Chapter One: Moving Day
Finding Myself: Who am I?Moving Day
La dolce far niente, la dolce far niente, la dolce far niente... Italian for "The sweetness of doing nothing." And the sweetness of doing nothing indeed, I have had exactly two month now to have finished packing my belongings to take with me to school. But here on the floor of my bedroom, I have two empty suitcases instead of two full packed suited cases.
My laziness manifests into a groan as I pull myself up into a sitting position on my bed, hugging my knees as I looked around the room. Piles and piles of clothes were in random spots on the floor around my bed, notebooks scattered about, as well as other items I had went through on a stroll down memory lane.
A quick glance at the two suitcases I began to doubt that those piles would all fit.
You haven't even thought of toiletries.
Throwing myself back onto the bed, I let the work load sink in.
Let's see what I have done to screw myself over... Well first, I woke up around seven this morning to eat, check.
Then watched some of my favorite shows... Oh! I did go on my morning jog- Wait... No, I did not... I just lied on the hammock in the garden for a good hour. And... Then lazed around in the living room.
With a heavy sigh, I roll onto my side, at least I made it to the patio.
My parents took turns every hour since eight this morning, reminding me to get sorting and packing. Folding my arms over my stomach, I applied pressure. Nerves were setting in as I thought about how crazy it was that school was in three days.
I know these butterflies will blow over but.. it's different this time. I won't survive the day then go home to my mother's chocolate warm, gooey, delicious devil cake to exchange stories. My parents to soothe me, pumping me up to take on the next day. Instead I'll be at a dorm- with bottled up emotions and such, plus! I've never been apart from my parents for more than a week.
Pulling out my phone to check the time, 3:11 pm...
"Now you have to get started," I grumbled to myself. And as if on que, I heard my mother's footsteps approaching.
"I know, I know, I'm doing it," I say before she enters my room to see all of the work I had not completed, let alone even began.
I meet my mother's soft eyes as I look to her to see why she hasn't said anything.
"Mind if I help?" She asks, honestly... I was in no position to deny her offer. And just like that in an hour, we both giggled together as we sat on my last suitcase to push it together as we struggled to get the zipper to zip all the way closed.
My mother hopped up, smiling as she looked down at me, "Well my love, I do believe we are ready."
" Almost! I just need to grab a few more things. " She told me that she would be back up soon with my father, and to hurry.
Picking up a picture fame to carefully pack away of my parents and I, my fingers linger over my mother. I could hear her voice from downstairs.
My mother, what can I say about her, where to start.
"She's amazing," I whisper to myself.
For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be as beautiful as her, to have a soft sweet voice like hers, and have the same lovely scent she has. You should know that my mother gives the best hugs in the whole world, but all mothers do..
Smiling to myself, I even used to mimic her hand motions.
Sometimes, well all the time, I feel bad because I know she misses her mother too. Every once in a while, late at night I catch my mother sitting at the table with pictures spread out before her. When I was younger, still unaware of grief and private moments, I'd crawl onto her lap. One picture she'd hold up more often was of her mother.
"This is grandma, my mother..."
And I feel as though I'm to blame for it. My mother became pregnant at such a young age, it was a huge scandal in her family. Her parents had basically set up an arranged marriage for her, and this? To be... Tainted by another man, and to be abandoned by him on top of that! To say the least, my mother was disowned and then shunned.
I had heard the story before, according to these stories, my mother stood crying outside of my biological father's family's home. But they would not let her in. Some time during the night, my mother left. And no one would see or hear of her again for many years.
My mother had left for the US, she sold her jewelry and all that was deemed worthy to purchase a single ticket..When she arrived in the foreign land, she settled in a small Korean community in California, and there I was born.
My mother took on all kinds of jobs to provide for me. I can remember my mother taking me into stores and telling me "Danielle go pick out a toy, any toy in here, and it is yours," then to the food section and again telling me to pick what I wanted. We may not have been wealthy but I was spoiled in a way where my mother did all she could to give me what I wanted.
