Sunyoung leaned against the dining table, shuffling her feet a little as she looked at the clock.

9.28 pm. She sighed and glanced over her shoulder at the untouched food served on the table.

He was late.

Jinki was supposed to be home half an hour ago. Sunyoung was sure that he would at least call if he’s coming home late.

She waited a little longer, and then wandered to the window. Sweeping aside the curtain, she stared out at the empty driveway, biting her lips worriedly. She had called his office, and they said Jinki left about an hour ago. She’d called everyone who’s close to him, and they all said they haven’t seen him. Has something happen?

Suddenly the sound of her phone ringing echoed loudly in the silent room. Sunyoung rushed to the dining table where she’d left her phone, and stared at the screen. It was not a number she knew. She pressed the green button and hesitatingly placed the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Park Sunyoung-sshi? The fiancée to Lee Jinki?”

“Neh, that’s me.” An uneasy feeling crept up inside her, and she asked the caller anxiously. “Why? What’s going on? Where’s Jinki?”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to inform you that your fiancée had been involved in an accident. Please come to this address immediately.” Then the voice proceeded to prattled off the name of a hospital and the direction to get there before he hung up.

Sunyoung stood stock still, mind still unable to process the news she just received. No, no. it can’t be! Jinki must be okay. He must be! He was just fine this morning. Maybe this is just one of his stupid jokes, and when I meet him, he’ll tell me it’s all a prank.

“Yes, that must be it. I must see him.” She murmured too herself, coming out from the daze. She immediately grabbed her purse and keys before running outside to her car.

As she drove to the hospital, Sunyoung’s mind drifted back to last December. Back to his birthday, precisely. When she surprises him with a birthday cake, Jinki surprises her with a proposal. Bending down awkwardly on one knee, he held on her hands and stared straight into her shocked eyes. And then he says the words.

“Sunyoung, I… I’ve wanted you forever. Forever and always, since the first moment I saw you. I want to be with you, through the good and the bad and the ugly. I love you, Sunyoung. Would you…would you stay and grow old with me?”

She was nodding frantically and crying like a mad person as she jumped on him, causing him to land flat on his back, laughing. There wasn’t even a ring; Jinki’s proposal was totally impromptu, but it’s alright. Because they both know his promises were true, and more than any romantic gestures can be.

Sunyoung pulled up at the entrance of the hospital, ignoring the ‘No Parking’ sign. She walked right to the front desk and asked to see him. A nurse with a stoic face led her down on what seems like a million halls, like a dizzying maze that’s never ending. Then she stops in front of a door and knocked softly. A doctor walked out, holding a clipboard, and the nurse murmured quietly to him. The doctor nodded as he gave a genial smile to Sunyoung.

“Park Sunyoung-sshi, I’m Dr. Kim. I’m the doctor responsible for Lee Jinki-sshi.”

“How is he? Is he alright? What happened?” Not bothering with greetings, Sunyoung questioned him worriedly.

The doctor’s face turned grim as he explained that Jinki had suffered some serious injuries, as he was thrown out of the car by the force of collision. It’s a miracle that he even lasted this long, let alone to be conscious, but the doctor wasn’t sure how long he’ll stay that way. He also had a concussion, an internal bleeding in his brain.

Throughout his explanation, Sunyoung kept staring blankly at the closed door, hearing the doctor’s words vaguely, as though he was talking to her from the end of a tunnel, his voice fuzzy and muffled.

“Park Sunyoung-sshi,” The doctor touched her arm slightly to get her attention. “Please be strong for him, okay? I know it’s hard for you, but I really cannot allow you to enter if you’re going emotional or hysterical. It’ll be bad for the patient.”

Sunyoung bit her bottom lip hard, as though needing the pain to sober her up. She took a deep breath, trying to keep it under control. The doctor is right. Jinki needs you to be strong now, Sunyoung. So be strong, for him. Be the strong woman he always said you are. Taking a deep breath, trying to keep a straight face, she looked up at the doctor and nodded.

Dr. Kim stared at her for awhile, as though gauging on whether or not she can handle it. Then he let out a resigned sigh and opened the door, signaling her to come in.

