When I stood on the stage and received my certificate, I was alarmed, highly alarmed, that it was just a piece of paper. I had worked just how hard for this empty piece of paper, but why did it make me feel so dirty? I was alarmed that thirty other individuals beside me were given the same exact piece of paper more or less——they were just like me. I wasn’t special. We were all just slaves of the system, awarded for being the most submissive. I didn’t want to live like that. I never want to live like that again. I’d rather be scum—oh yeah—I am scum.

    Why did the student in the top of the highest class just suddenly decide to not apply to any colleges and let his grades slip drastically? The answer was simple, yet not so simple. I replaced all of my friends, if I ever even had any, with textbooks. The cultured individuals who I labeled as my friends during that time were just awaiting my downfall with plastic smiles. When I was the smartest, no one really cared; no one ever cared until my grades started slipping. It’s really all a mess, this need for perfection. Why do numbers define us? What happened to expressing yourself? Even the celebrities, they have to follow those damn concepts and images. The world wants us fake and plastered up shiny on display. I didn’t graduate, I dropped out with just a month left. It probably was just a petty act of defiance, but it’s probably the best thing I ever did for myself. 

    I worshipped the idea of my parent’s approval. Their dreams were my dreams. Their plans were my plans. I lived that way because it was the simplest thing to do with my life. They didn’t love me.

    We’re bums really, Suga, Rap Monster, and I. You probably get a pretty weird impression from their names, most people do. Yoongi and Namjoon I suppose, but it doesn’t really sound right when you call them by their birth names. Actually, never mind, I don’t think I’ll call Namjoon Rap Monster again before the day I die. Anyways, they’re my family now. I knew Suga from grade school; we used to be pretty close before I turned all uptight about grades and all that crap. He was the only one I guess I could really turn to when I was thrown out, after my ‘revolt.’ He and Namjoon had been kicking it here for a while I guess. It was kind of amazing to me; even after I had abandoned him for schoolwork, Suga immediately had a place for me. It seems the thrashed up ones are the most genuine when you get down to the core, at least that’s my theory.

    Since Suga and I used to be best friends back then (more or less), I already knew about his family situation. His mom was a mess and his dad was a drunk, which is always just the perfect combination. I can’t really say much on the topic, but I know he used to get beaten pretty badly. You couldn’t ever tell unless you knew him really well. Sometimes, if I was really paying attention, I could see flickers of hurt in his eyes for just a few seconds. He’s gotten better at controlling them recently, that, or maybe the hurt has finally been forgotten. I’m not really sure as to which is the better.

    Namjoon’s a good guy too. He never really asked me why I suddenly moved in or under what circumstances. He just looked me over and said, “Welcome, brother, to the house of misfits, where you just might fit in after all.” I’m still confused as to what that meant, and I’m starting to think it might have been an insult, but I still found it pretty comforting at the time. He’d had it pretty rough too, I guess. I think it was something about a girl; he’d been heartbroken pretty bad. Finding out that your girlfriend is pregnant is bad news in itself, but it must really bite when you’re not even the father. But he just smiles about it now, maybe even making a joke about it. For that, I admire him quite a bit.

    My name is Kim Seokjin. Most people just call me Jin now, I guess it’s a bit more catchy. What kind of person am I? Compared to Suga and Namjoon, I’m relatively quiet, at least on the surface, but it’s pretty loud up here in my mind. Will I just be a grocery store cashier for the rest of my life? It’s hard to say.

    But Suga and Namjoon, they’re different from me. They have something to chase; they have a passion. They’re gonna make it someday as rappers, that I’m sure of. I feature in on their mix tapes every once in a while, (I didn’t even know I could sing before they forced me to try) but I’m not really even sure if I have a passion for that. I wonder what it’s like, wanting something so bad that you couldn't even imagine living without achieving that. But it’s okay. I don’t really need a passion, at least I have my family. I’d do anything in the world for Namjoon and Suga, and I’d like to think they feel the same. And that’s enough, for now. They’re my brothers——this is such a cliche thing to say——but it’s the truth.