kyungsoo has never really been into the dating scene. it's not that he doesn't like the idea of it, moreso that experience and acceptance of his differences lead him to enjoy his own company more than anyone else's on most nights. it isn't easy to get him to agree to a blind date, and when he shows up at the address given by his best friend, he almost turns and leaves without even trying.

he hates clubs, and jongin knows it. he hates the loud music, the flashing of lights and way too many people pressed together. it makes him claustrophobic, and he has no idea why he decides to shoulder his way through the door, waiting at a table and holding his breath, thumbing through applications on his phone and counting down until an acceptable enough amount of time has passed so that he can leave.

when his date shows up, he's unexpected in every sense of the word. he's too tall and gangly and his ears stick out underneath the snapback he's wearing backwards but he has a nice smile and isn't put off by the fact that kyungsoo isn't very talkative. he doesn't ask kyungsoo to dance and keeps up pleasant conversation over a drink and it lasts all of thirty minutes before they decide they're sick of this place.

"thank god, i hate places like that. especially for a first date. god, they're so loud." it's the first thing chanyeol says as soon as they step outside, the cool air giving kyungsoo an excuse to bury his nose in his jacket and hide his smile when chanyeol laughs and something pulls at his chest.

//

sometimes kyungsoo forgets. it's not hard to fall into the rhythm of his life, comfortable (boring, jongin always calls it). it's not something he thinks about on a day to day basis, but when he's dating someone it all gets tilted off center, thrown into a weird balance where occasionally he remembers that thing about himself that makes him different. it isn't that he's nervous about it. it isn't that he's ashamed of it. but he never knows how people are going to react to it, and that's usually enough of an impending anxiety attack for him to throw away any potential boyfriends (or even second dates).

with chanyeol, it happens three dates in. they're sitting on the couch in his duplex, sharing chinese takeout and listening to his music collection in order because chanyeol insists on it. somewhere in the midst of his r&b albums their chopsticks end up on the table and chanyeol's lips end up on his, nice and warm and soft and all kinds of things that make kyungsoo's stomach turn. it's not that he doesn't like it, but he has to make sure that chanyeol knows, especially when he presses closer and suddenly kyungsoo is terrified that maybe he's full of expectations.

"i'm aual." it comes out suddenly, a burst of syllables paired with his hands on chanyeol's chest, pushing space between them and he can't look at chanyeol's face because he doesn't want to see the disappointment that he's sure he can hear in the silence around them. it lasts all of three seconds and then chanyeol is chuckling, pulling his attention back with a smile and a thumb brushing across the skin on his cheek.

"okay."

one word is enough to release the tension he didn't even realize was building so rapidly, and kyungsoo gives a tentative smile of his own, big eyes finding the courage to look up just in time for chanyeol to kiss him again. and again. and none of them hold any expectations.

//

it takes a couple of months for chanyeol to sleep over for the first time. kyungsoo is a private person and it isn't easy to let someone into his bed, especially since the thought of someone being so comfortable with sleeping and not trying to do anything else makes his head spin if he thinks about it for too long. chanyeol isn't officially his boyfriend yet but he might as well be. kyungsoo has lost count of how many dates they've had and he's the first person he texts when he wakes up and before he goes to sleep, and that means something.

chanyeol is warm and comfortable in a way that kyungsoo wasn't expecting. waking up in the mornings has always been hard but it's even harder when he falls asleep so quickly, surprising himself because he's always hated sharing a bed with anyone. he's groggy and angry when the sun shines through his curtains and forces him to come back to reality. the anger changes to confusion when he realizes he's alone, shuffling his way downstairs only to be greeted by the smell of coffee and pancakes. chanyeol is standing in his kitchen in nothing but sweatpants and a white tshirt and when he hears movement he turns and smiles. his hair is still a little bit messed up but he doesn't care when he brings kyungsoo a mug and presses a kiss to his hair.

kyungsoo has never told chanyeol how he drinks his coffee, but when he takes a drink it's the perfect blend of cream and sugar and the hazelnut flavoring he keeps at the back of his refrigerator. it's stupid but that tightness is pulling at his chest again when he walks over and tugs at chanyeol's shirt until he leans down for a proper kiss, and neither of them really care when he burns the rest of the pancakes.

//

it's not that kyungsoo is disgusted by . he doesn't see anything wrong with it, and he understands that a lot of people in the world have an urge, a need for it. he's never felt it himself and likely never will, and he's okay with that. he's never met anyone else who's as okay with it as chanyeol is, and that makes him want to do things for him occasionally. it doesn't turn him on. it doesn't do anything for him ually to see him get off, to touch him and help him and coax him into a kind of pleasure that he's never really understood. it's the intimacy that he likes, feeling connected and knowing that he can do something to make chanyeol feel closer and more satisfied. it's difficult to put into words.

even so, it isn't always something that's so easy for him. he can't explain it, and he can't understand it. he isn't disgusted by but some days it feels that way. sometimes even thinking about it makes it feel like his skin is crawling, makes him physically uncomfortable even though he tries to swallow it down sometimes because it feels like he's being unfair.

today is one of those days, and he's never met someone who could read him so easily. he doesn't have to say a word, and he can't hide from chanyeol. he knows that chanyeol is frustrated. he knows that he wants this, wants something, and so it surprises him when he stops him, larger fingers curling around kyungsoo's as they start to brush against the button on his jeans.

he doesn't say anything, even though he wants to. he pulls back and opens his mouth but chanyeol just shakes his head, pushes his hands away and kisses him again. he slides the movie they rented into the dvd player and settles back onto the couch with a blanket, motioning for kyungsoo to come and lay by his side. kyungsoo focuses on the opening credits but he feels it again when chanyeol's fingers idly draw circles over his side and he falls asleep halfway through.

//

kyungsoo has never been one for big romantic displays of affection. he isn't good at making big deals out of much of anything, even when they are important. it's easier for him to think about things and come to conclusions on his own than to plan big reveals and surprises, mostly because everything always tends to come tumbling out on its own before he has the chance to get to any rehearsed dialogue.

chanyeol has been staying over more and more, and it isn't unusual for them to spend the mornings together before rushing off to class or work. kyungsoo is draining the last of his coffee while chanyeol tells him something about an upcoming project, snapping the lid onto the extra cup that his now-boyfriend always pours him to go.

".. anyway, i have a project due this evening so i was thinking about coming back here to work on it, if that's okay. i know you have work, but ..." chanyeol trails off while kyungsoo throws his bag over his shoulder, turning to open a drawer and rustle around for what he's looking for. when he finally finds it he smiles, closing his fingers around metal and setting it on the counter between them.

"take that. it's a key," he explains, leaning down to press a kiss to chanyeol's cheek before he runs out the door because he's absolutely running late. "i had it made. for you." there's nothing more to say but chanyeol is dumbfounded for a split second, catching kyungsoo's wrist and tugging him back instead of letting him get away that easily. kyungsoo stares at him, big eyed and curious but chanyeol just kisses him because there aren't many other ways to express the feeling that's taking over him so suddenly.

"i love you." chanyeol has never been good at controlling what comes out of his mouth and for a brief moment he's terrified but then kyungsoo smiles, because that tugging at his chest is there again and he's realizing that as long as chanyeol's around it probably isn't ever going to go away.