Kyungsoo looks breathtakingly beautiful in his white tuxedo, his hair styled and pushed back to reveal his smooth forehead and his shining eyes; a thin line of dark eyeliner intensifies his already piercing gaze, courtesy of his friend Byun Baekhyun, self-proclaimed make-up artist of the day - I swear it's waterproof, don't worry about anything !

While Kyungsoo is usually not one to wear make-up, he gladly let his friend take care of his face this time: the young man wanted to look amazing - which he always does, in Jongin's opinion - on this very special day.

Today is the day Do Kyungsoo will become Kim Kyungsoo.

Jongin already feels like crying, even though the ceremony hasn't begun yet. He tries to smile, to hold back the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, and thankfully, Chanyeol's arrival helps him to focus on someone else than Kyungsoo, at least for a few seconds - after all, Kyungsoo is always on his mind.

His heart beats fast, as if it is about to explode. One quick glance at Kyungsoo is enough for him to feel like he will break down anytime soon, his knees are wobbly and his hands shake so much that he has to slip them in the pockets of his pants so no one will notice that he doesn't feel good.

He can't faint now. Not only would it be embarrassing for him - and he's sure that Chanyeol would never stop bringing it up again - but it would also ruin the wedding.

Jongin tries to calm down as he leads Chanyeol to his chair, which happens to be right next to Baekhyun's - and Jongin could swear their chairs were purposely placed this way: Kyungsoo likes to play Cupid and since the two other males have been crushing on each other for years, Jongin isn't surprised that the short boy is trying to set them up.

During the few minutes Jongin has nothing to do, he tries to distract himself by taking a closer look at his surroundings, but the white flowers, the guests' happy smiles and Kyungsoo's mother's teary eyes aren't of any help. Everything reminds him of the reason why they are all gathered here today.

"Jongin !"

As he hears the clear voice calling him, the young man's lips curl up into a forced smile that he hopes looks genuine and he turns around to face Kim Junmyeon.

"The ceremony will begin. Are you ready ?" the man, a few years older than him, asks with eyes that sparkle in anticipation as he flattens his black tie and makes sure that his white shirt is buttoned up to the top.

"Of course." Jongin smiles. "Don't worry, hyung."

Junmyeon nods and lets out a little laugh.

"I'm so happy, Jongin... Oh ! You do have the wedding-rings, right ?"

"Of course." the other repeats, patting the pocket of his suit jacket. "What kind of best man would I be if I didn't ?"

Yes, Jongin is the best man. For the wedding of the love of his life, Kyungsoo.

Junmyeon laughs and next thing Jongin knows, the older man is holding him in a bone-crushing embrace that makes it a little hard for him to breathe, until the other lets go of him and fondly says:

"You're the best friend and most amazing best man we could have. Thank you, Jongin."

Then, Junmyeon grabs his wrist and drags him towards the middle of the room, where Kyungsoo is awaiting his soon-to-be husband with a smile that reaches his wide eyes and makes them shine with a glimmer of pure love and sheer happiness.

Soon, Junmyeon lets go of his hand and stands beside Kyungsoo, who entwines his fingers to his lover's one as they both turn to the man who is going to marry them over a few minutes, while Jongin stands a bit further away.

This is a very special day indeed. Today is the day Do Kyungsoo will become Kim Kyungsoo.

Today is the day Do Kyungsoo will marry Kim Junmyeon, the day Kim Jongin's hopes and dreams will be crushed by two little words - I do.

As Kyungsoo turns to Junmyeon, as his lips stretch into a gentle, loving smile, as the soft words roll on his tongue, Jongin can hear his heart shattering to pieces.

***

Junmyeon's and Kyungsoo's house is crowded with people talking happily to each other, cheering for the newly married couple who has just begun to cut the wedding cake, Junmyeon's hand covering his husband's smaller one that is holding the knife.

Jongin is sitting in front of a half-empty plate; he couldn't bring himself to eat more than a few bites, he's lost his appetite. He has to keep smiling though, even when he can barely stand seeing Kyungsoo holding hands with Junmyeon, kissing him, looking at him with these shining eyes that he wishes were only set on him.

He didn't eat a lot during the dinner, yet he has sought and found his solace in alcohol. The bottle of amber whiskey is strangely comforting as he pours himself glass after glass of the strong drink, its flavours heavy on his tongue.

