"Mian, Jiyong-ah... but I don't date within YG family."

Huh. Who would have thought that the words I have spat out in front of the world would come back to haunt me like a dreaded nightmare in the coldness of the night.

 Yes. How I wish it was all a nightmare. A figment of my imagination.

But in real life, you can't just wake up all of a sudden to prevent an impending doom from become part of your reality.

I closed my eyes and counted to five.

1...

2...

3...

4...

5.

Yep. Their hands are still intertwined.

I glanced to them with a blank expression. God knows how hard it was for me conceal the pain that was lurking inside my being. God knows how each part of my body ached to show the pain my heart was feeling at the moment.

But I can't. Doing so will just show them how much she had weakened me right through my very core.

So I tried to betray my emotions by masking the pain in my eyes and replacing them with aloofness.

Just for a few minutes. Just for a few minutes more of seeing her and all of these will be over.

Those words have become my mantra. I chanted them over and over again as if doing so will lead my heart to believe it was possible.

But each time I tear my eyes off her, I fail. Each time she comes along my way, I fail miserably.

My eyes can't help but cast a glance at her, even for just a fleeting second.

I kept my feelings so deep..

I kept my dreams of you and me, somewhere inside..

Although I prayed that you would see it in my eyes...

They say my eyes are the windows to my soul. That among all the BIGBANG boys, it is I who can never disguise my true intentions for everyone will always find a way of knowing the truth from my lies.

Just by looking at my eyes.

But that was before everything between us changed.

You see, after she left, I have mastered the age-old issue of hiding my true emotions. I have commanded my eyes, along with the rest of my anatomy, to no longer betray what my heart truly desires.

I shed off all traces of Kwon Jiyong and replaced it with G-Dragon.

Just like how she replaced me with Kim Jaejoong.

Yet, it seems all but one thing has learn the art of forgetting in spite of it all.

My heart.

It stubbornly beats for one person despite it all.

"SANDARA PARK!"

She spun around and the tears that rolled down from her eyes just found a new reason to overflow once again.

"JOONGIE!"

She threw her arms arounds him and every single person inside the room resounded in gleeful unison.

"Awwww..."

Every single person, excluding me.

"Did you hear how loud their cheers were? They love us, Joongie! J-Blackjacks love us!" She squeal in utmost delight as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

Jaejoong's hold tightened around her waist and I wondered if it was as tight as the feeling I have inside my chest.

"Jagiya, you were amazing earlier. You blew everyone away!" Jaejoong told her with a bright smile.

That was supposed to me whispering those sweet words to her.

"Are you proud of me, Joongie?" She cutely said as she lovingly caressed his cheek, losing herself in his smouldering gaze.

"So much, jagiya. I'm so proud of you, baby." Jaejoong murmured in her ear as he raised her up and swung her playfully in the air, leaving all of us in no doubt just to how proud he was of what she has achieved.

That was supposed to be me holding her with so much pride my heart would swell in overwhelming joy.

"But why were you frowning during my solo stage earlier? Wasn't I good?" She frowned and pouted cutely, unwittingly taking my breath away.

"You were good, baby. It's just that Kwon twin..." Jaejoong trailed off as his eyes blazed with jealousy. "He was so close to you." He finshed, pouting like a little child.

That was supposed to be me, childishly pouting to show my jealousy.

"Aigoo... my baby's soooo cute when he's jealous... KAWAII!!!" She scrunched her nose and pinched both of Jaejoong's cheeks, making him flinch in pain and smile widely as she let out a giddy giggle.

That was supposed to be she's calling baby. My jealousy she's trying to reduce as she shows her aegyo to me and no one else.

That was supposed to be me smiling so wide I'm exposing my gums out of giddiness from what she was doing to me and no one else.

But it wasn't how things are.

So I fixed my shades and continued with my charade. It will have to do for now.

Until such time you decide to bring back Kwon Jiyong to me, Dara.

I'll let G-Dragon live my life for awhile.

He made me so happy with his words full of love and support, so much happiness that I thought my heart will explode.

He refuses to make me cry even if he has all the capabilities to do so.

He makes me smile even if every situation's telling me I have no reason to do so.

He is perfect in every way, as if he was molded exclusively for me.

And he is mine just as I am his.

Kim Jaejoong has everything in a man I have ever wanted.

But my stubborn heart refuses to see what my mind has established a long time ago. It wanders to that one place I have forbidden it from visiting anytime soon.

He hurt me time and time again and just like a broken record, I forgave him each time.

He made me cry over and over again until I felt no more tear was left for me to shed.

He was flawed from the start and I know he is never meant to be mine.

He is hers and I am not his.

Kwon Jiyong has everything in a man I shouldn't wanted yet he's the one I badly needed.

Yes. Call me foolish, stubborn, irrational.

But until now, my heart stubbornly beats for one person despite it all.

"JIYONG!"

He turned around and plastered a smile as he looked at her as if the sun just shine on him. Why wouldn't he? She is beautiful. Perfection is the word that I think would best describe her.

She is Kiko Mizuhara and she owns Kwon Jiyong's heart.

She pulled Jiyong by his arm and dragged him towards us. How funny life can be. Just as I am trying so hard to avoid any contact with him, his own girl will make things bloody difficult for me to do.

"Dara-chan! You were so good earlier! I love your kiss performance soooo much!" She squealed in delight and I wondered if the amount of happiness in her heart can equate to the amount of misery I was enduring seeing their intertwined hands.

She is so sweet and nice. Too sweet and nice for me to despise.

"Thank you, Kiko-chan! I'm glad you liked our concert." I said as I gave my best smile, putting on an award-winning performance.

Glad to know that my acting's not yet rusty until now.

"Liked? I love your concert! I'm a big fan of 2NE1 and I forced Jiyong to take me the moment I heard you're doing a concert here! I'm so happy to see you now and... OH MY GOD! I almost forgot! Please sign this!" She took out our CD from her bag and shoved it to my face in excitement. 

I felt so bad. She was so happy to see us... see me. Yet, here I am sulking in misery just because she is holding his hand.

Because she is holding Jiyong's hand.

I took her CD and signed it. God knows how awkward the feeling was having to do that and yet, a genuine smile spread across my lips as I saw just how happy my action made her.

I casted a glance at Jiyong and gave him a faint smile as Kiko hopped in giddiness and showed off her CD to Tabi who was seated beside my best friend, Bom.

"She is so cute, Jiyong-ah! You really know how to choose well." I told him with a genuine smile.

Jiyong looked at me for awhile and for a second, I thought I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Same goes for you. I bet he's everything you've ever wanted." He replied coolly.

And he is. Jaejoong is everything I ever wanted.

But you're everything I need, Jiyong.