Prologue

Ring ring!

Ring ring!

The telephone kept ringing and I really wanted to ignore it, putting my hands over my ears to block the constant ringing.

"Baekhyun, are you going to come to Chanyeol's funeral today? Can you- can you handle it?"  Mrs. Park called, her voice very low and bearing signs that she recently cried. I received an invitation from the Park family to give an eulogy and I agreed, then just hours before the funeral I broke down into a mess and my mind decided for me that I couldn't handle seeing Chanyeol dead.

"O-Of course I'll come Mrs. Park. I-I can handle it don't worry."

"Thank you Baekhyun. I'm sure Chanyeol would've loved your eulogy for him." I almost burst in tears at the mention of his name but I kept myself composed until I put down the telephone, by which I let all walls fall and release my tears.

I felt no other emotion other than sadness and depression. God, I don't even want to think about depression. I promised Chanyeol that I wouldn't succumb to this again. I only cried and disregarded eating and taking care of myself. I didn't mind time, in fact I only wanted it to go faster so I could die and be with Chanyeol but fate was never in my side.

"Baekhyun, are you ready?" My mother peeked inside my room and I looked up at her. I didn't have the energy to speak so I hoped my face did enough explanation. 

"Baek please stop crying. It's all going to be okay, I promise. Your father and I are still here and we're going to help you okay. Come on, it's almost time. Is your eulogy ready?" Mother handed me a crisp black suit that I had to wear for Chanyeol's funeral. 

Speaking about my eulogy, I actually didn't have a written guide or a script of some kind. I know what to say by heart and I felt like by writing I would miss what I really wanted to say the most.

I cleaned myself and wore the suit, looking at myself in the mirror. I looked like . My hair was so unkempt, my eyebags grew and my eyes were so red. I looked like I grew ten years older.

Oh it.

Soon we drove to the church where Chanyeol's funeral is held and gave pur condolences to the Park family.

"I'm really sorry Baekhyun." Mrs. Park told me.

I don't get my she's apologizing when she didn't do anything wrong. It's the will of nature and it's something no human has control over. Regardless, I still resent it. It's really unfair that why does he have to die when we're about to build our future? Why did they suddenly give Chanyeol cancer when I'm already deeply in love with him? Did I do something in my previous life that the gods have given me this as a form of repentance? 

"There is nothing to be sorry for Mrs. Park. Everything God does has a reason." I shortened my thoughts to this sentence and we walked to the polished coffin at the front. To the right of it was a protrait of Chanyeol, smiling and alive. Behind and beside it were many flower arrangements and condolences for the Park family. 

I feared what I'm going to see as I walked nearer and nearer the coffin. My feet seemed to weigh heavier and dragged me. A short pass turned to an eternity until I finally reached my destination.

I looked at the glass separating me and my dead lover. Chanyeol looked so peaceful, just like sleeping but not really but it looked so convincing that I was about to tell him to wake up. He looked so alive even though he isn't. He didn't look like he died of cancer or went through so much pain. The people at the funeral home did a good job of deceiving me. In his hands he clutched a photo... a photo of the two of us. Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun.

"Baby I'm here. I'm here. Don't you miss me?" It was as if my mind became twisted and believed that Chanyeol was just sleeping. Why won't I snap out of it? Is it because I actually believe it? Is it because I agree with my mind and the little voice that says "Chanyeol's not dead, he's just sleeping"?

"Chanyeol? Hey Chanyeol. Baby wake up." I grew hysterical. I tried touching the glass, hoping it was imbued with some kind of technology that makes me reach out beyond the glass. I wanted to touch him and feel him. I want him to tell me it's just a nightmare and that everything's going to be alright.

"Chanyeol wake up! Wake up baby please! I'm here! Your Baekhyun's here? You aren't dead right? You're just sleeping. Stop fooling me!" And that's when reality finally struck me once again. Chanyeol's dead. The love of my life is dead. He's sleeping, sleeping permanently. My knees surrendered and I just fell limp on the floor.

"Baby don't leave me here. I'm really sorry that I wasn't there during your final hours. I'm sorry I wasn't personally there to console you. I'm really sorry. I want to pay you back so please wake up. I miss you. I love you, I love you so much Chanyeol. Tell me you love me too."

Tell me you love me too. Please tell me you love me too Chanyeol.

I waited for a reply that will never come.

Realizing the commotion and the emotional mess their son became, my parents helped me stand up and led me to our seats at the front. I really didn't want to leave Chanyeol's side. I'm still waiting for his reply. But I had no choice as I was being dragged to my seat. I wiped my tears away and the ceremony started.

Time passed by, faster than I liked. I grew nervous as my time to say my eulogy came. My hands became sweaty and my heartbeats became louder, echoing in my ears (maybe as a constant remainder that I'm alive and Chanyeol is not). Time was never really on my side anyway.