He doesn't plan on getting drunk though, at least not while he's surrounded by people. For now, he just needs to help his broken heart until the pain and emptiness he feels inside him are less unbearable, until he gets numb.

But he also has a speech to deliver. This is his duty, as the best man and Kyungsoo's best friend, and he isn't going to back off despite his bleeding heart. When most of the guests are done eating their cake, as the party is about to truly begin, with the married couple's traditional first dance, Jongin stands up and walks to the middle of the living-room that has been turned into a dance floor for the evening.

His voice comes out clear and loud as he asks for the silence, and he only speaks again when all eyes are set on him, and he can see that Kyungsoo looks impatient to hear what he is going to say.

Jongin locks eyes with his best friend, who also happens to be the man of his life, and he smiles genuinely for the first time that night. His smile is both happy and sad, but Kyungsoo doesn't see the distraught look in his eyes, only the little stars that shine in his brown orbs as he contemplates the older boy.

"When I met Kyungsoo for the first time..." he begins softly, winking at the other male. "I knew we would be inseparable. Kyungsoo was one year older than me and didn't want to be nearby a five-year-old baby like me, but back then, I was an annoying brat already and I didn't give him the choice."

He laughs and his best friend chuckles too, smiling fondly at the memory.

"Hyung..." he says. "I guess it wasn't fun to be followed up by a cry baby like me when all you wanted was to play by yourself around the swings, in the park where our mothers used to go with us... Yet I'm glad you didn't reject me, even though I'm sure you have thought several times that you should tell me to off."

Kyungsoo shamelessly nods, his grin widening when Jongin feigns to be hurt. The younger heaves a sigh but fails at hiding the tiny smile that spreads on his lips and then, he shakes his head, before he takes the floor again.

"You're being mean, hyung. Anyway ! I'm glad you gave me a chance. I still don't know why you did but it happened and thanks to you, I've learnt what it means to have a best friend, to share a deep bond with someone and... In all honesty, I hoped it would stay that way forever. You know, just you and me against the world, with our stupid fights and our weird ways to make up, with our bright smiles and the tears we sometimes shed in each other's arms - oops, maybe that was supposed to remain a secret ? But then, Junmyeon came into your life."

Jongin turns to Kyungsoo's husband, taking his sweet time before saying anything else; he has to be careful, because his jealousy is there, hidden under his smile and the velvet of his voice, and he can't reveal too much of his true feelings.

"Junmyeon..." he says with a lopsided grin, but this time his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I bet you still remember how cold I was to you when we met for the first time. To be honest, I didn't like you, because I felt like you were stealing Kyungsoo away from me... But I couldn't hate you, you're too much of a nice guy and we even ended up being friends ! And then I realised... that it's alright."

Liar.

This is not alright. He is not alright, his heart is bleeding, his heart is empty. But he has to ignore it, he has to keep talking and pretending that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't hurt.

"It is alright because Kyungsoo loves you, you love him and you make him happy, and that's all I could ever wish for. So, Junmyeon... Take care of him, will you ? Protect him, love him and never let him down - or else I'll have your head. Be happy together. I wish you all the best."

Jongin's smile widens as he raises his glass, his hand shaking so much that the whiskey spills over the brim. Seconds later, his tears do the same as he helplessly watches Junmyeon taking Kyungsoo's hands to dance with him, smiling when he traps the shorter boy in his tight embrace and kisses him on the lips.

Jongin flees on the balcony nearby to take a deep breath, wiping furiously at his red eyes; his mouth is filled with the bitter taste of sadness and disappointment, familiar but not any less painful.

The glass in his clenched hand seems to be his only friend at the moment.

***

When Kyungsoo finds him one hour later, Jongin is moping outside, sitting on the sill of the front door that they have left open in hopes that the fresh air of the night would cool down the rooms where they are dancing and where the human warmth is slowly but definitively turning suffocating.

Jongin has lost count of how many glasses he gulped down but he doesn't see two Kyungsoo's yet so he supposes it's okay - unless one Kyungsoo is already a figment of his drunk imagination. He doesn't really know. He doesn't really care either. He is always happy to see Kyungsoo, even when he isn't sure whether he is real or not.

But he soon realises that the young man is actually there, when he plops down beside him with a faint cry as his hits the hard threshold.

