A random phone number that I just made up is mentioned and so is the restaurant "Ganga". This is a short "confession" entry, fluffy and straight to the point. Watch out for the next update! 

June 2, 2012 

So yesterday was our 49th date on count... Our 50th is next (I did stay true to my promise!) I'm falling for him more and more each day, and it has to be today. I have to confess today. Even though we both know that we like each other, the status of our relationship can't be left unsaid. I want to claim him as mine. I want to be his. 

"

"I think I'm ready to ask out Minseok." Lay shook Kris' shoulders as they sat down on the rusty table in the old, empty corridor that only they knew about in the school.

Kris rolled his eyes and scoffed, shaking off Lay's hands. "Aren't you guys already dating?" 

"Can you be serious for once, please?" Lay looked straight at Kris who cleared his throat and avoided his eyes.

"Fine, sorry," he blurted, "but, you know I'm really bad at this whole...dating stuff-"

"Oh, shut the up Kris. You hooked me and Hyoyeon up. And you've dated more girls than you can count on both of your hands...actually, double that even." 

Kris' jaw dropped slightly and frowned, "That's just exaggerating. I've dated like five, and they all turned out bad-" 

Lay raised his eyebrow and gave him a look of doubt. 

"OKAY, fine I hooked up with more than I dated but still I- ugh god- , stop looking at me like that." 

Lay shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest and sighed quickly before refraining back to the subject. Kris was the last person he wanted to talk to about dating because other than the fact that Kris could never be serious about anything, he was also doing poorly in the dating game. Basically, he had no one else to talk to. And he definitely could not bring up the topic with his mom without her wanting to take part of it.

"Just help me out. You know how much I like Minseok, right?" Kris bobbed his head as Lay continued, "I just want to make it right with him." 

Kris nodded at every word his best friend said. Even though he wasn't listening for the most part, he got the gist. Lay really liked Minseok, and formally asking him to be his boyfriend was something that he saw mandatory (which Kris completely disagreed on). Supporting him would be the only appropriate thing to do as a best friend, and Kris, despite his outrageous and super-narcissistic personality, loved Lay like a brother and saw in him the way he was when he was with Minseok. He was bright, joyful, and alive, like the Lay he used to know way back when. 

Dating Hyoyeon was different, because though Lay loved her, he was never happy. Kris saw it. But with Minseok, Lay was pure blissful; it was almost as if he was constantly winning the lottery, almost like he was in love. Kris knew it. 

-

Minseok handed in his test papers to Mrs. Bae, and he went back to his seat to gather his things. Being one of the the last students to finish a test was a natural thing for him. He even gets extra time since teachers love him so much. He hurriedly fixed his bag as he saw Lay peeping his head in the class, feeling himself blush as he did. 

"Hey, Minseok!" an unfamiliar voice squeaked behind him. 

Minseok swivelled in the direction of the voice, and saw the new Chinese exchange student, Luhan, looking up at him with his smiling eyes. He wore his school uniform polo, but on his bottoms were the school's soccer team shorts and a pair of dirty cleats. He was still doing his test, but he leaned forward from his seat, closer to Minseok. 

"You dropped this," he said as he handed him a crumpled up piece of paper. 

Minseok took the dirty paper and frowned. He didn't remember dropping it, especially since it was crumpled and dirty (something he would never keep). "Oh, this- this isn't mine." He handed it back to Luhan, but the boy shoved Minseok's hand away. 

"Just keep it." 

Minseok hesitated before giving the boy an awkward bow, proceeding to walk towards Lay. He opened up the piece of paper and on it read, '02-573-3839 please help me with math! And let's play soccer sometime :)'. He coughed as he read the messy and slightly wrong Korean, shoving it into his pocket as Lay greeted him by the door with a peck on his forehead. Minseok turned and caught Luhan looking at him already, still smiling.

-

"Lay...are you sure about this? I can tell you spent way too-" 

"Shh," Lay reached for Minseok's hand, "trust me on this." 

They entered the 'Ganga' restaurant, Lay leading the way to a reserved seat. They both sat down, Minseok feeling conscious and anxious as the adults that they passed eyed them. They were given menus by their waiter, and Lay began to order freely for both of them. Once the waiter left, Minseok kicked Lay's foot underneath the table lightly. 

"Lay, are you sure you're okay with this? We can just go out to a regular barbecue place, or McDonalds even, just...this place is so..."

"I told you to trust me. It doesn't matter that I spent a lot, I have something to tell you anyway." Lay took a sip from his tall wine glass that contained water. 

