Darkness. Darkness is everywhere. It's inside us. It's outside. It's everything to some people. 

When Sehun opens his eyes, everything is still dark. He doesn't wonder why. He doesn't care wether it's because it's still night, or if it's because of his curtains.

Nothing will change if he knows anyway. 

Ready to sleep the rest of the day, he turns over on his right side and closes his eyes. 

Just like all the other days, he has problems sleeping. It's been five days now. Five days since everyone thought he was okay again, since he was left alone.

Until five days ago, he had been going to see a psychologist. There he had tried to get some sleeping pills, but he wasn't given any. 

All though no one has said anything, Sehun knows everyone is afraid that he'll kill him self.  There is a big chance, that he will end up doing it anyway. It's been five days since he left his bed. Eating and drinking isn't a part of his daily routine anymore. 

53 days. That's how long it's been since the accident. 53 days ago Sehun's lost everything. 

Turning onto his back, Sehun looks up into the celing. There is nothing to see. 

Tears begin to gather in his eyes, when he remembers the first day in the dorm. That day he was also laying this way. At that time he could actually watch the celing. Back then everything wasn't black. 

The reason he had been watching the celing back then, had been nervousness. What was it now? Lonelyness? Sadness? Probably. 

Back then Joonmyun had comfforted him. Told him that everything would be all right. 

Joonmyun had been annoying. He had nagged Sehun a lot, but also helped him a lot. While in the dorm, Joonmyun had been like a mother to him - to all of them. 

Now, Sehun wouldn't mind the nagging. Right now, he just wants to hear Joonmyun's voice telling him that everything will be all right. 

Sehun's real mother had told him that once since the accident. For some reason, it hadn't meant anything to Sehun. He hadn't believed her - nothing would be all right. 

A sob is ecoing through the room. It isn't the first time since the accident he cries. 

To be honest, he is surprised that he still has tears left. 

After only about one minute of crying, Sehun feels the headache coming. That has became a regular part of his daily routine. 

It can't be healthy to cry too much. Does it matter? No. Does he want to be healthy? No. Does he want to die? Yes. 

At some point, Sehun gets up from the bed. 

He doesn't know why. He just does. 

With weak legs and careful steps, he gets to the door of the room. To steady himself and make himself ready for the light that will probably ruin his sight, he stands still some time. 

When the door opens, there is no light. 

It's night - or afternoon, no one knows. 

Through the dark Sehun sees the couch. His brain is expecting Jongin and Chanyeol sitting in it, and he waits for one of them to say something to him. 

Nothing is said, ofcourse. He's alone in the room. 

The thing that hits Sehun the hardest, is exactly that. 

He's alone. He's alone in the dorm. 

On the floor beside the couch is some of the awards they won. Sehun doesn't remember why they're there. 

Carefully, he takes on of them into his hand. 

MAMA Awards 2013 - Album of the Year. 

The moment where they got that one, was one of the best moments in his life. They were all happy. Very happy. All 12 of them. 

But happiness doesn't last forever. 

12 became 11. 

11 became 1. 

Now the motto 'We are One' was real. He was only one. There was only him. 

Sehun hadn't really realized it before now. It was real. Everyone were dead. 

53 days ago, EXO was hit by a truck. Sehun was the only one who survived. The other 10 died. 

Once again with weak steps, he finds his way to the bathroom. 

The medicine - Joonmyun always said was only for emergencies - was where it had always been. 

Sehun looked at the medicine, and took some of the packages. He then went into his own room once again. 

Since he was alone, there was no one to stop him. 

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It's not long. It's kind of short actually, but whatever. 

I wrote this just to let go of some of my feelings. Both about EXO and about everything else. 

I think I cried about four times, while writing this.