The decision has been made.

The day will coming soon. Well, it's not even a soon. It's tomorrow. Today may be the last day for me standing and walking around randomly like this again. I'm not going to have the freedom to walk freely again. As tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the first day of September. The day when I will do my job as a man from South Korea. As a citizen from Republic of Korea.

I sighed. I really never know. That things going to be like this, this hard. I never know it will be this sad to left, to be away from home. For the next two years. The next empty two years without the closest people I know.

Let's say. I'm a 4D person. I'm totally a different people whenever or wherever I am. I'm a moody. I can be happy but then the next minutes I will be crying.

I'm different.

I have many people around. This is awkward to say this. But I'm famous. Who doesn't know Super Junior's Kim Heechul? Who doesn't know my MC-ing ability? Who doesn't know my mouth that will always opens about secret? Who doesn't know my laugh style? Who doesn't know how beautiful more than girls I am?

But those makes me more worried.

Is it right to leave them? The guys I've been living together for almost 8 years? Those freaks guys who are old enough to take care of their self but needs people like me to be around them.

Just like me. They're also the loneliest people in the world. Say they never express it. They smile. They laugh. But once they're in silent. You can tell. Even the world can't hold their tears as they does for almost 6 years.

The feeling of missing their family. Feeling of wanted to be a human. Human without any existence in this industry they've been involved for years.

Even years spoke once they know how old I am. But maybe I'm not that strong just like my dongsaengs. They're strong. Very strong. Also my only one hyung that I love, Park Jungsoo. He's the strongest person I know.

In his shoulder there's 13 people problems. He hold it. He smile for it. He feels it. He fights for it.

Again, I sighed.

We just finished our farewell dinner. For me. Yeah, farewell dinner for me.

We promised our self not to cry until the very end.

And, we did.

Once we hugged each others and does a big group hug. One by one of them left the room. Crying.

For me. I don't know. Even I usually do cry a lot. But today. I don't wanna cry yet. Maybe later in the night. You will heard this old man crying until he can't breath.

And for them. I'm feeling sorry. I don't wanna see them crying.

Again say, that I'm a 4D person. But I have feeling. Deeply in my heart. These people are my best friends.

Oh, not only best friends, they're my family. My brothers to share my tears, smiles, and laughs.

For the millions times today, I sighed.

Then I realized. I just randomly walk in my disguise after that farewell. I said to Teuk that I want to have my time alone. I don't know if he can get my word at that moment, so I tell Kibum who came, to tell him later after he finished crying.

I arrived in a park with no one around. I sat on the swing. Losing in my mind once again.

I don't know what's in mind so I can think that deep without realizing there's a person who sat on the swing next to me.

A girl. A little girl. Half of my age I guess. She smiled to me.

“Beautiful oppa, hello. What's on your mind? You look a like having the whole world's problem on your shoulder.”

I smiled to her, the weak one. “Don't mind me, little girl. I'm okay.”

Her smile faded. “Oppa, you shouldn't said that you're okay, when you're not. It means you're lying. Lying wasn't good for you and for me.”

I look at her, in the eyes. Then smiled. “Little girl, how can you know I'm lying? I guess I'm not saying anything about I'm not okay. And people usually thought I'm the best at acting okay.”

She smiled again. “It's a little girl ability. People may say you're always smiling. But here,” She touches her heart, “And here,” she touched my eyes, “They can't lie to me.”

“So, oppa. Do you mind to tell me what happens? I will be hearing for you since I have nothing to do.”

“Are you really having nothing to do? It's night already, sweetheart. Wasn't good for a little girl to still stay awake.”

“I'm okay, oppa. I'm okay to sleep late at night. And more, my home is too noisy. My sister is crying super hard because her idol going to army soon.”

I smiled at her. “Maybe it'll be okay to share things.”

She nodded. And give her full attention to me. “Like your sister idol. I'm going to army soon. It's tomorrow. The decision has been made. But I'm not sure about it. I have to left millions people to do my army job. My job as a citizen. I still have many people to take care of. I have 12 brothers. I have my family. I have bunches of dongsaengs. I have people who loves me. I don't know what will happen once I left them. Will they forget me? Will they still loving me when I'm come back later?”

She stood and standing in front of me, left her swing. “Oppa, did you believe in them? If you do, then put your trust on them. And for your questions. Nope they won't forget you. And yes, they'll still loving you. Until forever. Cause love doesn't come easily. And doesn't gone easily also.”

“Little girl, mind to tell me how can you be so mature at this age?” I asked her, smile again.

“Don't see people by its appearance oppa!” I laughed at her, she can be childish also.

“Little girl, thank you for the words. I will remind it in my mind. Anyway, it's dark already. Comeback to your home and tell your sister, she's crying for nothing. That space big star she's waiting for will be back sooner or later. And said thank you for the love and let's meet again later. Mind to say it?”

“Oppa, you're....?”

“Ask your sister, I'm sure she'll know who I am. Thanks little girl. I'm going home now. You better too.” I smiled at her, waving in front of her face and disappeared.

Even I'm not saying all I want to say. But that little girl help me to smile. A little smile now plastered on my face. I don't know how long it will last. Maybe minutes.

But before it I would like to tell the world.

Thank you for the love for this unprovoked person.

For the love for this selfish person.

Thank you for the tears that fell.

Thank you to let your life wasted by loving me.

Sorry cause I can't thanked you guys one by one.

Sorry cause I can't reply your love one by one.

Sorry for makes you guys disappointed by the decision I've made.

For the smile you guys have and for the tears that has been fell.

For everything, for Kim Heechul.

For me.

Thank you very much and I'm sorry.

Hope you guys will be waiting for me, and later let's meet up again in our good health.

I will be waiting for you all. You guys too right? Keep healthy until I come back, promise?

Kim Heechul. We don't care how long you will left us. It's only another short journey for another SJ's member.

We, as your baby blue will wait. Once again, don't care how long it will takes. Your love for fans. And fans love for you. Will last forever.

Our last wish. Would you like to give us your smile once again before you go?

Also will you comeback with the smiles we must be missed for? :')