Ephemeral

I’m tired.

Walking around for an hour in this overly-crowded shopping mall is a bit much for me.  Someone’s shoulders presses against mine and a wave of claustrophobia hits.  I quickly check my watch, and it tells me that it is 2:37 PM, Sunday, November 17^th.

I review the list of people I have to get Christmas presents for:  Hayoung and Seungho from work, Cousin Byunghee and Aunt Sojin, Seohyun, Mom and Dad. I just need to get the gift for Seohyun, and then I can leave.

I head to a promisingly uncongested bookstore. Since my sister is so much of a bookworm, I’m sure I can find something for her while I enjoy some breathing space.  I spend a few minutes leisurely browsing the mystery section before a speck of movement catches the corner of my eye. It is one of the two other customers: a man around my age is walking around from book to book, section to section, briefly opening books just to close them moments later.  I ignore him for a while, until I realize that a tall figure is standing only a few feet away from me, and staring directly at me.

“Hi!” He greets cheerfully, and I look around to make sure he is talking to me. Sure enough, the only other people in the store are the cashier and the older man he is tending; both of whom are on the opposite side of the room.

I gawk when I finally take a closer look at him. I see that he has bright chocolate eyes and shaggy brown hair that decorate an angular face. His body is lean, strong, and slightly tanned. He's easily one of the most attractive guys I've ever come across in my life. 

He laughs good-naturedly at me when he sees me staring, and I flush.  After his short bout of mirth, he studies me carefully.  “I’m sorry miss, but could you lend me two dollars? I really wanted to make it to twenty five; I thought I had enough, but I guess I was wrong. I’d break one of my twenties, but I wanted to use that for something else.”

I open my mouth in protest, but suddenly the bookshelves around us are constricting, so I pull out two bills and hand it to him.

“Thank you very much!”  He says merrily.  I turn away from him, but he has already gone back to opening and closing books. My eyes follow him, and I can now see that he is placing the dollars I just gave him under book covers, and returning them back to their places once he is done.  I my head at him, and continue to watch him until he walks out of the store, with only his wallet in his hands.  He stops before the Santa ringing his bell outside, smiles broadly at the man, and places five pieces of paper into his bucket. From the extreme surprise written across the bearded man’s face, I think I know where exactly the guy wanted to put his twenty dollar bills to use.

I purchase Seohyun's gift ten minutes later. As I leave, I am fronted by a great throng of people.  It is only after a full ten seconds of utter bewilderment before I realize that the crowd is following the sound of distant upbeat music.  Partly because of my curiosity, but mostly because the tide of people are urging me that way, I approach the scene everyone seemed so keen to witness.

It takes me a moment to register what’s going on. There are so many people gathering around the spectacle that my first thought is that a riot is going on.  It isn’t exactly an illogical assumption, considering people are yelling and holding their phones out to take pictures.  However, I realize that the yelling is actually cheering, and that the observers have been cleared out to form a large circle around someone.

It’s a guy, who smoothly spins around the area of the circle, brushing the sides occasionally like a top. The color red flashes. He’s moving too fast for me to make out his face, but it seems like he’s dancing. I scrutinize the man in confusion, but it’s true; he is twisting and turning to the beat of the music. Then he turns around.

Somehow, I am not surprised to see the face of the guy from the bookstore, but I am still completely baffled. He doesn’t see me as I push ahead, too immersed in his movements.  I’m not quite sure what propelled me forward, but soon I am right in the front, as mesmerized as everyone else.  Once again, there are more to his actions than meets the eye.

That red color I had noticed earlier was actually a bunch of roses held in his hands.  Every time he reached the edge of the circle, he would give one of those roses away to someone nearby.  He only has a few more left, and I am quite surprised by his choices. None of them are pretty girls; in fact, some of them aren’t girls at all. He first maneuvers his way to an elderly couple, handing them a rose each, then glides over to a little girl, and then finally makes his way to a young man in a wheel chair. He shakes the crippled boy’s hand firmly before returning to the middle of the circle, with a single rose in hand.

