Risks and beginnings. The things Baekhyun hate the most.

 

“I…I love you, Baek.”

 

He was happy of course. It felt nice to have someone reciprocate your feeling. He had always loved his friend since…since…since he doesn’t remember when. But he knew it was when Chanyeol’s annoying voice became so soft and he started looking forward to hearing it every minute. When Chanyeol’s laugh kind of just becomes melodious. When he started to love having and feeling his friend’s presence every single day.

 

But he was scared. Scared of what might happen next. They’re friends! What would happen after this, after taking the risk? They’ll be with each other, and make a new beginning and then fight and break up.

 

And so, with his breath caught up in his throat, hesitating and all, Baekhyun took a step back. His heart doesn’t quite agree with his decision.

 

Knowing fully what the movement meant, and probably even assuming the worst, Chanyeol sighed. He tried his best to smile albeit sad. “Okay. It’s okay. I’m okay.” But he really wasn’t. He didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to be completely honest with Baekhyun that he got hurt. It hurt, really. Like his heart was being squeezed, tightly.

 

Biting down, hard, on his bottom lip, Baekhyun hung down his head and watched Chanyeol’s feet as it moved and walked away from him. “Wait, Yeol,” he called when his friend made another attempt of escaping his sight. “Can I…Can we…” he stuttered as walked towards Chanyeol. “C-can you still be my friend? I don’t want to lose you, Yeol.” And it was true—well except for the ‘be my friend’ part.

 

He didn’t understand the feeling when Chanyeol nodded. He was kind of relieved but at the same time terrified. He just didn’t know why he felt this way all of a sudden. 

 

“Can we forget about what I said?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun felt his breath taken away. “Can we start again? I promise I’ll try my best to forget my feelings for you.” Then came his toothy grin which never fails to tug at Baekhyun’s heart strings.

 

It was painful. Yes, Baekhyun felt how painful it was. He felt rejected, too. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he fell deeper for Chanyeol but he also didn’t want Chanyeol to forget liking him. But wasn’t this what he wanted?

 

He raised his head, but he doesn’t have enough courage to lock eyes with Chanyeol. Instead, his eyes landed on his friend’s forehead. “Okay.” He felt the world suddenly stopped spinning. The word felt wrong as it came out of his mouth. And once again, ladies and gentlemen, his heart doesn’t agree with his decision. 

 

His eyes widen when Chanyeol reached his hand out. “Let’s start again?” But Baekhyun doesn’t want to start again. He doesn’t like the ring of the phrase ‘starting again’. He doesn’t like the way it made him feel. “I’m Park Chanyeol.”

 

He felt like crying. Why does this have to happen? He reached out and shook hands with Chanyeol. “I’m Byun Baekhyun.” His heart hurt when he smiled.

 

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

It has been a month since he’s last seen Chanyeol. This was what he was afraid of. The sudden change. He didn’t like it one bit. He could only wish to turn back time and stopped Chanyeol from saying something. 

 

If he just did something, then maybe they wouldn’t end up like this. Not being the same with each other.

 

Then he thought, what would it feel like to have someone? How it would feel to have Chanyeol. How it would feel to date with him. Then things would get to the higher level. They would then make promises and one by one breaks it, and finally break up. He didn’t think he could take a heart break.

 

He wondered how a person could go on multiple relationships. Breaking up after a relationship, moving on and having another partner and breaking up again and the cycle goes on and on. How could a person take in so much heart breaks? He didn’t understand.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“You know I easily get tired. I already feel like it’s so tiring.”

 

“Baekhyun, hyuuung. Please. Just come with me, once. Once! After this, I won’t bother you anymore. I promise.”

 

Baekhyun groaned on the phone, and he listened. He could already hear the smile creeping its way to Jongin’s face. “Break that promise and I’ll break your leg so you can’t dance anymore.”

 

“I will make sure to keep this promise!”

 

“Why am I friends with you.” Baekhyun said, rolling his eyes.

 

“I’m great.”

 

Baekhyun sighed in defeat. “Whatever. Is that all? I’ll hung u—”

 

“Wait!”

 

“What.” Baekhyun hissed on the phone. He was getting annoyed.

 

“You have to be y, I’ll set you up with a friend. Please tell me you’re single.”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“I know that’s a yes. Okay. Bye. Lav ya!”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

He came two hours early at Jongin’s house. Jongin was still asleep, he figured when the younger opened the door for him, still in his crumpled white shirt, black and red checkered boxers, hair looking like a bird’s nest and…did this man drool? 

