“Damn, I forgot to grab Jaebum’s keys,” Mark cursed to himself. He was standing outside his friend’s apartment door jiggling the knob. He sighed and rested his head against the cool paint, so much for just charging in. ‘Guess I should knock then,’ he thought. It was funny, he found himself becoming nervous as he lifted his knuckles to the white door. He didn’t know how Yugyeom was going to react to seeing him after not speaking to him for over two weeks. He swallowed his nervousness and sharply rapped on the door, it was now or never. 

The door swung open and he was greeted by the sight of his boyfriend’s tired face. The younger stared at the elder in shock, “Mark-hyung,” he stammered out, he was obviously not expecting to see his boyfriend. “We need to talk, Yugyeom,” Mark firmly told him as he pushed past his boyfriend into Jaebum’s apartment. “Hyung, now is not a good time,” Yugyeom quickly said following behind Mark, “I have company.” Though he didn’t need to say it, because Mark was staring right at his boyfriend’s ‘company’.

This person was not someone Mark knew. This person seemed a little too comfy on Jaebum’s couch, like he’d sat there before. This person seemed a bit too eager to see Yugyeom return, like he’d been impatiently waiting on a lover. This person smiled at Yugyeom and boldly asked, “Who’s your friend?” ‘Friend?’ Mark thought in annoyance. This person had to go. Mark walked the few paces between the living room threshold and the couch, grabbed the ‘company’ by his t-shirt, and yanked him up off the couch. 

“You need to leave,” Mark rudely ordered as he whirled him around and shoved him towards the door, “now.”

The ‘company’, whose name Mark didn’t care to learn took one fearful look at him and said a quick, “Bye,” to Yugyeom before tucking tail out the front door. Yugyeom crossed his arms, “What the hell was that?” he asked angrily, he was not pleased with what just transpired. “Yah, watch your tone,” Mark told him sitting down on the arm of the couch. Yugyeom bit back the urge to snap, no matter how mad he was, he would still be respectful.

“Why are you here Mark-hyung?” he asked leaning against the wall furthest from his boyfriend. Mark tossed his car keys on the table and answered, “I told you we need to talk.” “We haven’t talked for more than two weeks and now, when I’m busy, you decide we need to talk?” the younger asked incredulously. “I didn’t know you had someone over,” Mark didn’t mean for ‘someone’ to come out so harshly, but he was a little pissed off. 

“You would if you had called first, but you’ve forgotten how to do that these past couple weeks,” Yugyeom defended. Mark took Jaebum’s snapback off his head and tossed it onto the table as well, “The phone works both ways Yugyeom, you didn’t call either,” he snapped, but immediately regretted it. He didn’t mean to make it seem like it was Yugyeom’s fault he didn’t call. “You were the one who was wrong, Mark-hyung, why would I call?” the younger shot back.

Mark was silent, Yugyeom was right. 

He sighed and stood up, “You’re right Yugyeom,” he said moving closer. He sat down on the floor beside Yugyeom’s feet and looked up at the younger expectantly. Yugyeom slowly sat down next to him. “I came to apologize for ignoring you for so long…among other things,” he said pressing his back to the wall.

“I thought you had abandoned me,” Yugyeom told him softly, “I know I said we should break up, but I was so angry when I said it. You said so many things that pissed me off, things I wasn’t expecting to hear.” Mark was feeling guilty again, guilty for hiding his dilemma for so long. He felt even worse for knowing that, had Yugyeom not found out he would’ve kept on hiding it. Yugyeom spoke up again, “When you didn’t call me or text, I thought you had taken me seriously, I thought you were done with me.” 

Mark threw an arm around the younger to offer some comfort, “Don’t you know I could never be done with you?” he asked him shaking his head. Yugyeom hugged his knees to his chest, “So why’d you wait so long to come find me? Why’d you ignore me?” he questioned. Mark crossed his legs and answered, “Because I had a lot to think about.” Yugyeom patiently waited for the elder to explain.