The strong smell of medicine was overwhelming Sunyoung, and she blinked as her eyes tried to adjust to the bright light inside the room, different from the somewhat darkened corridors. There was only the sound of the heart-rate monitor beeping, and the fainter, softer sound of someone’s breathing caught her ears.

Sunyoung zoomed in on the lone bed in the room, and the figure lying motionlessly on it. The tears threatened to spill as she stares at Jinki, looking so weak and battered, his face swollen and bruised, and most of his body was covered with bandages. But she soldiered on, trying to keep a straight face, remembering the doctor’s advice as she walked closer to him.

Jinki was awake. And he’s staring at her, a small smile on his spilt lips, just a shadow of his usual bright ones. She sat by his bedside, and held on his hand, squeezing it a little too tight, as though worrying he’ll disappear if she let go.

“Hey, jagiya…” His croaky voice almost made her lose it, but she managed a weak smile as she leaned closer to him.

“Hey, baby.” She kissed his hand and reached out to touch his bruised face gently, not wanting to hurt him. “How are you, Jinki? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?”

Jinki turned his head slightly, nuzzling her opened palm.

“I just need you, Sunyoung.”

That does it. His softly uttered words caused the tears she tried so hard to hold back to slide down her cheeks. She cried, silently, bowing her head so that he won’t see it.

But Jinki felt her warm tears falling on his hand. He squeezed her hand a little as he murmured, “Hey, jagiya… Don’t cry. It’s not good for the baby.”

The reminder of their unborn child still in her womb made her cry even harder. What will she do now? How will she survive? How will she take care of their baby? So many worries were running through her mind, and Sunyoung just lost it.

But when she lifted her head, she saw the unshed tears in his eyes. Jinki’s right. Crying won’t solve anything. It’ll be bad for the baby. It’ll be bad for him too. Be strong, Sunyoung. Be strong.

Sunyoung smiled as she straightened up, wiping her wet eyes. She in a shaky breath and smiled a little brighter. For him.

“You’re right, Jinki. It won’t be good for the baby.”

Obviously relieved, Jinki returned with his eye-smile. “That’s my Sunyoung. You’ll get through this, jagiya.”

“We.” She said forcefully. “We’ll get through this, Jinki. And then we’ll go on with our plan. Do you remember?”

He nodded and just smiled at her. But even she can see his smile is pained, unconvinced. Obviously he didn’t share her positive hope. But she ignored it, pretended like she didn’t see it.

“We always said that we’ll raise our kids in a house by the hillside, so that our kids will have a lot of space to play around and grow. Our home will always be full of the sound of laughter. We’ll stay there till we’re old and wrinkly, Jinki. It won’t matter if we’re rich or poor, because we’ll still love each other. Do you remember, Jinki? We promised we’ll do that.” Sunyoung pressed on, but she couldn’t quite manage to hide how her voice broke on the last word.

“Forever and always, Sunyoung.” Jinki murmured softly, eyes deep with regret, though he still smiled on, humoring her. They both knew it was just a wishful thinking now. Yet neither was willing to voice it out loud, preferring to stay in this world of uncertainty.

She laid her head gently on his shoulder, keeping his hand in hers, trying to stay as close as possible. She felt his mouth nuzzling her hair, kissing her temple. Sunyoung closes her eyes to savor the moment, the closeness, and their intimacy. And it’s still not enough. She wanted to bind herself to him, completely and irrevocably.

That gave her an idea. She pulled away and found him staring at her, the small smile still playing on his lips.

“Give me a moment, baby. I’ll be right back.” She leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Then she stood up and went out of the room, leaving a baffled Jinki behind.

Sunyoung flagged down a passing nurse, and told her about what she’d planned to do. The nurse was surprised by the unusual demand, but immediately agreed when Sunyoung explained the situation. After the nurse leaves, Sunyoung walked into the room next door. An elderly couple was huddled by the bedside of a sleeping young patient, whom Sunyoung guessed was the couple’s son. Both of them looked up, surprised as she came in unannounced. Sunyoung gave them a brittle smile.

“Hi. Um, I’m really sorry to barge in like this, b-but I was wondering if you’ll do me a favor. Please?”