 

“You’re so…” Jongin yawned, scratching his stomach. “Early. It’s not even 10 yet.”

 

“I know. I’m just excited.” Baekhyun sarcastically said as he shoved Jongin aside and strutted inside his house.

 

Jongin closed the door and followed Baekhyun, who was making his way toward the younger’s room. “Make yourself at home.” He said and yawning again right after. Then closing his eyes, he threw himself back on his bed which welcomed him with open arms and successfully lulled him to sleep again.

 

Baekhyun padded back and forth at the foot of Jongin’s bed. Then an idea struck him. 

 

This is for being an annoying .

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Baekhyun, you er!” He heard Jongin shout from the bathroom. “If this won’t get washed out, I swear to god!”

 

“You swear to god what?”

 

“Nevermind.” The younger said as he walked back into the room while stuffing his face with the towel. “My face is clean again. Tada!” He smiled toothily and Baekhyun swears the sight scared him. “Anyways, as a consequence to what you’ve done, you would really have to see this friend of mine without complaining.”

 

“Kim Jongin, don’t you dare tell me wha—”

 

“You can shut your mouth now, hyung.” Jongin said as he threw the towel on Baekhyun’s face and proceeded to get his bag from beside his bed. (He already got it prepared by night.)

 

“What the—”

 

“Ya! Baekhyun hyung, you already agreed to this!”

 

“Okay, okay. ing fine!” Baekhyun said, raising his hands; defeated. “Who’s that damned friend of yours anyway?”

 

“You’ll know when you see him. A lot of girls said he’s handsome. He’s tall, too. Taller than me. He—whatever. You’ll find it all out later. ”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Baekhyun should have never agreed in the first freaking place because right after they’ve arrived to the Kim’s villa, he was attacked by Jongin’s dog. He fell on his and his face was then filled with the dog’s saliva.

 

And he got to share rooms with Jongin. It’s not like he didn’t like it. It was just that he’s already had enough of Jongin’s face.

 

“Okay. Transfer to another room. I wanna room with Kyungsoo anyway.”

 

 

Baekhyun grinned, at last the heavens heard his prayer, and quickly transferred to another room. 

 

He closed the door of the room. It was so loud outside, especially with Jongdae. Damn that man. And with Xiumin, too. They’re the noisiest couple ever. He wondered how they don’t get deaf with each other’s booming voices.

 

And just as when he’s about to lay down to sleep his tiredness away, his phone beeped. Groaning, Baekhyun fished his phone from his pocket. “Aish. What the hell, Jongin.” He muttered.

 

From: JONGINA >_<

 

My friend just arrived. He’s gonna room with you since you said you didn’t want to room with me. Good luck. I hope things go smoothly and I hope you’re not loud. ;)

 

 

Baekhyun’s eyes widened for a few seconds before steam went out of his ears.

 

To: JONGINA >_<

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY LOUD YOU

 

 

To: JONGINA >_<

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE MY FOOT UP YOUR I HATE YOU SO MUCH

 

 

 

From: JONGINA >_<

 

>;) I know you’ll like it.

 

 

 

Just as he was about to make another reply to Jongin, the door creaked open. Baekhyun greeted the person behind the door without looking up. He was thinking of a reply for Jongin.

 

“Hey.” He said.

 

“Oh. Hi.”

 

Baekhyun froze. This cannot be.

 

He looked up. 

 

Why does the heavens wanted him to suffer.

 

What he saw wasn’t the most terrifying face ever. Rather, it was the face that could easily mess up with his heart. 

 

At the door was a tall man. His hair is long and it’s brown and it covers his forehead—unlike the one he had a month ago which was black. He was wearing a simple white shirt and black jeans.

 

“Baek, I didn’t know you were here.”

 

“I didn’t know you were here, too, Yeol.”

 

Chanyeol nodded as he walked toward the other side of the room, to his bed.

 

“Oh, so you were the one Jongin said I should meet? He told me I would really like you.”

 

Baekhyun gasped. “Uh…”

 

“It’s okay, Baek. I wouldn’t like you.”

 

Baekhyun just heard his heart broke.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

So he’s moved on. Wow. What a life. Me and my sad as life. Baekhyun thought. 

 

It was seven. He hadn’t eaten breakfast and lunch but he wasn’t hungry right now so here he was, in a bench just a few distance from the villa. It’s so dark outside. And Baekhyun liked it. He liked how it was so dark and how it was so cold. It made him feel numb. 