"Let me call Baekhyun to give his eulogy." Mrs. Park called me and I stood up and took my place on the podium. I wiped my hands of sweat and adjusted the mic. I looked at Chanyeol's portrait to give me strength.

Chanyeol, I'll tell them our love story okay? Give me strength to tell them.

"H-Hello everyb-body. I'm Baekhyun. I... I'm Chanyeol's boyfriend. Can you please spare me a few moments? I'd really like to tell you all our love story." The people began to sit up straight, their ears willing to listen.

"I don't if people would like hearing our love story. It is ordinary as ordinary love stories go, but for me it was a fairytale. I don't know if it's a happily ever after but let's look between the lines and decide."

"Chanyeol and I met as polar opposites. I was suffering from depression and Chanyeol was so full of happiness and positivity about life and it bothered me to no end. All I wanted was to follow where fate leads me and then after I've lived my time on earth I'll welcome death with open arms. But a chance encounter with him in the cafe where I work change my thinking of life. Well not immediately but it did give me hope."

"We didn't click right away. It took time for me to get used to his bright and happy personality and I don't get why he didn't give up on me immediately. I think that's one of the things that got me attracted to him. He didn't give up without a fierce fight. I don't know how our friendship formed honestly. Maybe I just got used to his personality and clingyness. Then maybe I warmed up to him. Then maybe I began to see him as a beacon of light and hope for me. I saw him as my tour guide to the right path, that he'll lead me to a better me, a positive and not-depressed me. And I was right. My friendship with Chanyeol changed everything. Slowly but surely, I saw the good in the little things. I saw the positivity in life and the rainbow after a storm. Chanyeol taught me the words Dolce Vita and Carpe Diem."

"And then I fell in love with him. It was just so sudden yet also slow. I had doubts and second thoughts about everything else, but I was sure I was in love with Chanyeol. Turns out he is in love with me too. The feeling of loving someone and be loved by that someone, oh it's so good. It's so extraordinary, so magical. It makes you believe in fairytales, in folklore, in the 'once upon a time' and the 'happily ever after'. God I love him, I love him so much."

"Then I learned of... of it. Knowledge of it came late, but I saw the symptoms. Chanyeol can be clumsy sometimes but as time passed he knocked over everything. He often complained that he can't see well and everything's blurry. He wore prescription glasses but he said that it only worsened the pain and became dizzy. He weakens day by day and it really hurts me that he has to endure it all my by himself that I only wished nothing more than to have his pain transferred to me because it hurts me that he has to suffer while I remain pain-free."

"Then suddenly... Chanyeol disappeared. I lost contact of him and his parents." I looked at Mr. and Mrs. Park at the front and I looked at them, hoping to tell them an apology with my eyes. "I didn't see him at school, his other friends don't know where he went." I looked at Kyungsoo, his best friend who was crying silently while leaning on the shoulder of his boyfriend Jongin. "I... I felt I lost him forever. He didn't say goodbye to me or tell me that he was going to leave beforehand. I didn't even say goodbye. I fell into depression again when he disappeared. I went back to cutting, to the sleepless nights worrying myself sick, to thinking that I was a failure and that Chanyeol doesn't like me." I wiped away stray tears.

"Then suddenly I received a Skype call from an unknown number. I answered it out of curiosity. Do you know who it turned out to be? It was Chanyeol, calling all the way from the other side of the world, in America. I cried tears of happiness to him that I couldn't even speak because I was crying so hard. He told me he went to America for treatment, and that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to see me cry when he's going to board because it may stop him for boarding. Chanyeol called me everyday to tell me of his progress. Then one day Mrs. Park called me and told me Chanyeol was bedridden and that he cannot call anymore. The calls stopped after that."

"After months and months of waiting, I received a call, the last call I received. It was the Park family. They... They said that... that... that Chanyeol's... Chanyeol's dead." I looked down and I freed all the pent up tears. I just cried my heart out. I tried to wipe them but another storm came and I was so tired that I stopped. The people in attendance cried with me, feeling my pain and my sorro especially the Park family in attendance.

"I'm really s-sorry. I-I shouldn't b-be c-crying. I-I'm sorry." I tried to speak but they came out cracked. I calmed myself down.

I have to finish this.

For Chanyeol.

"I still love him. I love Chanyeol very much and even death cannot stop me from loving him. Our love may not have a happy ending, but it doesn't need to be, because true love does not end."

"To the Park family, I wish to comfort you and send my deepest and sincerest condolences. To the people who grew close to him, his friends and the people who knew him by face or by name, I also wish to comfort you. Thank you so much for giving your time to listening to our love story. I don't know if you also feel my pain, if you relate, or if you were moved by it, but I hope you learned something at least. I think that's what Chanyeol would like. Please continue to keep him and his family in your prayers and in your thoughts. To Chanyeol," I paused and looked at the coffin containing his body. "Chanyeol-ah, I love you so much. Thank you for everything. I can't even enumerate them because they're so many and the people are probably bored, but thank you still. I love you and I miss you so much."