The couple exchanged a bewildered look at the abrupt request, but Sunyoung’s desperate expression got to them. They must have sensed that she was close to an emotional breakdown.

“Of course, my dear.” The woman stood up from her seat and went to Sunyoung, “How can we help you?”

“Can you borrow me some rings?” Sunyoung said bluntly, without hesitation.

“Rings?” The couple echoed, confused and maybe slightly suspicious as well.

“Yes.” Sunyoung nodded. “Well, you see, I’m marrying my fiancée in the next room. But we…we haven’t got time to buy our rings. But we really, really wanted to get married so please, will you loan us your rings? Please?” Her voice cracked, and the tears welled up again and fall down her cheeks as she begged. She wiped away the tears, hating herself for crying again, for being so weak.

“Oh, you poor girl. Of course we’ll lend you the rings.” The woman patted Sunyoung’s shoulder sympathetically before she took off her ring. She gestured for her husband to do the same, and then she placed the rings into Sunyoung’s trembling hand. She did not know what exactly happened, but she can sense the young woman’s earnestness, and she knew that this is very important to her. So she made the impulsive decision to trust the young woman right then.

Sunyoung closed her hand over the warm bands, feeling relieved but slightly overwhelmed with everything that’s been happening.

“Thank you. Thank you very much.” She said through her tears. “I’ll return them after…after…” Sunyoung stopped, horrified with what she’s about to say. No. NO!  You must not think like that, Sunyoung. You have to have hope, you have to. Stay. Positive!

The elderly woman watched Sunyoung with sympathy; pained with the anguish she saw flashing in Sunyoung’s teary eyes. Her motherly instinct kicked in, and she badly wants to comfort the grieving girl as though she was her own child. She put her arm around Sunyoung’s shoulder, hoping to distract her. “I hope you won’t feel it’s terribly forward of us, but I understand that a wedding needs witnesses. Would you…would you like us to be your witnesses?”

Sunyoung stopped crying to stare into the woman’s compassionate eyes. Then she nodded frantically as she threw her arms around her, hugging the woman tight. “Yes! Oh, yes please. Thank you. Thank you so much!” She was so touched by the woman’s, a stranger, kindness that she forgot about her sadness for awhile.

The woman laughed as she patted Sunyoung’s back. “It’s okay, dear. Now, let’s get you clean up first, okay? You wouldn’t want your future husband to see you in a mess, right?”

Sunyoung just nodded as she allowed the woman to pull her towards the restroom, glad to relinquish the control to someone else, even if it’s just for a moment.

---

Sunyoung walked back inside Jinki’s room to find Dr. Kim, the nurse she’d met earlier, and a formally dressed man she assumed the chaplain already waiting for her. The couple from the next door, whom she came to know as Mr. and Mrs. Tan followed in right behind her. They all gifted her with encouraging smiles, even though she can sense some sympathy in their stares. But she didn’t care. In fact, that made Sunyoung even more resolved to seeing this through.

She went to his bed, and smiled as she noticed the confused expression on his beloved face.

“Sunyoung…” He murmured weakly, looking around. “What’s going on?”

She sat on his bedside and beamed at him. “They’re here for the wedding.”

“W – Wedding?”

“Yes.” She nodded, taking his hand and placed it on her cheek, nuzzling in the warmth. “For our wedding. You see, the man in the formal suit is the chaplain who will be marrying us, and the lovely couple over there, Mr. and Mrs. Tan,” She gestured to the pair, who gave Jinki a little wave, “will be our witnesses. I even got us some rings! Look!” She showed him the rings nestled in her opened palm.

Jinki stared at the rings, unmoving and mute. Then his body shook a little as he lets out a feeble chuckle.

“You’re really rushing me to the altar, aren’t you, woman?”

She reciprocated with a watery smirk, finding that it’s so like Jinki to be making a joke at inappropriate time. Even a lame joke at that.

“I always get my way, baby. I thought you know that?” She raised a brow teasingly, and was rewarded with another weak laugh.

“But the rings were unnecessary.” Jinki murmured out of the blue, looking up at the doctor. “Will you get me my coat, please? Thank you.” He said as the doctor nodded and left the room.

