Chapter 19

Her legs and mind wasn’t functioning together. In her mind she was shouting at herself to run, to move, to just do something. But she was frozen, paralyzed on the spot awaiting the pain that was about to come. She heard Tiffany’s yelling in the distance, but also another voice; one that felt so familiar to her.

*Move Yul. Move your legs. Move something. NOW!* was what her mind was telling her. But she still didn’t budge.

At that moment she saw her life flashed right before her eyes as the lights from the car blinded her, as if her life was going in rewind. There she saw it again. Her face. The familiar face that she has been seeing in her dreams. 

“Jessica…” Yuri uttered.

Flashback – May 28^th, 2007

Yuri woke up to the bright light shining into her room; her body was still bare and was only covered by the thin blanket. Remembering the events that occurred the night before brought a smile to her face. Yuri shifts her body around hoping to find Jessica sleeping peacefully next to her. But such was not the case.

The space beside her was cold and empty. It seems as though Jessica has left for quite some time. Yuri quickly dresses herself, thinking that Jessica might just be somewhere around the apartment. After searching throughout the apartment, she couldn’t find any trace of Jessica.

*Hmm… I should clean this up before Yoona gets home.* Yuri thought, staring down at the path of petals and the burnt out candles.

Yuri begins to walk back into her room to change into something more comfortable for cleaning. It was then that she notices the glinting silver ring that was lying next to its velvet box, on top of a small envelope.

Her heart starts to beat faster, going two beats at a time. This couldn’t be happening. Yuri search her thoughts for some reasonable explanation as to why the ring that she has just given Jessica would be lying here.

Her hands shakily picks up the envelope and turns it over, carefully lifting the flap to take out the paper that was neatly folded inside the envelope. She slowly unfolds the paper, peering down at Jessica’s neat handwriting.

My love Yuri,

Mianhae… by the time you read this letter, I will be on my way back to America. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. But I couldn’t bear to see your face when we say goodbye. And you’re right, now is the time that we love each other the least because each day that passes is another inch I fall for you. And I wish that I won’t ever have to get back up. I know it is selfish of me to ask you to wait for me, but I will understand if you choose to move on. I’m sorry that I had to leave so shortly after we started dating. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better girlfriend to you. And I know that me saying sorry doesn’t even amount to how much pain I’m causing you.

I really didn’t think that we would be so deep within each other. Within the several months that we have been together, I have grown accustom to having you in my life. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. And I want you to know that I appreciate and cherish all that you’ve done for me, and all the times we’ve spent together.

You don’t understand how beautiful you make me feel; you make me feel as if I am the best thing in the world, but Yuri-yah… I’m not as perfect as you think I am.

You’ve taught me that love has no gender or limitations. You’ve taught me to love with everything that I’ve got. For that I thank you. I thank you for everything you’ve given me emotionally, physically, materialistically or any other way. Thank you for brightening up my world and showing me that out there, there is better than I thought, and that I have the best.

Yuri-yah, you will always be my Kwon Seobang. Though I can’t proudly wear the ring that you gave me right now, please know that I will always be your Sica baby.

Please forgive me. I promise I’ll come back to you.

Kwon Seobang-ah, I love you. Always and forever.

Forever yours,

Jessica

No this couldn’t possibly be happening. Not now. Not to her. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She didn’t want to believe it. She had to go make sure.

*Sica… you can’t be gone. This is a joke right? It has to be.*

The next few minutes were a blur to her. One minute she was inside her apartment, the next she was dashing out of the lobby and running down the street with only one destination in mind. Jessica’s house.

She was out of breath, but she made it. She was standing in front of Jessica’s house. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage. She slowly reaches up to ring the doorbell, hoping that Jessica’s smiling face would be the one greeting her.

She waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. That was it. Gone. Jessica was gone. Everything was gone. It finally hit her at that moment. It hit her hard. She sat down on the curb in front of the house, with her head resting on her knees and broke down into tears.

******

“Yuri unnie! Are you home?” Yoona calls out as she enters the apartment. “Hmm… looks like no one’s home.”

“Wow… it seems like they had quite a romantic night.” Seohyun commented when her and Tiffany arrived at the scene in the living room.

“Oh… hmm… yeah.” Tiffany says nonchalantly.

“Fany unnie, Hyunnie… do you mind sticking around to help me clean up this mess?” Yoona asked, with as much aegyo as possible.

“Fine Yoong.” Tiffany says, and rolls her eyes.

The three split up the tasks. Yoona and Seohyun were to clean the living room and Tiffany was going to clean the bedrooms.

Her heart stung at the sight of everything, she knew that Yuri and Jessica were dating but she didn’t think that it would bother her this much. She was hoping that cleaning the apartment with Yoona would help keep her mind off of everything, but it only made it worse… her eyes began to tear up. Through her blurred vision she found the piece of paper that was lying on the floor. She thought it was just a scrap of trash until she began reading it.

