hard for me to say this, but...whatever you have with him...please end it. If not for yourself, do it for him. If he’s going to throw his heart out a window no matter what, I’d rather it was thrown from the first floor of the building, not the highest.”

Yixing still found it hard to piece together metaphors in Korean sometimes, but he understood what Lu Han meant. Maybe he’d known what he had to do since the first morning he woke up next to Sehun, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear.

Sehun looked from Lu Han to Yixing as they got back into their seats, his eyes deep and sad as if he could guess what they’d talked about. Joonmyun took a long sip from his glass and cleared his throat quietly, his face angled away from everyone a little. He’d been refusing to look directly at Lu Han since he’d sat down.

“Did you get bored without me?” Jongdae laughed. “I left for two minutes and when I came back half of you were gone.”

“I had to make a phone call,” Yixing said, bringing back a familiar excuse, at the same time Lu Han said, “They have the heat on too high.”

It was quiet for a moment and Jongdae’s eyes briefly scanned everyone at the table during the silence before he said, “Is it a full moon or something? Why’s everyone acting so odd?”

His words met another silence, more awkward than the last.

“I should go,” Sehun said abruptly. “It’s late.” A few of the others nodded in understanding and Sehun stood up.

“I’ll take you home,” Yixing offered, also getting up.

“I should get going too,” said Joonmyun.

Jongdae looked scandalized. “I can’t believe how lame you all are.”

“The night is still young,” Chanyeol agreed.

“I’ll see you two tomorrow,” Joonmyun said, smiling before he took his jacket from the back of his chair and followed Sehun and Yixing to the door.

Lu Han wasn’t far behind the three of them. “We’re not leaving yet,” he declared, and the others turned to look at him. “Sehun,” he addressed the youngest, “have you explained to Yixing fully what the process of crossing the worlds actually involves?”

Sehun didn’t answer right away. “‘Process?’” Yixing repeated curiously.

“Yes. I know you already know that you risk damage to your soul, if you’re too strongly attached to another world when you attempt to go back to your own...”

While he was talking Yixing snagged a quick look at Joonmyun, who didn’t look phased by this, and he realized that Lu Han must have told him already too.

“...but there’s more to it than that,” Lu Han was saying. “An Enforcer has to make a precise calculation to determine how much energy it will take to get you over the space between the worlds. It’s a delicate balance. Not enough, and you might not make it across. Too much, and your soul could split under the force.” He paused, gauging their reactions. “I just want you to be informed.”

Now Joonmyun looked as dumbfounded as Yixing felt. Before either of them had a chance to respond, Sehun spoke as sharply as he could without attracting attention to their group.

“You’re doing a fine job of explaining all by yourself, Lu Han. How about you take over my position as Enforcer, too? I’m sure you could find a way.” Sehun turned swiftly and pushed the doors open with his palms like he was shoving someone in the chest. They were all hit with a blast of cold air as he walked outside.

“Sehun, wait,” Lu Han called after him, but he gave no indication that he’d heard. The doors closed again and Lu Han sighed. “I never say the right thing with him, do I?”

Yixing was torn between wanting to comfort Lu Han and wanting to go comfort Sehun and wishing they’d work it out on their own.

“Lu Han...what are the chances of something like that happening?” Joonmyun asked with a tremor in his voice, bringing them back to the matter at hand.

“I don’t have a bunch of statistics prepared for you,” Lu Han said. “But I will tell you that Sehun and I have made a good team. In all these years, he’s never failed.”

Yixing found Sehun waiting at the crosswalk by the entrance to the club. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Sehun nodded. “Yeah. I know I shouldn’t have gone off on him like that. I’ll tell him I’m sorry. It’s just that once again, I wanted to tell you everything in my own time.”

Yixing pulled the ends of his sleeves over his hands to form some barrier against the cold. “I know you wish you didn’t have to do this,” he said, bringing up the subject they’d both been avoiding. Lu Han’s words now made it stand out in sharp relief between them. “I wish you didn’t, either.”

The light changed, but Sehun made no move to cross the street. “What did Lu Han say to you earlier?” he asked, slowly.

“He said that we should end what we have,” Yixing recited. Somehow it was easier to say that when he was only quoting Lu Han. “I know that he’s doing his job, but he also...doesn’t want you to get hurt, Sehun.”

“I thought you and I accepted that we couldn’t do this without getting hurt,” Sehun said. His short puffs of breath were like smoke in the cold air.

“We...we did,” said Yixing, his resolve crumbling. He was becoming less and less confident that he could really go through with this with every word that Sehun said. He tried to continue, “But he thinks it will hurt more later on, if we go on like this.”

“And what about you? What do you think?” Sehun asked, in that soft voice of his. Yixing had gotten used to tuning out almost everything else whenever he spoke.

“I think that he’s right,” Yixing said roughly, feeling like he had to tear the words from his vocal cords or he wouldn’t be able to say them. “I think I’ve...we’ve known that for a while, Sehun,” he finally admitted out loud.

“He’s always right,” Sehun said spitefully, but then his eyes softened and Yixing thought he could see tears glistening in them again before he turned away. “You don’t have to take me home. I can walk.”

Yixing didn’t say anything more as he watched Sehun leave, even though he wanted to. There was always more he wanted to say to Sehun, would always be more. A picture was worth a thousand words, and Sehun was like a thousand pictures that Yixing would never get to finish drawing.

*

The night of the blue moon arrived like the descent of a curtain. The day at the company had been like any other, structured and methodical, and it clashed dramatically with Joonmyun’s chaotic thoughts. The jazz club manager hadn’t been happy when Joonmyun told him he wouldn’t be able to bartend on Halloween, but he considered saying goodbye to Yixing more important than getting extra tips for wearing a vampire costume.

