The 3rd Beginning

I don’t remember much about the morning Hyukjun left. It’s almost as if it didn’t happen. But I imagine that I woke up and watched him put his bags into the car, and that I hugged him and said good luck. And then he and my mum probably got into the car as I stood at the door and waved.

Since my mum went with him to London for a week to help him settle in, I was left alone with my dad for a whole seven days. What I do remember about that morning was that it rained, and that I stood by my window in my pajamas and watched for a little bit. I don’t want to say that I was sad about Hyukjun leaving - it wasn’t as simple as a feeling as that. I’d describe it to you if I could, but I can’t.

I stared at the rain, and checked the time. My dad was at work. I then decided that I didn’t feel like going to school that morning. I went through the options: phone my dad and pretend to be sick so he has to notify the school that I would be absent, or, phone the school myself and pretend to be my mum and say that I won’t be coming in. I went with the latter, and it worked.

I spent that day doing nothing in the quiet of the house, just staring at the ceiling and imagining Hyukjun on the aeroplane and wondering what was going through his head. And then I thought about Jessica and what she thought of all this, whether she had feelings that she couldn’t explain like I did.

I remember that I watched The Memoirs of a Geisha and felt awfully inspired, and that I ate food that I was bad for my health, and thought a lot, and looked out the window a lot.

Ten minutes before my dad was due home, I put on my school uniform, grabbed my bag and walked around the corner and down the street to where the duck pond was. I sat there, on that single bench with my bag, and watched the ducks and glanced at people who walked by, and realized that I hadn’t felt so relaxed in the longest of time. The sky was grey, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t like school, not at all. I only went because I had to. I hated going from class to class, learning things that I’d never use in life, dealing with people that I didn’t like and everything else in between.

I went home that day, my dad asked me how school was and I answered as if I had actually been. He still has no idea that I didn’t go to school that day.

I went to school the next day though, and the day after that, and the rest of the week as usual. Exams were looming, not too far ahead, so I studied as best as I could, but it seemed as though other things occupied my mind. Hyukjun settled into his new job and his new flat and his new city, and my parents and I settled into a life without Hyukjun.

We didn’t see or hear from Jessica or her family for a little less than a month, that was, until Jessica’s mum phoned my mum and asked us over for dinner. So, we went.

When we ding-donged and the door opened and we all stepped inside, Jessica was the first to greet me with a smile and hug and “It’s been a while.” And then I went round the rest of her siblings, exchanging awkward hellos and hugs.

Jessica had a somewhat big family - her parents, her grandmother and also her three other siblings (Nicole, Jessica’s eldest sister.