I stepped down of the podium and went back to my seat, trying to keep all my tears for later.

 

--

 

The funeral ended and I immediately walked towards our parked car, but Mrs. Park called me.

"Baekhyun-ah, can you come here please? It'll just be short." Mrs. Park said and I walked to her.

"Follow me." She walked towards a chamber of the church and held a box in her hands.

"Here. Before Chanyeol died he told me to give this to you. It contains his last messages for you, his last wish and everything he wanted you to do after he died. Take it." Mrs. Park held the box out and I took it from her. It wasn't heavy but the box was big. 

"Thank you."

 

--

 

The moment I got home I rushed to my room and opened the box. I tore the wrapper off the box and looked at it. I opened it and I saw another poorly wrapped box but a lot smaller. I opened it and it contained a piece of paper and a flash drive. I opened the paper and I was greeted by 9 words.

"Don't open anything until you've opened the flash drive."

Driven by curiosity of what this vague box is, I plugged in the flash drive in my laptop and opened the only file which was a video. It played and I immediately saw my beloved's face.

I reached out to the screen instinctively, wanting to touch him and feel him for so long. A week may have past since Chanyeol has left the earth, but for me it felt like eternity.

"Baekhyunnie! Are you there? Can you see me?"

"Babo." I laughed softly.

This was probably filmed when he was still in the very early stages, when he was still the lively happy virus I fell in love with, before the cancer consumed him. By the time this was filmed he probably knew he had cancer too.

"You can see me right? I'm in America right now, getting treatment for this cancer. They told me it's a rare type and there's not much that doctors in Korea can do for me. I really miss you~ I miss my Baekhyunnie~ Don't you miss me too? I think you do because your eyes are probably tearing up. Don't cry! Isn't that our promise? Keep your end of the promise Baek!" How can he be so right? I just laughed at his correct prediction.

"Anyway, I'd probably be gone by the time you watch this. It takes a long time for US Post to ship to Korea, I think. But even if it arrived to Korea early, it still won't be sent to you. Where was I? Oh yeah, I remember now." I felt a couple tears fall when he said that. One of the symptoms of his disease is a deteriorating memory.

"Before you proceed to see the contents of my special box you'd have to watch this first. Don't skip anything okay? Everything is very important. First, get the box. Pause this and get the box." I did as he said and got the box. I resumed playing the video.

"Now riffle through the box. Go on, look through its contents." I saw a bundle of colored envelopes, the back filled with Chanyeol's scrawly handwriting.

"You see the envelopes right? There's a bundle of them and there are 10 envelopes overall. Don't open them yet it's not yet time! Do you see the back of them?" I flipped the back and I read Chanyeol's messy handwriting,

"Open when you're sad." I recited.

"Okay okay you've seen them, now put them back. Just follow what the back says, it's that simple. Also don't look at the back of all envelopes. Just don't, okay? Follow what says at the back and don't look at the back of other envelopes. Those are the only rules. You can open it again and again if you feel like. I think I put that in order, so don't shuffle!

You're probably wondering what's inside, since you're always so curious of everything. You'll know. Honestly it isn't that important but I hope you treasure it."

"Last but definitely not the least, I miss you so much Baekhyun. You don't know how much the treatments and the surgeries and the tests hurt, physically, emotionally, mentally, but I don't feel pain because I always think of you. When I go through chemo or surgery I always think that if I win this battle I can continue having a life with you. Being in love with you, being with you, just you, Byun Baekhyun, you give me strength just by the mere thought of you. I'd like to give you strength too if you use my package and envelopes properly. I love you so much Baekhyunnie. Our love has no bounds Baek, not even death.

Your Chanyeollie."

And the screen went black and only then did I realize that I was crying after Chanyeol explained the use of the envelopes.

So this is what he was planning when he was receiving treatment in America. That's why he was so evasive and secretive when I ask about what he does in his spare time.

"I love you too Chanyeol. I miss you so much. Come... Come back." I choked on my words. I've reached my quota for crying but tears still fell from my eyes. I had no shoulder to cry on, no hands to carefully wipe my tears and jokingly pinch my nose, no voice to speak out encouragements to me, no person to cheer me up.

I miss Chanyeol so much. It's like I don't know happiness anymore. It feels like my heart closed to all emotions. I miss him so much and I want him to come back and wipe my tears away and tell me everything will be okay and tell me jokes to cheer me up.

But I have to do this. 

For Chanyeol.

 

--

 

Afterword

Hello! I made a new Chanbaek story hehe. I know I have so many stories that are ongoing but I can't get this off my mind. I don't know when I'll next update this though, maybe after I edit Troubled and updated The Wedding Planner. Maybe. This is just a two shot (excluding prologue), 5 envelopes per chapter.

Please anticipate the upcoming chapters! Thank you so much and please give this upvotes and comments :)