“You said some things that I really had to think about. I had to figure out if the feelings I have for you are actually love and I had to figure out if I would ever be OK with you being younger than me. I literally laid out on our living room floor for days and scoured over every single event and memory I have with you. I think part of the reason why I was so bothered by the age thing is because I was equating my role as your big brother to my role as your boyfriend. I kept thinking of you as my innocent little brother whom I was developing ual feelings for. Deep down inside, I was still trying to fill my role as ‘big brother Mark’ while balancing my new role as ‘boyfriend Mark.’ I thought that those two roles had to overlap,” Mark told him. 

He pushed his bangs back and anxiously rubbed his other hand over his kneecap. He prayed that what he was saying was making sense, because to him it sounded insane. It was his first time speaking his revelations out loud, he didn’t realize how crazy it sounded until now. But it was how he was feeling inside. Yugyeom looked at his boyfriend, “So what do you think now?” he timidly asked as if he was afraid of the answer.  “I think that my role as your big brother is over,” Mark answered confidently, “It was over the second you confessed to me.” 

Yugyeom looked at the elder through his long bangs, “And what about your role as my boyfriend? Is that over too?” he asked hugging his knees tighter. 

Mark laughed a little and pulled Yugyeom closer to him, “Didn’t I just say I could never be done with you?” he asked ruffling his hair, “I love you Yugyeom-ah, no matter how many fights we get in. No matter how many times I up. No matter how many times you up. No matter how many time life s up, in general.  No matter how many people disapprove, I’m always going to love you.”

Yugyeom smiled at that, it made him feel a little better, but a question was still burning in his gut, “Hyung can you get past the age thing? Can you fully love me without bullying yourself?” OK, two questions. Mark nodded, “I’m already past the age thing Yugyeomie, it’s in the past along with ‘big brother Mark’. I’m sorry it took me so long to straighten things out and I’m proud to say I no longer feel guilty about us,” he told the younger. 

Yugyeom let out a huge sigh of relief, “Thank God! So can I please come home now?” he queried through a wide grin. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s midsection and lightly squeezed, his mood was completely lifted. Mark laughed and nodded again, “Yes you can come home and I can finally go back into our bedroom,” he replied as he hugged the younger’s shoulders tighter. 

“Daebak,” Yugyeom cheered, “I think Jaebum-hyung was getting tired of  me being here.” “He is most definitely tired of you,” Mark replied through a smile. It felt so good to laugh and talk with his boyfriend again, it felt even better now that those underlying feelings of regret and self-resentment were gone.

He leaned in and happily captured the younger’s lips in a much needed kiss. Mark had missed Yugyeom’s lush pink lips; they always seemed to revive him and he really needed some revitalization. He fisted his fingers in the younger’s hair and slowly eased him onto his back. He didn’t care if this wasn’t his apartment, Mark wanted be inside his boyfriend as soon as possible; they’d been apart too long.

Yugyeom broke the kiss and stopped Mark’s fingers from ing his shirt, “Wait hyung, I have one more question,” he breathed out, his lips kiss swollen. Mark bit back his ual frustration and rested his forehead against Yugyeom’s, “What?” he sighed out. “Why did you kick my classmate out?” the younger innocently asked. Mark chuckled and returned to his task of ing his boyfriend’s shirt, “I didn’t know he was your classmate at the time,” he justified. 

He straddled the younger’s hips and opened his shirt to reveal his amazingly sculpted body, sometimes Mark was really jealous of how well Yugyeom’s body had developed… this was not one of those times. 

Yugyeom laughed at the elder’s statement and tone, “Who did you think he was? My new boyfriend?” he asked in disbelief. “Yah don’t laugh at me, Kim Yugyeom. I got a little jealous,” Mark playfully snapped. He lowered his lips to the younger’s delicious collarbone and began to trail kisses up his neck. Yugyeom only laughed harder, “I’m sorry but I never knew you were the jealous type,” he said tilting his head to allow Mark better access to his neck, “You really scared the poor guy. He’s probably never going to come near me again.” 

Mark slapped a hand over the younger’s mouth to stifle his incessant babbling. “You are really killing my mood here. Shut up and let me you Yugyeom,” he firmly commanded before he replaced his hand with his mouth.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING: FINALLY! RIGHT?