*Jessica is gone. She’s really gone. I should be happy right? But why am I not jumping for joy?*

******

The pain she felt was unbearable… Yuri knew no other way of getting rid of it other than drowning herself in alcohol. Shots after shots after shots. She didn’t know who else to reach out to. Yuri just wanted to be able to share her pain with someone; anyone that would listen to her. She fished out her phone and started to dial a number.

******

The vibration from her pocket startled her and cause her to jump slightly from shock. She took out her phone and peers down at the caller ID, ‘Yul’. Seeing that it was Yuri, she immediately flip open her phone to answer the call.

“Hello? Yuri-yah…?”

She waited for a reply but she only heard soft sobs on the other line.

“Yuri-yah… What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“Fany-ah… it hurts. My heart it hurts. It feels like someone just ripped out my heart and stepped on it. Is that what it feels like to be heartbroken?”

“Yuri-yah… where are you??” Tiffany asked with more urgency in her voice now.

“How do I stop it, Tiffany? How do I stop myself from feeling this pain?”

“Yuri-yah! Please don’t do anything irrational!! Please tell me where you are!” Tiffany pleaded, rushing out of the bedroom and towards the front door passing up Yoona and Seohyun on the way out.

“Yoona, Seohyun… I’m going out to find Yuri!” She calls out to them before she left.

“Fany-ah… Is this how it feels to love? If that’s the case I don’t want to love…” Yuri muttered in a slew of slurred words.

*Where are you, Yuri…* Tiffany thought as she searches franticly down the street.

“Without her… I can’t live without her…”

“Yuri! I’m coming! Tell me where you are!”

“Soju shop by the apartment… It’s too late, Fany-ah. Goodbye…”

“Yuri! NO!” Tiffany shouts into the phone.

*There!*

******
“Miss… We’re closed.” The owner said and slightly shook Yuri’s slumped figure.

“Alright, alright!” Yuri hissed angrily and got up to leave.

She was tired. Her eyes were heavy, her body swayed from side to side due to the drowsiness. She could feel the gush of winds created by the cars that were passing by; Yuri didn’t know her alcohol tolerance, but she didn’t care; she just wanted to stop feeling, stop thinking, stop existing…

Finally Tiffany spotted Yuri, and made a run for it. She saw Yuri’s teeter-tottering body near the curb as a wave of oncoming car was heading their way.

“YURI!!” She yelled, running towards Yuri and immediately wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist. “Don’t… Don’t do whatever you were thinking of doing, Yuri.”

Yuri felt the warmth of Tiffany’s embrace. She heard Tiffany make soft sobs, but Yuri was at a loss for words.

“Tiffany…”

“Yuri-yah… don’t go. Don’t leave us. Don’t leave me.”

“Tiffany…”

“I love you, Kwon Yuri…” Tiffany confessed through her tears.

“I know…” Yuri says softly. “Tiffany… I know…”

She knew how Tiffany felt about her. She could always feel the love that shone in Tiffany’s eyes every time the girl looked at her. But she couldn’t. Yuri couldn’t return her love. Her heart loves someone else.

“I know… I’m sorry. Don’t waste anymore time on me, Tiffany…”

“No… you’re not a waste of time. You never were. Yuri…”

“I’m sorry…” Yuri says, turning herself around to face Tiffany.

Tiffany didn’t want to hear anymore words of apology from Yuri. She looked into Yuri’s dark eyes and leans in towards Yuri. Their lips met, but Yuri couldn’t feel anything but guilt. She knew Tiffany was pouring all of her pent up feelings for her into this kiss. But she couldn’t return it. Yuri slowly pushes Tiffany back and smiles sadly.

“Fany-ah… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry… Maybe we’ll have a chance at love next time we meet.”

And with that said, Yuri closes her eyes and steps off the curb just as a fresh wave of cars comes barreling down the street. The pain in her heart was gone, momentarily, as her whole body became numb and Jessica’s smiling face appeared again in her mind. Yuri’s body lying lifeless a couple of feet away from the car that had hit her. Loud sound of sirens were deafening as it came closer to her and Yuri. Tiffany knelt down beside Yuri’s body and held tightly onto her.

******

Staring at the lifeless body through the glass window of the ICU room, Tiffany stood silently beside Yoona and Seohyun, who were both in tears. Yuri was out of the dangerous stage, the only problem now is when she is to wake up again…

It was then that Tiffany promised herself to take care of Yuri, no matter what happens.

“Yuri, you babo…Nothing or anyone should ever be worth killing yourself over…”

End Flashback

******

Jessica saw the oncoming car heading straight for Yuri. At that moment, she vowed to herself that it didn’t matter whether Yuri remembers her or not. She knew in her heart that she loves Yuri, and she wasn’t about to lose her.

She pushed her legs as much as she could. Her footfalls pounding against the pavement as she runs into the middle of street.

“YURI!!!!!” She yells out and as if some super power has taken over her body, Jessica lunges at the girl and sent both of them flying through the air.

*HOOONKKKKKK* *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH*

The sound of the blaring horn and the sound of its screeching tires were that last few sounds that was registered into her mind.