Minseok's heart skipped a beat. Could it be true? Could this be it? Kris may or may not have mentioned something about Lay preparing for "the big night". Of course, Kris could never keep his mouth shut. But Minseok watched Lay, inspected his every move, just to make sure Kris wasn't just bullting him again. 

"I got a job hyung!" Lay squealed, shaking Minseok's hand furiously and then biting his bottom lip while he grinned widely. 

Minseok couldn't help but laugh as people turned their heads in their direction. He hid his face behind his hand and whispered, "That's great, Lay." 

They continued on the night eating their three course meal and drinking up continuous orders of cider. They laughed, talked about whatever came to mind, held hands at some point, and even had those instances where they'd shyly break their gaze. 

Minseok smiled at the younger boy, watching him eat up the extravagant food he could barely afford, and he felt a rush of extreme happiness in him. He was more than happy with Lay. It's been a while that they've been "just friends", and as the days and months went by that they went on dates as friends, Minseok grew more and more impatient. He wanted to hold Lay, kiss him and tell him how much he liked him, freely. The fact that they weren't "official" made everything difficult. The fact that Minseok didn't have enough balls to ever do something first, made it even worse. If Lay wasn't planning on making it official, they'd be "just friends"...forever. 

-

Minseok in a suit was everything that Lay could ask for, in other words, it turned him on. It fit him so perfectly, his shoulders out stretching the linen, making the broadness define his toned arms. All black, a black skinny tie, and a hint of red draped on his head that brought everything together. 

Without permission, a feeling that Lay still grew used to, he reached for Minseok's hands and dragged them both to the end of the Han River. As they approached the shore, Minseok pulled Lay away, refusing to get his good shoes wet. 

"Oh, come on Minseok hyung! I'll buy you a new pair of shoes. I'll buy you a hundred!" 

"So your part time job makes that much, huh?" Minseok gave in, and was pulled into the water by Lay who grabbed his waist. 

They stood close to each other, Lay, holding Minseok's waist and keeping him close. Only their shoes touched the water, the ice cold feeling biting into their soggy socks. They stood there for as long as Minseok could remember, the dead night sky curtaining around them and the sound of creaks and far yells drowned the quiet air. Lay was looking right at him, but Minseok awkwardly looked around, making him feel embarrassed as he held onto Lay's pressed polo. 

"I..." Lay began, pulling Minseok even closer, "I really like you, Kim Minseok." 

Minseok looked down at Lay's chest and felt himself grow hot, "I like you too." 

Lay giggled and then pulled him in fully into a hug. His arm locked around Minseok's shoulders, and Minseok's arms hesitantly crept up around Lay's waist. Minseok could hear Lay breath hard and he could feel his heart beat faster (or maybe it was just his). 

"As much as I treasure what we have now, there's a part of me- actually, all of me, wants more than this," Lay let go of the hug and held Minseok's cold and shaking fingers around his, "I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. As selfish as that sounds, I can't help but long for you, long for us." 

Lay sighed and brought one hand up to Minseok's pink cheek, "I promise that I'll protect you and be with you, until this river of water..." they both looked down at their soaking feet, both quietly chuckling, "...stops flowing." 

Minseok watched as the flowing water rushed to their shoes and the back to the river, rushed to their shoes and then back. The coldness numbed his soaked feet. Lay held his cheek and clenched his hand so gently, so surely, that he believed in ever word that he said. 

"Doesn't that mean...forever?" Minseok and Lay both broke into laughter, naturally coming into another hug. 

They both faced the river, Minseok's head placed on Lay's shoulder. "It'll be forever until you want it to." 

"I can't make the river stop flowing."

"No. You can't. But one day, you will stop breathing. And I will too. And then that way the river will stop flowing, for both of us, because we can't be here to see it. But really, it's still going to be flowing, just like it is now." 

"So..." Minseok's eyebrows burrowed in confusion.

He turned to look up at Lay, but instead was met by the tender touch of his lips against his own. The extraordinary feeling made his feet lift up from the ground, made his his bones weak, and made his stomach churn of exploding butterflies. 

"Until this water stops flowing." Lay whispered on his lips. 

"

I may be a bit selfish when it comes to Kim Minseok, but now, i have every right to be. 06.02.12. I am his, and he is mine. Finally!!!!

Today is just the beginning of our new journey and right now, I cannot wait until I grow old with him. I know, I know....I'm thinking way ahead. 

I really really like him. I almost said that I loved him, back at the river, but right now isn't the time to say something like that. I'm sure of my feelings for hyung, but "I love you" will have to wait. 

All I know is that I made a promise that I know I will keep. I will protect him and be with him, cherish him and tell him that I admire his existence, until the water of the Han River, of the oceans of the world stops flowing. Until he, and until I stop breathing; I will be his, until he wants me to be.