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Author: alakan
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 4/25/16

Review Completion: 9/12/17 (Up to chaps. 25/54)
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here) 

Story Plot?: Under "Behind the Author's Mind"

Development & character portrayal?: Under "Character Development/Showcasing"

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

The title fits in every aspect. I love that "Awakening" was added because that word alone played a very powerful part from the get-go. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
If the title was just "Carnal" I don't think it would have captured too many attention. But since it's "Carnal: Awakening" it's quite catchy and says more about what the story could be about. 
Original: 4/4
It's original, there's no doubt about it. I've yet to see a title like yours. Like I said adding 'Awakening' after a colon made it so much better. Some titles that do this doesn't entice refreshment or excitement, but yours did. 

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Summary: 4/5

I have no major complaints regarding the summary. It's a bit wordy but it works. The only thing I suggest is to tone it down with the run on sentences.
Appearance: 5/5
SImple and clean. However, there are a lot of unnecessary (enter) spaces (for instances between "Key Notes" and "Karnals" then there's one after Nix's "Coming Soon..." and A/N) so if you can change them, I suggest you do. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Development: 5/5

I can honestly say that character development and portrayal is your forte (aside from your great and wide usage of dictions). If a story plot doesn't drive a story than it's its characters and your story is a great example of that. The development in Baekhyun and Jongin were vivid - related and realistic.

Though Jongin is the lead character, I'm going to start off with Baekhyun's development.

Baekhyun - He surprised me, in a good way. At first I thought he'd be our cliche kind-hearted and overly-protective supporting character but his backstory made him different and unique. From chapters 1-25 I believe he developed the most (or it's solely because the story started revolving around him then) but he went from being the original Orixe to this caring brother of Jongin's. It's mind blowing to discover that he was the one who commanded the death of the other Zeros.  But for the remaining Zeros to put him in high respect, he must have had a good reason to kill the rest. Of course, he doesn't think so because he sees himself as a monster, but once he realizes this I'm sure it'll be the first step to repairing his relationship with the Zeros. 

Jongin - We know Jongin is the center of the King's obsession, for a good reason. Jongin possesses unimaginable great skills that he himself isn't fully aware of.. And until he does, he'll be protected by his brother Baekhyun, his lover Kyungsoo, and his friend Chanyeol. In the beginning, Jongin is somewhat sarcastic. But as he's chased away from the comfort of his home and guardians, Jongin started taking things more seriously. We see a bit of this when he met the soul Isla, who he had come to trust and listen to.  The rest has shown signs of development, an example is with the Zeros stopping themselves from using violence and being aggressive towards Jongin and the rest of his group, for Baekhyun's sake. 

Relation/Cast: 5/5
I love the history that some of these characters share. I could tell you really took the time to plan out each character’s relationship and what linked them together in the first place. Especially the one with Baekhyun and Luhan (them bullying the guards is just too cute to imagine), then Luhan and Sehun. I must say the revelation of Luhan and Sehun’s relationship sparked excitement, especially when Sehun and Baekhyun are interested in one another. It’s funny how Sehun and Baekhyun came close to meeting when they were younger. Chen and Xiumin’s friendship is admirable seeing that Chen is blind (I love his evil side xD).

All in all, you did well giving each character an important role. Their different personalities and stories really shine in each chapter. This was one of the few stories that made readers want to learn and know about each character and not just the leads. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 39/40

Logical: 10/10

As this is a supernatural/fantasy story I can't be the judge of whether it's realistically logical or not, but according to the story's AU it's more than logical. The way the characters react and the action they make to solve problems and conflict works. 
Original: 9/10
I've read EXO fanfics before where the authors give the members their original powers given to them during their "Mama" era but I admire how you added your own tweaks to them. Specifically Jongin, Kris, and Suho. 

If you've made up your own powers for the members than it could have made your story more different and even more memorable. 
Tone: 5/5
The tone of the story was stabled. Nothing screamed as inappropriate or unnecessary.  

Narration: 5/5

Third person POV is probably the best and only perspective to write Carnal in. Especially when there were a few scenes where you took the readers back in time to follow a different character's perspective. 
Storyline: 10/10
As the story progresses the plot thickens and it's memorable. I read 25 chapters in a time frame of four months (between June - September) and surprisingly I can remember what happened without going back for a recap. The pace and flow are neat and just perfect. It's not too draggy with descriptions nor did it lack details and imagery. 

I really like Isla and though she's eating away Jongin's life source, her character is someone I want a separate profile of. Like I wish I could just search her up and read all about her. I love her interactions with Jongin, very fulfilling moments though it's obvious that there's something off about her. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 23/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9/10

There were very few minor errors, mistakes that can be fixed with proof-reading. But down below are a few issues I found. 

Chapter 16. When dialogue ends in a comma before another start, if the first letter isn't a  name or needed to be uppercase then it's fine with a lowercase. For example: "Not you, Kyungsoo," Yixing interjected, "Stay back until you cool down." 

Here unless there's a conclusive mark after "Kyungsoo" or "interjected" the 's' in stay shouldn't be uppercase. 

 Common issues are not closing dialogues with proper punctuation. Some are simply enclosed with quotes without a period, coma or concluded marks. Example it'll look like this: 

"Okay I hear you"

When it should be - "Okay I hear you." or "Okay I hear you!" or most likely "Okay I hear you,". 

Terminology: 4/5
As mentioned before your usage of dictions is amazing and didn't bore me. However, a reoccurring mistake I found is: 

In chapter 18: X: Orixe - II 'weird' was misspelled as 'wierd' twice. Jongin was also written as Jogin. 

I began to notice that 'weird' is actually misspelled in the later chapters as well. 

Language Barrier: 10/10
No Korean expressions were spotted so kudos here! 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I can't apologize enough as this was an inexcusable late delivery. Honestly, you deserve a review of all 54 chapters but as you know this is only a review. I don't think your writing style or characters will take an odd or major turn so I chose to stop the review here. 

I wanted to keep reading until we meet the King, cause I'm curious what kind of sinister being he is, but that will only prolong the review. However, if you do want my opinion on him then let me know. 

I'll keep an eye out for when this story is completed because I want to binge read it then because I admire your writing skills and enticing plot. 

Total Points: 96/100