 

He didn’t know why he felt so broken when Chanyeol said he wouldn’t like him. Was it that easy to move on?

 

“It’s okay, Baek. I wouldn’t like you.”

 

As if it was a broken record, it kept on playing in Baekhyun’s mind. And it hurt every single time.

 

 

 

 

“Hey.”

 

Baekhyun jumped when he heard that deep voice beside him.

 

“H-hey.”

 

“Why’re you out here? We were looking for you.”

 

“I need to breathe.”

 

 

They were silent. Just the sound of the crickets could be heard and the rustling of the branches of the trees.

 

Baekhyun felt the tears silently making its way down his cheeks. He tried to silently sniff and wiped it away before Chanyeol could notice.

 

So this is how it feels to have someone you love beside you. He was so close but at the same time so far away. 

 

Why was he experiencing this? He only wanted to be with Chanyeol. Why does it have to be so hard? He even chose to be his friend only but why does it seem so much harder?

 

“Come on, Baek.” Chanyeol said as he grabbed the smaller by the wrist. “We have to g—Holy you didn’t wear a jacket?!” He was almost screaming at Baekhyun when he felt the smaller’s cold skin.

 

“I don’t want to wear one.”

 

Chanyeol cursed under his breath as he took off his jacket and handed it to Baekhyun, who in turn did not take it. The taller tsked before making Baekhyun wear the jacket and then he pulled the smaller back to the villa. “Come on.” 

 

However, Baekhyun was shaking uncontrollably as they arrived in their room. His teeth chattering. And it pained him to see that Chanyeol looked so worried about him because he knew Chanyeol doesn’t like him anymore. He wouldn’t like him ever again. He’s just worried for a friend. 

 

Baekhyun sighed in relief when Chanyeol left the room. He didn’t like to be in one room with his friend. But his breath was caught up again when Chanyeol returned with a bowl of soup.

 

“Baek, open your mouth, come on. You have to eat.”

 

Baekhyun turned his head to the side. “I don’t want to eat.”

 

“Jongin said you didn’t eat anything since breakfast.” Chanyeol blew on the soup. “Now, eat.”

 

“Chanyeol, stop it, will you?!” Baekhyun’s voice seemed so small but he still tried to yell and Chanyeol. It came out hoarse and his throat hurt.

 

Putting the bowl on the nightstand, Chanyeol said in a loud voice, “Fine! Do what you want!” Then he left the room, slamming the door in the process.

 

Baekhyun regretted what he did. He didn’t mean to yell at Chanyeol. He just didn’t want Chanyeol to worry about him because it hurt. Baekhyun didn’t understand himself anymore. A month ago, he didn’t want to be more than friends with Chanyeol because he’s scared and now it pained him because they’re only just friends. He doesn’t know what he want anymore.

 

 

 

-

 

 

Baekhyun felt a hand caressing his cheeks. He normally doesn’t like it when someone just touches him without his permission. So, with shaking voice, hoarse from sleep, he asked harshly while his eyes were closed, “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

But he heard no answer. He slowly opened his eyes and found Chanyeol face just a few inches away from him. Chanyeol was looking at him intently.

 

“Good morning.”

 

And somehow, Baekhyun couldn’t find it in himself to protest anymore as Chanyeol laid a kiss on his forehead. 

 

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

 

Baekhyun couldn’t talk even if he wanted to answer. He nodded dumbly while looking at Chanyeol, from his eyes down to his lips.

 

“I was just worried. I was worried why you were suddenly gone and then you didn’t wear a jacket knowing it was cold outside. When we came back, you were shaking. And you don’t even want to eat. I was just worried about you that was why I yelled. I’m sorry.”

 

“I…I’m hungry.”

 

Chanyeol could only chuckle as he playfully pinched Baekhyun’s cheek. “Let’s eat, then. Come on.”

 

 

 

“Where’s everyone?” Baekhyun asked as they get to the dining room. He hadn’t seen a sight of anybody else.

 

“Oh, they’re out. Kyungsoo and Jongin bought groceries. Xiumin and Jongdae went with them.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yes. Oh. It’s only the two of us, Baek.”

 

Baekhyun stopped breathing as he watched Chanyeol taking a seat beside him.

 

“I mean…Baekhyun. Am I not allowed to call you Baek anymore?”

 

“I-I, no, it’s okay. It’s…”

 

“I can still call you Baek?”