He twirls the flower in his hand, staring at it intensely.  It is impossible for him to be unaware of how much attention he commands, but he just continues to play with it, deep in thought.  Eventually, he walks casually to his stereo, which had still been pumping out energetic beats. He presses a button, and the track changes to soft classical music, much better fitting for a ballroom than a crowded shopping mall. He pauses. Girls scream for his attention, undoubtedly charmed by his good looks and dance moves, hoping to be the final object of his fascination.

He looks up and turns in a slow circle, surveying the crowd.  It seems as though his eyes linger in my direction, but I must be mistaken, because he keeps turning until he completes his round.

After a moment, he makes his decision.  It’s ridiculous, but my heart jumps a bit when he advances in my direction.  I feel my face fall slightly (again, ridiculous) when he extends his hand towards someone behind me.  Yet he doesn’t ignore my presence entirely, because he glances at me as he passes, and winks.  It is so fast that I begin to doubt myself again.

Those thoughts are quickly forgotten when I see him approach the person he had been offering his rose to.  I turn to see that this time it is a girl, and of appropriate age too.

She covers her face with her hands, but skin spills out on the sides; she is clearly overweight.

I purse my lips. He is drawing an incredible amount of attention to someone who surely already feels self-conscious without it.  Those insecurities must be magnified one hundred times over because of him.

Frowning, I make a move to leave the distasteful scene, but three words make me hesitate.  “You’re beautiful. Please.” I watch in wonder as the guy drops to his knees, proffering the rose above his head like a wedding ring. Ignoring the loud jeers around him, he raises his head and smiles gently at her. With a tenderness I hadn’t noticed before, he asks, “May I have this dance?”

The girl, haven been asked a direct question, could no longer hide behind her hands.  She nods ever so slightly, and loud cheers go up from the crowd.  He grins widely and places the rose in her hand.

He pulls the girl by her other pudgy hand, and the rest of her follows to the middle of the circle.  He leans his head towards hers and speaks to her in a low voice, with her fingers still firmly enclosed in his.

They eventually start moving; slowly at first but soon start gaining rhythm and speed.  The rest of us hold our breaths watching the pair of them spin elegantly.  He leads confidently, and she follows unsteadily, but even so, up until the last note, the scene could only be described with one word: beautiful.

Once they come to a stop, a trail of tears is clearly visible on the girl’s face. He trains his eyes steadily on her face. Without breaking contact, he kisses the top of her hand and bows to her.

With her rose clutched to her chest, she scampers back into the crowd. I smile.  The mass of people applauds him loudly, but he just quietly sits down on a nearby bench. The crowd takes some time to disperse. I haven’t moved when he finally looks up.  A small smile tugs at his lips, and he stands up to approach me.

“Hi.” He greets once again, but this time his voice is softer. I don’t look around.

“Hi.” I follow him back to the bench.  “Do you always do stuff like that?”

He looks at me innocently.  “Like what?”

“Put money in books and dance with random strangers.”

“What if she was my cousin?”  I shake my head. He laughs, and says, “As of late… yeah.”

“Interesting hobbies.”  He rubs the back of his neck, and then extends his hand towards me.  

"I'm Joon, by the way." I return my name as I shake his hand. It’s strong and warm.

We stand across of each other in silence for a moment.

“Hey, wanna do something fun?” He looks down when he sees my expression. “Oh sorry, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to…” I check my watch. 3:19. I had wanted to leave by now, but my interest has admittedly been piqued. After hesitating, I shrug and say, “Sure.”

He brightens at my response, and dashes towards the mall’s exit. Too caught up in his excitement, he doesn’t realize that I am falling farther and farther behind him. I awkwardly half run, half walk to where he holds the door open for an elderly woman.  “Have a nice day.” He says to her as she shuffles by.