"Careful there..." Jongin slurs absently, patting Kyungsoo's lower back with fondness.

The shorter male smiles gently, unaware of the way his stars-filled eyes make Jongin's heart go crazy with love, desperate love that can only blossom in the secret depths of his mind.

"Are you alright ?" Kyungsoo suddenly asks, taking in the tired gaze his friend keeps on him.

"Yeah." comes the answer, quiet and almost inaudible, nearly swallowed by Chanyeol's laughter that echoes from the living-room. "Do you mind going on a walk ?"

Kyungsoo stands up when Jongin does, clumsily so, his legs heavy and his body a bit set off balance because of the alcohol. Maybe it isn't as okay as he supposed.

They walk in silence but none of them minds it: this is the kind of silence they both enjoy, the silence they share with someone they feel comfortable being around; wordless sentences and questions they usually find the answers to in each other's eyes.

Jongin's eyes are swollen and empty, Kyungsoo notices all of a sudden, and concern strikes immediately but he doesn't say anything, he only holds onto his friend's hand and entwines their fingers as they keep wandering around the garden, until they reach a wooden bench located in front of a pond - Junmyeon's and Kyungsoo's garden is actually something akin to a small park, because mere gardens are for peasants, as Baekhyun always says when he jokes about Junmyeon's wealth.

They sit side by side and Jongin heaves a sigh so deep that Kyungsoo suddenly finds it hard not to break the silence, even though he can see that his friend doesn't wish to talk. Jongin has never been one to willingly talk about his problems anyway... Yet Kyungsoo can't stand seeing him so sad, so he asks, in an attempt to keep Jongin's mind off whatever is troubling him:

"Did you really mean what you said ? You didn't like Junmyeon at first ?"

"Nope." Jongin answers with a shrug. "I was afraid you would dump me. But you didn't."

"Of course I didn't !" Kyungsoo exclaims, feigning to be offended. "I love Junmyeon, but I love you too and I would never leave you alone. You're my best friend, Jongin, remember ?"

The young man can't help but think that he's said something wrong when he sees his friend burying his head in his palms as he let go of his hand, and Kyungsoo tries to hug him, wrapping his arm around Jongin's shivering body. It must be the cold, because the younger isn't crying, although it might seem like it.

The boy suddenly sits up and stares at him wordlessly, until Kyungsoo is the one shivering, under the intensity of his gaze.

"What if I don't want to be your best friend ?" he whispers tentatively.

Wide eyes look at him in shock, mouth ajar as Kyungsoo tries to understand what these words could possibly mean. Has he done something upsetting ?

"Jongin..." he says, voice tremulous, afraid to know what this is all about. "I... Why ? What have I... What have I done ?"

"Oh, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo..." the taller male chants as he gently, carefully, cups his friend's cheeks. "You haven't done anything... But I have."

Jongin is treading on the slippery slope, he's aware. But this is now or never. There is no turning back, only an uncertain future for them both and their friendship, depending on Kyungsoo's reaction to his imminent confession.

"I think I've fallen for you in kindergarten." he says softly, his thumb gently brushing over Kyungsoo's cheekbone, again and again. "I've only realised it in high school though... Because I was so jealous when you introduced me to Junmyeon. And this is only now, tonight, after your wedding, that... I realise that I will never have you."

Jongin laughs bitterly and his hand drops by his side as he avoids Kyungsoo's gaze, although he know the wide eyes are set on him. He wonders what's going through the shorter male's mind: does he think Jongin is pulling a bad prank on him ? Or does he realise that his friend's feelings are genuine ?

As if to clear any misunderstanding, Jongin slowly leans in, until he's close enough to Kyungsoo's lips to whisper against them:

"I love you."

His breath is like a soft caress on the other male's mouth, delicate and careful, and when Kyungsoo doesn't step back, Jongin closes the gap between their bodies and he presses his lips on his friend's.

The latter doesn't react, shocked or stunned or maybe even pleased, so Jongin grows bolder, darting his tongue out to the full lips; the little gasp Kyungsoo emits is enough for him to deepen the kiss, wet tongue slipping past the soft lips, fire consuming his body at the thought that he is kissing Kyungsoo.