A ritual for every pay check she received was to treat me out to a luxurious meal. I...
Now that I think of it... She never ate, only watching me enjoy the food, making sure I was happy.
What my mother felt during those years I cannot imagine, mostly because she never cried or showed her panic about the situation in front of me. It was just the two of us until I was around eight years old, when my mother met her prince charming. I suppose I liked him immediately because he also would bring me flowers and small gifts when he did so for my mother. And when he spoke to me, he listened too. Father was warm like mother
Of course, his family had trouble accepting my mother who already had a family started, her being Asian, and not meeting their criteria. For his father designed his own luxury brand watches, his mother was an heiress, so obviously their only two sons were undoubtably wealthy. My father working alongside well-known designers, owning a few stores here and there that was centered around his line. So they didn't understand why he wanted her, my mother had no more than seventy dollars to her name, unemployed, surely she was a gold-digger.
No. It was and is still true love, he defended her against everyone, even against his own parents.
The three of us moved back to South Korea, where my parents married and we began our lives together as a family. My mother wanted to have her and I keep "Oh" as our last name, she said it was all she had left of her family, he agreed and supported her. But she did give his last name to me, which made him very happy, by making it my middle name, Aston.
Never once has he said "You're not my daughter" or "By marriage she's my daughter" whenever asked who I am. He proudly calls her his wife and I, his daughter- his family. I love them both dearly. Gently placing the picture frame into my bag, I snapped together the buttons and placed it on my computer desk.
I give my room another loving glance, I know I'll come back for visits but why do I feel as if I'm going away to never return? The bundles of nerves in my stomach reignite, panic creeps in.
What if I hate it? What if distance comes inbetween my parents and I?
And a particular thought floats in, and settles heavy not only in my mind but on my chest too. A thought that feels as though you should quickly bury from sight to hide from others, that should be followed up with knocking on wood for luck, and other superstitious actions to further the chance of this thought never becoming a reality.
What if something happens to them while I'm away... I won't be able tl help them or worse... Say goodbye.
A soft feminine voice breaks through the whirlwind taking hold of me, it's a voice that reassured me instantly, and grounds me with ease.
"Dani, what are you doing?"
I feel as though I have deflated, the wall catches me as I gently fall back to rest against it, "Have you ever seen my room so clean? "
My mother chuckles, "No, not since you were so little."
Stepping closer to me, she senses something is not right, my mother rests her hand on my cheek, "You're eyes are off somewhere I cannot see. Where are you?"
I look down to the floor, " I'm worried. "
"About?"
"Father..." I say timidly, I feel weak like a coward, "And you."
My mother exhales as she pulls me int o her arms, "Oh my sweet girl, we'll be fine. You don't need to worry about us."
I'm not completely relaxed in her embrace, I try to hold in my emotions.
"What else is bothering you? Tell me," She says.
and I can't hold it in any longer, tears fall as I turn into her and mumble in her shoulder to say what has us both crying after, "I don't want to leave you."
"I'll be calling you so much," my mother tries to speak through her sniffling, "You'll get tired of me."
I'm shaking my head, how could I ever grow tired with her? My mother wipes my eyes, making me face her, and she continues.
"You're not leaving me, Danielle. This isn't goodbye, it 's just school. I'll tell you what, I'll never leave you, ok?"
Her words only made me cry harder. Call us dramatic but mother was my bestfriend, and this change was huge for us. Eventually we calmed each other down, and began laughing through tears at our swollen reflections in my mirror. Patting my cheeks, my mother laughed,
"Ah, how is it possible that you're even prettier after crying? Even with boogers in your eyes."
I laughed hard as I cleaned my eyes.
"What's with all the noise?" my father peeked in and gave a look around, his eyes settling on the two very large suitcases, and our red tinted cheeks and eyes, "How are my gals doing?"
Smiling my mother walked over to him and hugged his waist as he pecked her cheek, "Better now."