 

“Y-yes, you can…if that’s what you—”

 

 

 

You know what happened next? Yes. Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun felt a discharge of lightning suddenly running down his body when he felt Chanyeol’s lips against his. His eyes slowly closed as Chanyeol cupped his face to deepen the kiss.

 

They kissed for a few more seconds until Baekhyun felt the need of air again. He tried to pull away and Chanyeol let him do so, but he nibbled on Baekhyun’s bottom lip first before letting go.

 

That was when Baekhyun remembered Chanyeol telling him he wouldn’t like him. 

 

“W-what…what…was that?”

 

“Baekhyun I—”

 

“You said you wouldn’t like me. Why…”

 

“Baekhyun—”

 

“You’re playing with me.” He accused. “You know I love you.”

 

“Baekhyun, let me—”

 

“No. You…you—”

 

Chanyeol silenced him by using his lips. “There. You’re quiet. Okay.” Chanyeol chewed on his lower lip before sighing. “I’m not playing with you, Baek. I wanted to kiss you since yesterday when I arrived, when I finally knew it was you who Jongin said was a friend of his that I should meet and that I would really like you.”

 

“You said you wouldn’t like me. So why did you kiss me?”

 

“Baek, I wouldn’t like you. That’s true—”

 

Baekhyun stood up. “Then why’d you kiss me?!”

 

Chanyeol stood up too and crashed his lips to Baekhyun’s again and when he pulled away, he cupped Baekhyun’s face, staring at him straight in the eyes. “I wouldn’t like you because damn it, I love you and quit cutting me off.”

 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Baekhyun tried to free himself from Chanyeol’s hold. “This isn’t happening. This isn’t true.”

 

“What are you so afraid of?” Chanyeol asked in a soft voice.

 

“I…I…” Baekhyun shook his head and started walking away.

 

Chanyeol caught him and trapped him inside his arms. “Tell me why you’re always so afraid.” Baekhyun stopped struggling. “Tell me.”

 

“I don’t want us to end up fighting.” The smaller said in such a small voice but Chanyeol heard anyway.

 

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol asked as he turned Baekhyun around so they were facing each other again.

 

“All couples break up.”

 

Chanyeol laughed. That laugh. Baekhyun missed hearing it. “You silly.”

 

Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol looking so confused. “What?”

 

“Baek, let me tell you this,” he started, taking Baekhyun by the shoulders and making sure Baekhyun would hear every single thing he would say, “Look, I can’t promise we won’t fight because I don’t know what the future will hold but I can promise to try my very best to fix every argument we’ll have and not to break up with you. Not until you’re the one who wanted a break up.”

 

Baekhyun only stared at him, almost like a dumb puppy.

 

“So…what do you say? Take a risk?”

 

Risk. 

 

Risk.

 

Risk.

 

Baekhyun sighed and nodded. It wouldn’t hurt to take this right? But even if it will, he’s with Chanyeol anyway.

 

Chanyeol’s face lightened and a grin creeped its way to his lips. “So…it’s like…” he motioned at himself then at Baekhyun, “Me and you? You and me?”

 

Chanyeol sounded so eager, so excited like a kid in Christmas that Baekhyun hadn’t helped himself but release an eye smile and a laugh. He nodded at Chanyeol when the younger only stared at him, waiting for an answer.

 

“Say it. Say it.”

 

“Say what?” Baekhyun asked after calming himself.

 

“Something. Anything. There’s nothing you wanted to tell me?”

 

“Um, what?”

 

Chanyeol only sighed in defeat.

 

“I’m still scared, Yeol.”

 

“You know,” Chanyeol said, taking Baekhyun’s hand in his. Then he sang as he leaned his forehead against Baekhyun’s, “It’s not a bad thing to fall in love with me~ Not such a bad thing to fall in love with me.” 

 

“Okay, fine, Justin Timberlake.”

 

Chanyeol smiled at him, successfully making Baekhyun’s heart roll in a puddle of rainbow. He noticed Baekhyun’s red face but still, he cupped Baekhyun’s face, and attempted to connect their lips again.

 

“Stop kissing me, Park Chanyeol. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” The smaller said, pushing a hand to Chanyeol’s face but Chanyeol caught Baekhyun’s hand even before it made contact with his face. 

 

“I don’t care. You can’t stop me, I’ve been wanting to do this since that day I realized I love you.”

 

And when their lips met again, Baekhyun thought that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to fall in love with Park Chanyeol.