carry my heart
SukkairiA/n: I really had zero intent of writing a sequel, since I prefer more angsty, uncomplete (??) endings over happy endings. I still wrote this though and I'm not sure how or why. It's kind of (really) bad. Enjoy anyways? ^^;
Waiting is painful, Joonmyun thought as the hours turned to days.
Forgetting is painful, Joonmyun thought as the days turned to weeks.
But not knowing which to do was the worse kind of suffering.
Weeks became months and nothing had changed.
/ /
You will never know pain until you look into the eyes of someone you love and they look away with a small shake of their head because they don't recognize you anymore, read a sticky note found on Joonmyun's desk.
/ /
Then on one rainy day, Yixing suddenly came racing across the busy street, barely avoiding getting hit by a few cars, towards a small, white umbrella. Joonmyun nearly had the sleeve of his brand new shirt ripped in half when Yixing grasped it in his wet hands. Joonmyun frowned, a rare sight, but he didn't pull away.
"You are....you...you..." Yixing began in Chinese. Joonmyun mentally patted himself on the back for paying attention all those times when Yixing and Luhan taught him Chinese. "You....I...think......I...know you."
Joonmyun's blood ran cold.
"I...know you...from........some...some...........where...." his words were torn between Korean and Chinese now, a tell-tale sign that he had managed to genuinely confuse himself.
"Last time, you said that you didn't," Joonmyun reminded him, loud enough to be heard over the soft drizzling rain, but quiet enough that it almost harmonized in with the rain.
"But I do now," Yixing protested, dimple flashing with each spoken syllable. "I....I know for sure....I know you." He didn't sound confident, Joonmyun noted.
He decided to quiz the younger man. "What is my name then?"
Yixing froze, eyes round in surprise at the question. His eyebrows crinkled too cutely for Joonmyun disliking. He pursed his dry lips, dimple creasing his milky skin. "Your.....your name........name......hmm.....name........" He gnawed on his plump bottom lip while tapping the middle of his forehead with his index finger and Joonmyun had to bite back a chuckle. "Name........uhm, I know it okay," he met Joonmyun's curious eyes. "I can't think of it....it's on the tip of my tongue......but it won't....." his sentence trailed off into engrossing silence.
Joonmyun waited. Because that's all he had been doing and all he will continue doing.
"I promise...I know your name!" Yixing tugged at his wet, stringy fringe stuck to his forehead. "Please believe me!" Joonmyun smiled softly because he did believe Yixing's poor memory.
"I do believe you."
Joonmyun felt his smile widen when Yixing's mouth formed an 'O' shape. "Ah! Really?" A bright grin, accompanied by a dimple. "Okay! I'll try my best to remember-" and all of a sudden, he stared off at the distance with a glint in his chocolate brown eyes. "It's....it's.....Luhan........." he mumbled. Joonmyun cocked his head, not quite catching what Yixing had said.
"Excuse me?"
"Your name is Luhan!" exclaimed the Chinese man with a smile so wide, his eyes vanished into it. Joonmyun felt his eyebrows slightly rise. Noticing the action, Yixing yelled excitedly, "It is, isn't it?!". Seeing Yixing this estatic and thrilled, jumping up and down with a dumb, gleeful laugh ringing in his ears; Joonmyun couldn't say no as his heart dropped to the ground. A familiar wave of loneliness washed over him. It felt colder than the rain itself.
As Joonmyun remembered shoving the barrel of a gun against Yixing's chest, he came to realize that sometimes people survive by forgetting, while others survived by remembering.
He forced himself to paste a pleased smile on his face, bringing his umbrella closer to Yixing's side so that the latter would stay dry. "Yes, my name is Luhan."
/ /
He only watched when Sehun swooped into Yixing's side with his trademark scowl and only listened as Sehun scolded him for leaving him without warning. Yixing didn't seem to care though, the way his glittering eyes curved up into half-crescents and his joyful giggling still bubbled up from his throat.
"Sehun, guess what!" Joonmyun hears Yixing shout once Sehun drags them away from Joonmyun after recalling their past events.
A placid what in reply.
"I finally remembered Luhan's name!"
Joonmyun watches the backs of the two men while they both share a red umbrella. "Who's Luhan?" he faintly hears Sehun ask. They're getting farther away.
"That guy I was with," Yixing chirps.
Seconds pass and Joonmyun waits for a response from Sehun explaining that he wasn't a Luhan. He was a Joonmyun. However, Sehun remains wordless.
He keeps watching them from under his own umbrella, feeling much larger underneath it than before, until they step into a cab and drive off to somewhere in the city.
His name isn't Luhan, but it's a good start.
Maybe people only begin to find themselves again when they get lost.
Joonmyun falls in love just like before, except this time, he doesn't say farewell.
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