My father made a sympathetic expression as he reached across to give my hand a small squeeze, "We're only a call away."
I pulled myself into a hug as I held his hand, "I know. It's just scary."
I knew they were incredibly proud that I had gotten into the prestigious school, and the money they spent for tuition ... And for the party they threw for my bestfriends and I with their parents. I had to pull myself together, so I stepped back and stood straight. I smile for them, come on they're proud, it up. I picked up the the uniform that was carefully covered in plastic, and held it before me for them to see properly "It's pretty isn't it?"
I stood in front of the school while my parents took pictures of me at every possible angle until we finally started to enter the actual school's exterior gates. While my father rolled the two suitcases, my mother and I walked alongside him with our arms linked together when a girl pushed past me.
I stumbled a bit and the three of us looked to see why there was such a commotion behind us. Girls and boys were in a crowd surrounding six black cars, they began cheering as the doors opened. Because of our height, my mother and I asked my father to tell us what he could see.
"Uh... there are big men surrounding these tall... boys."
My mother gasped and grabbed my shoulders, "What if they're celebrities!?" She said excitedly and began patting her hair.
As the crowd passed us and entered the school's grounds, I saw one boy and his eyes met mine. He had a stoned expression, his eyes were hard and cold as he glared at me before tone of the big men, who I'm assuming were bodyguards, stepped beside him and blocked our eye contact. I swallowed and didn't dare glance in their direction anymore. I couldn't make out much aside from hearing "oppa," "hyung," "please accept this."
My mother, father and I were ready to go when we heard, "oh my god! The West oppas are pulling in!"
We stopped and looked back again to see three SUVs come to a stop as another crowd gathered around the vehicles. When this posse passed us, my mother stopped a girl and her friends,
"Excuse me! But what's going on? Who are those people and who were the people before? I saw that you and your two friends cheered for both."
My mother asked them, she was practically fangirling since she thought they were idols or actors.
The girl dropped her jaw and said in English, "ok. Oh my god."
A smaller girl from behind her spoke up, "They are a group of guys who are heirs and a few are models, actors, singers and another works in the entertainment industry as a professional choreographer. They're extremly wealthy and handsome! "
My mother squeaked at the words- heirs, actor, models, singers, entertainment industry. With each squeak she squeezed my hand tighter.
"The first group- East SSFB and the second group- West SSFB don't get along," the second girl said. Another girl on the side nodded.
"SSFB?" My mother asked.
"Yes, Seoul's Star Flower Boys!" The side girl sang.
"It's like this school's name was chosen just for them!" The first girl sighed dreamily.
"And who are you?" I asked, "the three of you?"
The first girl stepped out in front of them, "we're S.G 3, I'm Go Ara."
"S-S g 3, what does that mean?" My mother said to the second girl, but that didn't interrupt their introduction.
The second girl stepped forward, "I'm Bae Irene."
The side girl flipped her curled hair off her shoulder, "and I'm Kim Yura."
"We make up Sunflower Girls, three meaning the three of us. We are supporters for both groups," Ara said proudly.
"Tch, but the west oppas had two girls with them who we've never seen before," Ara pouted, "are they celebrities? I wonder."
Irene squealed as she closed her phone, "East are in the store!"
The trio ran off to see whoever this east people were.
My mother talked animatedly while we walked to check in, she went on and on about how lucky I was to be at such a school. When we checked in, we were given another quick tour and we found my room. My parents helped me get set up, making sure I had everything in order, after they conversed with Krystal and Nae-Eun's parents, the three of us went down to the recreation hall.
Now it was time to say our goodbyes. Teary-eyed my mother pulled me into a tight hug,
"Oh honey, please be safe here. Have fun okay? Do well- of course you'll do well with your classes. We're only a call away."
My father's arms around the two of us,
"Just say you want to be picked up and we'll come get you. Don't worry about the time, we'll be here."
Trying not to get choked up, I managed to speak coolly, I didn't want them to worry more or cry.