The kiss tastes like many things, despair and hope and love and risk, but Kyungsoo fails at noticing any of them, all he can taste is the whiskey on the tip of Jongin's tongue, trying to leave its imprint on every corner of his mouth, and then he understands.

Jongin is drunk. None of this is real, his friend is driven by the alcohol... And this is a relief. He doesn't want to hurt him nor reject him: he loves him, that's for sure, but he could never return romantic feelings, especially not now that he's married.

Thus Kyungsoo breaks the kiss and whispers:

"You are drunk, Jongin. You don't mean any of this."

Jongin's heart stumbles in his chest and he can practically hear it as it breaks and crumbles, irreparable slashes cutting deep in his soul.

"Yeah..." he says, hoping the tears in his eyes will pass unnoticed thanks to the darkness around them.

Or maybe the darkness just comes from his ripped soul and is trying to escape through his pupils.

"We should go back inside." Kyungsoo adds shortly after.

"Go ahead." Jongin answers, voice thick with emotion. "I'll stay here, I probably need to clear my mind a little."

His friend pats him on the shoulder and laughs as he says something along the lines of you were never a good drinker and he turns around, leaving Jongin alone to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

He doesn't know what hurts the most: that Kyungsoo will never ever return his feelings, something which he was already aware of, or the fact that his friend didn't take him seriously.

With a sigh, the young man lies down on the bench; his back hurts because of the hard surface under it but he doesn't really care. He stares at the sky above him, filled with stars that he likes to watch as they reflect in Kyungsoo's eyes better.

The moon is in the shape of a crescent, bright and as though detached from the inky sky, and Jongin is suddenly reminded of the Cheshire Cat's grin. The moon is ing laughing at him.

***

Hey, Jongin, it's Kyungsoo. Are you still asleep ? It's the fourth time that I try to reach you, why don't you answer your phone ? You better be sleeping and not ignoring me ! I just wanted to thank you once again for being the best man to our wedding. Oh, and you've forgotten your jacket, so come at our place whenever you want to get it back... We could even eat out together, what do you think ? Call me when you're awake, Sleeping Beauty ! Love you !

Jongin wakes up the next day at two in the afternoon, with four missed calls all coming from Kyungsoo. While it is a pleasant feeling to know that his friend cares about him and doesn't seem to mind their little kiss from the previous night, this isn't overwhelming enough to hide the gaping hole in his heart.

Jongin just wants to throw his phone through the window.

This is ironically funny, he thinks, that Kyungsoo has married Junmyeon and become Mister Kim. Ironically, because if he had married Jongin, he would have been a Kim anyway. Jongin could offer him exactly the same that Junmyeon did, so why ? Why not him ? What does Junmyeon have that he doesn't ?

***

Yo man ! How are you ? Say, have you changed your number without telling me ? I tried to call you a few days ago but you didn't answer and you haven't called back, ! I heard Kyungsoo's worried too, seems like you haven't talked to him since the wedding. Still mad you're single ? Haha... Hey, do you want to go out with us tonight ? Baek wants to go to that club that opened last month... You're in ? Kyungsoo and Junmyeon will be there too, it will be fun ! Call me if you need a ride !

Chanyeol's cheerful voice almost draws a smile on Jongin's lips, but it fades as soon as Kyungsoo's name is mentioned. The giant dork is right, he hasn't talked with him since the wedding... He didn't open the door either when Kyungsoo came and rang his bell.

He is such a bad best friend, right ?

He can't help it. He has been brooding in his apartment for two weeks already, he has locked himself away from people and especially from his friends - from Kyungsoo. He goes out to work only because he needs the income it gives him to live, but he doesn't feel like doing anything else.

Oh, well, he drinks whiskey, maybe a bit too often and a bit too much than he should. And he drowns himself in the memories, the good old times, when he didn't know Junmyeon and thought that Kyungsoo and he would always have something special that others would never manage to break.

He briefly thinks of calling Chanyeol back but he eventually decides against it. The wedding night has been the beginning of Chanyeol and Baekhyun's love story... He doesn't like to be reminded that this very night has also been the one that crushed all his hopes.

***

Hey, Jongin... It's Kyungsoo. Again. Three weeks, Jongin. Three ing weeks that you're ignoring me. Why ? Did I say or do something wrong ? Is it... Wait. Jongin, is it because of what happened in the garden ? Do you feel guilty for that ? Please, don't... I'm not mad at you nor anything, okay ? You were drunk and it was a mistake, it happens ! Please, talk to me... I miss you. And I'll have to talk to you about something really important soon. Call me. Please.

