Chapter One

“I just wish that day did not even exist…”

*I can’t forget it… everyday I wake up sweating, screaming, and full of fears… I just lost the one I loved the most… if it wasn’t for my sake… No! It’s not my fault! … It is my fault!! … Can I die? … But how can I? After all what I have done to him…*

This room is scary, the colour I loved the most has become the colour I am scared of the most. White. This room, everything in it are white. The walls, the bed, the blanket, the sheet, the pillow, everything. Everything here is white. And it is scary…

            I remember, I used to love this colour because it meant something pure and innocent to me just like a pure first love. But the definition of the colour I loved the most changed along with my perspective of love. When you are young girl, you often find yourself fantasizing about your future prince rescuing you in all white cloth and you spend most of your time to idealize your first love. Well, at least it was the case for me. But I never knew that something like this would happen to me in real life. But it was far beyond the imaginations I had when I was a kid. It was not all bubbly and happy at all. It maybe was romantic but it was traumatizing. And that’s why I am stuck in here… in the nuthouse…

          It has been around nine months since I was sent here by my parents because they think I am no longer emotionally stable to lead a normal life.. I am sad.. I want to die but I have no rights.. I have to live on at least for his sake, even if it means for me to live on in misery like this rest of my life.

           I wasn't always like this but it all started around three years ago when I was in the last year of my high school. It is that time when I got to know that I was in severe depression and that I had asthma too. Since I was young, I got sick very easily and because of that I was always teased by my peers and even by my teachers. I am that kind of a person that even though it hurts, I would be always smiling like an idiot.  That’s why everyone, even my parents thought I was always pretending to be sick in order not to go to school. It is true that there were times when I seriously didn’t want to go to school because I was bullied there all the time. But it didn’t stop me to be positive and put on a smile and walk forward every day. Fortunately, I was born in a good family with a great background where I could buy and do whatever I wanted to. Well, almost, because my family is a typical rich family that puts their reputation in the first place no matter what. Thus, I had a hard time making friends and I never gotten chance to do the same things as normal people would always do. The friends I had, they would only be with me if I buy them stuffs or would only do the things they would want me to do and sometimes it was hard for me to follow their desires. Therefore, a lot of my friends left me. And my family was too busy to care about me. They thought showing me their love in a materialistic way was the best way. And I knew what they went through, how hard they worked to make me happy. I have an older brother who is a year older than me and his name is Park Hyo Joon. He is the best brother I could ever wish for, he is the perfect brother. To me, he is someone who is like a father, brother, and a best friend. But at that time he lived far away, in France, he was in his first year of Bachelor Degree. Moreover, I didn’t want to bother him with my problems, because I figured out that he would be busy himself, studying and all. So, basically, I had no one with me, beside the cleaning lady who would come in the morning to clean the house and to cook then would live the following afternoon.

         I would wake up every day, eat my breakfast, and take my medicines, which I hated because I have a medical phobia and then would go to school where I had no friends. After finishing school, I would come home, again take my medicines then study, and after that would go to sleep. If I were to go out then I would go out only for few reasons and was always accompanied by my parents; shopping, attending events, family meetings and that’s basically all. Dreaming of getting a boyfriend was not even allowed, though I always believed that one of those days I would meet the one and would no longer be lonely. I don’t know what made me to think that way but I believed the white colour was the colour that represented me. I thought it was innocent and pure and if I ever were to get a boyfriend, I would want to get only white roses from him. Stupid me. I bet by now, if you made it till here, you are wondering when I will start the story of the love of my life and the reason why I am stuck at this scary place and why I am scared of the colour I loved the most, right? Then let me begin the real story now, since I believe by now, you got to know a bit of my background.

To be continued...