Confessions of the Supposed Jerk: Kim Jongin

soundtrack for the chapter: seventeen's woozi - simple

            “Kang Hye Su, you should sober up before you even consider talking to me. Just what have you become, Kang Hye Su?” I found myself shaking my head before I led Jungah back into the reception hall. I didn’t want to hear anymore. As the door to the reception hall closed behind us, I could hear her scream. “IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I’M THIS WAY, KIM JONGIN!” I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes in regret.

            I know, Kang Hye Su. I’m sorry.

            Hye Su and I have been friends for well over a decade yet she never failed to surprise me every day. Whether it be her weeping over a cliché Korean drama moment or her screaming because a baby spider appeared in her room, Hye Su was always full of new emotions. There were so many facets to Hye Su that it was hard to keep track of each aspect, but I liked that about Hye Su. I was always on my toes around her because there was always something new to look forward to.

            She always made me step outside my comfort zone, whether it be dancing at the club or trying an exotic dish from a foreign country. Thanks to her, my life was much more entertaining than it would have been had I not met her. Of course, there would be days when we had our lows, but they were all quickly resolved.

            “Your handwriting is ugly!” She taunted, holding my prized journal above the trash can.

            “Be nicer!” I exclaimed, leaping for my prized possession.

            “That’s if you can catch me~” Hye Su stuck out her tongue. I knew she was no match for me, since I was on the track team and well she…she was always on the bleachers supporting me.

            Things started to change when we entered high school and began to mature. All of our other friends seemed to be absorbed in finding that perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, but Hye Su and I were still playing Pokemon. I was comfortable with where I was – I got good grades and I had good friends. Sure, there were girls that attracted my attention every now and then, but I wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship. Hye Su easily took the place of a girlfriend. But our friendship changed when Hye Su asked me to be her date to one of the school dances.

            She was just so beautiful that night, spinning around and around in that simple yet chic black dress. There were several occasions when I found myself stuttering in response to her questions. She would throw her head back and laugh at the way I spoke.

            When I couldn’t remove my eyes off of her that night, I was blessed that she was my date.

            When she had come running to me after experiencing several family problems, I was blessed that she came to me first.

            When I was in the United States, I couldn’t forget her; I was blessed that she would be the face that would always show up in my dreams.

            That’s when I knew I had been in love with her for over a decade.

            It started since day one.

            “So…that Hye Su girl…do you know her well?” Jungah put her compact mirror away in her purse as she asked the question that was bugging her since we met Hye Su and Sehun in the hallway. Not long after that encounter, the wedding ended and we were on our way home. I still couldn’t shake off the sight of Sehun holding Hye Su like that, though.

            I quickly made eye contact with Jungah before shifting my eyes in front of me, patiently waiting for the street light to turn green. “Somewhat.”

            “Is she usually that…” Jungah paused, trying to find the appropriate word to describe Hye Su. Crazy? Out of control? Wild? I wanted to say those words, but I couldn’t. Saying those words felt like I was directly insulting Hye Su, and I knew she turned out this way because of me. Jungah glanced at me, hoping that I would fill in the missing blank for her. But I didn’t.

            “Never mind,” she quickly replied, hoping that her pause wasn’t too long and awkward. “I just hope she’ll have more control at our wedding.”

            Our wedding. Those two words resonated in my head like loud bells.

            Jungah milled on, “Anyway, if you have time, we can start checking out the wedding venue. I already—“

            “Can we not talk about this?” I interrupted, tightening my hands on the wheel. “It’s been a long day, Jungah. Let’s give it some rest and talk later.” I pressed my foot harder against the acceleration pedal.  

            “Jongin, you’ve been avoiding this topic for the past month, especially since I came to Korea. It’s like you don’t want to get married or something.” The light flicked red. The car screeched to a halt as I slammed my foot against the brake. Jungah widened her eyes in alarm. “Jongin, I—“

            I faced Jungah, my dark eyes boring into hers. “Do you remember why we broke up, Jungah?”

A year ago

            “Jongin, let’s get married!” Jungah latched onto my arm before pulling me to the front of a jewelry store. The rings displayed were glittering happily, as if they were promising eternal happiness. “Look