“Why do you want your coat, Jinki? Are you cold?” Sunyoung asked worriedly, already standing up to get more blanket but Jinki just shook his head and tugged her to sit again.

“You’ll see.” He answered simply just as Dr. Kim came back with a ripped and dusty coat. He handed the garment to Sunyoung.

“It’s in the inside pocket, jagi…” Jinki’s words were halted as he began to cough a bit. Sunyoung immediately dropped the coat to rub his back, trying to soothe him somehow.

“No, look inside the pocket.” He insisted as his cough ceased, waving away her hands.

She picked up the fallen piece of clothing again and searched the pockets. Her hand encountered something solid and she closed her hand around it, pulling it out. It was a small black velvet box.

Her breath hitched, and she turned around to gaze at Jinki, seeking guidance on what to do.

He inclined his head slightly and mouthed, “Open it.”

With trembling hands she opened the little box. Inside was a pair of rings, nestled in the blue velvet cushion. A plain white gold band for him and a smaller, similar ring for her, but topped with a diamond shaped like a crescent moon.

Sunyoung bit her lips, trying to hold back a sob as she stared at the ring. Shutting her eyes, she took a deep breath to still her emotion before she faced him.

“For my little moon.” He said simply, in a faint voice.

“Jinki…”

“No, no. Please don’t cry, jagiya. N - Not on our wedding. I – I only want to remember your beautiful smile, Sunyoung.”

She looked away, taking a couple of deep breaths and wiping her face dry. Feeling like she has got a hold on it, she turned and beamed at him, eyes still wet and too dry.

“Okay, Jinki.” She nodded and sniffled, then repeated the words a little louder. A little bit stronger this time, trying to convince Jinki and everyone else. Trying to convince herself that all will be well in the end.

That the rainbow will definitely come out after the rain.

She smiled at him. “Let’s do this.”

Jinki was propped up against the pillows, and Sunyoung sat next to him. They hold hands, and kept eye contacts, as the preacher began his short but necessary sermon.

“I love you.” She mouthed to him impulsively, and Jinki smiled with his eyes.

His head lolled backwards, as though he didn’t have the energy to hold it upright. Sunyoung tighten her hold on him, worried. But he shook his head slightly, signaling he was fine.

Even though he seemed drained and pale, Jinki still kept the smile on his face. A peaceful, content little smile, becoming brighter whenever Sunyoung turned to look at him. His breathing grew heavier, yet he still kept on smiling, looking at peace with the world.

The clergyman inserted some light jokes in his address, trying to ease the seriousness of the situation. They all laughed; it was a happy occasion, but all of them knew that the happiness is fragile, and won’t last long. Death was looming over them like a dark cloak, waiting for his moment.

Mrs. Tan turned her face a little to the side, trying to be subtle as she dabbed on her wet eyes.  She didn’t want the young couple to see her pity, her sadness on the knowledge of the impending doom. She would not be the one to spoil their beautiful nuptial, even though she knew it’ll be short-lived.

The pastor finished his sermon, and motioned for Sunyoung to say her vows. She nodded and faced Jinki, keeping her eyes on his, preparing to say her vows to him and only him, because he’s the only one who matters.

“Jinki,” She began, laughing a bit because she wasn’t sure how to continue. There’s just so much she wanted to say to him. “Jinki. You know how much I love you, right? From the first time I met you at the cafeteria, from the first ‘Hi’, you got me. I want you, I want to be with you, through the good and the bad, even the ugly. It doesn’t matter, I’ll always want you. You’re the only person I want to stay with, until we grow old and crinkly and our skins sagged.” They shared a little chuckle at her words.

“I want to raise our kids with you, I want to laugh with you, I want to cry with you, even argue with you. I want it all, only with you. Only you, Jinki. No matter if we’re happy or sad or whatever, we’ll know that we still love each other. Forever, and always.

She was crying by the time she finishes her vows, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. Sunyoung felt his hand on her cheek, and she held on to it, taking in his warmth.

It was then she realizes the monitor’s beeping was getting slower, and she opened her eyes wide, staring at Jinki frantically.