Jongin is crying.

***

Jongin, it's Junmyeon. What have you done to Kyungsoo ? What has he done to deserve the cold shoulder ? I know I can't interfere in your business, if you have a problem you need to sort it out by yourselves, okay ? But I'm worried. About you and about him. Did you guys argue ? If you don't tell me, at least tell him. I don't like seeing him so sad and I don't like thinking that you're probably the same right now. Take care of yourself, Jongin, I hope everything will be alright for the both of you.

This time, Jongin throws his phone against the wall before breaking into hysterical sobs. He's hurting Kyungsoo. He hates himself for that, even though he can't help thinking that maybe it is only fair that his friend has a taste of his own pain.

He wishes Kyungsoo was there and in love with him, he wishes Kyungsoo could kiss his pain away... But he is in Junmyeon's arms, where he belongs and where he goes back every night, probably whispering sweet nothings in his ear while they make love.

Jongin takes a sip from the bottle of whiskey he keeps in his room before sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the nearest wall. His eyes stare longingly at the picture on his desk, where Kyungsoo and he are smiling like fools, arms linked and grins matching. This is an old picture, taken many years ago when they were young teenagers, when Jongin didn't know yet how much love could hurt, when being around Kyungsoo or thinking about him didn't throw thorns into his heart. Good old days, hum ?

When the pain becomes too much to handle, Jongin drinks. Whiskey is a strangely friendly solace, he thinks. It helps because it lessens the pain, it makes him numb. But it also reminds him of the one and only kiss he shared with his friend, the kiss that tasted like whiskey and Kyungsoo.

So he drinks his pain away.

***

Hey, Jongin... I'm still waiting for your call, you know ? I hope you're doing fine... Remember I wanted to tell you something a few weeks ago ? I wish you could call me or even better, come and visit us so we would tell you face to face but... I don't think you would come, right ? Anyway... Junmyeon and I have thought a lot about this and we were a bit hesitant since you aren't talking to us anymore but... Just know that if you agree, we'll be happy to have you back with us. Just saying. So, the fact is... We have adopted a kid. I... Jongin, you have no idea how happy we are ! He is so cute, I'm sure you will love him. He's two years old and his name is Sehun, we visited him several times at the orphanage and he... he recognises us ! His laugh is the cutest thing ever, I swear... I didn't tell you earlier because I wasn't sure we would be allowed to adopt him but we are ! We will take him home with us in two weeks, I can't wait ! So, actually... We would really appreciate it if you agreed on being his godfather. It would really mean a lot to us. So call me, this time.

Tears roll down Jongin's puffy face as he listen to the message Kyungsoo left him, over and over again. The excitation in his voice as he tells him about Sehun, the smile he can picture on the boy's heart-shaped lips, everything... This is too much.

He can't stand it anymore. Kyungsoo is in love, married, and he's about to become a father. Maybe Junmyeon gave him everything after all, everything that he knew would make Kyungsoo happy.

Kyungsoo doesn't belong to him, he never has and will never be. Jongin knew it but maybe this is only now, as he thinks about the little Sehun who will bring Junmyeon and Kyungsoo closer than ever, that he truly realises how alone and desperate he is, empty and hollow, his heart cold and hurt, broken beyond repair.

Jongin's hand clenches around the bottle of whiskey as he walks to his desk and opens a drawer, where lays a picture of Kyungsoo, asleep and sitting under a tree, a peaceful sight that appeases Jongin's heart a little. Under the picture, there is his gun.

He takes both and smiles as he thinks that it is the right thing to do. He's tired of hurting, tired of loving, tired of everything. Tired of feeling like he doesn't belong anywhere.

The gun is heavy in his hand, the muzzle cold against his temple. He gives a last glance at Kyungsoo's picture, smiling in relief at the thought that he will leave with his beautiful face printed behind his eyelids.

Jongin closes his eyes.

The bottle drops and shatters on the floor.

Oh my God, what have I done ? Months of procrastinating, then four hours and everything is done. Great.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this ! Thank you all for subscribing/upvoting, I hope I haven't disappointed any of you !

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