The knock at Joonmyun’s apartment door shook him out of his fitful nap on the couch. His gaze snapped toward the window, where he could see that the sun had dipped underneath the horizon since he’d closed his eyes. They didn’t have long before the full moon would be bright in the sky.

He silently walked Sehun and Lu Han to Yixing’s room, where he was poised at the desk, sketchbook in front of him, but he wasn’t looking at it. He was staring out the window at the still darkening sky. Joonmyun knocked on the open door and Yixing turned toward them, immediately locking eyes with Sehun.

They didn’t exchange any greetings, even though Joonmyun didn’t think they’d seen each other except in passing since that night at the jazz club, months ago. Though they didn’t speak, they both held a determined sort of intensity in their eyes.

“Are you ready to go?” Sehun asked, a beat later than what would have felt natural. Yixing nodded, standing up.

“We have a few minutes,” Sehun said, “but we should probably go outside.”

Yixing nodded again and Joonmyun led everyone out to his apartment’s balcony. It might be considered a luxury to some people to have one, but he never spent much time on it. The sounds of the city were louder out here. It was one of those gusty autumn nights, and cold whips of wind lashed at their cheeks.

Sehun leaned on the railing as he looked up at the moon, clearly full, but it was blanketed by a thin, filmy covering of clouds, making its surface appear mottled by charcoal. “It’s time,” he said when he turned back around.

All the things Joonmyun had wanted to say evaporated into nothing when he looked at Yixing. He remembered Lu Han’s words about how complicated of a process this actually was, how easy it was for something to go wrong. But Yixing didn’t look afraid.

Joonmyun tried to push down his own fear. “Good luck, Yixing,” was all he could think of to say now. He held I love you underneath his tongue as Yixing’s arms wrapped around him.

“Thank you, Joonmyun, for everything,” Yixing said in his ear as he hugged him a little tighter. “Take care of yourself. Take care of Jongin and the others. And don’t forget about me.” He was smiling when they separated, the dimple in his right cheek at its deepest, but his eyes were shiny with unshed tears.

“I promise.” The air felt colder again outside Yixing’s embrace.

Joonmyun watched him grasp Lu Han’s hand, and thank him, while Sehun also stood by watching quietly, waiting. Lu Han had also said before that Sehun was one of the very best, that he’d never made a mistake. And there really was something almost regal about the way Sehun was standing there, dressed in all black, the wind ruffling the tips of his hair like a perfect, supernatural hero.

The illusion was broken as Sehun shivered when he took Yixing’s hand in his. “All you have to do is stay still,” Sehun told him. “I’ll take care of the rest.”

Yixing nodded, the wind tossing the ends of his hair across his face. “I trust you, Sehun,” he said, the first words he’d spoken to him since he’d gotten there that night, maybe since they’d last seen each other.

Sehun slowly let go of his hand and reached it out into the air in front of him instead. Yixing had his eyes closed as Sehun flattened his palm to the air and moved it slowly, as if feeling for something none of them could see.

Joonmyun hadn’t realized how close to his side Lu Han was standing until he felt the warmth of his palm fit against the small of his back. Joonmyun’s own hands were freezing and he shoved them into the pockets of his jacket.

It was a tense moment that seemed to drag on as Joonmyun knew that any moment Yixing would be gone, until all at once, Yixing fell to the ground and Sehun seemed to disappear into thin air. He and Lu Han rushed toward him, Lu Han settling on the ground next to him and supporting his head on his knee.

“Yixing? Can you hear me?”

Joonmyun kneeled on his other side, something squeezing his chest so tight that he struggled to take uneven breaths. “What happened?” he asked Lu Han frantically. “Where’s Sehun?”

Yixing was still as Lu Han pushed some of the hair away from his face. Joonmyun saw tears in Lu Han’s eyes and he forced his voice to stay level even as his panic was rising. “What happened, Lu Han?” he demanded.

“This isn’t a good sign,” Lu Han said quietly, not bothering to wipe away the tears that had made their way down his cheeks now. “Sehun isn’t here, which means he created the portal. Yixing is still here, but unconscious, which means...his soul is damaged. I’ve seen this happen before, but never...never with Sehun…I don’t know how...” He trailed off, watching Yixing carefully. “If he wakes up, he’ll make it through the portal, to his own world, but either way...he likely won’t recover, Joonmyun.”

“No,” was the first word out of Joonmyun’s mouth. “No, it can’t be…”

“I’m sorry,” was all Lu Han said. He wasn’t looking at Joonmyun like he was trying to figure him out anymore. He was looking at him like he already knew everything he needed to. Tears brimmed in Joonmyun’s eyes too, spilling over onto the ground.

Suddenly Yixing’s eyes fluttered open and a surge of hope leapt through Joonmyun until Lu Han touched his hand briefly, as if reminding him of what he’d just said, and then he ached more than ever.

“Yixing,” Joonmyun choked out, “I knew I would have to say goodbye to you tonight, but not...not like this…Yixing…”

“It’s okay, Joonmyun,” Yixing said, his voice soft around the edges.

“No, it’s not, it’s not okay Yixing, it’s not--” He broke off, hardly aware of what he was saying anymore, just knowing that this wasn’t the way this was supposed to happen. He was trembling so hard he truly felt like he might break. Yixing reached for his hand and Joonmyun took it, trying to memorize the way that it felt, holding it as if he could put Yixing’s soul back together himself.

“Whatever happens...I’d never regret coming here, meeting you.” Yixing reached up and shakily smoothed his other hand through Joonmyun’s hair. His touch was very weak.

Yixing’s eyes closed again and tears poured endlessly, silently down Joonmyun’s face as he gripped Yixing’s hand tightly in his.