“Jinki! Jinki…”

The doctor came forward, trying to examine him, but Jinki refused.

He shook his head again, breath coming in pants now as he nudged her to come closer.

He was slipping away, and they both knew it. There wasn’t much time.

She leaned forward, tears running down her cheeks, but refusing to close her eyes. Because it would mean she could lose him any time.

“Sunyoung…” He murmured, voice almost too low that she had to stop sobbing so that she could hear him.

“Sunyoung…I – I’ll love you forever, jagi. Forever and always.”

She wanted to scream, wanting to sob her heart out, wanting to deny reality. But she did nothing. She concentrated on his soft voice, clinging desperately to the little piece of vitality that’s left of him.

“Our baby too…” He said, eyes falling down to her stomach before going back up to hers, regretful. She bit her lips, pained.

“I’m sorry, for not being there when he arrived. Tell him…” His breath hitched, his eyes blurry with unshed tears as he carry on faintly, “Tell him that I love him, so much. And I love you, jagi. Please just remember, even if I’m not there. I’ll…I’ll always love you. Forever…and …”

His whispers fade, as well as his shallow breathing. His chest, spasming crazily just seconds ago, stilled.

Sunyoung crumbled, breaking down as she sobbed into his neck, tightening her hold like she’s never letting him go. And she never will.

“Forever and always, Jinki. I promise.”

---

Seven years later,

“Omma, hurry up! Appa is waiting for us.” A boy was running ahead, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

Sunyoung smiled as she looked at her son. “Yes, Joonie-ah. I’m coming.”

Apparently still not satisfied with his mother’s relaxed pace, Joonie backtracked and tugged on her hand, urging her to go faster. Sunyoung laughed as she let herself be towed by the seven-year-old.

“Oh, halmeoni and harabeoji had already arrived!” Joonie announced excitedly, letting go of Sunyoung’s hand and sprinting as fast as he could to the two figure, a man and a woman, dressed in black. He threw himself into the man’s arms, demanding to be picked up.

When Sunyoung reached the small group, she was pulled into a fierce hug.

“How are you, my dear?”

Sunyoung smiled as she returned the embrace. “I’m fine, eomeoni. Thank you for coming.”

Mrs. Tan patted Sunyoung cheeks affectionately. “You know I won’t miss it for the world.”

Then she called out, “Joonie-ah, come here and pay respect to your appa.”

Joonie was set down by Mr. Tan, and he went to hold his mother’s hand. Carefully he placed the flowers on the grave.

“Appa, we’re here.” He greeted, then starting to recount to his father about his daily life. “Appa, you know, omma says I can have a puppy, and -”

Even though Joonie had never met his father, Sunyoung always made sure to let him know how much Jinki loves him. She told him stories about his father, show him Jinki’s pictures so that he’ll know and remember his father. So that he’ll know that his father is always with him, even though he’ll never see him. Jinki lives in little Joonie’s heart.

As Joonie babbled away, Sunyoung knelt and touched the tombstone, feeling the cold surface even through her glove.

I’m here, Jinki.

It was hard at first. No, it was awful. It was torture. The first few months were the worst, especially when she woke up in the mid of the night and reached for him, only to remember he’s gone. Or when she set the table for two until she realizes there’s only her now. Sunyoung was so depressed that she considered suicide. She still did sometimes, feeling like she wants to give up everything and just be with Jinki.

But then she remembered about her child. Their child. And she decided that she had to live; because a part of Jinki exists inside her. Joonie is the reason she fought to live a life, the reason she moved on, the reason for everything.

Thankfully, she had her family with her. And Mr. and Mrs. Tan. She owed a lot to them, strangers who were family to her now. Even though they have no blood relation at all, the Tans were always there to help her.

But still, it hurts. It hurts like the very devil; the pain of losing your loved ones will never go away. It’ll get easier though, in time. Nevertheless, Sunyoung knew she was blessed. She had a love that few people experienced, even if it was cut short. She has a son whom she loves dearly, family that’s always by her side, and friends whom she can count on.

She smiled as she traced the words engraved at the bottom of the headstone.

‘Forever and always.’

It’s been seven years, Jinki. And I still love you. Forever and always.