"Okay, I'll be okay. It's okay." and the words that always seemed to make me cry because it means the world to me, "I love you both so much."
Watching their backs as they walk away, getting further from me, down the hall towards the exit. I felt a tear slip... Arms wrapped around my waist, a familiar voice in my ear,
"It's ok, Dani." Na-Eun's voice made me smile.
Putting my arm over the set around my waist, i reached out with the other to link arms with Krystal.
Wiping the tear, I looked at both of them.
"We're gonna be all right."
" Yeah... " Krystal's voice dragged on as she unlinked our arms and began running, "Not if I beat you both to the buffet!"
Na-Eun and I eyed each other with excitement, "buffet!"
Na-Eun was so fast, she was already ahead before I could catch up I bumped into someone.
"Oops, sorry," I said quickly to the other student. Making sure I harm him.
He smiled, "no, it's fine."
He made a gesture for me to go first, feeling like I was put on spot- I bowed and hurried ahead, "thank you, sorry again."
"Dani! Come on!" Krystal and Na-Eun yelled in unison. Soon I was with them, panting as I spoke.
"I'm super hungry now," I held my side, willing a cramp to go away. And as soon as we entered the dining hall, I couldn't feel the pain.
"Okay like seriously! How cool is this?" Krystal squealed under her breath, Na-Eun and I nodded with our mouths practically hanging open.
As this was no sad prison-like cafeteria, this was a dining hall. Actual tables made of wood that I'm sure was expensive, the beautiful chairs that looked heavy. We picked up our trays, and walked to the buffet stands. The food smelled so good, there were so many options that I did not know what I wanted to eat first. And everything that I thought of, I wasn't sure there was enough room on my plate.
Once my plate was full, we turned to go to our table when we noticed the dessert spread. The three of us shuffled over with no hesitation. On elegant small plates were desserts. For a moment I played with the idea of giving my plate to Na-Eun or Krys, and just eat dessert. However, I made up my mind on two items. A chocolate cake, and tiramisu.
We talked while we ate, stealing some bites from each other's food at some points, I forgot all about how nervous I had been. During our dinner, there were several moments when quietness fell over the dining hall, almost silence. Eyes darted around looking one another, and always at the entrances. Na-Eun, Krystal and I would look at each other. What was going on?
Nothing or no one came in, things resumed, and we shrugged it off. When we finished, we decided to take a longer route to our dorm. We talked about how beautiful the campus was, and continued to praise the food.
"I could get used to this," I smiled.
Extra!
Six Brothers scene- "East SSFB"
"Who was that?" Jong-Dae asked Yixing as he gave Jong-Dae a bottled tea.
"Who was who?" Said Yixing, he sipped the tea.
"That girl you were chatting with."
"It was hardly a conversation , " Yixing chuckled.
"Hey, you like her," Jong-Dae teased.
"Oh yes, my mystery girl," Yixing said with sarcasm before thinking aloud, " Dani... I think I heard. "
"Hm?"
Yixing shook his head to Jong-Dae, "Nothing, just thinking."
A girl shyly approaches them, "Yixing oppa," she holds out in both of her hands, "please accept this apple."
Jong-Dae grins and gives Yixing's back a pat.
Yixing kindly smiles to her, but she keeps her head down, he takes the apple "of course. Thank you."
The girl gasps and bows low, "thank you!"
She turns and runs over to her friends who are fangirling as they embrace her.
Jong-Dae stands and holds two paper gift bags, that are full of candies, letters, fruits and trinkets "ahh, it's getting stuffy. Too many people are gathering, let's go."
Yixing grabs his tea and puts the apple in a bag full of other gifts, they leave the area.
Yixing and Jong-Dae find their other friends who are lying under a tree near the gardens. Paper gift bags containing similair things that are in Jong-Dae and Yixing's bags are around Jong-In who is reading while he's lying on the grass, Suho who's sitting with his eyes closed as he's leaning back against the tree trunk, Sehun and Luhan are lying by each other as they watch something on Luhan's phone.
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