'I am only a diary that keeps your secrets and everything that happens to you, nothing more than that, right? Even if it kills me deep inside, I choose to listen to you, because I'm still hoping that one day you would realize what I feel about you'

 

 

 

Knock. Knock. Knock.

 

I looked at my alarm clock, checking the time. 9:30 pm! Who would be my visitor in this late hour, tsk. Oh wait I think I know already. I unlocked my door and let him in.

 

 

"What do you need Ji?" I pretended to be annoyed.

"Dara, can I sleep here tonight?"

 

 

Jiyong has been my best friend since we were little. And every time there is something wrong he would always go to me and ask me if he could sleep in my place. But that was years ago. We're already grown-ups, what would others think? The fact that I am living alone, in this apartment after my mom went abroad and my hidden feelings for him didn't help to ease my concerns.

 

 

"Jiyong..." I said in a 'you-know-that's-not-possible' tone.

"Please, Dara, I won't do anything to anger you, please."

"Fine" He smiled at me when I agreed.

 

He took my hand and walked towards my bedroom. He then lie down and asked me to do the same. I could not do anything but to follow him since I know that there's no point in arguing, he always wins. Sometimes I hate myself for being always off guard when it comes to Jiyong, but what can I do? I love him, and I know that this would be the closest thing to make him feel how much I care for him.

 

 

"What's wrong?" I asked him knowing that he has a problem.

 

 

He moved closer to me and lean his head on my shoulder. I felt my heart skipped a beat knowing he was too close to me. I could feel his blonde hair brushing to my cheek when he moved. It was unfair, very unfair. Because I know that no matter how much close he is to me, his heart belongs to someone far away.

 

 

"Sohee...." he said.

I sighed when  I heard her name. As always, it's because of her. "Did you two fight again?" 

 

 

He nodded but did not speak. I hate Sohee for hurting Jiyong, I hate her for taking him for granted, and I hate Jiyong for being too blinded with his love for her that he doesn't care if he's already like a fool. I tried telling him that maybe they need some time off but he only dismissed me. As much as I wanted for them to break apart, I can't do anything that I know would hurt Jiyong. Though he's already suffering from the y attitude of his girlfriend, I know that he'd be much broken if she leaves him. Hay....Jiyong is a smart person but he can really be dumb as a goldfish when it comes to love....and somehow I'm just like him.  

 

 

"What is it about this time, huh?" 

"He saw me talking to my girl classmate. She thought that I was flirting with her when in truth I was just asking her about our report in Science." 

"Did you tell her that?"

"Yes..."

"And???"

"She didn't believe me...."

I rolled my eyes at the annoyance I'm feeling right now. "Arrgghhh! She's being unreasonable again!?" I shouted.

"Ouch! Dara don't shout at my ear." 

"Well if shouting at you will make you hit realization then I'd gladly do it every single time!" 

Jiyong turned to face me and then hug me. He's trying to calm me down again, "Don't blame this on Sohee. Maybe she's just..."

 

 

"She's just what?! Having some mood swings again? Having a bad day? What, Jiyong?! Tell me what makes her right again this time!" I struggled to free from his hug but he just held me tighter. It made me lose some anger that I was feeling. This comforting warmth he emits is enough for me to lose my senses. I wonder if he feels the same whenever I hug him too. I wonder if he's feeling more comfortable to be with me than to be with Sohee. 

 

 

A deafening silence swallowed us, only the sound of our breathing can be heard. Then Jiyong moved closer to me and stared right into my eyes, his face wearing a bitter smile. "I'm so pathetic, am I?"

 

 

"Pathetic and stupid...." I said honsetly. I don't care if it's gonna hurt him a little but trust me, this is for his own sake. 

"But I love her..." He continued, "And there's nothing that could change that. I know I can overcome any obstacle because she loves me too..." He then turn his back and in just a few minutes I can hear his soft snores. I sighed again.

 

 

'I can love you more than she could...'