I finally reach him, and he continues to keep the passageway clear, so I walk through.

“Where are you going?”  My eyebrows knit together, and I say, “Wherever you’re going. Where is that, by the way?”

He chortles with amusement. “I’m not going anywhere.”  I start to question him, but he silences me with a smile.  A middle-aged couple nears the exit, and murmurs thanks as they go.  “Drive safely.” He calls after them.  They turn back and beam at him.

As more people leave the mall, and more time passes when he doesn’t move, I understand that this was his intention all along.

“You have a weird idea of fun.”  I comment.  Joon grins at me, and then says to a passerby, “Don’t forget to smile.” I chuckle, and then move to get comfortable against a nearby wall.

I watch him as he continues to give random phrases of encouragement to the mall’s patrons. They are all different too; it’s as if his mind is filled with endless positivity.  They range from ‘live for today’ to ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’.  Some people smile and some people ignore him, but his demeanor remains bright throughout.

After a time, he waves me over.  He gestures to the other door, and I open it for a group of giggling teenage girls.  He gives me a thumbs up.  I start to mimic him, and mumble a simple ‘have a good day’ to all who pass me.  I’m not nearly as enthusiastic as he is, but it’s still fun, and I end up grinning almost as widely as he is.

We do this until a security guard comes screeching at us. She yells something about letting insects in and cool air out, so we quickly remove ourselves from the area.

He shouts, “Sorry!” over his shoulder. He takes my hand and we start running; when we finally stop, we are bent over laughing and gasping for air.  He doesn’t seem troubled by the fact that his good intentions were spent in vain, and for that I am glad.

As we catch our breaths, I arbitrarily check the time on my phone.  It’s 5:53.  “Oh.”

He turns to look at me.

“It’s nothing.”  I put down my phone.

His gaze doesn’t waver. I sigh.

“I didn’t know it was so late.  I mean it’s not like I want to leave or anything, because I don’t Joon, really, but I have a dinner at 7:00-”

“Go.”

I open my mouth, but then close it when I realize that I don’t know how to respond to that.  My eyes linger on my phone then dart to his face.  He smiles ruefully, and moves to embrace me.  A sense of loss engulfs me when he pulls away.

“This was really…” I struggle for the word. “…nice.”

He tilts his head back and closes his eyes. “Yeah, it was.”

“Could I-” I can’t do it. I can’t finish my question.  Instead, I look at my phone again and then back at him. He says nothing.

“Alright then… bye.”

“Bye.”

I walk away, then turn back. He’s looking at the ground, but then sees that I’m looking at him.  He perks up and waves energetically.  My chest throbs as I wave back half-heartedly.

***

“Now for today’s news on this clear Friday night.  The nation was rattled by a 5.1 magnitude earthquake earlier today, just three days into the New Year.  Fortunately there were no reported casualties or injuries.  The damage is estimated at…”  

The local news reporter drones on as I eat my dinner.

“…In other news, a young man has just lost an ongoing battle with cancer.  Twenty-six-year old…”

I reach for the remote; I don’t like listening to such depressing news.

I look up just as the anchorwoman reveals the identity of the man. 

"... Lee Changsun, known by his peers as Joon, passed away last night..."

My breath hitches.

The books, the roses, the kindness…

“His family described him as a kind, energetic person, with a strong desire to change the world for the better…”

I see the TV go black, but I can’t recall pressing any buttons.

Something tastes wet and salty, and I recognize it as grief.

***

There are many ways you can change a life- with a heroic deed or a soft look.  But it’s rare to find someone who can affect multiple people in multiple ways. I was fortunate to be one of the few who did.

I sometimes wonder how many lives Joon touched in just one day.  Maybe hundreds, maybe thousands.  But then I remember that his significance should not be marked by a number. It should be in the fact that his fleeting mark of kindness is one that will remain eternally in the hearts of all he did.